Ampresus

10-03-19 Yes I know that I have been gone for too long. Here the list of all the things I identify with: My hair My classmates My friends My family My brother in particular My muscled body My good grades My awareness My meditation habit My self-inquiry habit My concentration habit Horniness My feet My house My room My books Heterosexuality Strength Intelligence Charisma My computer My hard drives My keyboard & mouse My bed My sentence-completion habit My phone My profiles The characters I play in games My thoughts My feelings Humor The idea of being young The idea of existing The idea of being alive My height My posts on fora My memories My emotions The country I live in The city I live in The street I live in How good I am in gaming How good I am in school How good I am with self-actualization How good I am with the things related to enlightenment My old friends My lost friends My documents My projects My money Forgiving Dreaming big Striving to achieve my dream My dream Space & time My dreams (sleeping) My opinions My statements My discoveries Not being special Being special Loneliness Narcissisim How I think about controversial topics Series on Netflix that I watch People I watch on YouTube The porn I watch The girls I like The people I look up to My fitness habit The idea that one should not care so much about money The idea of me being some kind of superpower in my own fantasy world My accounts on internet platforms My journal

Hello everyone. As some may know, I am doing research on Spiral Dynamics so I can introduce it to my class. I am in 10th grade. Because I only have 15 min, I won't be talking about the stages themselves. What I will talk about is change of consciousness in the spiral. How people see more perspectives and decide to live differently. While reading on spiraldynamicsintegral.nl I stumbled upon prof. Clare W. Graves talking about change. He says the following: ''Life conditions determine which level of consciousness is the most appropriate (one Value System is not better or worse than the other….)'' Can anyone explain this to me? I recall Leo saying something like this too. How one stage is not better than the other. Please I need some elaboration. From my perspective, the highest stage is the best stage to be. Right?

Hello everyone. After coming back from a school trip to Austria, my already backlog has only increased (before the trip I already have been struggling with this). My issue is that I can sit for long periods of time, I mean I sat mostly still for 40 min yesterday. I know that that might not be as long as 3 hours, but still. The problem is that I can't even concentrate for 2 min, let alone meditate for 40 min or self-inquire for 10 min. I get distracted so easily, it is actually insane. Why am I typing this considering I am still new (only 5 months in)? It is because I actually was doing better and better, until all of the sudden I backslided. I have had many mystical experiences, experienced non-duality (just for like 4 seconds) and even more things that I still don't know what they mean, but it is all gone now. When I try to concentrate for 2 min, I get lost after 30 sec. This shouldn't be a problem if I just started my concentration practice, but I have been having this habit for around a month now. Everyday, 3x a day 2 min concentration practice. Can someone help me with this?

Hello everybody. Recently my geography teachers decided to assign another project to us. This time, we have to pair up in groups, teach about a subject and record the teaching. It can't be more than 15 min. *NOTE* the topic has to be geography related, that is why I am posting this I actually was in a group who was gonna talk about water. I insisted in having it about Spiral Dynamics, but those classmates didn't really know what it was or means so they took something simple. Since then I haven't really worked on the project during class. Today I decided to walk up to my teacher and say this: ''Miss, could I maybe work alone on a different topic? I really dislike the one I currently am 'working' on. I will admit that I am not even doing anything.'' ''Why is that? What is your topic?'' ''Water, I find it really boring miss. I thought about this topic called 'Spiral Dynamics', ever heard of it?'' ''No.'' ''OK I am just gonna give a short summary because it is a really broad topic: Basically you can put groups of people in certain categories to understand them better and see where they can evolve. Miss I know that I have short time, but I wouldn't mind working on this in the break. I really like this topic. Unlike water... it is really boring.'' ''Only because I am interested in what this is.'' ''Thank you so much miss '' I am in 9th grade in case you didn't know (I don't suppose you did). Now I am posting about this because I need help. My plan is as followed: - I won't be talking about Turquoise or Coral, because I only have 15 min and they will say that I am talking mumbo jumbo (but I will about Beige, Purple and Red) - I will rewatch stuff from Leo and read about it on spiraldynamicsintegral.nl - I will use a lot of information from those 'example' topics on this forum - I will ask help to you guys What I need from you guys: 1. How can I combine geography with Spiral Dynamics the best way possible? What would be good topics to talk about? My current plan is to give examples of countries in certain colors (for example: US is still mostly Blue and hasn't integrated Orange yet) 2. Please give me any useful information about Spiral Dynamics. Anything is welcome. I ordered the book a long time ago, but can't read it because of an assignment for another subject. We need to read a fictional book for that subject Thanks in advance. Take care.

