Thittato

Thank you! Good to exchange some thoughts on cold exposure with you! I always get more inspired when I talk with others who are also into it. It really is a very profound thing! That daily habit of overcoming that resistance is gold ❤️??

20 min vinyasa flow yoga today, and then a cold shower. So nice. Both the yoga and cold shower went really deep today it felt like. Like not doing any of them to just get through, but really feeling into every movement and sensation. Still thinking alot about kayaking. It seems so perfect together with yoga. The yoga powers up the kayaking, and the kayaking powers up the yoga, and they both make each other more meditative, which is what this journal is supposed to be about. Looking forward to really feel into it the next time I go kayaking. The better my paddling technique gets the more I will probably be able to get into the groove.

Only cold shower today. But gosh. I still feel that that kayak-trip I did yesterday was so good for me. It was the perfect mix between exercise, meditation and experiencing nature. With someone who has that restless energy that I have, it seemed like the perfect way to physically bake myself into a meditative state. It is entertaining enough for me to not get bored, but the thrill is far from too high so that I don’t get manic. It seems like a typical kayak-trip would usually last for a couple of hours as well, so you get a decent amount of time to really bake that light but steady exercise into you. And when you get rushed and impatient, well, it doesn’t go so fast, so you have to really work to get somewhere, so you take that restless energy and use it to work to get your kayak to where you want to go but at the same time you are forced to accept that you are only moving slowly towards your goal and it can’t be rushed. Wow. It really was a very profound and grounding meditative experience. There was something really masculine about it as well. Like it brought me deep into my masculine element. Also it is very perfect in combination with yoga. Yoga and kayaking. Could have been a great retreat experience. Travelling to different islands, sleeping in tent, doing yoga and meditation, etc. I haven’t smoked cannabis since sunday, and it will probably be a while before I smoke again because I feel pretty saturated on that part, but I think cannabis and kayaking is also probably a really great experience. Starting with a session of Ganja Yoga, and then to go out kayaking. Well. The possibilities here are endless. But at least, for safety reasons, I will have to get to know kayaking better before I introduce that component to it. Anyways. Lots of gratitude. The cold shower today felt really deep by the way. Here is another picture of my kayak on one of the islands I was visiting and paddling around. There were some tourists there walking around. I think it looks so beautiful lying there on the beach <3 :-D And it was such an awesome feeling entering the island at the beach with a kayak. Felt like I was visiting some mysterious world that I suddenly had access to through this new portal that opened up with this new and exotic vehicle.

So no yoga or meditation since sunday, but I have been keeping it up with my cold showers, and today I finally did yoga again. 10 sun salutations after having been kayaking for 2,5 hours. I did a kayaking course last friday, and today I finally gained access to the kayaks I can borrow for free from the local kayak-club. I went solo because my friends I did the course with are not at all in hurry to get on the water it seems. So I paddled around two relatively big islands. Oh my gosh how nice it was. It is like the perfect combination of exercise and a nature experience in one. Yesterday I was joining a 5 rythm dancing session, and then I went rollerblading afterwards. It seems like I'm just getting more and more physical all the time. And yoga is a perfect foundation for all this physicality. The interesting thing about kayaking is that there is something really boring and slow about it as well, so probably I cannot become manic about it, but instead I just have to approach it as exercise. Anyways, it was really really super-nice. On monday I was climbing as well in the indoors climbing park we have nearby. I really enjoy bouldering. Yeah, lots of fun physical activity these days. It is probably just about having a lifestyle which is about being physically active, which most people should have been, but unfortunately not so many really are. Here is a picture from todays kayaking <3 :-)

Hello Jai! Good to hear from you! :-) I still have resistance towards the cold water, but when I'm doing cold showers I usually do a warm shower first and then end with a cold shower. I think it is worse getting out of the warm shower without cold shower now because then I'm sweaty and tired etc, but with finishing up with a cold shower I'm fresh and fit for fight :-) But yeah, there is always some resistance. Also it helps by spreading it out. Like I'm not just standing there taking it all in over my head and shoulders. I grab the shower-head and move through all my body parts. Almost like a meditation where you work your way through all body parts :-) The worst part for me is between my shoulder-blades. Even though there is still resistance I think I have just gotten addicted because the long-term benefits are so much worth it compared to the short-term discomfort it brings. The worst part of the discomfort is only 10-20 seconds as well. As soon as one has decided to do it one can say the worst part is almost over. But yeah, I don't think we can ever expect it to get really comfortable, but still it is very addictive :-)

Cacao-ceremony, sound-bath, and bhajan. So my own little ganja yoga ceremony early in the day eventually led to me going to a cacao-ceremony later in the day with a group of 20 people out in nature. So nice. I need more of that - community with spiritual people. In cacao-ceremonies we always establish an intention that we ask Mother Cacao for help with. My intention was to use the cacao to deepen my relationship with yoga. Pretty simple, but at the same time straight to the core.

