bmcnicho

@Abe27 It was all motivated by the unmet need to feel significant, spiritual ego stuff. I had pretty severe emotional issues as a child and became hyper-rational about everything instead of actually dealing with it. I guess when I let go of the mind that stuff rose back up.

For a long time I’ve been resisting the idea of letting go of attachment to the intellectual mind and learning to follow intuition. Last week I committed to this, and both yesterday and today, I had mildly schizophrenic delusions that lasted a few hours each before I pulled myself out of them. I’m fully back to baseline now. I have no history with schizophrenia, I am autistic though, but in a sense that’s the opposite. I was seeing synchronicities everywhere and crafting elaborate mythopoetic hero narratives that fed into all these unconscious emotional biases. I was trying to integrate rationality, but that only resulted in me creating more and more complex and twisted reasons why I should believe all of it. It did result in a real surge in creativity though, because genuine insights were mixed with complete nonsense. To an extent, new ideas are held back by being attached to what “seems reasonable”. All traditions emphasize the importance of intuition, but I’ve never heard it explained more than “it’s a feeling” or “trust in higher intelligence”

@Buck Edwards Yes, Hawaiian baby woodrose is incredibly powerful and underrated, and I owe a significant portion of my foundation to it. It’s been over a year since I last took it, because for me it’s mostly conceptual, and I decided to shift to primarily ayahuasca to experience more visionary elements.

@Leo Gura I like that analogy. Some of my recent trips have felt like if I was at a 4th grade level and then was shown page 357 of some random college textbook. Like I might incidentally be able to derive some meaning from it, but mostly it’s completely outside of what I have context for. But mysteries are endless, so if there’s more to be found, then I’ll likely be coming back to it before too long.

I’ve done about 30 trips over the past few years, and I’m thinking about taking a break for awhile. I feel like I have a solid general grasp of the major metaphysical concepts that Leo has spoken of publicly, and my personal life is going well right now. So I’m wondering what the benefit of additional trips would be? Of course it’s always possible to go deeper, because Reality is infinitely complex, but at least from the trip reports I’ve read, it seems like at a certain point it becomes the same insights but at higher intensity levels. I’ve seen the idea of “tripping 200+ times” thrown around a lot on the forum, and Leo has repeatedly encouraged people to not get complacent, but I don’t know what the intended purpose of this is. For example, I’ve already experienced insanity while tripping. What additional benefit comes from experiencing more insanity? And I’ve had multiple glimpses that Reality is Infinite. Of course it’s intrinsic to Infinity that Infinity always becomes more Infinite, but what added benefit is there to experiencing that over and over again? In several trips, I’ve reached the point where all possible concepts and finite ways of understanding break down completely. So what benefit is there to going more radical, more intense, and more twisted over and over again when you won’t really be able to understand it anyway? And even if you sort of can in the moment, it’s something that can’t fully be brought back with you. Some of the stranger reports I’ve read are so far removed from human reality, that we’re no longer dealing in anything that could have practical applications. Which I can respect strangeness for the sake of experiencing strangeness, a few of my recent trips entered that territory. There are things that can’t be spoken of or remembered, and I know my experiences have been mild compared to what’s possible, even though they contained elements that were inconceivably strange and reality breaking. But at a certain point, aren’t you just repeatedly destabilizing yourself for no reason, even if the insights are profound? I can respect the argument that it’s all for the sake of Truth, but at a certain point, even the distinction between truth and falsehood breaks down as well, so where does one go from there?

I agree, this is an important point. I think this was one of the problems with the Bernie Sanders movement, despite the fact that I think many of the policies would’ve been good. He needed to market it as “this is what you’ll get for supporting me”, which is the the only way for a progressive movement to gain broad support in our current environment. But this lead to the “free stuff” smear, and the objection of “but I don’t want to pay more taxes”. Stage Green is really about giving up personal power for the greater good, but few are willing to accept that message.

