Ampresus

I have no time watching a video from the basic YouTuber who criticizes a yogi. Sadhguru = Turquoise YouTuber = Red-Orange Waisting time on watching critics on a yogi is lost time which you could have used to learn from the yogi.

I wake up, do Nathaniel Branden’s sentence completion practice, enjoy my breakfast and go to school. Right now all I do regarding self-actualization is reading the original Spiral Dynamics book. Even that I can’t do longer than half a hour. Not everyone has a flawless yoga/meditation/self-inquiry/high-on-air routine.

Hello everyone. Now that I have read about Beige and Purple I immediately thought of myself as some expert, but little did I know that both colours face major (or is it ''mayor''?) difficulties in our current western society. As the original Spiral Dynamics book states: 'Orange looks at Beige and thinks that they aren't trying enought. ''I made it to the top, they just need to stop being lazy and try more! Look at what I got. They can have it too!'' says Orange.' (not an official quote from the book, but it was something like that) Now as it turns out, my autistic brother with mental retardation is in Beige/Purple (he is 16 years old). This immediately made me want to figure out how we can help those in the first stages of SD. Currently, in the Netherlands, there is a rather Green approach. Not many people understand how autists think and so here they offer education to people about it so they can help those ''in need''. What I am wondering is what a Yellow approach would look like. As I am speaking, my brother has hit teachers and classmates several times. He is close to being send away. Something my mom really doesn't want to happen. It is clear for me now why they want to send him away in the first place. The moment my brother reacts to his Beige/Purple impulses, Green doesn't understand what is going on. Green thinks that it is only offering help to Beige/Purple, not knowing how it really functions. Yellow would understand more about how Beige/Purple functions, but how else could it be more helpful than Green?

Hello everyone. This path, this forum has changed everything for me. I will start by thanking Leo and all of you who helped me out. I really couldn't have grown this much at my age without the help of you guys. Now that you have seen my good/grateful side, let me show you my feelings. In case you aren't interested in them, remember that you can always leave this page. Why did I type that last sentence? Because I desire for freedom. Well, I think so. I am about to rant about how I hate my life in case you didn't foresee that. School seems like prison, I lost most of my motivation. I used to be this perfect student, but now I can clearly see that teachers who think they are above humans they call ''teens'' don't deserve any kind of superior treatment. All these teachers thinking they are somehow better than all the kids in my school, truly frustrating. Oh about frustration. I have recently gotten this weird feeling where I really want to punch something. Hurt something. Put some force on something. When I lean with my head to a wall, I tend to force my head almost through it. With all the power I have. I am full of tension. All this stress for school, living the self-actualized way, following on advice like ''make sure to do the practices'', ''never stop learning'', ''always read'' and ''make sure you do the emotionally most difficult thing'' is getting to my head. I feel like bursting. Whenever I try to meditate, I get lost in thoughts. When I think I am about to get in some high mystical state, I am probably falling asleep. You see, I always meditate in the night. Why you might ask? Because I either need to go to the gym or I have homework to do. I really hate this place people called ''the gym''. My normal work-out can take 2 hours + 15 min of stretching exercises. I come home the first day of the week at 09:00 PM. I really hate it. I don't want to listen to music during my work-out because it might just make my monkey-mind go more wild, but all I get is frustration. Irritation. When I get home I am tired, but of course a man has to meditate, read, self-inquire and do homework. I also used to listen to a lot of audiobooks on the Podcast app for iOS, mostly to Leo, but it seems like all is just useless. I am not going to do any of the things he talks about anyways. I forget most of what he says in a matter of seconds. Even if I can recall what is needed to be done, I don't know how. Uncovering childhood vow? I still don't understand the first homework assignment. Doing systems-thinking? His video was basically a summary of ''buy my booklist so you can actually learn this stuff''. Little did dear old Leo know that we can only pay him with PayPal and well guess what I can't just delete 35 euros from my bank account without needing to tell the truth to my mom. I haven't started doing contemplation or yoga. Don't have the motivation to think about one question for 2 hours or to do this thing called ''Kriya yoga''. I don't have all the time in the world and the free time I get after all of my current habits I tend to spend on ''stimulants'' as I call watching this Netflix serie, watching YT comedy video's, reading answers on Quora or still watching porn after having decided that I want to quit. I know it might be a waste of time, but I just can't find any joy without them. Whenever I eat or whenever I have some kind of free time, the first thing I do is grab my iPad/iPhone and waste my time on those stimulants. Or I just go to my computer and do all that stuff + unnecessary research on stupid subjects there. At school I always eat alone during the breaks. All the lads I used to hang out with are making my frustration only grow. They talk about stupid internet jokes, recently bought a cake for our English teacher without sharing a piece with people who didn't fund it, always playing this nice person but actually gossiping a lot of times and just being more autistic than my brother. And that says a lot, considering that my brother has autism and mental retardation. I pushed myself away from them and now I have, again, no one but my own mind and my Netflix serie. In case you are wondering: the Netflix serie is called ''Once Upon a Time''. It is about all kinds of magical creatures becoming reality like Snow White, Peter Pan etc. The moment they brought up Arthur, Merlin and of course the almighty Excalibur, I felt those kid feelings coming back. Damn I missed them. I didn't understand this story of Prince Charming and those Dwarves, but damn. Arthur and I go way back. He was my buddy for Merlin's sake. Why am I typing this? Because my frustration grows stronger every moment. I am losing. It feels like losing. I made a set of goals and my current goal is to become an astronaut. No one believes in me, so that gives me more reason to chase that dream. I will send a postcard to some of you in case I get to go into low Earth orbit. Many of my goals used to be like ''learning to program'',''researching things like history, science, charisma, love, philosophy and religion'' and ''get some balls''. I hope I didn't scare any of you. In case you can help me with this frustration, please consider doing it. My anxiety is getting stronger.

