R-Type

Originally from (North) Macedonia too! Though I mostly grew up and still live in Germany. This is funny as I really didn't expect to stumble upon other people from our little balkan state! ? Pozrav

Here's the best answer I've come across on that same question. Posted by habit expert James Clear on his blog: https://jamesclear.com/new-habit

We buy the new gear, expensive tools, that cool sports clothes, a gym membership at the beginning of the year, an interesting online course or some books, with the expectation and fantasy in our head to develop that exercise routine and stick with it, start the long time planned diy home project, acquire a cool new skill, gain some interesting knowledge or at least have some fun and be content with ourselves meanwhile. The act of buying needed items already tricks our brain into a dopamine hit which comes with a feeling of excitement, as if we already accomplished something, meanwhile totally ignoring the fact that the task were about to do is going to definitely suck at some point. It's not anyone's fault as we're basically wired to 'think' like this and be biased towards our future actions. To a certain extent our economy runs on this poor reasoning skills that turn our homes into wear houses of undone ideas and projects. Beside buying stuff for our projects, even watching people doing those tasks (like how to videos on YouTube) triggers our feel good mode of accomplishment. (This was also discussed last year in an episode of the NPR show Hidden Brain) I think that this is a very common problem for all of us. Whenever I speak with someone about this topic, that person can relate and has his/her own story of fail to tell. I also think that nowadays, with the constant availability of entertainment and our inability to focus, we not only get quickly bored but also have a low tolerance for enduring boredom and failure. I have no concrete suggestion on solving this problem, being in the same struggle. But maybe a good start is to research the mechanics and complexity of the problem first. Maybe podcasts or blog posts on willpower, distraction, attention span and focus will make a good start.

Happy Birthday from the other side of the pond, Leo! Big Hugs and Best Wishes

I'd say we're living in times where most people get some degree of adhd due to poor diet and constant media stimulation. My capacity to focus, learn and articulate myself was pretty good throughout my childhood and adolescent years but that has totally flipped into the other direction. My first guess would be to unhook ourselves from compulsive eating and constant media stimuly.

Hey bud, what's wrong? Take a deep breath and tell us..

Hi Shroomdoc, I'm not an expert on the field of emotional mastery or addictions, but rather a fellow addict who spends some time thinking and researching these topics. My current view on this is close to yours, namely that most of us are dealing with a messed up nervous system, which inhibits self regulation. The causes can be numerous, like emotional or physical trauma, genetic/epigenetic passdown, poor diet, environmental toxins, cultural factors etc... The symptoms on the other hand are as numerous as the causes and can included all kinds of chronic illnesses, neuroses, addictions, depression, anxiety - what's even worse is that the symptoms themselves act as causes further down the spiral (until we somewhat hit a homeostatic state on which we keep operating long term). As everything is a symptom of the things that happened before and a cause for the thing to come after we can chase the root causes down to the big bang and before. Yet in order to find relief a closer, individual look on our situations is required. I agree with Leo, emotions are very tricky, they control our behavior and thoughts and how can we produce good results with our mind that struggles to think properly? I like the approach to read more about emotions in order to understand them better. The works of Peter Lavigne and Bessel van der Kolk, who pioneerd trauma research and the poly vagal theory, have felt pretty eye opening to me lately. Maybe youll find their work interesting too. According to them: Especially abuse and lack of love by our care givers at an early age appears to take a heavy toll on our later years. Love, acceptance and support is what our mammalian nervous systems needs almost as much as food and shelter. Maslows pyramid of needs applies well herein. Their view doesn't exclude problems that can occur by trauma later in life too (like traumas by fighting in a war zone). Along the line they also discuss several methods on how people can find relief and recovery, ie yoga, exercising, emdr, neurofeedback, communal theater and rhythms, meditation, humming... Just to name a few. The tricky question is how to apply this in a systemic way and integrate it into our lives. I have no answer on that yet. I also like the yogics systematic approach, as they see the human as a whole system which heavily include proper exercise and diet. If I had the time and money I'd go to an ayurvedic treatment clinic as a first step. Concerning beating addictions: though they are destructive on the long run, they serve a purpose, which is to calm your system down in one way or another. Dropping one can lead to heightened nervousness and the increase of the other addictions, or being confronted with depressions. I'm currently at that stage as I dropped cigarettes 3 weeks ago, and today it's kinda rough for the first time, eating habits also became worse. However I think now that breathing feels a bit better it's time to reenter yoga and running in order to further calm the nervous system down and tackle my diet next. I can only speak for myself but sds alone would not work for me at this stage. Any ideas, comments, whether agreeing or not, are welcome. We're all together in this and it's cool to help each other. Hugs, R