@moon777light I started 5 months ago, I am a big boy now.

@moon777light 1. Who uses a laptop when you can use an expensive gaming computer? Usually around 3 hours a day. Maybe a bit more or less. 2. I actually stopped using my phone so much a few months ago. After realizing how useless social media are, I deleted most of them. Besides Spotify, YouTube and (recently downloaded) Quora. 3. I don't watch TV 4. I don't play games that much. For me they get really boring after a few rounds. I tried a lot of games before joining this forum, but none of them are really for me. Doing the same thing everytime gets boring. I will admit that there is this one girl online that, whenever she asks, I can play together with for hours. I waiste most of my time by hanging around on YT, watching video's like ''New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe Worlds 1-9 Full Game (All Star Coins)'' or ''Travis Scott, Drake - Sicko Mode (8D AUDIO) ?''. Don't judge me, I miss the times when I played Super Mario Bros on a hot summer night

@Leo Gura You see, all I care about right now is teaching the best I can about SD to my teacher/classmates in 15 min. If necessary, I will talk just about one colour. I don't mind if that is necessary,

@PetarKa That is a really great idea thank you.

@Leo Gura I don’t think my teacher will like that. Switching from topic for the second time? I don’t know... Perhaps I can just talk about Blue, Orange, Green and Yellow?

@universe I try to focus on being the observers who observes his thoughts, observe the observer and concentrate on the feeling when your thumb and indexfinger. Thoughts, singing music that is stuck in my head

Hello everyone. I just came back after being away for 5 days. I went to Austria with 6 classes total (mine included) and tried to ski for the first time. We went with the bus. This means that the first and last day was just being in the bus. We only had 3 full days of skiing (if that is a word). Now let me give some background information first: - I am very young - Because the days were very busy, I couldn't really meditate, self-inquire, do my concentration habit or read any books. So basically I skipped personal development for 5 days OK so basically the first day... I failed miserably. For some reason all my friends learnt the basics and I didn't. My teacher just acted like she didn't see me fail many times. I mean: I accidentally hit many small children and classmates. Not like she helped me or anything, oh no she was busy teaching everybody else even more stuff. It was really humiliating. Everybody else did just fine, but I failed every task. That woman can kiss my ass. Ignoring me many times, not even looking in my direction or helping me when I got stuck. I felt so bad for everyone who had to suffer because of me. In the afternoon, I somehow got into a higher group? Like what? I literally didn't know the basics. They put me somewhere high and expected me to succeed in using the sleeplift. I got a mad stupid male teacher. Because of me failing to get out of the sleeplift properly, a small German (or Austrian) girl got stuck in her sleeplift and I got an angry mother screaming at me as if I knew what the fuck I was doing. Oh and the teacher was screaming too. Here is where I cried the first time. I mean, a lot of people were behind me. Probably watching me. Most of the students saw me too. That mom can kiss my ass too, sorry that I didn't grow in the mountains and learnt how to ski. Really, my bad. I will try better next time. I think you can guess what I thought of skiing. In case you can't: I thought it sucked balls. I failed hard, everybody else was having fun, learning and all that stuff. I kept hurting myself and trying again. At some point I gave up because I was tired of putting my feet properly in the ski's. Second day was the worst day. They put me in an even higher group. Yeah, the moment I woke up I just didn't want to go to those cursed mountains again. I didn't know the basics and still got somewhere high in the mountains. Like, really high. Just imagine how that went. There was a sleeplift there, which I took (my group was ordered to). It all went fine until the thing stopped by itself. Yes, I was stuck again. The moment it began running, I fell. In the middle of nowhere. I was in a sorta middle place between the bottom where everybody steps on the sleeplift and the top where all the pro's flex on me. I cried my eyes out. It was so lonely there, I felt humiliated and like a failure. I needed to walk a lot to get a bit to the top. All of the sudden a small girl fell too and her father came racing to her. They were both from the same country as me and the man was sweet as hell. I cried even more, but because of my glasses till this day no one saw my tears. The man was so nice to his daughter and told her that it was OK to fail because I did too. Yeah, I cried even more. Skipping a bit forward after I hurt my left shoulder, my mad teacher said that it would be better if I took a break all the way down the mountain. There is a restaurant where all the students and teachers have the breaks. Of course right now no one was there. It was then when I cried the most. My teacher also said that he was gonna transfer me to a lower group. For one thing I was happy, but I also knew that the man gave up and didn't want me in his stupid group. He can kiss my ass. Third day and I am in the new group. This is where everything went uphill all of the sudden. My new teacher was the chillest dude I have ever met. He was so patient with me and my 2 other group members. He waited and waited until we mastered what he taught us. The guy is a legend. He gave me constructive criticism and complimented me many times. That man learnt me how to ski and I thanked him in the end of the day for everything. I hope I will become like him. A true legend. Why am I telling the story? Because till this day I don't know what the best way would have been to deal with those crying moments. How should I have dealt with the humiliation, thoughts of failure and screaming from stupid German people. Take care,