Hello everyone. I am not claiming that this is ''enlightenment'', ''Truth'', ''awakening'' or whatever you want to call it. Today I have been feeling a bit more sick than yesterday. Last Friday was a full a blast in my head, so much stress and suffering and so I decided to quit meditation, self-inquiry, concentration practice and sports for a week (last one just for 5 days) . The first days nothing really happened. I didn't do much besides gaming. Haven't felt that much guilt in a while. Now is the fifth day and I decided to go to school and work out again. When I listened to my teachers I just couldn't do it. Then it tried to hit me. There was something there. Hard to explain. I didn't feel much. There was pain involved. I felt dizzy and thought I would black out. This happened many times today. The thing is: I didn't black out or die or whatever. I can feel it in my chest. The amount of tension. It felt like crumbling down. Like falling asleep. As if some guy was poisoning me. The phase before the poison hits real deep. Yesterday, during the time that I used to meditate, I decided to lay down and be present. Man it sometimes hit hard. Some kind of slap in the face. I haven't realized anything big or became really conscious. Any idea what the actual fuck I was/am still (yes, right now I am having the same feelings) experiencing?

@TheGreekSeeker Porn my man. It is killing me. Just when I am NOT thinking about it, I find a new pornstar that I ''have'' to look up (according to my thoughts). I found so many new good ones and found a site, where all the stuff you actually need to pay for, is free! Life can't get better right? Then why am I still not happy? Why am I suffering? All these orgasms are making my body die man. During one I have temporary no control of my body. The orgasm hits all the molecules in my body. This porn is killing me. I tried cold showers, meditation, read ''Your Brain on Porn'' and work out. Still, almost everyday, your man is back at it. Jerking off to some woman I will never meet. When I managed to quit for like a week, I started to be more extrovert. Talking to people and crowds was so easy. I couldn't care less of other people's thoughts.

