Ampresus

@Serotoninluv So basically I have to stop for a second, ask myself if there is really something going on or if I am just deceiving myself. Making sure I diagnose the situation as correctly as possible?

@Mikael89 Well it didn’t seem that you understood that from your first post lol

Damn right I am saving this topic! All this advice sure has got to help me out.

@Mikael89 You know everyone is different right? What is emotionally moving for you, could be literal garbage for someone else. You seem to not be aware of that.

You should at least give them a try

@Jonac Even if he did I don’t think he would remember

Recently I have had many negative thoughts and it seemed like I was stuck, so I decided to try to laugh more. I started watching what I always liked: cartoons. In particular: Tom & Jerry and Spongebob Squarepants. Now of course, I know, this is not related to any of what is being talked about on this forum. However, in one of Spongebob’s episodes.... Patrick seemed so content with literally doing one simple movement (see pic below). Now that got me thinking: I personally have not been very happy with my present state. I think negatively about most things, don’t find something easily fun and have simply put a hard time enjoying my activities Patrick however clearly is just fine. This must have something to do with that “child-joy” everyone had when they were little. My question: How do I get to be Patrick? (How do I enjoy something so easy so much?)

@Truth Addict ty for your answer and thanks for the compliment

@TheAvatarState Man I’ll watch Spongebob even when I am laying on my deathbed! The show is too genius.

@hamedsf It’s not that man. Alcohol just doesn’t seem practical or beneficial to me. Neither do cigarettes. Just for health reasons man. I struggle with loneliness, and apparently that feeling of loneliness causes the same health damage as one pack of cigarettes per day (or something like that). I want to try cigars though... they seem too cool.

@Psyche_92 Totally worth it my friend

@hamedsf I am too young for alcohol and am actually not planning to start drinking when it’s legal.

@OctagonOctopus thanks for your help man

Tonight is a schoolparty I have been waiting for for a long time. I just finished working out, so I am pretty tired. I have some kind of flow with some girls and have an eye on one specific girl. I just don't know how to approach any of them when we are dancing and the music is killing our ears.

@bejapuskas Probably, but they sure don’t know how to express it.

@Jed Vassallo I thought I made it clear that I can’t “just go to another country”. Let alone knowing which one has the proper substances that raise consciousness. From all I got in this actualizing is that the highest conscious countries are in Stage Green currently.

@bejapuskas Dude that’s the thing! If I were to choose man I would already be in somewhere North-West Canada. Preferably in the forest. Alone, with my own house. I have tried to look up natural places in my neighborhood, but without success. Apparently the nearest one that I could find on the internet is.... far from home.

@bejapuskas I used to meditate 10 minutes every morning, but right now I am on vacation. I don’t want my mother or sister asking me the fuck I am doing every morning (they are dogmatic muslims and I never do prayers). I will start meditating when I am bored at the pool in South-West Turkey (I will be going there in around 2 weeks). I used to do self-inquiry, meditation and concentration practice, but it got way too much. I do have always procrastinated yoga, even though I hear a lot of good stuff about it.

@bejapuskas What is the lie I am telling myself about myself? Probably that I am superior to others who are less aware, that I am better than those who literally get eaten up by simple advertisements and junk food. That I am way ahead with my intelligence compared to others and that I know a lot.

@bejapuskas Not gonna lie, during my orgasms I feel great. It is just that, because of Leo making me so aware, I always feel bad afterwards. I have taken many “small” breaks man. I have gone out to the park nearby, sat on a chair and watched deers for 2 hours. I went to the city centre, tried to hit on girls, failed, went to the central station and sat there for 1.5 hours. I have taken many hour-breaks in my room and balcony. I sometimes go to fun movies alone. All these breaks end up in the same way: I realize I have nothing to do, I don’t know what to do, I know I don’t have friends to call, I am done with internet, I cannot move to Canada, I am sad, I cry. @bejapuskas It doesn’t help thinking others feel the same when I don’t know who they are let alone approach them randomly about something so deep. And what the hell can I do with the info that others have it worse? Am I supposed to forget the gaping hole in my chest now? Am I supposed to stop crying cause others have it worse? It doesn’t do shit.

@Jed Vassallo I can’t just pack my bags and move to another country dude. Until my eighteenth I am, according to Dutch laws, fully dependent and basically property of my parents. Sure actualized.org is fun and games. I already tried many practices of course, but if they actually did something I wouldn’t be here right now.

@Natasha I already watched that video 2 times.

Since I started my journey here, I see everything as a distraction. Gaming, watching videos/Netflix, socializing, going to the cinema, chatting online. I have a hard time sleeping knowing how much time I wasted. My porn addiction was close to gone. Keywords: WAS & CLOSE I think socializing is like a competition, where without grabbing the centre of attention you are doing absolutely nothing. Listening to people’s stories, I always have this thought in the back of my mind that I don’t care about it. I am a boring person, I can see it in other people’s eyes during the awkward silences. I seek social comfort in online communities, because the amount of times I have tried it IRL turned out too unworthy. Oh and I have little success online. I sometimes wish I was flying in space, away from earth without any stress. I can’t stop but look from the perspective that all teen boys and girls have loads of socializing fun and relationships, while me here just doesn’t have it. At the same time I look down on these teens, knowing their whole mind hasn’t opened a bit to the universe. It hasn’t expanded farther than their school and favorite beauty bloggers. I am lonely and it is actually killing me. I have had several suicidal thoughts and moments AND DONT KNOW HOW TO FIX IT. I cry a lot before I sleep.

Honestly just don’t give a shit man. Shit happens to me sometimes too and the more you care less, the more they stop. Saying stuff like “mind your own business” is ofc good and if it really gets to you make sure to say something about it. Am warning you though: reacting in ANY way means they got what they wanted (your attention). That’s why I recommend not giving a shit.

15-07-19 I have been gone for too long, I have noticed. Meditation is going well. I am doing 10 minute-morning meditations every single day. I hope it is working. I am trying to quit porn again (this will be the fourth day without it). Many impulses and temptations have approached me, but I have slain them all so far. Abraham Lincoln's story is really interesting. I am definitely enjoying his biography. My biggest obstacles are: porn, gaming, not socializing, not having a hobby, spending too much time in my mancave and not trying yoga.