Bob Saget

Hey everybody.. I'll try to summarize my trip report to the best of my ability. I have only seen a few people with similar experiences, but I'm curious to know what you guys think/help to provide context for whatever it is I experienced. Here's a quick summary of my background before going into the trip report: I've been doing self-actualization/consciousness work since I was around 16-17 (I'm 24 now.) I was involved in the PUA community around that time - and became obsessed with Eckhart Tolle's work due to the recommendation of Owen Cook. I wasn't simply trying to become more "present" to get more girls (although that was a nice bonus ;-) I've always had "seeker" tendencies since I was really young.. so it didn't take long to go deep down the self-actualization rabbit hole. I spent most of my days studying all kinds of material: eastern/western philosophy, psychology, mystics/theologians, etc, etc. I've clocked in thousands of hours of meditation, contemplation, and so on (I also spent a lot of time doing cold approach/pursuing women. Those were my 2 primary obsessions, although that doesn't really matter too much at this point.) So back to the shroom trip.. I went into it feeling somewhat cocky due to my background with self-actualization. I was with a friend and an acquaintance (he was our babysitter. Only met him once before then.) And we were hanging out at my friend's house in the city. Pacific Northwest/gloomy weather at the time. I watched a Terrence McKenna video beforehand - he mentioned that a "true shaman" takes shrooms in the dark, and explores the depths of his soul without any external distractions. I had those 2 guys with me, but I was only interested in experiencing the trip alone (found out I'm not a shaman fairly quickly :p) I took a little over 3.5 grams and so did my friend. I felt fine for the first 25 minutes.. I could feel it a little, but I thought everything was "chill" for the most part. Then out of nowhere it HIT me. I went over to my buddies bed and started lying there for a little.. it was hitting me hard, but I was still able to function. My friend was talking about the insights that he was getting from the shrooms in the moment to my acquaintance. I started to get really bad vibes from him, and begged him to leave. He was extremely polite and understanding, and he left for almost all of my trip (which lasted over 8 hours.) So it was just me in the room with my baby sitter. He spent almost the whole time on his phone/sleeping, and it mostly felt like I was alone at that point. This is where shit got real. I was starting to lose the ability to form/conceptualize thoughts after around 40-60 minutes. Everything was looping in slow motion.. and I felt absolutely paralyzed. There was no way I could have got up to do anything. It would have been impossible. I remember there was a point where I was begging and trying to barter with God to make it stop. I kept thinking, "Please God... make it stop. Make it stop. I will do anything." But then there was this realization that NO ONE WAS GOING TO SAVE ME. Not God, my mom, a paramedic, my friends... No one. Not even myself. I was attempting to "let go" and "surrender" fully to the experience - but there was no such thing. There was nothing to surrender to. DEATH was taking me wherever it wanted to take me. I was going 'insane." Completely and utterly alone - a kind of loneliness that I've never experienced before. Even during long periods of solitude/isolation - there is never really fully a sense of aloneness. There is still a sense of light/beauty (at least in my experience.) Even in my younger years while going deep into my suffering, and the "dark nights of my soul," I never felt such a sensation. Not even close. But eventually I got to a point where I could not think at all. The fabric of my 'mind' had completely shredded. "I" was pure suffering. It felt as if I was experiencing the collective suffering of every individual/sentient being that has ever existed within our earth. That is not exaggeration or hyperbole. That is exactly what it felt like. My "soul" was being burned and cremated, again, and again, and again. It was the complete absence of "light." And I was there for what felt like an eternity. The only way I can describe where I was.. was by saying that I was in some kind of "hell." But that doesn't really describe or do the experience justice. There's no context for such a place unless one has experienced it. But after around 7 hours of tripping.. my baby sitter was wanting to go home. He tried to speak to me and hold my hand. I was starting to get some of my thoughts back, and I was actually able to sit up at this point. I started bawling my eyes out to him. Saying frantically, "Please don't let me go back there. No one deserves to go to that place. Not Hitler. Not my greatest enemy. No one. Please don't let me go back. Please don't let me go back..." I cried some more. And at that point I was able to speak to him about some of my childhood traumas.. Forgiving and understanding deeply on an existential level that the pain that people caused me was simply just due to their ignorance. And that I was no better. That was cathartic. But not as important as what I was experiencing previously. However, I was extremely lucky to have that random guy there with me. He was listening to what I was saying deeply without judgement. And he was genuinely a good dude. The next day I was okay. I felt more loving and compassionate than usual. Sometimes I will think back on the experience, and it causes some mild PTSD. But it's impossible to go back to the experience fully with mere imagination. What do you guys think of this? Have any of you had similar experiences? I didn't become enlightened from the trip. I still have a good amount of ego. And enlightenment wasn't even necessarily my full on intention going into the trip. I don't even know if I care about that anymore. Thanks for making it this far if you did. I just wanted to share that with you all, and get some ideas on what you all think - I've never seen many shroom reports like that, although I still don't think I even came close to describing whatever it is I went through. Cheers :-)

@cetus56 I wish it were that easy, my friend!

@Nahm of course.. Thanks for reading

@Leo Gura I really value your feedback, Leo! I've watched a disgusting amount of your content over the years - and I can't really begin to explain how much you've improved the quality of my life. But yes, I was definitely humbled by the experience.. My younger sister took 2g of the same stuff the week before me. She watched funny youtube videos, talked with her friends on the phone, and went to sleep after (she's just a 'regular' girl and was only looking for a good time on them.) That's why I jumped into the trip so naively/arrogantly. I intend to experiment with low doses of LSD in the near future, and work my way up from there. Honestly, I am afraid of shrooms at this point, but not necessarily psychedelics as a whole. 5-MeO sounds really nice from the way that you've described it. I like the idea of a "clear" trip more than that messy, dirty, butt rape lol. Thanks again, brother!