Beginner question: is Kriya Yoga actually a good point to start at or go to while at a beginner or intermediate level? To me it appears that my ego fell in love with the CONCEPT of enlightenment and likes the idea of Kriya as the best or fastest in order to reach that blissful state. Yet on the other hand, Kriya yoga sounds to me like it's advanced stuff and therefore rather suited to people who have advanced before and bring the right state in order to handle the difficulties that will come along. Like a training technique that gets you to the Olympics, but is not for the average Joe, that hasn't got his basic training and diet right yet... Would be cool if someone could elaborate on this. Thanks.

The good thing about Sadhguru imho is, that he also points all the time to turning inward, and that he's very focused on the basics, on 'well-being' as he says so often, which covers topics like the right food, exercise and mindset in order to enhance personal and social life. I remember in a talk he said, that if someone is aiming for more (enlightenment), that could be accomplished too and there are techniques that can be taught for that in case someone wants to go that far. But for the regular person, which is most of us, life quality can be dramatically enhanced by getting the basics right. Leo's teachings go very deep to the core and are for a very particular audience only. Sadhguru is more focused on the broad spectrum of day to day life, as he understands that it is what human life needs right now the most. It also alignes well with the spiral dynamics model if you ask me. I'm really happy that both show up publicly and spread the word. Is it the truth itself? Sure not. But good pointers...

Back to the topic, I'd say - according to Naval Ravikant - it's important to get the fundamentals right. For me it would be these: - solid understanding of psychology and sociology - solid understanding of economics and politics - solid knowledge of biology (esp human anatomy), chemistry, physics and math - systems thinking (in order to put the above together and apply to one's own life)

Is willpower an illusion? If there's no free will there can't be such a thing. So, what is there actually happening which we falsely label as willpower and how can we harness that knowledge to make positive improvements on our lives?

The Youtube Premium Show 'Mind Field' is now available for everybody until the end of the year. No Premium needed. It's a fascinating and entertaining show on how the human mind works, with lots of insights to gain from. Cheers

Great post and a good reminder to train ourselves away from the constant reasoning and rationalizing and learn to be okay again with a little uncertainty. ☺️

Why do you keep on asking broad questions and giving vague suggestions? Why not getting more specific if you know better? ?

Maybe it'll help to do physical mindfulness practices, like Hatha yoga, qi gong, Tai chi, yoga Pranayama and alike in order to stabilize and calm your nervous system. When my mind is going bonkers, trying to do mindfulness meditation feels like a waste of time and it probably is.

Interesting video. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing, it was very nice to read through your story. Did your experiences and change influence the relationship to your friends and family? If so, how?

I've heard that saying too and it's kind of confusing. Heres why... First of all it's missing definition. when drawing that line one should at least be able to define what basic and advanced self help is, and not leave the reader/listener alone with that phrase. I'd say most people would have a hard time coming up with a definite answer as they use the phrase without having put some serious thought into it. Second: the time frame of 10 years doesn't make sense as people are not the same. We come with different backgrounds and potentials, what one can do in 2 years might take another one 5 and a third one 10 years to accomplish. Third problem to me is the harsh categorizing between basic and advanced, as there is so much in between. Let's take the analogy with gymnastics. There are several movements that have basic and advanced versions, like let's say a wall assisted push up (super beginner level) and a planche push up (very advanced level). Of course you can't do planche push ups if you have trouble doing a wall push up, but it's not like once you 'mastered' wall push ups, your next goal is the planche version. There are so many variations in between one has to tackle and accomplish first before even thinking about the planche version. But the good things about is, that all the variations before will prepare and contribute to get you there. A good coach understands this and guides the trainees, understanding where they are and what the next steps their work should be focused on. He would do that on an individual level and not offer just a basic and advanced training regiment people would blindly have to follow, depending on where he thinks they fit in. Sure, creating subcategories (or baby steps) ist still categorizing a thing that's actually a continuous flow, but it's better to do that fine than coarse grained.

