Ampresus

@CreamCat That is the bright side of holidays. If everyone around you, including your friends, are together celebrating a holiday and you yourself don't have the family for it it becomes lonely. My family is muslim and therefore doesn't celebrate these kinds of holidays. Hell I have never experienced a magical tree where all of the sudden presents lay under at exactly the first day of Christmas. I never used firework to celebrate some kind of new beginning at the end of every year. I would be playing games in communities where most of the people were offline because, well you know, their families want them to celebrate christmas with them.

I want to start off by saying that I am not a professional in this field and therefore don't expect you to 100% trust my opinion. The way I see it: Blue reacts to Orange. This happens a lot in places like China and is no surpise. In the end: Orange comes over as greedy and seems to have this desire for power. If that is through militair conflict or simply their holidays, it still seems as a threat to the Chinese gov. You can easily compare the situation in China with all kinds of situations around the world where people react to Orange and their values. By the way: There is no right side. Both are dogmatic and ideological. The only way a Blue society evolves is by seeing truth in Orange. To see that, they'd rather have to look it up themselves or have it presented for them. The problem with the last one is that it could come over as indoctrination. (Ofc China is not fully Blue, they have some Orange, but their Communist Party certainly has Blue values) I mean I don't like the holidays from Westerners either. I don't celebrate them because I don't see any reason to. If your society forces you to listen to Christmas music and look at Christmas trees while you actually don't want to celebrate this holiday, it looks like you are not part of everyone else around you and therefore get depressed (something that is happening to me). I wouldn't boycott Western holidays, but certainly wouldn't allow it to be literally everywhere as if it is spreading like a virus.

21-12-18 Hello everyone. Today was an awful day. I broke my record of NoFap (3 weeks without porn) because I didn't know what else to do. I got bored (christmas break just started) and I already woke up this morning thinking about 18+ stuff. I hope I can pull myself together and get through the rest of the break. I know how I am not getting the mystical highs in meditation as I used to a week ago, but I am fine with it. Chasing highs is apparently an addiction, according to Leo's ''Subtle Addictions'' video. Yes that is right, I watched some videos of him. I know it sounds weird, but usually I never watch videos of him because they are so long. Now that I don't have anything else to do, I might aswell use my time wisely. I will start with shamanic breathing within a few hours from now. I know how everytime the session ends, I have this craving to food. Any food really. I just need some other taste in my mouth. Last time I ate some yogurt and I think I will do it again today. I realized that isn't a typical journal. Most people fill these journals in personal questions or lists of whatever. I am sorry if you thought this would be like Joseph Maynor's journal, or something relatively close to that. I like to just talk about my life and the struggles/satisfactions that I face. I am a teen after all. (Oke to be fair I have no clue how these lists or personal questions would look like in a journal and that is the reason I don't have a journal like that) Today I also went to another book store to just check it. Looking at books. I saw one from Eckhart Tolle and one from Ervin Lazslo (which I had to make sure of that he was mentioned at least once this forum, turns out he is Turquoise). I didn't buy any books, because I have already 2 others ready to be read. That is all for now. Take care.

Hello everyone. I know the title is creative (believe me it has been stuck in my head for 3 days now), but I am not really kidding about my situation. I was raised up as a muslim (and technically still am being raised up as a muslim since I am 14 years old) and everytime the end of the year comes... I want to just leave this place people call Europe. Everybody celebrates christmas. Everybody seems so happy. You know what I do? Cry myself to fucking sleep during the night of the 31st and christmas days. I never celebrated both holidays and never will. Simply because my family doesn't and celebrating a holiday on your own is even more sad. I just want to go to my dream place whenever I see people celebrate these holidays. Going to north Canada in a small wooden house with tea and books. Isn't that fucking life? Instead I am stuck here and everywhere I look I see people celebrating. I have had these feelings every year. Since I was around 6 years old. All my friends are always full of joy while I am at my saddest moments. I think you can imagine how miserable I feel. Any advice is highly wanted. Take care.

I know this question might be a little too obvious. Of course you can always start with the practices and don’t get me wrong, I have already done with some. But my question really means: When can I stop with all the theory and focus on the practice for the next 40 years of my life? I know you are supposed to learn your entire life and that is why I just got into books (I already read 9 books in the last 2.5 months) but I wonder when all the learning with theory can stop. I can recall a time where Leo said: “At some point you will have to stop with the theory and only focus on the practice, because that is the most important thing in this work. I personally struggle with this sometimes because I love philosophy.” Now exactly after how much theory am I done with that for good? 1000 books? 5000 different meditation techniques? 30 videos from Leo? Any clarification about this is highly wanted. Take care.

