Ampresus

@Schizophonia Care to explain why?

Recently I feel like I have been able to tap a lot more into the True Self.. Sometimes consciously, sometimes not. For example at work, I'll be walking behind a colleague of mine where all of the sudden it just hits me. Other times, like right now, I can focus deeply and get the sense of it. If I focus and self-inquire deeply, I feel empty. Like I feel like I hit my core and there is nothing there. My body starts twitching a bit and sometimes I blink really fast. It never lasts that long. Sometimes a burst of energy comes and I can't help but let some tears out. My sense of ''I" becomes less solid. Right after these experiences I get a certain feeling of calm and bliss. My thoughts and emotions become less compelling. Throughout my whole body I get this feeling of aliveness. I feel like there are people here with more experience than me in this field, so please help me understand this. I don't want to fool myself. If this has nothing to do with enlightenment or True Self, please let me know. If you have any other questions which could help determine what this is, please shoot. Thanks in advance.

@integral How does one stop valuing one thing and start valuing another? How does one live for higher values than these? It's an idea my therapist already told me about but I have yet to grasp. Because deep in my heart I am just lusting over some girls and not at all thinking about higher values. Is it really just waking up one day and deciding girls are no longer a priority but Truth is? Or justice, peace, joy?

Yesterday me and this girl from work I've been seeing for like 2 weeks, were planning to meet up before and after work. We're keeping our thing on the low for now. I had a great time with her. We made out a lot in my car. But something happened during work which I feel like I need to work on: As I was serving tables, there was this big table with a good like 12 people. Among which a very pretty Turkish girl with light blue eyes. Now even if I see a pretty girl casually, I don't think that much of it and move on. But we kept making eye contact. Everytime I'd serve their table I'd notice she was looking straight at my eyes. Anyway, didn't think much of it. Maybe she was just looking at her food being served right? Later, as all of her friends have left she leaves for the bathroom. The bathroom is like all the way at the end of the restaurant, so she has to pass all the areas where we, the waiters, get the orders on the dining plates. Obviously she runs into me and looks. Now I keep making strong eye contact, again her eyes were beautiful. And I noticed she laughed as she passed me. So I looked behind me after she passed, to which later she looked back and smiled a lot. I called after her, asking her to come back, but I think her friend was pressuring her to move along. She stopped for a second and wanted to come, she was smiling and all, but her friend dragged her away. You guys see my problem? Once a pretty girl gives me attention I get lost. Like it gives me a certain satisfaction I cannot explain. Especially given that colleagues could see it. I recognize this is a weird thing. Some sort of superiority complex, "look at me I can pull whatever I want, unlike you guys" to my male colleagues and "look, I have plenty of options" to my female colleagues. It sounds so stupid and dumb when typing it. The novelty and excitement made me happy. At the end nothing happened, but how can I make sense of this and deal with this? I recognize this is dumb and can be dangerous. For both my relationship with the girl I'm seeing now and potential future relationship. I recognize this is very much my Red side showing. I don't hold the thoughts I just explained as "true" or morally good, not at all. I feel like I have an underlying issue of wanting attention from women. Perhaps self-esteem issues. Thanks for the responses in advance.

@universe It definitely is and if I were single or not seeing somebody already I would have never posted this topic. But since I am seeing somebody, and as stated committed infidelity before in a relationship, I feel like it is a problem for me.

@Evelyna Yes this is true and yes I'm young. I have experienced love before. My relationship prior to the girl I am currently seeing was like a year and three months. The reason that ended was because I committed infidelity. These same urges got to me before during a solid relationship. Now granted, I started losing feelings for my ex anyway, but that was no excuse to do what I did. Hence why I am posting this topic.

Hello everyone, Currently I'm going through a difficult time with my girl. This made me realise that if she leaves me, I have nobody. Like no close group of friends and people who want to hang out with me. She made me realise this, because recently she has been making friends. Especially one friend who consistently, almost everyday, asks her to hang out. I wish I could have something like that. A friend who wants to train with me, hang out with me, go out to dinner with me, walk through nature with me. Somebody I can have a lot of laughs with. I'll be honest, the fact she got this and I don't has made me very depressed and suicidal lately. I feel like I will never have friends the same way other people do and it brings out the worst thoughts in me. Today is a different day however. I want to be more proactive instead of pitying myself and contemplating death because I can't make friends. I have no trouble approaching women. I don't have that kind of social anxiety if you know what I mean. I'm not afraid to walk up to someone and ask them something. I would just like to know how I approach men in a friendly way. In way that which they could sense a potential friendship forming. Where does one approach potential friends? So far I have taken some actions myself. I started a new job as a waiter at a sushi restaurant. The job self sucks and doesn't earn much, but I applied for it because I want to become friends with the co-workers there. I have also once complimented a guy in the tram. We talked a bit and seemed to get along, so I asked his number. Yet, I haven't contacted him ever since. It felt too much like pick up. A bit too off. Fake almost. I'm turning 20 soon. I want to meet people of my age. Any suggestions are welcome.