I experience that too, mostly during times when my daytime is filled with anxiety and and stress and/or low energy. That promotes bad habits which negative effects spill over into my night times. It mostly boils down to your nervous system reacting on how you treat it. What does help me is increasing physical activity and lowering calorie intake. Spicy and sugary foods eaten at late evening times are also known to promote nervousness and bad dreams. So does alcohol. Even if you're a generally more anxious person (as I am) and the root causes of this nervousness are lying deep within your system, these first actions can at least be a first, quick help on the road. What daily habits do you have that might affect your sleep negatively?

https://youtu.be/OFazP2nBIqQ

Wow Tom you're post is awesome and a massive help! Will save and reread it, as it gives much insight and good instructions on how to handle shame issues, which I have to a life crippling extend too. What's really interesting is that shame can have its origins on different layers. One being the childhood neglect/trauma the other being not fitting into social norms. As we're such complex creatures I'd guess that we all have to carry all kinds and intensities of shame stemming from many different experiences throughout our life. It will take quite some time to dig through it... So, a big Thank You from my side. And in case you have further links to articles or book recommendations please feel free to post them here too. Hugs, R

Being human means being a social creature and we're hard wired to build societies and function within them. Unless someone has a mental disorder we all do reflect and care (some more, some less) about how we're perceived by others. There are brain regions that get formed within the first years and where the 'cultural imprint' happens. Overall that's not a bad thing and has contributed to where humanity is today. However it does lead to suffering too one aspect of it being the individuals fear of being judged. That again stems from lower brain regions that can perceive other people as a potential threat, and beside genetic factors it's early child development that plays the key role here. If our care givers have done a good job with providing us with enough attention, love, guidance and physical contact were at lower risk of developing social anxiety and other neurotic behaviors. If instead, for whatever reason, a child doesn't get those basic needs met, it most likely will suffer from that for the rest of his life in one way or another unless the person goes through some serious therapy. Trauma being the buzzword for sever cases here. We can not entirely outtalk or outthink ourselves of being a crippled people pleaser. On a day to day basis we're run by our emotions. I'd leave the thinking for reflections afterwards and reading in order to get a better understanding of the mechanics that are running you and other people. This is a so called top down approach and part of therapy. Bottom up means involving the body and safe space group interaction. we're already entering trauma therapy territory here, which needs professional guidance, but I think there's some good insights to be gained from that for the 'functional neurotic' too. So, what can be done? Basically: move your ass! The benefits of physical movement on body and mind are countless. Even walking is a great help for a start, but eventually you'd have to move towards increasing flexibility, strength and your cardiovascular system. Strenghen your parasympathetic nervous system with breathing exercises and cold showers and training your voice. Join an improv or speech training group in order to play with your 'persona' in a safe environment. And lastly: see a therapist if your case is more severe. If your upbringing was a mess, there's surely much that has negatice impact on your social life and needs to be worked through. PS I'm not a professional, there's probably better and more profound advice out there than what I was able to give. PPS spirituality is great, but aiming for a nondual experience in order to resolve our oh so human problems is quite a BS if you ask me. That's just escaping... And hinders real spiritual growth. Hugs, R

And two more: - we're hard wired to follow groups and authorities and that turns out to be a trap at some point. Develop more self reliance. - spirituality should not be used as an escape for issues that need therapy.

Love this post and hope it'll grow and get pinned. However here are mine: - there is noch such thing as strong or weak, only trained or untrained - free will is an illusion, therefore willpower is an illusion too - when you think you're done and exhausted, there's actually a lot left in the tank, it's your brain that makes you think you can't get any further - a shitty mind produces shitty ideas, don't trust your mind to much when being on a low operating level of mind - stick to the fundamentals, get those right first - addiction to self-help content is keeping you away from real self-help - don't rely on external advice too much, develop trust in yourself that you can figure shit out too - stillness is key. Truth and real growth are to be found here.

When you THINK you kind of got it, you didn't get it. When you get it, you'll know. And actually I should stop talking about things I haven't grasped myself yet