Anna

Thank you guys for the answeres. After thinking about this deeply, I guess "panic attack" was not the right term. We don't have to be fussy here, this "feeling" is hard to describe and communicate. Many of you gave me profound insights and I see what I have to work on.

First a little bit of background information: I changed my life around completely several months ago. I was frustrated with my life and progress in the spiritual field. I knew I need to take my practices more seriously, so I did. I'm currently waking up at 4:30 AM and I'm doing my morning routine. I meditate, read several pages of a book, I watch videos, take notes and contemplate the hell out of it. Besides this I'm getting ready for the day and go to work after I'm done with all of my tasks. Lately something is happening to me quite often. I guess it was about 2 weeks ago I got a panic attack while meditating. I still continued with my routine and calmed myself down. Same happened to me while reading and it started to frustrate me. I can understand WHY it is happening. It's simply because my understanding of reality gets deeper and deeper day by day. It's not one of these panic attacks you get in a social environment... let me tell you I had enough panic attacks in my life and I have never experienced one like this. It's hard to describe, but it feels like you are just a second away from death. It's an extreme threatening feeling. I simply wanted to go on with my practices, but I had one of the worst nightmares tonight and I decided to ask for help. So my question is: Should I push further? What do you guys recommend here?

@purerogue No, I'm not sure if it was some kind of panic attack. It just seems similar to me, but I never experienced something like this before. But your description: could be quite accurate here. Thank you for your wise words. I will think about that.

I understand what you mean. I face the same problem(s) in similar ways. My thoughts on the first part: Center of gravity (stage development). Of course they want to pull you back down if you are moving up. My thoughts on the second part: You need to find a way which feels good and authentic to you. I had the same problem several years ago. Eventually I found a way to communicate with my family without getting into huge discussions about my life/values/goals. There are things we can talk about and some things I only communicate to other humans. They will never understand the spiritual goals I have or what I'm truely concerned with, but I'm fine with that. Try to deeply understand their way of thinking and where it comes from. At a certain point you will be able to meet them where they are at and it won't be a problem to be around them or show love to them. I also show love to my mum and dad differently. One way won't work for both.

I prefer the paper version.

Wait, wait, wait!!! I know how it must feel. I've been going through tough phases in my life, too. I've had this thought several times myself, but believe me there are options to get out of this situation. PM me if you want to! Life is too beautiful to end it that way.

I would sign up for any city in Europe. Maybe it will happen in 2020 it would be perfect for me.

@purerogue that's true, but you actually open up to a more emotional perspective. You take my words a little bit too literal, I guess.

Every stage has something important to teach. Especially stage green which would be compassion for other humans, animals and your environment. (...) You will be able to fully feel your emotions, listen to other humans and actually feel empathy. It will open you up to conversations and other perspectives even though green can be limited in certain perspectives. You don't have to take stage green to the extremes. I've never been a tree-hugging-hippie myself... You can evolve into stage green and above in a more "healthy" way. Be a little bit more open to new ideas. You will be fascinated about stage green and even more when you enter stage yellow.

@Whatev3r I started a discussion about this theme some months ago. Maybe you'll find some answeres and perspectives here:

Listen to your body. 5-6 hours is enough for my body if the quality is fine. When I'm stressed or the quality is bad over a longer period it goes up to 10 hours.

Maybe this video will help you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzAJhW1cfdw It also seems like you are distracting yourself with things like music, Instagram, Facebook [...], when you have to do something. When it comes to your weekend job you are excited and you are there on time. Do you notice something while reading this?

@Canadian I know. I forced myself so many times to step out of my comfort zone. Don't think too much, just do it and break through.

I totally understand the situation you are in. You already know what to do anyway. Every day is the same and it's boring to you? Change it! Don't complain, take action! It's nice how you are into Leo's videos, but that's just theory. Go out and practice! Otherwise nothing will change. It's all up to you.

@Lynnel I can relate to your situation. Simple solution: Just be open minded when you talk to someone, you never know if this person can evolve into a high quality friend for you. Never exclude someone, because he/she does something you consider a waste of time or you can't relate to.

It's a good idea, but a topic like this already existed and Leo shut it down, because this forum is not that big and he doesn't want us to split up. So I would suggest we stay and talk here.

@Orange No problem. Hopefully it helps. Be persistent with it!

@Orange Sounds like there is chaos in your head. Meditation really helps to calm down the mind, so you can think clearly. It also raises awareness which helps you feeling it fully. It would probably help you to get this feeling out. You intellectually understand there is nothing missing, so allow yourself to feel it. Maybe Leo's latest video will help you: Or this one: Calm down your mind and clear this chaos.

@Orange What about meditation? Do you practice it? Did you try to let this feeling of waste come out? I mean really like feeling it fully?

I can't give you a concept about that. I can only tell you what worked for me. So I held the believe my teenage years and basically my whole childhood was fucked up -> depression, feeling not normal. There are always certain moments for me when this break through happens. What I discovered was it doesn't reveal itself by just talking to myself and basically being lost in thoughts. I need to talk to someone about it. They don't need to interact actively with me, they just listen. Everything single thought comes out and sometimes it's just a simple word or a sentence and the OH-MY-GOD!-moment happens. Same with the day I discovered the root cause of my depression. I talked to a friend, talked, talked, cried...I realized I suppress my feelings. The feeling is amazing when you understand the root cause of your problem not only on the surface, but deeper. Look above. You understand it on the surface, but deep down inside you still resist.

@Orange Mh ok, I understand. Your situation reminds me of myself, but I can tell you, understanding it is the first step to solve the whole problem. It just needs to break through the resistance of your mind. You feel like there is something missing, but you already understand there is nothing missing, right? Did you ever try to explain it to yourself? @Wormon Blatburm Well said!

@Orange The first years it helped me to move on intellectually. It was hard work and I regretted a lot. Why do you think so much about the past? My teenage years weren't wonderful either, but I grew so strong and I wouldn't miss one day. Do you really feel the need to have a "normal" life? What society presents you? Why don't you just accept your past as it is? Why do you still suffer? Your suffering won't change anything.

@Orange I know what you mean. I spent a lot of time being depressed*, but after all it was an experience which helped me to move on. Don't judge every single situation to be good or bad, worth it or not. You can use every experience to move forward. Learn from that. * I didn't leave the house for days, cried my eyes out, hurt myself physically and mentally and also spent time with people who were toxic.

I struggle with this thought sometimes too. Yesterday I was totally lazy and I literally just ate and sleep the whole day. I was like "Oh it's already 4 p.m. and the whole apartment looks like a mess. " At first I felt really bad, but then the next thoughts came: "Actually I enjoyed the day. What if I die tomorrow? Today would have been the perfect lazy day. I'm relaxed and I feel happy." Enjoy every day, no matter what happens. Be happy, be present.

I had the same problem for years. It basically has it's roots in my upbringing. My parents taught me to do everything as fast as possible. Any work to do? Do it fast. Eating? "Stop looking at your food for so long!" "Why are you eating so slow?!" It's hard to break through your habits, but it's possible. You are eating fast? Sit down, take your time, shut your monkey mind down and enjoy your meal. You are driving fast? Why? What will happen if you are 5 minutes late? Yep, nothing. You are working fast? Also: Why? You have enough time to do your work. If not, you should probably restructure your schedule. So what helped me is simple. I often asked myself "Why?" and "What will happen if I'm not fast?". Answer: Nothing. Slow down, a fast pace lifestyle makes you sick.