Pharion

@Serotoninluv Isn't non duality supposed to be beyond logic?

@Flammable I get that, but surely even with enlightenment you must still have a hierarchy of practical beliefs to live in the natural world like, "I need to drink water, it's not a good idea to put my hand in fire" When I say these are my beleifs, I mean merely from a practical perspective. I don't think theres any kind of divine order making voluntarism or certain moral principles objectively, I just think they can benefit society to be more happy and progress further.

@Rilles Okay, so synonymous with stages?

@Sven I had the same thing happen a while back when i decided to quit music. I normal listen to music a lot, but at the time I really wanted to create more time for self reflection and quiet thinking or even no thinking- basically quiet my mind way down. So I decided ok no media distraction at all, other than the occasional Actualized.org video or philosophy audio book while im eating etc. Anyway skip to a couple days into this, and I still had songs going in my head all the time. the ear worms got worse as if my mind was trying to compensate double time for all the music I wasnt listening to. That night I tried meditating, and the entire time I had "All in the family" by KoRn of all songs playing in my head. I couldn't focus, and nothing was going to make it stop so I eventually gave in and decided to stop this experiment. Looking back, I think it was homeostasis trying to pull me back into distracting media. I shouldv'e stuck with it. How long has this been goingg on? If it's only been a few days id say double down on your efforts and just push through. If it keeps distracting you it may to a choice between listening to music and not. As much as I love music, it's the more icing on the cake of having a clear mind. Good luck with that, and let anyone belittle this problem, I know how infuriating it actually is when this happens.

Day one. It was a good day, I kept busy and a couple times I caught myself just before I was about to start a YouTube binge, but I never did. The meditation was relaxing, but I was really tired and I didn't feel present like I should and found my mind drifting here and there nevertheless I put in the minutes, and began the habit which is the most important thing right now. I went to sleep on time, so day I achieved I wanted to do. The last couple nights have been really difficult to sleep, and I think it's my bodies homeostasis trying to beat the new habit out of me (I normally sleep very inconsistently and have no time in the morning to make food) so I'll keep fighting the good fight and put up with the reduced quality of sleep for now, until my body gets used to it.

@Rilles Not familiar with the "meme" terminology, and i'm going off of Leo's stage yellow video when I say that about him. I do know a good about Marcus though, and his mind set seems to line up very much with stage yellow. I mean philosophy itself (not the 2logical4u kind, but humanistic / re philosophy) seems like a pretty stage yellow thing itself, no?

@kieranperez Okay thanks for clarifying that, and that's really good to hear. I don't understand why it would be an issue to forgo material things (a nice house, expensive food and entertainment etc.) when your life is focused around mental game spiritual growth. Maybe you can me understand, is the fear just that you may not be able to provide enough at all? Are you afraid becoming homeless? I can understand that, especially in the United States where there is a lack of social safety net.

MGMT - When you die Puzzle - years Hanz Zimmer - The Dark Knight theme Paul Stanley - Live to win Metallica - for whom the bell tolls Cradle of Filth - Onward Christian soldiers Brain Drill - infinite oblivion Ok, so a couple of these songs are about dying which wouldn't normally consider inspiring, but being reminded of your mortality and finality of death is awesome motivation to live life fully if you have the right mind set.

@Azote Could it be due to a lack of self confidence? If you believe deep down that you are capable of very little, than your mind will be scared of your situation changing because it will think you can't cope or adapt to new things. In reality, this probably isn't true. You are capable of a lot, but your mind might not be convinced of that. This might not be the case, I dont know you, but if it is id recommenced focusing on doing some low stress / low stakes activities that you can improve on, like learning an instrument for example. If you can show your subconscious mind that yes, you are capable of learning and adapting, then it won't be so skiddish or scared about your circumstances changing. What do you think?

@MM1988 Blue going on yellow. But in all seriousness, probably yellow, just in a blueish culture. He did a lot of thinking, like a lot about many kinds of "systems" related topics (science, philosophy, human nature etc.) and he was very aware of his role in life, which seems like a very stage yellow kind of mentality. Self awareness about the role that you fill, he thought a lot about virtue and morality etc. as many of the roman and Greek philosophers did, but he didn't try to push it on everyone, and instead mostly just treated people kindly and kept his judgement to himself. Many emperors used their role to impose their will and belief's on everyone they ruled over but he was more reserved, and was known for not abusing his great power. All these things seems very characteristic of stage yellow. He stands in contrast to many emperors who showed their true, red, colors when given power.