@Lyubov Thanks for the kind words. You say you experienced the same thing, how did you get over it? How long did it take for you? What did you do to get over it? She will be leaving my house on July 1st, so then I can start to heal properly and maybe move on from her.

@UnbornTao Thanks for the encouraging words. I will try what you're saying. I'm really hoping this will wave off of me at some point. I asked an old high school friend about how she dealt with learning that her boyfriend cheated on her, and she said it took her a good half a year to get over him. Mind you, they were together for 2 years. @integral Thanks for the encouragement. I've been hearing this a lot from people the last few days. My guy friends all say that it's basically doomed and if they were in my shoes they would just act distant until she leaves and then move on. But then I talked to the doctor and he said, now that we're equal, we can just try again and see what happens. I'm not sure how to proceed, but I guess once she leaves it will be clearer for me. @thierry See I would like to believe you. I really do. But the fact that her molly trip made her accept what happened more and be able to still enjoy life makes me think I need it to. It's already difficult dealing with that information about her cheating, but to see her completely unbothered by the whole situation almost makes me feel like it could at least help me too. Then again, she says she still suffers immensely but her brain is shutting off to try to protect her from this trauma. I don't know how true that is. All I know is I cry a lot and am very emotional, meanwhile she doesn't seem that emotional about all of it at all. @Basman Thanks for the kind words and you're right, she admitted that in that moment for her the relationship was already over. She just didn't have the balls to tell me, but would rather instead talk about "needing space" only to cheat in revenge. Also, when I say she was my only friend, I really mean it. I don't have boys to reach out to. Nobody who wants to go hiking with me. Hence the feelings of loneliness, self-harm and suicide. Because she somehow got off better than this than me. She actually met new people, made friends, is starting to enjoy her work and all this. And I'm stuck with nobody. Nobody who texts me how I'm doing, asks me to go out for the evening, train with me or whatever. I am trying though. I reached out to old friends, hung out a couple times with them and am going out with one tomorrow. Not saying all hope is lost, but just trying to explain how it all makes me feel.

@Ulax Do you happen to have a link? I'm having trouble finding a video discussing it online. Thanks for responding, I will try it out.

@Reciprocality Thank you for responding. We already have had several talks, both together and also with my mom, and ultimately decided we still want to try in this relationship. She will be moving out July 1st, so then I can have proper space from here. Because right now, living with her is not easy. It's not easy to not be able to confide in her, take care of her and her of me. It feels like we're just friends with some bad blood between us. I'm a very physical person and the fact she won't allow me to be that with her makes the situation worse. @Reciprocality I truly get this. Like I have known about this enlightenment stuff since 2019. I know it takes time, lots of experience and insights, 10 000 hours of yoga/meditation/self-inquiry as Leo would say, but I feel like this situation is pushing me towards confronting reality. I'm getting more insights every other day. On the days I don't feel like harming or offing myself, I get such profound insights and deep meditative experiences. Just to name an example: a couple days ago I wrote in my journal how I am not my thoughts and emotions. Fundamentally, all the evil negative thoughts and emotions I am holding are NOT me. I know this deep down, I just want to learn how to actualize it I suppose. Hence why I try Mooji guided meditations to help me with this.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 14 months now, but the last few months have been difficult for me. I keep getting urges to text, snapchat and flirt with other girls. It started with going on dating apps and getting matches that way, but now even in real life I've gotten numbers from girls through regular flirting. My girlfriend and I have traveled together, live together in my mom's house and both go to school/work/gym. We have so much in common, we've been together for so long, yet I keep getting these urges to see other people and I don't know why. No one has cheated or abused the other, hence why I'm asking you guys for help. Obviously I know that whatever I'm doing so far is bad, but I don't want it to get worse. I still care for her and wished I felt the same way about her as I did just a couple months ago. But we have argued a lot about various things and my resentment for her has grown. The thing is though: she does nothing inherently wrong. She's no abuser or straight up mess. It's just that her small behaviors annoy me and I know if I confront her about it we'll be fighting again. I guess I feel like she doesn't validate my feelings. Things like cutting me off while I'm talking, purposefully leaving a mess on my side of the bed or table, being ungrateful when I pick her up from work but at the same time expecting me to always be grateful for her. Her impatience and complaints, just in general not necessarily towards me, make me resent her. These small things make her less desirable to me sexually and as a result we don't have nearly as much sex as we used to. I feel like I'm heading towards a train-wreck. Yes I could just break up with her, but she is truly a one of a kind girl. I do love her. I don't want a relationship this strong to end. I helped her lose weight and got her into the gym. We have been overseas together. Her family loves me, mine loves her. Besides, I'd have to live with her for the foreseeable future since she can't just move out tomorrow. Her family doesn't live in this country, so she'll have to find a new place to rent all by herself.

