Ampresus

@brugluiz You mind giving examples of love and fear in Yellow and Orange?

@aurum I already figured this out, but thought that asking advice on this forum couldn't do any harm.

@now is forever I don't want to be identified with any groups in my school. Cool kids, gamers, smokers, all not me. I am me. Not a group. I have a little bit of some, but can not seem to completely fit in with any group. Cool kids simply aren't the kids I want to hang out with. They push people to do things for them, expect you to be 100% like them and when you are different they abandon you. I don't want to end up in a group like that. I want to be me and if that means no cool kids then so be it. I used to really be in the gamer group, but the kids there are way too harsh and unnecessary racist with their jokes. Many times they would insult my old religion or religions in general. Cool kids aren't far from different in that sense, but just have more self-confidence than gamers. And then they ask me how I get to talk with so many girls even though they sit in their chair for the entire day eating biscuits and laughing to stupid jokes. Since I started reading books I officially don't belong to any group.

@Elisabeth I can explain why I started watching Leo if it helps. About that last bit, I discovered that today when I thought about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. This basically means that I should just let everything happen, learn to live on my own and then try to transcend to Green.

@Jack River imagine explaining these small texts of ''wise words'' to someone who just got into this field..... I know right sounds like a stupid idea... (wtf do you mean dude)

@now is forever Finally somebody who gets me. Damn what do I like people who recognize my situation with my age. It gets really juicy sometimes yes. The last sentence makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

@Aimblack I can do other meditations safely. Praying itself is what frustrates me. Idm other people doing it, it's just that moving while constantly trying to be mindful really is annoying to me. Btw when you are raised up as a religious kid, it isn't hard to step in the shoes of someone else who has a different religious background. At least for me. I can easily see and relate with a jewish kid of my age. I can see the differences and dark/bright side of religions. Maybe I need to do it your way, but the other way around. After a few years that love melts away like snow after a day in the sun. It isn't magical at all. I though it was though. When I first heard about Greek mythology I was really wondering if my religion had something cool like that too. No, we have old prophets who once lived and get their stories retold for generations. Our stories are always a bit different from other religions like Jesus' story with Christianity is different from ours. This is why harmony really gets me. Why can't different religious groups live in peace in the Middle-East if they have so much in common? Their conflicts last for generations apparently, which makes me think to Mohammed's time. People back then also randomly fought with each other for generations. Conflicts which lasted too long.

@Shiva I think now I understand. I thought that it had specifically to do with what I am doing. My inner self is very different, for example since I was young I already questioned my belief. Looking up stuff like masturbation and how it was haram. I tried to stick to those rules, but couldn't do it. Now that I see that there is a better way I want to stop following all those 1000 rules. Following those rules in my own way might be a smarter move.

@Shiva I think now I understand. I thought that it had specifically to do with what I am doing. My inner self is very different, for example since I was young I already questioned my belief. Looking up stuff like masturbation and how it was haram. I tried to stick to those rules, but couldn't do it. Now that I see that there is a better way I want to stop following all those 1000 rules. Following those rules in my own way might be a smarter move.

@Arkandeus This is what I am trying to accomplish. That is why I left Islam. I want to live freely, not with a book which tells me what to do.

@Aimblack Yeah I am planning to get more into Sufism, but when I looked it up their dances scared me. I want to buy a book I found about Sufism to get a nice introduction. Maybe later visit a mosque of theirs, if they have any at all here. I tried replacing my prayers with meditation, but couldn't keep it after 20 mins (2 times 10 mins). I want to stick to just 30 min a day, without breaks. The movement of prayers is why I hate it, my legs hurt so much if I just try to sit down in the typical way. I am glad that I don't pray 5 times a day, what a fucking waste of time. I get stressed when I am uncomfy and guess what, it happens regularly during prayers. Somehow meditation doesn't have that issue.

@StardewValley Small bits of all three really. Succes from Orange is important for me, but the entire competitiveness is a no. Green, just a little bit. Harmony sounds about right. And focus and visualization with Yellow really resonates with me. All the other stuff I can throw out the window because it isn't me.

@Nahm I wanted to wait with this question until I have some kind of enlightenment experience and can tell out of experience instead of out blind belief. @Nahm I guess you are right here. What a shame if the love of both my parents somehow made me suffer, but I understand your point.

@now is forever because it breaks their heart? This question doesn't make sense. @now is forever Thanks for the advice.