1 hour beach yoga today as well, and then I went home, smoked som hashish and did 25 min of Ganja Yoga, and after the yoga I did a music meditation for 20 min, and then I did some weight-lifting after that. And lots of unstructured time as well in this session where I was just lying in bed for instance going deep into meditative spaces. This whole session lastet for 5 hours. It was pretty awesome smoking hashish after one hour of yoga, and then to do the Ganja Yoga after that. So much rest and spiritual nourishment. And also so nice to ride out the wave of cannabis through channeling that energy into the yoga-energy. Such and interesting mix merging those two energies into one session.

1 hour beach yoga today as well. Holy smokes. So sweet. My body is starting to feel really really strong. This summer is starting to develop into an interesting theme. Especially with the Ganja Yoga that suddenly appeared.

Today: Only cold shower so far. Yesterday: 15 min Ganja Yoga: Embodiment Meditation. First these 15 guided minutes, and then probably a good hour or more of continuing to meditate in the space that I was brought into. Wow. That went really really deep into some meditative states. From relaxing the body, to letting go of the body and going deep into meditation. I've never been exploring this side of cannabis so deeply before. I've always found it way too intense and uncomfortable. But that is because I couldn't use it for recreation. It never was recreational for me. It was always putting me in too much therapeutic/spiritual process. But now I found a very clear way to cultivate the therapeutic and spiritual use of it, and I'm very enthusiastic about that.

Cold shower, and then 1 hour yoga down at the beach this morning. First yoga-class I go to in a very long time (except youtube). So nice. Seems like this manic tendency I have about "getting somewhere" has really calmed down, and I'm just enjoying doing it for its own sake right now for the most part. Basically it is just nice to enjoy moving ones body. Our bodies are made for movement. It is nice to enjoy a much broader range of the available potential for movement. And it doesn't feel right at all when the body starts to feel rusty because of lack of exercise. So better just continue to enjoy it

Yesterday: Only cold shower Today: Cold shower and 30 min ganja yoga session together with a beautiful and super-friendly and fun female friend. Wow, that was some really nice, fun and healthy space we created together there. Very uplifting, beautiful, and soft space. That was so interesting. My first experience of sharing a session of ganja yoga with someone. Women are such amazing creatures. So full of vitality, beauty, care, fun, compassion, and sensitivity. One of the greatest joys in life is to crack up in laughter together with a woman. You just really understand something utterly hilarious together. The thing that was triggered in my previous post seems to have landed really well. It was really good to get those feelings expressed. Immediately following that day I've been having two really nice and sweet days where everything have seemed right and good. Actually right after writing my previous post it started to land. I was at the peak of expressing those feelings in my previous post and immidiately following the intensity started to fade. I made a discovery where I found a feeling I hadn't been honest with myself about, and finally I could see it clearly and express it. It was also really nice and comforting to see that I could ride out a process like that on my own. That is what I needed my therapist for before.

Tonight: I did a 15 min session called Ganja Yoga: Embodiment Meditation. Also while under the influence. It was very relaxing, but at the same time it is very clear that I'm in a very painful period, so the relaxation helped me relax the pain and look at it with honest clearity. 3 sentences stood out: "I'm feeling very lonly," I'm having an identity crisis," and "I should probably go back to therapy." This pandemic has been really taxing on my whole being, and especially with the way that I interact with other people and get a sense of meaning and belonging when it comes to the human race. So one thing lead to another, and I ended up finding the skydiving family, which seemed like the perfect place to establish a new sense of belonging and meaning in life, in this challenging time we are in with this pandemic. And then I failed at that course, and now I'm sitting here lonely, and I'm feeling expelled from my family. AND I think it is exactly that which have been triggered! Yeah, I have a pretty deep wound when it comes to feeling expelled from my family. Exactly this feeling has not been coming up for me before. There has been elements of it here and there, but not as clear as this. It is probably very good for me right now that I can learn to embrace this feeling now that I see/feel it so clearly. I will hold that feeling like it was my own child that needed comfort, safety, and support.