Hello everyone. Currently I am reading the original Spiral Dynamics book and it is the last self-help book I have at home. I was planning on buying new ones, but then it hit me. I could buy all the books or just borrow them from the library. I know that Leo stressed out that you NEEDED to buy the books considering their value. On the other hand, as a teen in the Netherlands I got a free pass to borrow books from the library. Until I am 18 years old I can borrow whatever I want from the library. I will say though that even the biggest library in town doesn't have all the books. The new self-help books aren't in there, however there are books from: - The Jung brothers - Carl Jung (what is the difference between those 2 anyways?) - Carl Sagan (my man!) - Joseph Campbell - OSHO - Nisargadatta Maharaj - Some guy named Freud (a philosopher) - Maybe Alan Watts As you can see there isn't much variety or I haven't looked enough. Another option might be that there are tons of great books there, but because their authors aren't so populair I don't recognize their value. Anyways, what do you suggest I should do?

@TheGreekSeeker For me it is the woods man. Gosh I wish I could live alone in the Northwoods, but of course I can't just leave EU at my age and expect to be able to get a house there. @TheGreekSeeker Yes I can. The thing is: it used to go well. I already had a nice working out routine when I started my path here, I guess I just tried too many practices at once. I surely couldn't foresee it coming.

@Nahm Thanks man I appreciate it. Sorry if I sometimes came over as an ignorant person. I have lately been feeling really sick. I had my last test (biology) last Friday and I could barely concentrate. I decided to quit meditation & all the other practices I do for a few days. I might start today or tomorrow, but first: What else do you think I should put in this ''journal'' post I am about to make? As in: in general. Not just the post I am about to make. Should one put his feelings in his journal? His thoughts? Or just the process of... becoming self-actualized? Is that what I am doing here? I don't know.

@Gabriel Antonio I used to do judo. @Gabriel Antonio I am still gonna try. I think... I quit meditation, self-inquiry and concentration practice the last few days. @Gabriel Antonio Beautiful.

@Serotoninluv That is sweet man. I love you too. That made me smile, thank you man.

@Gabriel Antonio Yes I do weightlift, one of my favourite practices. @Gabriel Antonio Ever since I have heard about ''enlightenment'', ''awakening'' and ''Truth'' I have always wanted it. Of course at some point I know I have to drop the desire, but for now I can't. Imagine being enlightened in your 20s... @Gabriel Antonio If only you knew how much time I have wasted with my ''natural curiousity''. Wasted as in not getting out a single thing of it. Even when I looked up good practices, I never engaged in them. @Gabriel Antonio I suck at it, but here you go.

@Nahm How exactly am I avoiding it? @Nahm Yes because journalling to stop suffering is as important as eating to stop being hungry, sure.. I don't like journalling because my hand always hurts after a long ''writing'' session. It can hurt really bad sometimes. I am more comfortable with a keyboard. After all, typing goes much faster than writing.

@Serotoninluv This is what prof. Clare W. Graves talked about I think. He talked about the principles of change, how it occurs and how one can influence the process. I am currently reading the Spiral Dynamics book and in that book the authors used this model for change. From your understanding, I am stuck in ''gamma''. In gamma, people (or an individual in my case) is frustrated and angry. This happens to be the most dangerous place for change, because I can also just turn right back at where I started (stepping one step forward, stepping two steps backwards). My only question is: how should I express my frustration and anger? By hitting random people or walls? I don't care what parents or teachers think of my behaviour. After I realized the indoctrination that society puts into children, I started caring less and less about that. I will be myself and no one can stop me from that.

@Nahm It is not the practices that hurt, it is the engagement of me in the practices that hurts. I have seen countless of practices in the books I have read, yet none of them seems to appeal to me. I have heard of a dozend of practices from Leo, yet none of the seems to appeal to me. I mean for starters: - I don't really have much time to contemplate - If I manage to figure out what Kriya yoga is, I take it that it would take more time than self-inquiry - Trying to just observe can get really hard @Nahm Tried that, but I always forget to journal. I haven't touched my journal on this forum for I think 3 weeks now. I don't like putting my thoughts on a screen.