19-02-19 Yes I know that I have been gone for a long time. Reason? I was in Austria on a school trip. I posted about it here: I am planning to make my next post on this journal about ALL the things I identify with. This is a practice from Teal Swan's book called ''The Anatomy of Loneliness''. Meditation, self-inquiry and even my concentration habit is failing. I am planning to post about it in the next few minutes. So more about that later. Currently I am not able to read ''Your Brain on Porn'' because I need to read a book for school. I asked if I could read a non-fiction book, but my teachers refused

@ajasatya Because I have always wanted to, but never knew how. Until I found actualized.org, that is when I started meditating.

Hello everyone. I grew up in an Islamic family (and technically still am considering that I am 14) and in my culture tea plays a huge part. It is always something that family members drink when visiting or whatever. Now I personally took distance from my religion for personal development purposes, however this tea thing fascinates me. My dad always makes tea for me when I am sick (my parents are divorced and when I am at his place he makes the tea). Regularly my mom advices me to drink tea. The prophet Muhammad was a fan of tea and I think he said that honey + tea = great medicine. My question: Is tea really this magnificent, but yet simple thing? Is there something special about tea?

Yes I mean real space. Like, that thing outside of the earth. How would meditating there be like? How would self-inquiry there be like? If you managed to enlighten in space, would it be a whole lot different than on earth? Everybody knows that space has no gravity and the earth does (although I will admit that gravity is just a concept). Imagine meditating in this place where you have no weight. Where your body literally floats constantly. How different could it be from meditating on earth? I have only recently realized that I think being an astronaut will be my life purpose. Of course I haven't fully contemplated about it yet, I am still very young, but I am trying to head into that direction with my education. If I ever get up there, I will try meditating. I don't care what cosmonaut or astronaut thinks I am sick in my head. I will definitely try it. What would you do if you had this chance?

@Sahil Pandit I am a big boy now, I make my tea all by myself.

@cetus56 One post was enough, but instead there are a total of 8 posts related to this. Thanks for nothing and sorry that I don't understand what a relative term is. English is not my first language. @cetus56 I thought that instead of photographing, I will just go there. Oh and I can't afford a telescope. Although I am planning to buy one, I really want to see Saturn.

Hello everybody. Recently I listened to Leo's video called ''Distraction - The Ego's Favorite Defense Mechanism'' and by simply meditating about this I came to many conclusions. They are as followed: 1. This is all pointless 2. Why are you reading this? Don't you have better things to be? What is wrong with being? Are you that empty? 3. I need to kill all this bs off and become. 4. Every little thing that you do without consciousness is ultimately a waste of time and surpressing what is. We all have been conditioned to do stuff. The moment you don't have anything to do, people call you useless. When in reality, they are being useless. Why do stuff? The fuck is good about doing? Are you trying to slow down time? ''Oh maybe if I go out with my friends, I won't be alone at home doing nothing''. Keep telling yourself that fairytale. It is all nonsense dude! 5. Maybe I need to stop waisting my time. Yes I know this looks like a rant against normal living, but these are the things I realized when looking both around and at myself. I always do stuff. What is wrong with sitting for hours doing nothing? Am I gonna die? No. Am I gonna get bored? No, I will get lost in thoughts. In fact, thinking about the consequence ''I will get bored'' is a thought itself! I am fooling myself! And so is everybody else haha! I feel insane. What do you think about this post, the fact that you read all of this? What do you think about being able to point out to me ''yeah but aren't you waisting time typing this post?'' How do you feel when saying that?

