Ampresus

@Lyubov I think anybody who has had a remotely long relationship end, can relate to you. I come out of a one year relationship, but also used to heavily love a girl who didn't feel the same about me a couple years back. In both cases it was difficult to let go. But the first time did make me stronger in doing it the second time. Lets call this one Mary. Mary and I played and called day and night. I was obsessed with her. I could always talk so authentically and intuitively to her and she really understood me. But she didn't love me the same way. For her it was almost always just friendly. The times she did have romantic interest in me, I was too clueless to notice. I ended all contact with her in the beginning of 2023. No more calls and gaming. It's been a year and 10 months. I still think about her regularly, but I no longer miss her. She congratulated me on my birthday and asked if we could call again some time. Part of me wanted to do this of course, but I rejected this offer. I was tired of being stuck to her. Together with the council of my therapist, I rejected her offer. She said she respected my decision and wished me all the best. I was only able to do this because of the long period of no contact, focus on other parts of my life and most importantly: finding a new girl. Lets call this one Angela. Angela and I broke up around the end of June. Well... broken up... she ghosted me after travelling to her home country to visit her family. Shame how it went. I still see her from time to time, because we live in the same city. This was a real relationship and the break up really destroyed me. I went to see a therapist and sought council both from old friends as well as new people I met. Here are all the pieces of advice I heard and put to use: 1. (Old HS friend) You're free. Free to pursue any girl you want now. Go after it. Enjoy it. You're only this young one once in your life. Fuck it away. That's how I did it. Still took me a year to get over my ex, but I just tried to enjoy my life. It was shitty yes, but you deserve better. You deserve a good life. 2. (This old HS friend was the ex of the previous one, lol): I recommend just finding a girl to distract yourself with. Best way of getting over someone is just finding somebody new. That's what I heard a lot of people do and honestly what helped me too. Yeah it sucks, especially the fact that she will never be yours again. But such is life, we can't change the past. Still took me a year, but it's whatever. 3. (My bestfriend): You made a big mistake, but she wasn't necessarily flawless either. You're a young dude man. You're bound to make mistakes like these. Imagine this happened when you were married to her. You're free now, go off. Fuck all the hot girls you can find man. Enjoy life bro. Life is too short to waste on somebody who is no longer with you. 4, (Old co-worker): Break ups are always tough. Always. I still see my ex of a couple years regularly in my gym. But I'm just so used to it now. I never even deleted old pictures. Just because I feel like I don't need to now. I just kept distracting myself with others part of life. Still took me a good year. 5. Last but not least, my therapist: What you are experiencing is loss. Loss and regret. Although it may sound strange, it is very similar to losing a pet or a loved one to death. What you have to do is face reality. Feel the emotions whenever they come up, but also don't dwell on them. You have to find a balance. She is gone, accept that. Yes you will still mourn her. Waking up crying about her or not being able to function during the day because you're griefing. That's all okay. It's important to keep taking care of yourself. Keep training, eating healthy, studying, working, practicing your hobbies etc. And whenever thoughts about her, the break up, the fights or whatever come up, just remember to tell yourself this: I'm thinking about air right now. Nothing. Pure air. She's gone, why am I wasting time on this? All this to say man: find hobbies and a new girl. Plan the fuck out of your life man. I took two jobs the month after the break up AND got a new girlfriend. I decided I needed new hobbies, so I started dancing lessons and am learning languages now. It's rough as hell. Especially every time I still see her. But fuck it man. Life is way too short to spend this much energy on a person who is gone. There are two valuable spiritual lessons that this break up taught me: 1. Everything in life is impermanent: This should give you peace. For every bad time is only temporary here. 2. There is nothing new under the sun: I am no religious believer, but I do believe religious texts hold a lot of powerful messages. There was a time during my griefing process where I almost converted to Christianity. I was so emotionally touched by Jesus his teachings and his flawlessness, divinity and most importantly forgiving nature. I didn't end up converting, but did vow to incorporate his strengths. I decided I wanted to be forgiving, compassionate, open-minded and resilient. For there truly is nothing new under the sun. You have loved this much before, so it only makes sense that you can do it again. I wish you the best man. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

This thread is getting incredibly crowded. My question is answered. I know what I must do. @NoSelfSelf @Carl-Richard or any other mod, could you please be so kind as to lock this thread for me.

@RendHeaven By far the most useful post that came from this whole thread. Thank you so much. for now I know what I must do.

@Princess Arabia I knew it! There's also men who go willingly into this type of stuff as well! Plenty of examples online where there's one girl and multiple guys in a relationship.

@Leo Gura I feel like if you try to establish it from day one, she will just get up and leave. Whereas if you try to tell a girl you've been seeing for a while, she's more inclined to hear you out. Would definitely help if the girl is bisexual herself. The only reason this idea came up to my my mind is because my current gf mentioned how she'd be willing to have a threesome with another girl if it made me happier.