17-11-18 I know, this has taken way to long. Let me explain: 1. School and sports, generally took most of my day's time 2. Thursday I had some kind of date, but later on she invited her girlfriend to come with us. In that way it was a bummer, but I kind of introduced both to the stuff I am currently reading (a.k.a self help) 3. On 16-11-18 after sports I had to go to a party. It was a regular school party. Some of my classmates showed up, we were with I think 10 people. About the last one, every Friday I do a shamanic breathing session. It was too hot inside, so I did it outside. What I didn't know is that everyone would worry about me, even though I was feeling high on air. The party host, good friend of mine, invited me to walk with him outside to calm down. It just was way too cold. I stepped inside and literally everyone put blankets on me. The girl from Thursday gave her scarf to me. After the 30 min timer I got back to my normal breath. I felt well, but the others were worried. They thought I was drunk or high. On that same day before leaving my mother asked me what was wrong with me. I don't think she understand the hate I sometimes feel for her. Whenever something doesn't go her way she threatens me or my sister to move in with our dad. Always. It is like she doesn't want us and the second we misbehave we are gone. People can say a lot of things about my dad, but he has never done that. I didn't tell my mom what is wrong, because I want to tell it too youth services first. I don't feel safe in my dad's or mom's house.

Hello everyone. Yesterday I went to a book store and discovered the genre “Religion and Spirituality”. Next to it was “New Age”. Damn those books are, different? I was there with 2 girls, which one I have an eye on. She saw the genre too and needed to laugh. I didn’t know what to think. Right now I am reading about how humans look a lot like their family of apes, masculinity and femininity and want to start with philosophy. I am very young, 14 years old, that’s why I wonder if I should read about New Age stuff.

@FoxFoxFox Why isn't someone young allowed to that then? @Rilles Thanks for the advice @111111 I guess you are right. Right now I don't know where I am on the spiral. I feel pretty lost. I dropped my islamic beliefs, but things from Orange don't attract me either. I might just be in Beige or Purple, that's why I think about buying the Spiral Dynamics book. I do know that I have some Green in me. @111111 I know I know. That is why I didn't know what to think. If I get really interested in New Age I will definitely buy some books about it, but right now I am not sure. @Adam M Even in this genre open-mindedness is highly needed apparently.... thanks for the advice @Adam M The girl invited herself to come with me. Later on she invited her girlfriend and was relieved when I said ''Yes she can come''. I think she is still shy, but what you are saying is definitely true.

I think the title says enough. I am new to all of this so this might be a stupid question. I heard Leo talk about how life is a dream and you can awaken. I wondered if non-duality had anything to do with this. Another question: Is non-duality still a thing after awakening?

@youngshinzen Thank you so much for your reply. I am feeling a little bit better. The night I posted this I got some kind of panic attacks I think and after those I decided to be in the present moment. I went to bed with this mindset. I luckily fell asleep after a few minutes, usually it doesn't just happen like that. In the past it could take me hours to fall asleep after those kinds of emotional breakdowns. I already asked sometimes why she screams in the past, but because it didn't make much difference I thought it was useless to ask. Again, thanks for your tips.

Right now I am crying. Whenever I get with an argument with my mom and she shouts for most of time, I somehow later get an emotional breakdown and start considering all the options. She never tolerates me. She never accepts me. She treats me like I am inferior. Please someone help. I don’t know what to do. Whenever things escalate she threatens me with moving in with my dad. Please read this post for more info: I am 14 years old. I meditate everyday for 30 min. I do shamanic breathing sessions every Friday. I read my books everyday. I think today I had some kind of enlightenment experience during my meditation sessions. Probably nothing big. I always get these emotional breakdowns after a heated debate with my mom. I am so tired of them. I am so sad because of them. I get this same feeling when I am in a heated debate with my dad. I hate it. Please help. I can’t type anymore. Tears are blocking my vision.