Hello everybody, A couple days ago me and my girlfriend tripped on 10g of magic truffles. I won't bore you with the details, but I did have a significant experience which I'd like to share. During my trip, my girlfriend got really upset because she missed her family. She felt extremely lost with what she wants to do with her life, her job and her school. Her family is overseas and she moved to my country to have a better future, yet she keeps thinking that she isn't making any progress here and would much rather spend her time back there. Although her home country isn't the best, at least she'd be with her family. Now of course I got emotional too and tried to comfort her, but that thought process stuck with me for the rest of my trip. I'll admit that I myself don't know exactly what I want out of life. Yes, I bought the LP course. Yes, I watched (almost) all of Leo's videos/did the work. I'm currently stuck on the section where you have to read biographies, so my progress halted. I have been stressed too. I have been looking for a place for us to live (we currently live with my mother), the past 3 months I was looking for a place near my uni but couldn't find any and I still don't have a proper job. What the trip showed me next was something remarkable. It started off with me closing my eyes. I'm not sure what I experienced was, what you guys call, "infinity". Infinite patterns and colors surrounded me and brought me to an almost alien world. It was there where I realized what Leo has said before. God is infinite, and his reasoning for being infinite was because he could. The whole point of me seeing what I saw was because I could see it. It was right there in front of my eyes, yet I felt like I had been so blind. Another realization (I guess? Perhaps you call it something else) hit me as well: life is about love. As "Matt Kahn" as it could get haha. Literally all life is about is giving and receiving love. God loves itself, reality loves itself, which is why it exists. It sounds so weird, but this kept screaming at me. Explaining this to my sad girlfriend did obviously not any good, besides making her laugh. She said she found my love-message inspirational, but the other one she didn't get. I tried explaining to her that ultimately all her worries are just that. Thoughts in her heads that she gives value. I tried explaining to her that objectively it doesn't matter whether she stays or goes back, both are out of love. Both are correct, not one specific one. Now that I write this down, I'm starting to realize why I sounded so confusing to her... Anyways, I wonder what you guys think. I must say it didn't feel like ego death, since I could still remember everything about myself. When I closed my eyes however, for a second, I didn't feel like "I" anymore. If I had to guess, I was slowly approaching ego death. I do remember thinking by myself: "is this it? Am I ready? Will all this be gone? I'm not sure I'm ready. I'm scared. At the same time though, this is what the work has always been about. This is the journey I started. I'm not sure I'm ready yet." I'm tripping again next week with either a slightly stronger variant or a higher dosage of the previous one. I'll try to explore further if I can. Please let me know if any of this sounds familiar to you guys.

@ted73104 Thanks for your message. You put this decision in a rather different perspective which opened my mind quite a bit. I never thought of it that way. Especially what you said about your colleagues.