@ricachica I believe it was after, usually Huberman provides timestamps in the description so you can check those out. @Godhead I don't think you quite understand what I am saying here. In my "perfect relationship" there is no "one" girl that can fulfil me, there's two. Regardless of how beautiful and funny and whatever a girl is, her alone could never fulfil me. I feel like for me, like for Beck in the podcast and countless of famous people, I need to be romantically involved with multiple people. Obviously I haven't tested this so I'm speaking in speculation, but that's my perspective on it basically. @Hojo Thanks for the heads up, I am very aware of this. I just feel like the one thing I had missing from past relationships and even my current one is another girl. Maybe I am dead wrong and no amount of partners in a relationship can fulfil me, but I am willing to bet my current relationship to find out because otherwise I'll end up like another guy who posted here. Who got married only to realise he also has this preference.

@Jannes To each their own man, I personally wouldn't want to be on earth any longer if this happened to me. I wouldn't want to learn to deal with it either. Then again, I can see the appeal for some people.

Okay, excuse my very zoomer view on this, but Destiny and Sneako come to mind. Destiny was (and still is I believe?) an advocate for this. The way he explained it, both monogamous and polyamorous relationships break up often. One is not necessary better than the other, just a matter of preference. He preferred to keep his options sexually open and so did his partner. For them it worked out, until they got divoced in 2023. But Sneako... man where do I start. So this guy basically went to an orgy where couples go to hook up with other couples. So Sneako went with his girl and basically every man there was all over her. Eventually she was fucking one dude while Sneako had sex with the girl of said dude. I will link the clip here where he explains it, but my god that gave me a terrible feel in my stomach. Regardless of how much people hate him, I truly wouldn't wish that on him or anyone. To see with your own eyes your girl getting plowed and share that with the world too? One last thing that comes to mind is pornstars. Specifically Johnny Sins. I'm guessing most of the people know him, whether by name or by his career But as a pornstar dating another pornstar, hooking up with other people is like a job. It gets them their bread. They still love each other, despite having plenty of sex with other people. Honestly this seems like the only positive example I can think of this. Where sex is so regular it doesn't concern both of you. Having multiple sex partners is like having a lot of friends. They're great and they love them, but they would always return to each other in the end. I can respect that.

@Schizophonia I suppose calling me slightly manic is a form of advice. I'm guessing you're saying with it that I should seek help? Fair enough I suppose.

One final anecdote I will give is something I heard on the tram once. As I was sitting there on my way to uni, I heard a guy and a girl talk about how the guy had found himself in a relationship with 2 girls. He first had a bi girlfriend who liked the idea of a threesome with another girl. So they did said threesome. All three parties liked it so much that they proceeded to do it several times. At some point they all came to an agreement that it was more than just sex and decided to stay together. Now how true this is and how long something like this would last I'll leave up to you guys to decide. But it just so happens that my current girlfriend is open for a threesome as well. @Schizophonia Sure I'll take the psychoanalysis from a random forum member lol

@Alex4 The point of the exercise is to follow with what your heart wants, and my heart wants this. I think we all know by now that humans are not rational beings. Me personally I don't sit around and weigh pros and cons when thinking about my perfect relationship. I'm just surrounded by two women who I love, love me and each other. It's not about what's practical and what costs less effort. Cause if that's the only concern, you could make a good case that being single is much less stress inducing than having a wife and potential children.

@Tenebroso I have read and heard a lot about this. There's plenty of men out there, both wealthy and not, which live in insane amounts of sexual abundance. Not even necessarily through being a cult leader or clubbing. Bob Marley comes to mind. It was well-known within his whole family that he consistently cheated on his wife with multiple other women. The guy had 8 other children with 8 other women besides his wife. Now granted, she did go behind his back as well, which could be explained as revenge. Hence why I don't want to fall into the same trap as him. Unlike him I could never father children of my wife which she got from sleeping with other men. Less promiscious example would be Einstein. The guy married his cousin after continious flirtations with her while being married. During both his marriages he had continious affairs with other women. His now new wife's daughter used to have a boyfriend who was known to sleep with daughter-mother couples. Meaning he would find a girl, sleep with her, then proceed to sleep with the girl's mom as well. I have no clue what amount of game one would need to pull something like that off.

@Godhead @Keryo Koffa I thought I was clear that during the visualization it was just me and two other girls. I don't think I ever once mentioned it being open on anyone's side. @Sugarcoat Lol no I don't really have the time to daydream when I'm busy with other endeavours in my life. I used to be a more visual person when I didn't have a lot going on for myself. Like having a gf, a job, going to school, working out etc. @Adrian colby See this is what I am trying to avoid with my life. I want to explore being in a relationship with multiple girls, because once I marry with someone (or multiple someones) I want that to be final. No regrets.

@Leo Gura If it has been done before, it can be done again

@Jannes There you raise a proper concern. I can imagine it being much more difficult to manage the needs of two people rather than just one. With that said, the only way I can learn how to do that is when I have experience in being in a relationship with two people. I guess a good amount of monogamous relationships can help with preparation, but like everything else the best way to learn something is through direct experience imo.