13-11-18 Hello everyone. Everything is going great. I received ''Our Inner Ape'' and ''Chimpanzee Politics'' (both written by Frans de Waal) yesterday. My meditation sessions are going well. School and sports are going well. I am eating more eggs (which means more protein). Yesterday I did have a thing with my mom. Yesterday was the third day in a row where we got a friend of my mom coming over. I hate this. I hate random people who are friends with my sister/mom coming over and ruining my day. Their presence = awkward situations when we are in the same room/me needing to behave different to come over as polite. You see, I was done with that yesterday. I made my mom clear that this time the living room was mine and that they had to chit-chat in the kitchen. I wanted my free time while I still had it, before I needed to go to sports. Just when I want to close the door, because my mom's friend is louder than the babies next door, my mom makes the stupid mistake of telling about me to her friend with all the joy on her face. I didn't see the friend first because she was in the kitchen. So my mom did have the choice to just shut up and ignore me. Instead she needs to introduce me to her and say ''Oh hey my son is shy''. This made me rage and I closed the door harder than the babies next door. My mom's friend thought it was a smart idea to come and say hi and now I am considering to move out. It's just that I don't like my mom's rules. She can bring over whatever she wants, sometimes an accountant for my brother (he has autism), sometimes a friend, sometimes my sister brings over a friend. All I want is to enjoy my free time. Instead these random people come inside and ruin it with their presence. When I am 18 I am instantly leaving and visitation will be forbidden for the first week. No stupid family allowed. They can wait outside until they decide to go home. Maybe those babiess next door can come. Damn I have had meditation sessions where I would listen to their crying for 10 min. Not certainly frustrating I will admit. My mom is muslim and certainly won't allow me to bring a girl over. Not that right now I have any to bring over, but her rules will certainly not be implied when I am living alone. I literally can't wait. My mom and sister are stressing me out. They always are super loud, always whine about the small mistakes my father makes (my parents are divorced) even though most of the problems are caused by my stupid sister who doesn't know how to socialize with her father. I understand that my father is not the most conscious being on the planet, but all my mom and sister do is whine and insult him behind his back. I have backed away from this behavior a long time ago. Since I started reading about masculinity and femininity I will not be mommy's boy who does everything mommy says. My mom's perspective is clearly wrong and she has made terrific accusations about my father. Not that my father is much better, but my mom certainly isn't on ''the good side'' of the story. I am 14 years old. When I am 18 years old I am heading out. Goodbye trash mother and garbage sister. My dad will probably still be paying my studies and I will keep contact with him and my brother. Mom and sister won't be allowed in my house. Dad also not, I like to keep my privacy private. Friends certainly are. Girls especially, but I don't see myself inviting girls over to my house. Why would a girl accept that invitation. Brother is also allowed. Maybe babies too. That's it for now. Take care.

This might be way off-topic, but I still want to ask this question. Imagine having a tree. The tree just sits there in the open. There are 3 people looking at the tree. They all see the tree from a different view, but also see that the tree just sits there in the open. How am I, an outsider to these 3 people, supposed to look at the tree from all these kinds of perspectives. I just don't understand this concept. If we talk about situations then sure yeah there are different views. But something as simple as a tree can't really be viewed differently can it? Or am I missing something crucial?

Hello everyone. My struggle is that I don't know if I should go deep into certain subjects. For example: I am interested in communism and different religions. However I haven't even found my life purpose, forgot what mindfulness means, have no clue what self-inquiry means etc. I think you can see that I am in need of self-improvement. I would love to find my life purpose, but at the same time learn about my old religion. Any advice?

Hello everyone. Last time I asked about what kind of books I should read, people suggested I should read what I was currently interested in. So right now that is charisma. I think the title says enough, but let me repeat myself again: is charisma part of self-actualization? I am still new to all of this, today is gonna be my fourth shamanic breathing session if I am correct. I am very young and have so my struggles, but one thing I want to learn from a young age is how to have good charisma. Following up on that, do you guys know any good books about charisma? Any recommendations are welcome. Take care.

@bejapuskas I have. Several times. I discovered that most of them didn't apply to me so I started only watching which do. Since I am young, the entire spirituality part I can already throw out of the window. I don't even know my life purpose, what non-duality means, what self-inquiry means or have never tried meditation exercises that are on this forum. There are like 80 and all I do is try to be conscious for 30 min a day and do shamanic breathing sessions every Friday. Don't tell me I don't have patience, I can clearly see that watching hours of content won't make me smarter since most of the practices/exercises given along I simply can't do. I do acknowledge that I have to re-watch some video's. For example I forgot what mindfulness meant. I never accused you of saying that self-experimentation is bad, I accused you of your logic which doesn't make sense. ''Don't be so confident about what you know, but self-experimentation certainly isn't bad! But since you are probably closed-minded (because I can read your entire personality by a few posts) you wouldn't really engage in self-experimentation.'' is what you are saying right now. If I know something useful which makes me succeed the point of experimenting stops because I have succeeded. So staying vigilant will automatically go away. I will find a new problem, try to solve it with self-experimentation and then hopefully find a way. I think it is clear how this proces repeats itself. Being vigilant is only wanted when I might be looking over something very obvious. What you are saying is that somehow I don't know everything 100% and should always be vigilant, while self-experimentation says that I do know everything about a certain thing.