Nondescript

@i am I AM The Bible says that faith is substance of things hoped for; evidence for things not seen. For me it is knowing something without being able to perceive it yourself in your own consciousness, with your senses, with no proof. I am fortunate in that I have direct knowledge/ proof of God, that strengthens my faith in other things I cannot see. There are many synchronicities and answered prayers in my life that strengthen my faith as well. Most people of faith have much stronger faith than me, because they don't have the proof that I do. They have to simply rely on their faith, without any proof whatsoever... which is difficult for a lot of people to understand. And can lead to doubts. I did not have much faith before. I was even borderline agnostic some days. I am not sure if that answers your question. I am not a deep thinker like that many here. I know what faith means to me, it may mean something else to someone else.

@MM1988 Keep trying, knowing that you have a soulmate out there. As lonely and miserable as you seem to be, many have been there before. I thank God that I made it through something somewhat similar to what you describe. Looking back, I just figure that I didn't get the girls I wanted because that was my destiny not to. I made a lot of mistakes, and one night stands, but the girls that I really wanted as girlfriends always rejected me in one way or another. It was misery. It completely kills any confidence in dating or any future relationship. Looking back, I tell myself it was divinely orchestrated to protect my future ..such that if I would've had a relationship with any of those girls something unfavorable to my future would've happened (pregnancy, STD, or something worse I don't even consider) Though my path was rocky I have a beautiful wife now. I wouldn't be here if I haven't been there. There can't be happiness without something to compare it to.

@Nahm As in a counterfeit Holy Spirit, or "something" that mimics God, but is not God. I sure hope our "time here" is not eternity! I'll check out that video when I get a chance. The apocryphal Gospels are intriguing. I can only have faith that they were by divine intervention not in the canon, and not omitted only because man did not consider them authentic or divinely inspired.

@Nahm Thank you for the kind words. I give credit to God for what "I" overcame. A person, through will power can change their ways, but only God can actually take the desire out of their being. My intense craving for alcohol completely dissappeared and has remained gone. Any subtle arrogance, greed, anger, etc., all gone. And it wasn't that I was a bad person before by anyone's standards. If God is "no respector of persons" then why does he choose to enlighten some and not others? That is a question that I can't understand. Our time alive here is infinitesimally short compared to eternity. And those cravings inside us for material things, status, wealth, drugs, etc., can never be quenched without God. I hope to not be banned for this, but I can't with good conscience not mention that for everything God does their is a counterfeit of it. If your body void has been filled and you don't crave these types of things, it can be due to a counterfeit. Even if it seemingly does good, or causes peace and love for one another, or miracles it can still be counterfeit.

@Nahm In my quest for answers and to become closer to God, I have read many books. Mainly older stuff. St. John of the Cross, William James, Swedenborg. Rather than accept many truths, and not trying to steer this toward religion, but I have become a devout Christian because of this. My desire for worldly things, alcohol (I was addicted), money, lust (I used to watch porn), dissappeared immediately during my experience. I will listen to your advice, but I always have to reconcile any new truths with my Christian faith. There has to be some compatability. There have to be mysteries yet to be revealed that the human mind can comprehend.

@i am I AM What I learned during the experience can't be unlearned. I knew reality was an illusion and nothing is real. That there is no such thing as death. I also believe that life here is so short that it doesn't matter, and as I drifted back to the real world and tried to reacclimate (sp?) that has lead me to The Dark Night of The Soul. Which I learned about while trying to make sense of this. Do I differentiate me from the rest? You mean what you all call non-dual? I don't know. I wonder how many people have had a pure experience not influenced by what they have crammed in their heads. Mine was undoubtedly influenced by having read parts of the Bible, specifically about Paul on the road to Damascus. I instantly thought the I was having the same experience.

@i am I AM If it was all in my head, I would wonder if it was some sort of psychotic episode, even though I have no history of such. It would mean that it was still possible that there is no God. With things happening that in no way could've come from my mind, I know without a doubt that God was doing this. I still don't know why though. Why me, and not someone who was seeking this, or was hopeless, etc. Before this I was 100 percent content with my life. Plenty of money, high paying job, hot girlfriend, lots of stuff, etc. I still have those things (girlfriend is now wife) in spite of this, but I know none of the material things matter.