Ok nvm sorry to ask such a question apparently instead of giving some kind of answer people make fun of how I said “up there”.

04-02-19 Hello everybody. Last Saturday I went to an Osho meditation centre. To keep it simple: It was a fun and interesting experience. Here is the entirity of the story in case you are interested: I have been feeling close to something mystical the last few days when I meditate or do self-inquiry. I don't know what it fully is, but I think I am ready to fully understand it. I also listened to a lot of Leo's video's again and want to try this thing with paradigms. I have almost finished ''The Anatomy of Loneliness''. Unfortunately for school I need to read a book. I asked if one of the non-fiction books I read is OK, but she said that only fiction is allowed. I ended up very dissapointed, because who reads fiction? Sorry, it might just not be my cup of tea. I am feeling very disconnected from the rest of the people around me for the last few days. I really have to start doing the practices which Teal Swan talks about in that book. Today in the last class, when my introvert friend asked me something, I just was gone. I felt pure loneliness. It was insane. I feel better now, but that felt... sad. I managed to fully feel it and become mindful. After that it dissapeared. I was close to just calling it all off and going home. I have never felt loneliness that openly.

Hello everyone. I only came back 20 mins ago and wanted to share my experience in case I forgot too much about it. Bear with me, you are in for a ride Today, around 5:20 p.m I decided to go to this Osho meditation centre. I have been wanting to go there for a long time, but didn't have the time or courage really. I told myself that it is either now or never. To skip a bit forward, after 40 min in the tram, I walked down a street or two and arrived. The door wasn't open, maybe because it was (and still is right now) very cold outside. When I wanted to reach for the bell, a man noticed me and opened the door. He welcomed me. He was actually a nice guy. Polite and all. He asked me if this was my first time, I responded with ''yes''. I told him that I don't know that much about Osho, besides that he wrote books and that there is an entire Netflix show where he is in. We went to the main area (where all the activities happen) and there were already cushions set up. Nearby the door were a few chairs and he asked me to sit down. Since I was new, he wanted to explain me what we were gonna do. I will tell about everything that happened of course, but to keep this part short, he explained me ''Evening Meditation with Osho Video''. I asked for the bathroom, it was upstairs. When I went upstairs, I noticed a lot of Osho pictures. The guy was everywhere. I met a guy in one bathroom, but apparently the toilet wasn't located there. Later on, he would join the evening meditation as well. So when I came downstairs, there were some more people. They were all talking and greeting each other. I asked the man what I was supposed to do and he told me that I should sit on one of the cushions. I took one in the back (there were 2 rows of cushions) far in the right. I waited, and waited, until the rest came and the guy started putting up different music (there was already music playing). When I say music, I don't mean good ol' mainstream music with rap, bitches, money and status. No, this was all about peace. The text was mostly about love and opening oneself and the background sound was really peaceful. When everyone else came, I noticed some people bringing extra cushions. Yeah... I didn't know that that was allowed. I thought that you had to do with what you got. I didn't want more cushions anyways. In front of me were two women sitting. Far to my left were two guys sitting and in front of them were two guys sitting. All the way on the left (in the first row) was the guy sitting who welcomed me. Before I knew it, people were closing their eyes. I supposed that the meditation had already begun and decided to close my eyes too. But oh boy was I wrong. Music started playing and the women in front of me started to stand up. They were dancing. After seeing five people stand up and dance, I came to the conclusion that this was the dancing part. Yes, it took me that long. I stood up and was at first very shy. You see, I never dance in my free time. I started to focus on my inner self, the True or No Self as some might call it, and I felt the energy. I started to dance and before I knew it, I was going wild. Everybody had their eyes closed, so I did it too. Damn... I felt alive. What can I say? It felt pretty amazing to say the least. I felt so whole. Actually quite incredible. After dancing for a while and realizing that I danced with my body like it was a heart (so as if it needed to beat like a heart) the music started to slow down. This was the part where I got confused with what to do. All of the sudden people were holding up their arms and screaming ''OSHO!!!''. Music started again and this cycle continued for another two times. First time I didn't know, second time I screamed the guy's name but not that hard and the third time I was all in. OSHO!!! All fun and stuff, but after all that dancing the music stopped. It was very... silent. Very silent. This was the part where you had to focus inwards into your Being (as Eckhart Tolle calls it). The guy who welcomed me actually used the word ''Being'' back when he explained me what to do. People started to sit down and so did I. It was very silent. I thought that now was the time to meditate and so I did. The cycle of being the observer and getting lost in thoughts began and I, myself, was in for a ride. They put on one Osho video. The guy walked in and people here were putting their hands like the namaste greeting as if Osho was really here. I don't know why, but I guess it couldn't hurt to do it too. Osho talked about many things. From explaining how anger gets created (through suppressing laughter according to Osho), to cracking some jokes, to talking about why some enlightened guy during the era of Gautama Buddha was naked, to starting a guided meditation, to come back again at cracking some jokes. The first video he had a short beard, second video the guy was flexing with his glasses and in the third and fourth video he was completely flexing on me (of course I am joking here, although Osho looked all pimped up). Now we started to get into the unknown territory (at least for me). Osho screamed or something and people were starting to do ''jibbering''. Do you know what that is? Jibbering? Turns out, you had to speak anything that came up to you. Anything. So I went all out. Saying the weirdest stuff. Damn I went from repeating certain words, to saying the word ''Stalin'', to talk in laughter. Osho screamed again and it was silent. The guy started to talk in a guided meditation way. You know, opening oneself and all. Yesterday actually I think I was quite close to some kind of mystical experience and Osho only made that stronger today. Besides that I was in tears, Osho started to end his speech and left. He took 10 min to look around and make sure to look everybody in the eye, while holding his hands in the namaste greeting. Damn... respect. He left and so ended the meditation. We started to stand up, come back to the world and putting all the cushions back. Apparently, I was supposed to do that too. I asked the guy how I could help, he told me to grab some big cushions and put them in a way that they were leaning against the walls. He asked me how it was, I said that it was perfect. He hugged some of his friends and I left. Damn this took long to type. I hope you enjoyed the read. I will visit them again for sure. Take care.