30 min ganja yoga as I came home form work. Haha. Something I've been suddenly pulled towards is the combination yoga and cannabis. I had a little bit around, and I discovered ganja yoga yesterday as I was googling "yoga and cannabis," so when I now came home I was inspired to try it out. Wow. It was really nice. That yoga-instructor really knows what she is talking about. She is giving very prescise and artistic cues which really makes you lean into the cannabis experience through a beautifully crafted guided yoga program. I've always been scared of the cannabis experience. It wasnt't really for me when I grew up. It was way too edgy. I didn't get that relaxing effect most people get. I got high in a different way. But now it feels like I'm becoming friends with cannabis. It was too edgy for me without the yoga, but with the yoga it gives me the perfect balance. It also feels like using it in a very healthy way. Like using it for its healthy spiritual potential. Wow. Namaste.

10 sun salutations as we are halfway through the night-shift as well. Sun salutations are almost the basis for my yoga-practice. Sometimes I’ve been going for long stretches where they have been the only thing I’ve been doing.

10 sun salutations, and then a cold shower, before going to work. Soooo nice.

And now, after work, before going to bed, I just did 25 min of yin yoga. And now it really dawned on me what triggered this yoga-kick. My meditation practice sometimes turn to more physical yoga for some periods when I intuitively feel that that is the best way to work with my process at that particular period. And of course it was the failed skydiving-course, and all the mental chaos that has been triggered because of that, and now I need a more determined method to move on from that, and it seemed, for now I need physical yoga to manifest a more clear direction out of this roadblock in my life that I have encountered. This is what I'm intuitively drawn towards as I'm starting to build myself up again. I'm not exactly sure what I'm building myself up again as, but yoga seems like a very good vessel for helping me surrender into whatever is next for me, and also for helping me mourn the loss of identity I had build up as I had been projecting myself for several months into a whole life within the sport/lifestyle of skydiving.

10 sun salutations and then a cold shower, before going to work.

And then 25 min yin yoga before going to bed after having worked night-shift. Yoga is such a beautiful way of experiencing oneself.

10 sun salutations today, and then a cold shower. The shower is still surprisingly cold even though there is a heat-wave outside. This is my fourth time doing yoga again for this little period that started up last Sunday. I need something physical right now, so this is really nice.

Cold shower yesterday, and today.

Cold shower today, and then later, 25 min yin yoga, which I just finished right now before going to bed. So awesome <3

20 min vinyasa flow yoga today, and then a cold shower. Pretty nice. I've done so much various physical activity in other areas, along with some sun salutations here and there, that it almost doesn't feel like I've been away from the yoga, but still, I could make well use of some good rounds of yoga now. It makes my body feel really awesome from the inside. I don't think I know anything else besides yoga that can really challenge the types of physical patterns one usually get stuck in by habit and make use of the full range of motion that the body is capable of.

Cold shower today as well. Seems like I’m still totally addicted. Been well over half a year now with pretty continous cold exposure. And the yoga I did yesterday feels amazing in my body.

And also now later today just before I'm going to sleep (I've stayed up all night because I'm working night-shift starting tomorrow), I did 3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing, 20 min of Vinyasa flow yoga, and then a cold shower. It feels like I'm going again. I think I've picked myself up again. I needed to process the setback of not finishing the skydiving course as planned, and re-write a new and more flexible story about what kind of role skydiving will have in my life, and re-adjust to that reality. It was quite a defeat compared to where I had projected my mind now for several months. But it seems like this defeat is now getting integrated and learned from, and I'm ready to be back in my power again. In total I think the whole thing has raised my self-esteem. It was a huge accomplishment actually jumping out of that plane once. I had to overcome some serious levels of fear and anxiety. I think there is noticiable less of that fear and anxiety in me now. Encountering that really primal and instinctive fear of death - yeah, there is some really powerful exposure therapy in that. All the little dramas in life. That is nothing compared to that. It puts things into perspective. I'm a more generous guy now. I can't be bothered with what other people do. I just got to do my own thing and continue to grow as a person. I'm starting to feel happy about what this summer has given me so far. This summer is starting to develop into an interesting theme. I'm alligning with where I'm supposed to be - this present moment. It couldn't have been any other way. I'm just an organism, connected into the larger organism of all life, growing and developing as I'm supposed to. Just got to be devoted to the whole process. Bow down to the process. I'm finishing up this day by bowing down to the Buddha on my altar before I'm going to bed now. Peace and love.

Cold shower today as well. Camping was great. Been hesitant to go back to the Wim Hof breathing method since I don't know exactly what triggered that Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo episode I just had. But seems like things are starting to go back to normal now in all aspects, so maybe I'll get back to the breathing as well.