Oeaohoo

Before flying home from my month-long stay at Shunyamurti’s ashram in Costa Rica, I found a guy who was offering Bufo Alvarius retreats: 100g of Changa on the first day, 70g of Bufo Alvarius (roughly 5-10mg of 5-MeO) on the second, and a little over 4g of magic mushrooms, a mixture of roughly 1.5g Mazatapec and 2.5g of Tidal Wave, on the third day. I had never used any of these substances before, although I had a phase of taking moderate (100-250 microgram) doses of LSD whilst I was at university many years ago. Having reached a point in life where I felt like I had nothing left to lose, I thought I would see if there is anything there… We did Rapé, which helped me purge energy that was stuck in my lower body, and Sananga before the first two sessions. After being sick multiple times from the Rapé, my Changa experience was like the unconditional love of the Mother which I have always longed for. I felt totally innocent and pure like an infant. We did the session late in the evening and apparently the birds started singing! My Bufo experience was love in the form of total empathy: in the space of about fifteen minutes, I became many people in my life who have meant something to me; I totally left my own frame of reference and inhabited their own. It became fascinatingly apparent that all of this is just one consciousness masquerading in so many different forms. I have always been overly sensitive to other people so I suppose Bufo cranked this aspect of my character up! However, I must confess that these first two experiences left me slightly disappointed and in agreement with the spiritual teaching that psychedelics are still within the realm of illusion… Both experiences were very beautiful and profound but some deeper part of me still found it trivial in some way. Having said that, I did come away from Bufo with a strong feeling of reverence and a sense that it had much more to teach me. I look forward to returning to it once I have recovered from and assimilated the last experiences. Although I didn’t really enjoy the first half of the psilocybin trip because it was just too weird, childish and overwhelming, the most profound part of the retreat was the latter half of the psilocybin trip. The cartoonish and evanescent hallucinations of psilocybin wore off and I went into a space which was much closer to the 5-MeO experience the night before. I was still hallucinating but now perfect unfolding triangular fractals and divine geometry, illogical tunnels leading to spiritual revelations, myself and other devotees prostrating ourselves in awe before God as a giant orb of light. I felt highly in tune with myself, authentic and natural. I was laughing and crying in a way which felt totally genuine and which I have never done before: my laughter normally feels slightly contrived and, although I do cry a lot anyway, these were different tears of self-forgiveness and spiritual mercy. Loads of mucus was coming out of my nose as well, it was a very purging and relieving experience and I still feel very different days afterwards. There was a genuine sense of devotion and awe at the supreme majesty of God which I have only felt rarely in my life. There are a lot of other things I could talk about - a lot of my psilocybin trip centred around how awful modern life seems to me, a sense of apocalyptic glee around the number 444, “4:44, the clock is ticking!”, the kinky and sexual aspect of “playing a role” which became apparent on Bufo, various personal psychological insights, a fortunately short-lived desire to commit suicide on mushrooms for no negative reason but just out of a feeling of completeness and an apathy regarding the modern world, and so on. In the end, though, I couldn’t stop laughing at the absurdity of it all... It’s all a joke! At one point in the psilocybin trip I thought I was going to die because I had swallowed some tiny flecks of wool from my jumper! This became so funny to me. I was telling my guide how I was conceived in Vienna - he told me that his mother was a wealthy Jew from Vienna who had to flee because of the Nazi’s - because my parents had sex on a holiday in Vienna which my Dad won on the game show Wheel of Fortune. He said: “So you were born because of a wheel of fortune?” This became so funny to me. The lesson that I want to integrate from this is that it’s all a big joke! I also felt a renewed appreciation for and affinity with Actualized.org and Leo’s teachings. These substances are very powerful in revealing the ways in which the mind constructs reality… At one point on mushrooms I literally watched my mind creating reality in slow motion, as if it was made out of building blocks like Lego! Very strange… We are such stuff as dreams are made of.

It’s nice to know your experience aligns with my own. Yes, the second half was so much more profound than the first. Let me know if you find a substance like you described! Yeah, it’s just not what I was looking for in taking these substances! After all, one could just go to a nursery for this… Still, I suppose one is shown what one needs to see. I don’t think everyone has a childish and cartoony experience from mushrooms.

Yes, it’s like infinity was there but only as something implicit, since the capacity to shape-shift and imagine so many different roles implies an infinite potential for manifestation. Maybe that is all I could handle this time around. I hope one day I can reach a more direct experience of infinity! Reeling in the universe is a beautiful image.

Is that because it is impossible to reach the bottom of it? Is there a full answer?

Yes, exactly. The unanswered question with Bufo was: “If we are all one consciousness expressing itself in different forms, who is that consciousness?” I imagine that if I took it again, this might be revealed to me…

On the one hand: Thank God we’re finally free to express our true nature! All of our repressed desires have been liberated. On the other hand: Human nature is evil, tribal, racist, bigoted, misogynistic, and must be overcome through a heavy program of brainwashing. How do you square these completely contradictory ideas?

Fair enough, I more or less agree with this.