I see Trump’s victory as partially representing a collective rejection of Stage Green values, and I’ve been contemplating to what extent this could represent a long term trend of backsliding, or if this is a more narrow reaction to current conditions. If this is a long term trend, I find this concerning, as most of us would agree that the best path forward collectively is the embracing of Stage Green, so we can then move on to Tier 2. The problem I see is that Stage Green has largely failed to meaningfully deliver materially on its values, leading the general public to prefer Stage Orange values and below, which at least presents the aesthetics of success at a surface level and appeals to people’s low consciousness impulses. Also, people are commonly exposed to an underdeveloped and immature version of what Green could be, making them susceptible to anti-progressive propaganda. The modernist idea of continuous material and cultural progress being an automatic guarantee practically baked into the structure of reality seems to be significantly challenged, if not refuted, by post-modern conditions. I could still see in the long term the excesses of Stage Orange leading to such great material harm that a transition to Green becomes unavoidable, however I’m getting the sense that currently things might be moving in the opposite direction. I think one of the keys to making it through these times is that progressives need to face the harsh reality that a significant portion of the population genuinely prefers ignorance and selfishness over goodness and truth, and that that these people will need to be brought along as part of whatever project for the future we might envision. It is difficult for those who desire progress to contend with the possibility that broad scale material forces might be currently moving against that positive impulse. There is a sense of helplessness and despair in that. What I’m not so sure about is how to distinguish between short term versus long term trends. I’d like to hear if others have knowledge or perspectives on that.

I discovered that the Life Purpose Course works just as well to refine an existing purpose as it did to help me discover my purpose initially. I’ve been feeling less motivated recently and like I was hitting diminishing returns in life, so I decided to revisit the course. I was 21 when I first took it, and am 28 now, so I thought some things may have changed. I started by going through all the passes of the values assessment again and retaking the strengths assessment. My results were fundamentally the same, but with some important differences. I then redid some of the exercises and visualizations, choosing the ones that I thought would yield different results after several more years of life experience. At first, I was considering if I needed to switch to a completely different path in life, but now I see that my existing purpose is still in line with my core motivations, it just needs to take on a different form. This allowed me to rewrite my life purpose and me sheet using more clear language, which I think will help me get back on track. Another benefit to this is that it’s a good way to really see your progress. Going over my old notes from the course, I could see problems that I’ve overcome, and how my thinking has improved. For the exercises I redid, I was able to generate much higher quality answers than I could back then.

@Schizophonia Wouldn’t it be the opposite? Isn’t a hyper-masculine person more likely to make things overly serious when they don’t need to be? And most people here are interested in psychedelics primarily for spiritual and personal development reasons, rather than recreation. That’s not to say that the trickster and playful elements of psychedelics aren’t part of the insight also, and people can take things too seriously. But I think the original question, “is this visual or spiritual” was a reasonable one.

What I like about this podcast, is that these are two otherwise normal guys who both had intense experiences with 5-MeO DMT and other substances. They talk about how psychedelics opened them up to spiritual ideas and helped them manage various psychological problems. It’s cool to hear these ideas talked about by somewhat mainstream comedians rather than only spiritual masters and advanced psychonauts.

Imagine there is a vast sea of insects, extending outwardly beyond comprehension in all directions. You are one insect, and each of your psychological attributes and personal problems is but a leg joint or a segment of exoskeleton, being moved mechanically and unconsciously. Any external problem, no matter how seemingly important, is but another singular insect or a small cluster of insects working together in this vast sea. Now imagine this inconceivably vast sea is all contained within the stomach of merely another singular insect which is the world. This insect exists within yet another vast sea of insects which contains infinite worlds. Your spectrum of possible experiences is yet another such sea of insects, with each mystical state, or incomplete awakening, no matter how significant, being merely a singular insect which is unable to fully understand the others. Yet despite your smallness, every action, thought, feeling or insight you have sends ripples across the entire sea, with each individual insect, no matter how infinitesimal, impacting every other in an infinite recursion of inconceivable computational complexity. An infinity of infinities, an eternity of eternities, an infinity of eternities, and an eternity of infinities. An unstoppable explosion of boundless wonders and terrors, infinite chaos, miraculously bound together by an Infinite Order which unites all with itself, and yet still allows infinite strands of chaos to escape from it, only to be caught and escape again in an endless cycle, a process unfolding over infinite time, which all occurs in a singular perfect moment. And this Ultimate Reality has such unending and Perfect Love for all of its components, that it sacrifices all of itself, and drops down into something so infinitesimal, that it seems finite. It forgets completely all of Itself and becomes fully you in this moment, offering you a the opportunity to reawaken to Itself once again. And this entire description is but the tiniest most minuscule sliver, of the actual Infinite.

I just started reading this book, and I can already tell that it is the highest quality spiritual book that I know of. For those who might not know, Aurobindo created Integral Yoga, a synthesis of many different yogic traditions to form a more complete whole. He is extremely advanced and represents all of the principles we’re pursuing here. He advocates the realization of infinite consciousness, which is not static, but part of a process of continuous evolution. His vision is the integration of spiritual practice with everyday life, and the continuing advancement of reality.