@Mu_ Can't really contemplate when my day is so full that I can't help but sleep everyday on 11 AM if I want to have some kind of good sleep. It is meditation that has bugging me lately. Well, me during meditation. Whenever I overthink (and realize that I am overthinking) I get frustrated. Imagine how many times I overthink. @Mu_ I want to be healthy and happy when I am older. I want to be at peace. I want to be free. Away from tension and stress. All this work, both personal development and day-to-day school makes my head burn. I want to rest in some place in the woods far away. Away from people. I want to be free and live life as if nothing depends on anything. As if I am. Far in the woods might not be the smartest thing to do, maybe someday. For now I want to have this feeling of peace and freedom in low Earth orbit. Where there are the least amount of humans. @Mu_ You might have a point there mate...

@Nahm That is the problem. I get frustrated during deeply letting go / zooming out / relaxing the body. Trying to do that makes me wander off in thought-land and when I realize that I am overthinking, I get frustrated. I get all this tension. Angry with myself for not focussing on what's important and instead think about possible future situations/ past experiences. @Nahm I already know this. You learn a lot these days from a book as small as ''The Power of Now''. Still, being present only lasts for 5 seconds at best. I overthink, realize I overthink, get frustrated and want to hit a wall.

Hello everyone. Currently I am reading the original SD book and when I decided to look how many pages the book has, I saw the list of books. It was incredible. How many books did those guys read to make a model like this? My question is if you would recommend me to read all of them. I am in my teen years and don’t know if all of what that book recommends would be good for me. I am only at like page 62 so I have a long way to go. Do you even read recommended books in books?

Hello everyone. Weeks ago I decided to go to the library and see what they got there. I came across the ''Mindfulness for Dummies'' book and saw right at the beginning a list of tips. One of those tips was something like: ''Try not to eat 2 hours before you meditate''. Since then I have always been wondering if I could meditate right after dinner. I always come home late and when I come I immediately eat. After that I start doing my own business. I always meditate in the night, but I realized that all the so-called mystical states I had were probably me being on the edge of falling asleep. Now that I want to meditate more in the afternoon, I was wondering if I should eat later just so I can meditate properly. What are your thoughts?

@Nahm Besides spiritually growing, I don’t know. Maybe ending up high in the Spiral when I am older?

@Nahm Two reasons: I always wanted to do it, but never knew how and when. When I discovered actualized.org and heard Leo talk about how meditation is crucial for growth, I immediately looked to some of his tutorials and started. Basically because Leo said so. I want to have an advantage later in life that most teens won’t have. When I asked on this forum about meditation, many people said that it would pay off after a few years. Especially for a teen like me.

Hello everyone. Before the moderators or Leo want to close this topic, hear me out. This is a question being asked from a teen's perspective. This forum has helped me a lot with becoming more mature. I have learnt a lot here. Please let this topic stay, I really don't know where I should shave. Looking on the internet, all I see is people saying different stuff. I have a general question for all the lads out there. I can't ask this kind of question to my dad, because the man is fully muslim and according to my mom ''Men should only shave their facial hair and pubes''. I doubt that my dad disagrees with that statement, even though he divorced my mom. Anyway, please give me some advice. Should I shave, trim or do nothing about hair on my chest, arms, hands, fingers, feet, toes, back, face, legs and pubes? How many times a week, month or year should I shave/trim those places? This is actually health related now I come to think about it, so if this topic gets moved to the ''Health...'' sub-forum I fully understand.

So trim arm pits, pubes and facial hair then?

@BjarkeT You see... I am hairy everywhere. Not just my face. My arms look disgusting and my legs are not recognized when sitting next to a mate.

Hello everyone. Everytime I try to meditate, I first have to make it clear to myself what I am supposed to do. I have been using this ''Do nothing'' method for a long time, but explaining the method to myself alone makes me wander around thinking about nonsense. Now with this method I get distracted within the first 3 seconds, but I can be just present or focus on silence for long periods of time. Should I just do this instead? Or is the ''Do nothing'' method far better than being present or focussing on silence? I personally don't understand what is meant with ''just look at your thoughts from a distance''. I really don't. When Leo explained that in his video back when I watched it, I had no clue what he was talking about. Now I do think that I have managed to ''look'' at my thoughts ''from a distance'' some time ago. But I can't just do it again. I don't remember how I did it nor do I know how I should do it. Any advice? Take care.