I wanted to talk about being independent today. I'm in my early 20s and am currently studying at a university out of town. I work at my dad's company. It's nothing fancy, but I am well off because of that. I only work a couple hours a week and make the same amount as some of my fellow students do working 20-30 hrs a week. My study also doesn't take that much time out of my day, so I am left with quite some free time. I have a girlfriend and even she works 4x a week during the evenings as a waitress. My best friend studies to become and works as a chef. It feels like everybody else is getting their bread up besides me. I currently live with my parents, but have been making efforts of moving out. For a while my dad was planning to buy me a house, but I decided that I'll rent a place with the money I make at his company. I will still have to use his financial backing as a way of giving landlords reassurance that I can pay my rent. In a way I'm still using him you know. There's also a good chance I'll still find no place to stay, in which case my dad offered me to buy a larger house in the town I'm currently staying in. Again, I feel like I'm leeching off of him. Now my girlfriend wants to live with me and is willing to rent a place with me. She said she's also fine (rather excited) if he could buy us a place. Be it out of my hometown or not. She said she's even willing to pay at least some money per month to me as to not feel like she's leeching off of me completely. Now I want to live with her for certain. And right now, unless the landlords respond (I've sent about 25 applications for different houses to rent), it's looking like he's going to buy me my house in my hometown. If he were to do that, I do want to use my full paycheck to pay as much of the monthly expenses as I can. Which leads to me wanting to have some form of independence. I have been thinking of getting a 2nd job, but I have a feeling that I'll have much less time to spend with my girlfriend. Unless I find something which has evening shifts. I have never worked for anybody else besides my dad, so this would be my first "real" job. On the one hand it seems like getting any kind of job and getting my hands dirty for once will do very well for me, on the other hand I feel like I've become so comfortable now that any kind of change will mess up my life. I spend basically every free minute of my day with her and we even work out together. To disturb what we have now seems on the one hand unnecessary, since I could just ask my dad to pay for the expenses, but on the other hand good for me. Before you ask: I already have the LP course and so far don't know for certain what I want to do with my life. I have been thinking a lot about starting my own restaurant, something my girlfriend is also interested in, but I feel like right now I can't do much about that. I feel like I can't study and start a business at the same time. A business should have your full 100% attention no? I do have the money to invest (no I'm not asking my dad for even more money) but I will be honest that I have not researched this nearly as much as I should have. I am willing to burn my lifesavings for it, but am not confident I can make profit on the first day. Sorry for the long read, but I hope you understand my situation now. Should I just find a regular job until I'm done studying? Should I start my business and try balancing it with school? Should I even take any money from my dad at all? If I find a place to rent, just quit my job at his company and go completely independent? I'm so lost, I hope you guys can help me out.

@Sabth No, but I am the youngest of three.

@Dauntment Thanks for your message. Just to clarify somethings: this is because I have had an idea for a while now about a certain type of food chain which I've (so far) never seen before in my home country. It's a really cool idea and many of the people close to me told me that they've never heard something like it before. I'm interested in it because it will allow my entrepreneurship and cooking side of me to flourish.

Hello everyone. This is truly one of the most desperate times that I have come to this forum for advice. Today, my girlfriend told me one of her deepest secrets. She explained to me how she got played by her best friend's brother. For context, we are almost 5 months together. We confessed our love for each other last month. She is a really sweet and innocent girl. Not one that dares to speak out and can even be a bit of a pushover at times. A people pleaser to a degree. She's from Cape Town, but moved here to Amsterdam at the beginning of 2023. She explained to me how all the teenagers there know each other. Are related to each other to some degree. Back in 8th grade, she used to get text messages from her now bff's brother asking for explicit images. Mind you, they were both 12-13 at the time. She explained how at that time she perceived any attention she got as good attention, including from harmful boys. Because she felt special, she would send him these nudes. He would proceed to ghost her for weeks, only to return and ask the same favor. He even shared explicit images of himself at some point. This kept going for a bit, but eventually died down. She realized he was a player. Then all of a sudden, one day while she's sitting around a big round table with fellow classmates and friends, this prick can't resist the urge. He touches her ass while he is sitting next to her. She was wearing a school uniform skirt. She was starstruck and didn't know what to do, so she just didn't react. He even requested sex from her later, but she managed to sway his mind by claiming to be on her period. She ended up giving head. This was with consent I must admit, but after hearing all this I can't imagine she actually wanted this. After this nothing else came of it. They didn't speak for a while, she befriended his sister in 2021 and thus they'd see each other more. One day, while this class A asshole was having a celebration because he got his pilot diploma, he shouted in the middle of the room "[my gf's name] you won't get anywhere with giving head!". She said she awkardly laughed it off, seeing as everybody else was laughing too, but she felt so ashamed. This only made my blood boil more, as clearly this guy has been bragging about this to his friends for a long time now. She claims that even if she told this story to her bff, she would pick his side over hers. That's how close they are as siblings. In fact, she doesn't think anyone would pick her side, hence why she kept it to herself up until this point. Even her own sister would not take her side according to her. My dilemma: I want to hurt this guy. Pretty damn badly. Like my Red side started boiling when she told me this. Seeing as this prick is from South Africa, doing the conventional "telling law enforcement" will do no good. His family is rich so they're invincible. Still, I want to inflict pain on him desperately. I have been thinking of different ways ever since, because I just can't imagine her befriending this predator's sister. We are going to Cape Town for Christmas, and I'm guessing I'll be meeting the siblings there. Seeing as you guys are more conscious, I request your advice. Would you simpy forgive and forget if you were in my shoes? Would you just move on? If you saw this man in person after what your girlfriend told you about him, what the hell would you do? Please by all means enlighten me. I know better than to react irrationaly, I want to think this through.