@lmfao First you wonder why I am focussing on this topic, then you give me advice anyway. Nice going man. I am focussed on this because personally I find all this theory a waste of time. I see it in that way. I try to master theory as quickly as possible and move on to just practicing. Practicing is something I do in the gym, I do in school and want to do here as well. I can remember many times where people said that practice is much more important than becoming deluded in the theory.

@Sahil Pandit Look I know the importance of theory and how I should get as much as possible while I am still young. Many times people tell me that I am at a crucial stage where I have to learn as much as possible and that right now is my time to read as many books as possible. They say that later in my life I won't have as much time to do personal development as right now. My question is: When do you have enough theory and can do practice alone for eternity? Are there maybe requirements to reach this stage of development (like already being fully self-actualized or being fully stage Turquoise)?

@Michael569 Wherever the hell it takes me. If it is enlightenment, I am cool with it. If it is having the self-actualized life, I am cool with it. I just don't find theory as juicy as most people here. I think it is a waste of time to do too much theory. Practice is so much more fun (atleast in my opinion). I like to do stuff and be. I don't mean reading, trying to understand, trying to compare it with different things and then doing practice. If there is so much garbage theory already out there, when do you have enough of it?

@Angelite I think I cleary said that I am already doing some practice. So of course I got something out of these 9 books. The question is: when is it enough theory? When can I fully focus on practice?

Hello everyone. Recently this came back to my mind. It was something that had to do with looking at the world as objectively as possible. Now, I don’t have much experience with this. What I do know is that everything is so much. Everything is. And it never is at the same. I can’t really explain this, but I get this peace feeling from it. Because I don’t know if you are supposed to do this for the rest of your life, I haven’t really tried it. Maybe I should. Maybe I should experiment with this and try for to judge as less as possible for a day. I don’t know. Any clarification is highly wanted. Take care.

18-12-2018 Hello everyone. I know I know, long time no see. I am sorry for that. Let me update you with my life. Meditation is going great, so is shamanic breathing. I have gotten many different insights, mostly beautiful. Really, beautiful. Damn I had moment where I actually felt love! Atleast, that is what I think. I am still doing 30 min each meditation session and stepped up my game with 45 each shamanic breathing session. I learnt The Emotion Code and I should be able to release my trapped emotion (unworthiness apparently) next monday. I asked that to my subconcious mind and he answered with that. Almost christmas break!!! Yeah I know, I sound like a kid. But I have so much to do!!! Like going to an Osho meditation centre, checking a new book store, starting with self-inquiry and getting a massage. All in 2 weeks. Of course I will rest, but I can't wait to do all these things. I checked my body today at the gym and I am healthy once again. Lost some fat percentage, but also lost some muscle percentage. My instructor said that I shouldn't worry about that last one, so I won't. Today I had some ''preparings lessons'' about next year. Basically, I have to choose a studyprogram for the following 3 years. I am thinking about economics and society, but also about something with science. So yeah, future is near I guess. Oh as a last thing. I am starting to watch a lot of Leo's videos about different topics. Most are really interesting, atleast for me. I have already some in my YT playlist and one downloaded via ''Podcast'' (that is an app) on my phone. Take care.

Hello everyone. I am getting close to choosing my future. And yes, I am desperate. When I looked at all the studies I could potentially follow and then looked at whatever I have learnt here... nothing lined up. People talk here about business and succes. But also about creativity and culture. I personally only like the history and geography classes. Nothing else matters to me really. I told my teacher the other day, when he asked me about this, that I think I am going for economics & society (that is a study program). But I actually have no clue. Some of the study programs have art, something I hear a lot of times here. Atleast the part where people are creative. Creativity is good right? I might aswell buy that life purpose course. The thing is though: making such a huge payment will not be allowed by my parents. Atleast not right now. I already told my mom that I wanted to put money from my bank account on PayPal. I just wasn't clear about how much. I tried before to buy the book-list, but apparently without PayPal you are doomed. I tried MasterCard, but I guess not all options were there for my creditcard. Some where very different from what my creditcard had. Any advice is wanted.

