Giulio Bevilacqua

@Endangered-EGO Thank you.

Seemen retention. 5 months, sexual desire was gone, masturbation was gone. Was practicing tai chi and qi gong evry day. Slowly the so called "symptoms" appeared. Mudras, body shaking, pain in the stomach solar plexus.

@Kundalini Cataclysm Thank you. I have seen this guy before. He seems a little bit out of balance to give instructions and guidance for kundalini. But it's nice too see that he has gone through rough times and survived and shares his experience. He calms very much. Will for sure check the book. Thank you

@Gianna do not know where to go, seems there is no foward

@Gianna There is no advice to give anymore. We are left alone with our own hands

As i got a glimpse of the effortless state of action (wu wei/spontaniety) i'm stuck in a horror loop since months now. If let go of control or just relax my body, it wants me to constantly whirl along my axis. The fact in it's self is not a problem. The point is that i can not do anything else, i feel that evrything i do i so focerced and in contrast within myself. When i decide to go for a walk or simply swimming the pull of whirling is comes in and creates conflict against my will power. I decided to let the movement express, and it was quite relaxing because it was releasing a lot of tensions. As i start to let go, the spinning becomes more more violent and fast till the point where i can not hold the speed so i have to stop. But it does not leave. I made some research and found Spontenous Qi Gong as a teqnique to express emotional tensions. Many says that this is a very dangerous state when you can not control anymore the need for the action. If you let express totally the movement after some time another comes in and another and another till you are dead or 70 years old. Obviously i can stop them, but it feels like repessing the need to go to the toilet. I can not continue in this state anymore. All that i do is distracting myself with food and excessive sleep. Waking up in the morning is like hell As my kundalini awakened 5 months ago, i'm working with a energy teacher. He always tells me that i'm control of my self and i am the creator of my life, but at this point it looks so stupid hearing this things, if i control the movement i inevitably supress it with ego. So i decided to take a kundalini yoga class with him just to see if the energy that is stuck can move foward. This post is just more to express my self, i know that nothing can help me anymore, also if a asked for some help from you. I do not know if i can come out of this shit.

Too early for my fragile ego. @Nahm This is the exact point of what i'm trying to share here. Utter spontaneity, non doing, existance doing = Whirling. I will surrender to spinning, have no other options. See where it takes. Thank you all for your loving efforts and responses, really appreciate your help and love.

I will share what fucked my mind and brought me to this stuation that i'm facing. Osho : " So long as an individual does something, it is not done by existance. So long as an individual feels he is doing, it is not existence's doing . The day an individual knows that he is no more, he is not the doer, it is just happening, his action becomes existance's action, it belongs to existence. The day doing turn into happening, the day the person really experiences it as a happening, existance takes over, then it does evrything trough the individual. It is an illusion that we are the doers, and it is this illusion that makes us unhappy . The day we cease to be doers all illusions ceases "

Trying to undestrand what a true action is. An action that is always right and does not bring fruther confusions and conflicts in your life. An action and decisions that comes from love and undestanding.

@Nahm First of all, thank your for this precise and attentive response. I do not undertand how can there be control. What is see, the moment i control i supress and create conflict with life. How can you control your emotions or your thinking, if you try to do that it would inevitably harm you. If i have to go to the toilet and say " no, i control my urge to pee, i'm 100 in control " ok, you can do that but it would not feel good and the pee would exit forcefully after some time. For me control creates a split/division. The same is with this urge to spin, I am resisting it and suppressing it because i feel fearful for what might happen if i enter it totally. When i enter it and surrender, there is no one that controls anything, there is just spinning, the i disappears, that's why it creates so much fear. How can be this the case ? I suppress the spin due to fear. The spinning wants to open up something that is trapped inside my body to be released. Fear, anxiety but most of all insecurity of what to do in life, feeling ungrounded and erthly unstable I can not pin point to what it is, but i believe that it is the life force that tries to repair the body torugh this movement. I stop it with my will power, and seems that i repress it in the body again. It is still there in the sense that it wnats to continue to push. I would feel that it is a forced method upon my self beacuse meditation requires no effort or discipline. Evry effort you make to meditate is just another mind game to achieve something. If the impulse to swirl would arise and i would not follow it, i would feel that i am swimming against life. What i believe in this period: There is no doer Evry action happens effortlessly Effort and control are illusions, they only bring further misery. Effort= wanting to achieve, tension in the body. You can not control anything, you can just melt into life and swim with it. If you resist or try to control you get stuck.

Letting go of the controller and seeing that the body starts to whirl endlessly makes me feel very afraid about this situation.