The word “stereotypically” was important. “Liberals” like people on this forum tend to have a very cartoonish idea of these things. To be fair, this is bolstered by the abject mediocrity of modern conservatism, especially in America. Traditional attitudes to sexuality were much more complicated. Julius Evola’s book Eros and the Mysteries of Love: The Metaphysics of Sex provides an excellent overview of this subject. In short, Tradition recognises two basic roles for women: mother and lover, Demeter and Aphrodite. Modern social conservatism tends to emphasise the mother archetype in a one-sided and tendentious manner, whereas in reality both roles were traditionally respected. In many traditional civilisations, some higher forms of prostitution were even considered sacred; for example, the hetaera in Ancient Greece enjoyed a status equivalent to modern celebrities. Even in recent centuries, marriage was often supplemented with concubinage… The modern conservative presents a hollowed out caricature of traditional approaches to sexuality. The modern liberal laps this up, probably because it is rhetorically useful… It bolsters the liberal delusion that we have been “sexually liberated”. In reality, many in the past enjoyed a much richer sexuality than most people today!

Women are a material resource. (Only joking… Or am I!) I see your point. However, I don’t see it as a question of women owing men something. We all owe each other something. In a healthy society, people would have a degree of investment in each other’s wellbeing. A society full of lonely people devoid of intimacy is a broken society. I see you are from Sweden. I was struck by how lonely people seemed when I was there. Speaking more generally, in the modern worldview life begins and ends with me. My only obligation is to myself. This narcissistic mentality stands in stark contrast to Tradition, not just in regard to sexual conduct but all other aspects of life. Indeed, ‘many traditions claim that mythical founders paid attention to marriage or breeding laws first and most of all, or otherwise make clear that this act of foundation is more fundamental than any other.’ The regulation of sexual conduct - not necessarily in the stereotypically conservative manner - is foundational to civilisation. Just saying, “Let everyone do what they want and it will all magically work out by itself”, is insane.

“I realize now how much she's just like the others, cold and distant, and many people are like that, women for sure, they're like a union.“ “You’re just like the rest of them!”

I agree with them too!

Women are only going to care about themselves, whatever they should or shouldn’t care about… You are all narcissistic overgrown children to the grave, as your post amply demonstrates! (I exaggerate for effect — some of you are alright, I suppose…) @Sugarcoat By the way, I completely agree with you and I would love to see this mentality applied more broadly: ”Why should Westerners care about refugees? We don’t owe them anything. Let them drown.” “Why should we care about the homeless? They should be left to freeze and starve.” ”Why should anyone care about anything? All I care about is myself.” Just some little suggestions for how to apply your great philosophy to other domains of life!

@Emerald I have a joke that you might like:

Of course, I was only joking!

It is overly simplistic to just call it a “hyper-individualistic society.” The explanation for this phenomenon comes from being more precise. In general, men bond through a common purpose whilst women bond through simply being together. One only has to observe the way that each sex interacts with itself: men speak to each other with purpose and intent whilst women chirp inanely together like birds. The loneliness of men is therefore downstream of the purposelessness which pervades modern life. Men also need to feel a certain dignity and pride in life to want to share it with anybody else. It is rather difficult to feel these things nowadays… Again, you should watch Taxi Driver: “All my life needed was a sense of some place to go…“ “I don’t believe that a man should devote himself to morbid self-attention. I believe that one should become a person like other people.”

Why don’t you just stop this disingenuous dog-whistling? Why don’t you stop gaslighting us all and admit it? We all know you’re a fascist! Spare us your toxic and bigoted delusions. Go and spread your hateful misinformation somewhere else.

Yes, I generally avoid it, I just thought I’d see what this guy had to say… Very interesting. I would have explained this through the Jungian frame as the girl’s Animus becoming more developed, but I prefer your explanation.

It’s all so sterile and sclerotic nowadays. I don’t know how anybody clings to the idea that we have been “sexually liberated”… Medieval peasants were having more sex than most people today! Yes, although it’s not just social skills… There is something about modern social environments - perhaps their overstimulating, heavily surveilled and gynocentric nature - which exacerbates my autistic tendencies.

I listened to this song 650 times this year. Apparently I was in the Top 100 Smiths listeners on Apple Music! The live version on Rank and the Jeff Buckley cover are great too. The Boy with the Thorn in His Side is the best Smiths song, though… Wagner’s last opera Parsifal has also meant a lot to me this year, and more recently the album Two Star and the Dream Police by Mk.gee.

Totally. His blog posts are all so narcissistic, condescending and negative. I don’t know how anyone can stand to read it. A case in point! That awful, pretentious format as well…

Oh right… I had never heard of him! Interesting, I have heard of similar developments in Sweden. It is happening all across Europe. I only meant that people romanticise Scandinavia as an egalitarian paradise. It seems there are other things lying under the surface… I remember reading: Maybe this is what is happening now!

One other point: I have always disagreed with this stupid idea that women have some magical intuition about things. It is not a sixth sense — if anything, it is a zeroth sense. Pure instinct with no higher cognition. Women are natural, men are supernatural. This is the key! That’s a good way to put it.

Yes, of course. ”You should not go to them, let them come to you… Just like I do!” It is also because modern society is very emasculating.

The YouTube algorithm recommended me some of his videos recently. I think they were old videos but he seemed quite jaded even in those. Yes... Though, in my opinion, one of the weakest Black Pill points is female hypergamy. Although it is true that women have hypergamous desires, I see a lot of cute girls with extremely mediocre chump guys nowadays. Most people just settle for mediocrity, whatever they might desire… They also overplay the importance of looks — I am relatively handsome but I am socially retarded and despise women. Thus, I am alone! It’s like the less girls have to offer, the more entitled they are becoming… Very strange. By the way, It works out because most women are NPCs! Absolutely, though it’s easier said than done… It seems like you have quite a healthy attitude to this whole business — a good balance of cynicism and acceptance.