Hello Leo. I can recall one time when you mentioned this topic for a brief second in one of your videos. Personally, an entire video dedicated to this topic would really help me. I think it would be helpful for others aswell. Just think about it. Take care

Hello everyone. Let me give some clarification first. I am a 14 year old kid who joined this entire thing 3 months ago. Since then I have been meditating for 3 months. Doing shamanic breathing for the last 10 weeks. When I asked more about what the fuck I was supposed to do, people said that I should look up sufism instead of completely leaving behind my religion. To fully transcend to Orange, I gave up my blind beliefs about Islam. I was raised up (and technically still am being raised up) as muslim. My mom is sunni and my dad is shia. One of the reasons they divorced is because of that difference. When I was younger, my friend came to me once and told me that there was a third islamic group. Sufists. ''They do weird dances and it is very creepy'' is what he told me. Now that I know about this path and about that quote from Rumi under Leo's messages on this forum, I am starting to get a bit interested. The real deal is: I don't know if I would understand Rumi/If it is worth reading about an old sufi-mystic when I don't love so much at all in the first place. Or maybe his teachings will be my way of learning love. I was planning to read Osho or smthn, but people suggested I should wait with that until I know my life purpose etc. Should I also wait till I found my life purpose and then read Rumi's stuff? Or should I read more into Sufi stuff before even considering to read about Rumi and his teachings?

11-12-18 Hello everyone. I am currently reading ''Emotion Code: How to Release Your Trapped Emotions for Abundant Health, Love and Happiness'' and I really am enjoying it. I watched a video from Leo about loneliness because, well, you know, desperation. I must say that it was very good. I am trying a new meditation posture the last few days to avoid a sleeping foot. Sports and school are going well. I am close to deciding my study program. I still don't clearly know what to choose. Recently I have been watching many Leo's older video's. Ones about minimalism and that kind of stuff. Then I thought about my future again. Today I watched a video where the guy (not Leo, I am talking about another channel) said: ''You can ask yourself what it is you would do if you had a millions dollars''. Want to know what my answer is? ''I would buy a house somewhere in the woods, north Canada, in mother nature. I would buy books and enough tea to spend the rest of my life there.'' Literally it seems like heaven to me. I hate this busy world and eveyrthing that has to do with it. I saw a video about a guy who lived in the woods for 40 years and I must say I am jealous. That's all. Take care.

@tsuki Yes I think that is clear now that I have mentioned this twice before. Glad it is for you too. I mean the next day there weren't any problems so I guess it worked.

Hello everyone. After reading about taking responsibility for everything that happens to you, I all of the sudden got betrayed. I am in a friend group where we do everything friends do basically. I personally like my privacy. I don’t like being taken pictures of by my friends. Something they do to each other in weird ways sometimes. Look, group pictures are fine, but these guys take pictures of each other during lunch and that kind of stuff. I hate that. One of the reasons I keep my identity mostly hidden on the internet is because I love my privacy. I don’t want to be bothered personally by these kinds of people. Now, even though I told this girl 2 times before that I wouldn’t like it if she did this, she sent an embarrassing picture of mine and later on made it the groups profile picture. The picture isn’t the biggest problem here: The betrayal is. I warned her the first time and actually didn’t expect that she would listen. Now she all of the sudden still does it. Like I don’t matter or something. Whenever these kinds of “scandals” happen as I like to call them, I leave the friend group. On the internet I could do this randomly and nobody could do anything about it. Since I started my journey here on Actualized.org, my friends are now all in my real life world, and damn it is so different. On the internet I am a master at hiding myself, IRL people can spy on me and take pictures of me whenever they feel like it. This is also why I hate the rules on this. This is so much BS. They can apparently do that since it is an open building. Although I don’t know if a school is an open building (the pic was taken during class). Basically, I hate her and she doesn’t know. I just stopped chatting. Never thought these kinds of betrayal would occur in my life. Arvice will be highly wanted. Thanks in advance Take care.

@tsuki Sorry man, but this sounds incredibly stupid. If someone makes clear that they are uncomfortable with their privacy being invaded, what is so hard about following through then? If somehow you can't, at least make that clear. So the person, who's privacy being invaded scares him, can break contact with you in peace. My bad for having feelings, of course. I apologize for wanting to have some privacy. (This again sounds incredibly stupid) I let it pass for this time. I changed the profile picture the next day to a laughing emoji with a middle finger.