What helps me in rough situations is not forcing any kind of plesuarable feeling. If you experience evrything with equanimity all the stuff would fall apart by itself. The idea that you HAVE to let go of feelings creates unecessary conflict within yourself. Also thinking that you HAVE to enjoy this time is a conflict. Where did you get the idea thet you have to enjoy this time ? You can enjoy it only if you see/experience it as it is. Maybe in 10 years you look back at this time and think " What a situation i have been !" and just smiling at it. We have this nevrotic tendency to always want Pink and Butterflies and nice Flowers. It seems that you are already clear about you want to do in your life. Maybe become a yoga Teacher.

I “practiced” spontaneity in the last days, discovering that there is no me making an effort. The body wants always to whirl on its axis, like a Sufi meditator. I tried for 10 minutes and vomited my breakfast at the end. I thought the process was finished , but no , the pull to whirl is constantly there all the time. When I’m at work and just relax a little bit it starts again to push me into whirling. I just hate it because I can not handle the dizziness. I do not want to pass my days into whirling. I know that rumi did this process for 36 hours and got enlightened. It is scarying the shit out of me thinking that I might whirl for days with no stop and loosing the ego. The funny part is that it can not be ignored, I try others activities like swimming or taking walks, but it is meaningless. Have you ever experienced the whirling?

I do not know if i can digest this. The body moves by itself without any effort or decision. Mind flows emotions flows... I'm not the doer of my life anymore. Walking without knowing where i'm going, what is going to happen in 5 minutes i do not know, not knowing what tomorrow is. Ego is trying to come back as violently as possibile, but it does not work any more. What Taoist called Wu Wei, doing without doing seemed a nice and pretty concept before, but know is terribile to handle life wiht this. I do not know why i'm writing this post, i know that nothing can help anymore no technique no teaching no effort to achieve. Who the fuck is the doer who decides my actions my ideas and so on ? Do not know if i can come back to life with this

@Loving Radiance I do not know, maybe another thought pattern

@Mason Riggle You can not bring attention to the present moment, how can you DO that ? It is already there. If ones tries to be present he will inevitably create a tension within him self.

@Loving Radiance In a indefinable space, can not say anything about it

@Loving Radiance I do not know who the doer is or who has fear/resistance. There is fear and resistance nothing else. The main fear is that i will loose contact with my family, my house frineds activities that i used to do. That poem has such a beauty and power, but hard to integrate into life

It's existence action, it's a happening, existence does trhough the individual body mind.

@allislove i have to use words somehow to express. No word can describe what is occurring

@WaveInTheOcean i'm not ready. Seriously

Hi i would like to know if someone could explain me how to cut the root of a frequent thought that appears in my daily life . It limits a lot of things that I want to do . Some techniques may be : Awareness of the thought and letting it go -Accepting the thought - Not identifying with it - mindfulness meditation Any suggestions?

Good morning all. I have seen that many are going through a kundalini awakening. It can be hard and difficult. So in the last period I have gathered some infos about this topic and methods that could help. Hakuin Butter Method: https://www.google.it/amp/s/buddhismnow.com/2015/09/12/zen-sickness-by-zen-master-hakuin/amp/ Tara Springett book: Healing Kundalini Syndrome I Chi Kung Institute has trained teachers that are dealing with kundalini syndrome, from the recensions of the people it seems that they have obtained great results. : https://ichikung.com/treating-kundalini-syndrome Check also Igor Kufayev on YouTube he has a lot of stuff for kundalini awakening. Master Mantak Chia with the Microcosmic Orbit. Sky Yoga centers by Krish Murali Eswar. Also on YouTube. We have to brig balance into the energetic system so that we can cope with this process with more clarity and understanding. There are thousands of aspects to be considered, you can not just surrender it will not work. Or maybe it will take a life time of struggle. Thank you hope you get some guidance and help.

Hi all. I'm experiencing a Kundalini awakening symptomes and i would like to know how to handle it the best way possbile. I've have been on seemen retention probably for 5 or 4 months, i did not have the desire for sexual interaction or masturbation, it was quite natural. Along with this i practiced my daily Qi Gong and Tai chi and was getting every day batter at it. Two months ago i started to feel heavy blocks inside my stomach like a big rock. Today if i just relax i go into shakings, my hole body shakes trying to break this passages. My life is very confused like hell. I was practicing music very good for my academia but now it is so meaningless and do not have the desire to go foward with it. Other aspects are that cravings has grown so much things that were never there like food. I could eat the hole day without feeling the sense of fullness, obviously i do not do that, but the amount of food is grown too much. The main problem is the stomach, it is full of micro psychological tensions that create this ball. The digestion is not good, i burp very often amount of air, and my excrement do not flow properly. I found a method to release the tensions but i do not know if it is too safe, i'm scared that it releases too much energy. It consist in willingly contracting the tensions and then suddely relax, i think it's what in Yoga is called Bandha. Along with all this stuff, i feel an empty silence field that is very much often there all the day, it is not blissful or loving or peaceful, it is just what it is , not good or bad. Have some of you gone trough something similar to this ? Thank you. Giulio