I know many people on this forum don’t think Stage Coral is worth talking about, and that’s a reasonable perspective. However, my recent experiences are similar to things I’ve heard from others over the past few years, and I don’t think it’s necessary to assume that Turquoise needs to be the highest level. I’ll be speaking from the perspective that spiral stage and spiritual attainment are separate metrics, despite the ways in which they’re related. So I define Stage Turquoise as being people in which Holism (as described in Leo’s 3 part series) comprises a significant component of their worldview, regardless of their level of spiritual experience. It’s my view at this time that Holism approaches the limits of what can be expressed in language, but it points to mystical experience, which is the way to progress further. Since these mystical experiences are both transpersonal and beyond models and frameworks, it makes sense that a model of ego development would naturally break down here. However, my ideas about Stage Coral are based instead on the continuing development of psychology independent of any mystical experience. The basic idea is that once one realizes they’re approaching the limits of conceptual understanding of the world at Turquoise, they begin to place less emphasis on this pursuit. Also, to the extent Turquoise has a “tribal” component, this form of connection with others can become less fulfilling over time, and one instead can tend towards solitude. These two factors cause a shift inward, continuing the alternating pattern of individual and collective stages. What I’ve sensed in myself over the past few months, is a gradual shift in focus from the desire for understanding and connection characteristic of Turquoise to a new desire for a kind of self-mastery. One might object that self-mastery is also present at previous stages, but I conceptualize each of the individualist stages as viewing self mastery in different ways: Beige: mastery of survival Red: mastery of strength and power Orange: mastery of success and achievement Yellow: mastery of knowledge and understanding In contrast, I view Coral as a sort of “pure” self-mastery, or mastery for the sake of mastery, something previewed by previous stages but not fully actualized. How it’s manifested for me so far is a desire for psychological purification, not for the purposes of understanding or achieving something, but simply to become a better being. I’ve found myself wondering what I would be motivated towards independent of outside influences or obligations. I’m beginning to view personality as a series of psychological fragments unconsciously accumulated from various external sources. I think it’s desirable to sort these out such that they form a coherent structure or inner ecology such that it can acquire a degree of partial independence. A component of this is that aspects of the “material” world are becoming less interesting, and I’m viewing relationships with others as being worth less of my focus. I’m at the beginning of this process, so I don’t know how it will progress in the future, but I imagine that the initial feeling of apathy and emptiness I feel now could be recontextualized as a positive development in the future. This inward focus might make Coral a Tier 2 Red, following the pattern of Yellow and Turquoise having similarities to Beige and Purple. (Although paradoxically, a Stage Coral person might not wish to describe their own inner state in terms of someone else’s conceptual model.) I noticed a shift in Leo’s content around early 2019 that may have represented this Turquoise to Coral transition. I say this not to speculate, but because I view it as a good illustration of what I’m describing. I noticed his tone became more serious (which I view as a good thing) and his teachings deepened, becoming less similar to traditional non-dualism and being even more so based in his own contemplation and direct experience. Though I’m not the first to speculate on this, it’s important to acknowledge that Leo never said anything about Coral in relationship to himself. If such a shift did occur, it could have of course happened far earlier before being reflected in public videos. Or he could very well view this characterization as inaccurate, unhelpful, or not worth potentially confusing people over. I’m curious to hear what others think of this.

@felixk_priv This only happened a couple weeks ago, so it’s yet to be seen what the long term effects are going to be. She has said that these other lives feel very distant now. It’s seems like she’s forgotten most of the details, but still remembers the major life events. I think this is the sort of thing where you snap back to your regular life fairly quickly, although she does happen to be an odd individual who often seems unphased by things, so it’s hard to say. But yes, she did say that she feels old now. This is quite the radical thing to think about, all my trips have been tame by comparison.

@woohoo123 I’ve only tried it with harmine. Like @What Am I said, harmaline is sedating, while harmine is slightly stimulating. For that reason, most people prefer harmine. As for THH (tetrahydroharmine), from what I’ve read it’s only a weak maoi that doesn’t contribute much to the total effects. It’s also a mild ssri (not enough so to be dangerous at the recommended dose). Someone on DMT Nexus said it provides a subtle improvement that really only those who are highly experienced would notice. And then full spectrum contains all 3 at the same proportions as found in Syrian rue. That would be the most similar to traditional ayahuasca.