@tsuki The only thing it solved was not experiencing it again by the same people. See, I still don't know the perfect solution. Look before I don't think it was, but now I certainly think it is. Before, I didn't make myself always so clear, but this time I made myself perfectly clear. There were no questions when I made myself clear, just acknowledgements.

@tsuki Not all of them. Many of them don't mind having these experiences like being taken pictures of by friends while doing your usual thing. At least that is what I think, since they never said that they didn't want that (unlike me, I clarified that I didn't want it). They never do, that is why I left many friend groups on the internet. Not so much that my privacy was violated (somtimes it was), but more like their behavior towards it made me want to leave them. I thought that making friends IRL would be much better, and in a certain sense it is, but people stay the fucking same. I sometimes don't see any difference between the people on the internet vs people IRL. Maybe people IRL are too much focussed on the internet rather than their surroundings.

@tsuki 1. People can see me how they want to. In the open world they can look at me from all different angles, besides coming too close of course. I like to have my personal space as any other, but if it is necessary they can bend down and look at me from below. If you meant ''seeing me in a way'' in a figurative way instead of a literal way: Yes. Of course I have flaws, strong negative emotions, an addiction and Actualized.org in general is something I want to keep hidden from them. You have to understand that I am 14 years old. If I told my friends about this stuff they sooner or later would find this account with all of my secrets on it. There is a best friend I have which I wanted to introduce to all of this, but just when the time was right we didn't have as much contact as before. Mainly because he is in a different class and games all day. 2. Yes I do. I never take pictures of others, never do things with/to or say stuff about them without letting them know. I have respect to everyone who values their privacy and would never do something to them which I wouldn't like to happen to myself. There are people who just never speak up, but have these same privacy needs as me. I can usually see that from a distance and try to play as cool as possible on that field. 3. If my friends saw this post many consequences would come. First: They would know about Leo. All this stuff on Actualized.org. All the self-help, meditation, serious emotional problems etc. What they would think about me? Probably interested or annoyed. Because of Actualized.org I see many dysfunctionalities in my friends lives, but I never try to point them out. I am no teacher and therefore will not try to teach anyone anything. I simply am a seeker here. If they discovered this entire forum and the channel, they would understand what I am doing but also be kind of ''attacked'' with the hard truth that is here. They would be confronted with all of their problems and I think that they would only be able to handle that if they found Actualized.org on their own. Not by me. I did find it on my own. Second: They would know about how I think. I have a journey on this forum. They would know about my thoughts all the way back to 2 months ago. I have shared many things here because I know no one on this forum knows me IRL. I need advice and therefore ask it here. I don't want them to find my journey or the questions I ask here. 4. What do you mean with this last question?

06-12-18 Hello everyone. I would like to start with this: I need to stop watching porn asap. The addiction is getting worse. I received ''The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment'', ''Emotion Code: How to Release Your Trapped Emotions for Abundant Health, Love and Happiness'' and ''Ego is the Enemy: The Fight to Master Our Greatest Opponent'' and have already ''The Anatomy of Loneliness'' in my booklist ready to be bought. But I need ''Your Brain on Porn'' probably more. I tried many times to quit, but it seems impossible after a few days. Currently I am reading ''The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck'' and I must say that it is a very good book. I really am enjoying it so far. Yesterday, something I see as an betrayal, happened to me on WhatsApp. I won't explain it all here, but here is the link to my post about it: Meditating has been going better and better. I am trying a new position so my foot won't be sleeping so much. I can literally be mindful for long periods of time. I can become lost in how reality is so special. It is actually incredible. And guess what? I have only been doing this for 2-3 months! I thought that results would come after a year or so. Maybe I am special, or we all are special Nothing else to say really. Take care everyone.

@tsuki Privacy for me means: Not doing anything with me without my permission, not doing anything to me without my permission, not sharing information about me without permission and not doing stupid stuff like taking pictures of me without my permission. There is still so much you can do. You delete your own account and make a new one or simply leave the platform. You can change IP-addresses in emergency cases. In the offline world you can't hide forever, at least not as easily, but in the online world you certainly can. No biggy.

@Hellspeed I swear did you have some kind of awakening the last few weeks? Your replies have changed dramatically recently nice job man

@Mu_ yes sir. I will try to accept it. And about that flirting thing: I know she likes me in that way. Maybe it is her way of expressing it like that. I don’t like her, and now I can’t even stand her. But I will try to accept. Thanks for the advice.