@Richard Alpert I never intended to become a part of their group, if that is what you mean. I simply wanted to experience new stuff.

Hello everyone. Today when I went to the barber to, you know, get my hair done, this guy greeted me and told me that he was going to help me. At first he seemed fine, just a young dude. I am even younger of course, so I didn't expect much from him. He tried to start a conversation and before I knew it this guy was giving me life lessons. He went from explaining why he didn't finish school to explaining me the Golden Ratio. He also explained me how to convert someone who thinks that nothing has a purpose (I forgot what the name is for that type of person) to someone that does. You simple have to ask that person if they can name 1 thing in the room that doesn't have a maker and/or purpose. ''They will look all around and realizing it doesn't exist'' his words. Now this is not where it ends, or else I wouldn't post about him here. He actually knows about Sadhguru and had critique on him. Not in the sense that he thought that Sadhguru is all mumbo-jumbo, he was talking about the way reality works. He said: "I disagree with Sadhguru because he thinks that whenever you close your eyes, reality stops. I don't think that is true.'' I forgot his counter-argument, gosh I wish I knew it. He ended the conversation with: ''I don't tell these kinds of things to people older than 20, because they simply won't understand. They are too closed for different opinions. All day on their phone (acts like the typical Westerner on their phone while talking, looks funny actually)'' I pay him and another guy who was there and left. I don't know, what do you guys think about him? Take care.

@Harikrishnan Actually yes. I really like my new hair cut.

Hello everyone. Just when I was browsing around on Teal Swan's forum, I came across this website. It is called Secret Energy. Now I do not know fully what they do, but it might be interesting to look at. Especially if you want to develop your consciousness, which is literally what they are all about. They have a page where they recommend a lot of good websites and a page with a list of all sorts of spiritual advisors I don't know if these links and the website have been shared before and if this is old news for some of you. If that is the case, please let me know. I just discovered this after all. Here are the links to their official website, the page where all the website recommendations are and the page with all the spiritual advisors: https://www.secretenergy.com/ https://www.secretenergy.com/conscious-websites/ https://www.secretenergy.com/spiritual-advisors/