Thittato

45 min meditation today as well. I'd be very currious about what could happen to my meditation now. It really feels like I can just sit with whatever is arising without buying into the mental loop that is trying to get my mind engaged in "survival strategies." Another way to put it - all the tricks the mind is trying to use to convince me something is wrong with the present moment. There is a deep pleasure and satisfiction in just feeling fully into all the different types of suffering - especially when the resistance is seen through. In psychotherapeutic terms this could be seen as a willingness to put down the defenses in order to experience the pain.

Cycling The same thing happens over and over again, and that is that I get into some kind of creative project for a short time, and then totally loose the energy I had on it. I have this phenomena in my life of cycling through various interests. Cycling is defined at dictionary.com as this: a round of years or a recurring period of time, especially one in which certain events or phenomena repeat themselves in the same order and at the same intervals. a sequence of changing states that, upon completion, produces a final state identical to the original one. one of a succession of periodically recurring events. a complete alteration in which a phenomenon attains a maximum and minimum value, returning to a final value equal to the original one. So I started one journal here about my explorations of music, and another one about naturalistic drawing, but now I'm just going to commit to see this all in the light of meditaton, as that is arguably my most important interest. It feels like I have these various sub-personalities that I alternate between, or that somehow if we compare this to computers, I alternate between various software / operating systems. One day I consider myself a musician, and everything is seen through the lens of how a musician would view his role and path in the world, another day I'm an aspiring visual artist and my whole value system revolves around that. And various other things. From a meditative point of view I think I would just view all this as loosing myself in identifications or mental thoughts, as they are just mind, and not really presence. So I think I just have to re-affirm my commitment to meditation and the cultivation of presence and acceptance of where I am right now in my life, in stead of continuing to buy into fantasies like this. Nothing wrong with pursuing any of these activities mentioned, and I probably will continue with them just as before, but in order to not loose myself in the mental fantasies about them the part about re-affirming my commitment to meditation is now made. Whenever I think something is my purpose and get really worked up about it, I always re-gain a moment of clarity when I sit down to meditate and re-discover that my deepest purpose in life is to keep my spiritual practice going. Meditated for 45 min this morning, and the freshness it gives me is really what I need these days. Everything feels so right when I feel this freshness :-) Meditation is really a project of re-generating my own energy from the inside. I'm looking very much forward to write down my thoughts on the meditative process here.

45 min meditation today as well. My half-lotus position is opening up again and becoming much softer.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice flow 🙏💫

45 min meditation today as well. I'm going through some pain these days related to my and my girlfriend having just broken up. This time I feel confident that for once in my life I can sit with this pain, instead of running around in a crazy search for something outside of myself to alliviate the pain. Today it was a big relief, with all the emotions and thoughts churning in me related to all of this, that I can just sit down on my cushion and breathe into the pain, instead of letting the mind run around like crazy. Now after the meditation, I'm still in some pain, but it has clearly been alliviated. Yesterday. Oh my gosh. That was really the power of meditation. I was completely liberated from the pain and in such a flow state for the whole day. But I can expect this to come and go in waves.

45 min meditation today as well. Went through a pretty strong and difficult emotional wave, but seemingly it was processed and accepted, the resistance towards it dissolved and I melted into the pain and the pain became beautiful and now I feel very relieved and empowered.

45 min meditation today as well. Nice to experience the mind settling down into ease, acceptance and stillness again. Time to land a lot of the stuff that has been going on the last couple of months.

45 min meditation today. Some disruption to my meditation routine lately, but I'm keeping up with other practices - kettlebells, yoga, ice-bathing, breathing exercises, guitar and mantra-singing.

Some disruption to my meditation routine again. Drifted over into a yoga period. Then I started sitting again on monday. So: Monday: 45 min meditation Tuesday: 45 min meditation Wednesday (today): 45 min meditation. Somehow it is interesting that I allow myself to be more lazy with this meditation project these days. Maybe it is a good thing in this ever on-going fine-tuning of finding the perfect balance between effort and surrender.

Some disruption to my meditation routine, but then I've sat for 45 min friday, saturday and sunday again.

45 min meditation yesterday and 45 min meditation today. Very sweet <3

45 min meditation today. Very nice meditation. Powerful and vitalizing. Deep stillness.

45 min meditation today as well. Gosh. It is so necessary to meditate. I always go through very intense emotional cycles, but meditation seems to clear it out over and over, and renew my vitality. It even seems like the emotional cycles becomes fuel for transformation.

45 min meditation today as well. Nice groove.

45 min meditation yesterday and 45 min today. Very nice.

45 min meditation today as well. Even better concentration than yesterday. That is really nice since I'm a bit squeezed on time and sleep, so I get some solid rest in my meditation these days.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice flow. Lots of peace, silence, but also refreshing and balanced energy.

Zen and the Art of Kayaking Saturday: 45 min meditation Sunday: 45 min meditation So I've been speaking a lot about my explorations of kayaking in this journal, and trying to make it into this theme of "zen and the art of kayaking," which is a theme I really like. I made a goal of doing 10 sessions of kayaking this year, but I'm going to abandon that goal. The season has almost ended and I'm simply not up for it. I'm too busy with working on my more important goals. But anyways, I completed my biggest goal in kayaking this summer, which was to round a big island outside of my city. It is 25 to 30 kilometers to paddle there and around the island and back to the kayak club I'm a member of, and it took me 4 hours and 40 min. I also paddled 11 sessions least season, and I like round numbers, so alltogether these 4 years that I've been paddling I've paddled 70 solid sessions. 2021: 20 sessions 2022: 30 sessions 2023: 11 sessions 2024: 9 sessions In total = 70 sessions So this might be my last year of paddling. I think I feel done with it. I've explored everything I've wanted to explore through it, and I think my focus will go to other things, but these paddling sessions have been a really great framework here in this journal to build my meditation and self-development project around. This year was also really great regarding paddling contributing to physical exercise, because it really kick-started my interest in physical exercise again, and now I've been flowing with kettlebells already for several months. Most likely I will cover my physical exercise needs from now on with something that is very low-profile and quick, so that I can just do it in my home and get it done with and then spend my time and focus on my real goals. So anyways, this kayaking project has been really awesome, and I'm very grateful for having had this experience.

45 min meditation today as well. It felt amazing and powerful.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice. Feels like I'm getting into a nice groove again with my meditation practice. The process that was leading up to my last ayahuasca ceremony, and the after-process after that lead to a lot of changes in my life so that I can sharpen up my focus around my priorities, and it has required quite some emotional processing, which might now start to get cleared out.

45 min meditation yesterday, and 45 min today. I feel I'm acknowledging the extent to which anger, fear, anxiety, judgments and lack of understanding is still many times dominating my consciousness. Wanting to be a "clever spiritual practitioner" it can be difficult to fully acknowledge what needs to be worked on. I'm still not someone who has softened into peace, warmth, forgiveness and understanding.

45 min meditation today as well.

Friday: 45 min meditation Saturday: 1 hour meditation Sunday (today): 45 min meditation

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice.

Ayahuasca retreat 5th and 6th of October Before and after that I've been more consistent about my daily meditation practice again. This was a very strong retreat for me. I didn't drink ayahuasca since the end of January when I was still in Brazil, so this was very strongly reconnecting with my teachers in this tradition. The message was very clear. I need to continue with my daily meditation practice, but most importantly I need to take my guitar studies much more seriously. Fortunately I have experienced a lot of progress with guitar lately, so I'm just going to continue to build on that momentum. 45 min meditation today.