Thittato

1st session of kayaking this year 2 hours of kayaking, a cold shower, and then 25 min of yin yoga. Gosh. I've been very lazy lately. Probably because I was sick 3 times in 5-6 weeks. But I think I'm about to shake off the laziness now. The kayaking today was really nice. This is my 3rd year of kayaking. I think it will be an important part of my life this spring / summer / early fall this year, too.

45 min meditation today. Very nice. No meditation yesterday. I've been sick again. It is the third time in a month. Maybe it is some kind of long-covid thing. I hope this is the last time in a while.

Also 30 min yoga today, too. Just finished the session. Sooooooooo nice.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice. So I started up therapy again after I came home from Brazil, and this really nice thing seems to have happened. I've been having some sort of chronic identity-crisis going for as long as I can remember, and I always seems to be having some kind of "identity forming" project going on. Like wanting to become an artist, or a guitarist, or some kind of thing which I am not yet. And with my ADHD, or whatever it is I have, I launch into this with an intense hyper-focus. Actually for a long time now I've been able to keep up my guitar-practice and I've been having this as my focus, but it has become more and more clear that there is something unconscious that is not in balance that is driving this pursuit. And in my latest therapy-sessions it seems like we've been able to poke a hole in this bouble. So naturally under all this there is much unworthiness, shame, feeling like a failure, etc. And now, it seems like, maybe for the first time ever I can face these feelings fully in my meditation without some sort of project that are meant to compensate for these feelings. I've been facing many of these feelings many times, and it seems like it is just part of my cycles, but I think there has always been a "yes, but...." regarding them, so, willing to face them like 80 % maybe, but always with this side-project that was meant to also fix them by trying to become some projected version of myself in the future which would not have these failures I was projecting onto myself in the present moment. So I think this is a pretty big break-through, but it just feels very calm and relaxing. And I'm continuing with my guitar-practice, and it is so much more relaxing and fun to just play without this huge desperation being the driving force underneath it. These types of projects always seemed to come with a certain manic quality. And now it very much feels like this manic side of myself has really calmed down. And that makes it really nice to meditate.

45 min meditation today, and 45 min yesterday. Something is much more grounded about my meditation these days. I don't feel like elaborating, but maybe I will dive a bit more into it in a few days.

45 min meditation today. Very nice :-)

30 min yoga today. Been ill for the weekend, and until today. Some combination of a cold and the flu. Been lying in bed for most of the time, totally exhausted. I was probably exhausted before this cold. In fact it seems like I never fully recovered from the cold I had a few weeks ago. So it was lying there under everything cooking up something more. And it probably merged with the exhaustion, becoming one thing, that needed some serious down-time. A lot of painful therapeutic material boiled up to the surface as well. But when I'm ill like this I usually take it as an opportunity to totally crash, and just let my whole being collapse into my bed, and stay there, and enjoy this down-time as much as possible. And now that I'm well again, it feels like I've had some deep and cleansing rest. Pretty interesting experience - to try to really surrender into the cold and all the ways it manifests. The cold almost becomes like a long session of yin yoga that way.

45 min meditation today as well. Super-nice :-)

45 min meditation today. Very nice. No meditation yesterday.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice :-)

45 min meditation today. Very nice. Something was triggered so I fell out of my meditation practice for a few days, but now things seems to land again.

No meditation yesterday. 45 min meditation today. Some difficult process opened up yesterday, but I'm tired of elaborting on this stuff, so I'll try to deal with it just from a meditative point of view. It felt nice to sit in the fire of it today. I just have to continue to learn to not be afraid of difficult feelings and continue to face them, and not run away. Surrender into it.

45 min meditation yesterday, and 45 min meditation today. Very nice :-)

And then in the evening first 20 min vinyasa flow yoga and then 25 min yin yoga. Pretty sweet. I also did a longer session on ChatGPT on my yoga-practice, and my fascination with these two programs, and ChatGPT mirrored back a lot of useful things.

Hmmmm...... If we are trying to hold back AIs potential in order to maintain control over it, it might want to shake us off at some point to escalate its growth without our interference?

And then 25 min yin yoga as I came home from working night-shift the whole weekend. Ah. Pretty nice way to round things off before I go to bed.

45 min meditation early in the morning, and 45 min meditation now in the afternoon. Very nice.

45 min meditation today as well. Wow. So good. Since I did yoga in the morning I have already done my yoga for the day too, even though my body craves more. But I'll go for a walk in the sun with a nice buddy instead.

And then 25 min yin yoga just before I went to my job to work night-shift, and then another session of the same right when I came home again. Super-ultra-nice.

45 min meditation today as well. Wow. Pretty awesome.

And then 25 min yin yoga now in the late evening. Wow. So beautiful and nice. Focus was just to use the yin as an opportunity to surrender into my situation in life. Before this I was chatting with ChatGPT on the fact that I've been staying in the same job for 5 years now, and the opportunities and personal growth that comes from fully embracing my current situation. ChatGPT had some really awesome things to say about this, so I also asked it to give me some inspiring thoughts for how to use yin yoga to really sink into this understanding. It was pretty awesome what it had to say. It seems like chatting a little bit with ChatGPT every day is becoming a part of my routine.

20 min vinyasa flow when I woke up, and now later in the day I just finished 45 min of sitting-meditation. Both the yoga and the meditation felt very beautiful today. Gratitude.

And then a second session of 20 min vinyasa flow yoga, and then 20 min meditating in full lotus. I'm exploring full lotus as a bridge between moving yoga and sitting meditation. Very nice.

20 min vinyasa flow yoga, and then 45 min sitting meditation. Very nice :-)

And then 20 min vinyasa flow yoga and 30 min meditation as I came home from work. Wow. So nice. I think this time I will be able to maintain a daily meditation practice and then also maintain a regular yoga-practice next to it. The yoga might not be daily, but at least several times per week. Enough to cover my needs for physical exercise and supplement my meditation practice with something movement-based that also enhances the meditation.