@Sugarcoat The reason I came to this forum is because I know it's my ego that wants this. I don't see myself as a hero or a savior. Instead of assuming I am a macho man trying to square up for my princess, listen to what I am saying. I have been here long enough to know that any form of revenge will not make up for what she experienced. That's why I came here, to ask for alternative solutions. If I cared that much about my image, I would've just gone through with it in the first place. I don't want to lie, hence why I say I have these feelings I feel like expressing violently, but that doesn't mean I think it's the right thing to do. I am conflicted about what the best solution is, not about showing her how much of a man I am.

@Ulax THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. This will be of much value thank you. This was the answer I was looking for. Having been in this community for a while and also having had my fair share of spiritual experiences, I know that whatever revenge I plan will not be enough. I knew there were ways to resolve this with meditation or therapy, I just didn't know how. Thanks a lot man.

@integral I get what you're saying and I told her this as well. The only complaint I have ever made about here is that I wished she'd just grow a backbone. I don't know how I can possibly make this change come to fruition with her though. Usually, Dutch girls are already pretty wild and agressive even if you did nothing wrong. Picking fights with dudes trying to harrass you or pepperspray them or ganging up on him with your friends is normal here. She comes from a different world and I don't know how to make her stand up for herself more. I know I can influence her, but changing a whole human being's beliefs and values is really difficult. This is why I requested advice on this forum. I know there are people here who can see this clearer than me right now.

@Judy2 I get where you're coming from. Please keep in mind that most people will not experience something like this. This forum is mostly white straight men, or in general just men. There is nothing wrong with that, but it does mean they are not exposed to the awful shit some girls go through. Especially if they never had a girlfriend, it is hard for them to imagine a scenario like this. I learnt a lot from my gf. So many times random strangers will just start conversations with her when she's outside on her own. Not even at night, just during plain daytime. Once while she was sitting in a park this random Russian dude sat next to her and start talking for half an hour. It took her signing and nodding to random strangers for help, when another stranger girl politely asked him to fuck off. She says whenever something like this happens, it's never the locals harrassing her but the foreigners. Obviously I'm grateful fot this girl, but how many times is it going to take until some dude wants to do more than just talk? Some girls will go years taking up shit from their bosses, all because they feel helpless. It is a god awful world we live in, and I know by taking revenge for her I won't change that, yet I feel like it's my duty. How can I make her feel safe when I cba to confront this asshole?

@Ulax South African law enforcemet does not work the same way it does in our First World. If this happened here in The Netherlands, that guy would be in serious trouble. My girlfriend could just report it anonymously. She told me he had done this to many other girls there and even has had sex with a girl from 8th grade while he was in 12th grade. Mind you, the girl would have been 12-13 while he would have been 17-18. The environment a country like South Africa creates allows these predators to roam free, especially if they have the money to pay law enforcement off. Fyi, the country is filled with poor slums where crime roams free. Rape is a daily occurence. Everywhere on the societal ladder, people are above the law. I do know though that, like his sister, he is planning to move to the UK for his studies. If his behavior continues there, obviously notifying law enforcement would be the best choice. However, I don't live there. I don't know any people he would study with. There is no way for me to help any of the potential victims he may prey on there.

Are you saying me, and by extent her, should just give in to the pain? Like fully embrace it, no holding back? Would a sage or yogi take this route? Would a stage Turqouise person take this route? I just can't understand how my gf's experience can be part of the holism and non-duality that Leo preaches about. How God made it all this way. Lets say we do this, and I see this guy at the end of the year, what do I do? Do I treat him like friend? Do I let my hatred absorb me everytime I look him in the eyes and not lash out? Do I just let it tear me apart again and again?

@Recursoinominado I'll admit, I can't. I don't have much fighting experience. I am not going to pretend I am rambo or John Wick and can fight my way out of this. Still, it hurts me really bad everytime I think about this. I felt absolutely horrible when she told me this, knowing how desperate and helpless she must have felt. I want to show her that she doesn't have to feel that way with me. That when it's up to me, I'll make sure this guy will regret laying his eyes on her in the first place. I mentioned she's from Cape Town because South African police do not work the same way they do in the First World. They don't bother looking into stuff like this, are afraid of the gangs roaming around the country and even when they prosecute blatant rape, the predator gets a lenient sentence.