yeah man im in a similar situation. I think one thing to consider that (according to Leo) enlightenment is not a life purpose. It's very important, but its different enlightenment is a state of being, whereas a life purpose is something tangible that you do so for me right now my life purpose as best as I can figure is that to be a game designer, and make and publish my own games from top to bottom on my own, with maybe hiring people to do stuff like art work. The details arent important, but my point is that that's more like something you can tangibly make a living from. Enlightenment itself isn't, and not to devalue it, I'd rather be enlightened than rich lol, but i'd saying trying to work your way up the societal latter by getting extra skills and higher pay checks isn't a good way to go. I can see the appeal from a strategy perspective, it seems fine but when your actually on the ground doing it for four years day after day, your'e gonna hate it, and loose motivation probably. My plan at this point is to work a day job to make just enough money to eek by on a frugal lifestyle (I dont mind doing that at all) and use the time I have outside of that to enjoy life, self actualise, and work on my life purpose which is making games. I hope it works, and over the next few years I can make more and more of my income from publishing games and be able to quit a day job altogether after amount of time. That's the goal, I don't know if it'll work but I can adapt. Anyway back to you, i'd say try to focus on living cheaply, maybe live in as inexpensive a place as you can and really be conscious of your budget. It really shouldn't matter to you as long as you have the free time to pursue self actualizing. See if you can find some creative type work that your passionate about, and maybe try to transition into making your income from that over time, but leave the corporate ladder on the table, I dont think that's gonna do you any favors. If your really serious about enlightenment, then the money / living problem will (I assume) become unimportant eventually as youll be happy with a very simple lifestyle that doesnt require much money at all. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

Couple things. If you want to get responses from guys and potentially find a boy friend you should say how old you are and what region you are in for obvious reasons in the OP. Also as a response to a lot of the people here saying you shouldn't have a relationship until you have healthy self esteem, self love and development and maturity etc. I have to disagree. Iv'e been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years with the same girl and we have both matured together over the course of it and had a pretty good relationship. It just depends on the person you are with. My gf in the beginning had very low self esteem but I encouraged her and its much better now. Its true that many people will take advantage of weaknesses in their partner, but at the same time many people will encourage them to grow emotionally. Hopefully people on this forum are mostly not the potential abuser type, you would think that. I don't know.

I've tried to self actualise before. Hard to count exactly but I've made a serious effort at changing my habits a handful of times. Meditating, cutting off my internet addiction, working on my life purpose, etc. I've had some amazing little tastes of what it's like, when I'm really on the right track, but those times eventually end and I slip back into the comfortable homeostasis, only to become increasingly unsatisfied until eventually I give it another go. This has been going on for a year now, and despite never staying consistent for more than a couple weeks at a time, I've learned a lot From the experience. I've thought about the causes of this a lot. Of course there's homeostasis, but I don't think that's the really important thing. I've realized that all the struggle and failure I've had with this stems from being dependant. I live at home with my family, and they take care of pretty much everything. I go to public highschool for 7 hours every week day, and I'm sure I don't have to explain to anyone who's been through that how demoralizing it is. Ive come to realize that all the amazing times that I look back on examples of how my life should be have the common theme of self responsibility. so I made a pretty big decision a month back get out of high school early, after this term (I'm in grade 12) and move out of the house. I plan to move to a different city, partly to be with my girlfriend, who lives there, mostly to put myself in a different environment, where I'll make my own money, food, lifestyle, and be accountable. I'm excited for this, and I think I've made the right decision that's going to end the skiddish beggining stage of my journey and move into the next stage. I know it's really common for people to flounder for a while after finding out about SA and I hope someday I'll look back on it as just one step in the journey of my life, but from here it looks pretty grim. I hate feeling like I'm wasting time, and having a crippled will power. I don't believe in the school stuff I'm doing, and don't like how easy my life is without putting in any effort. My mind seems to be hard wired to do this easiest, low effort thing I can get away with. I thought I would use this time to be practicing as a writer, but it turns out I'm wasting it, and counting down the days until I can get out. The scariest part now is if I keep going like this I don't know if I'll really be prepared. Maybe I'll be too soft by then, I don't know. I bassicly have two reasons for posting this, one is I hope it helps other people who are in a similar situation and are struggling to end their "newbie" phase like I am, and also because I don't know, I could use some advice about what to do with the time before my term ends. I'm trying to install little habits, but I find in this environment it just saps too much of my willpower, and it's hard to really commit to a course of action and keep that promise to myself. My life isn't satisfying, and I wonder if anyone knows a good way of quitting those addictive little habits like gaming, watching YouTube, porn etc. To free time to more meaningful stuff, or even just going for a walk or taking a nap instead.