Consilience

Day 21 - No Porn/No PMO Day 14 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat Building some momentum. Have to say though, I miss porn haha. I 100% feel better without it and it's not worth the emotional/mental haze that follows a solid porn/pmo session, but I do miss the stimulus. Pure hedonism.

Day 20 - No Porn/No PMO Day 13 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat Keeping the bed timer at 13. Last night I actually stayed up a little later last night.

Day 19 - No Porn/No PMO Day 13 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat I didn't realize I didn't journal yesterday... Weird. Anyways, I met those two goals yesterday and now I am for today as well.

Interesting. Meditation has gotten me farther than Kriya yoga or mantra. I think it just depends on the person. @Anon212 If you've been going hard at self inquiry, this would be a perfect time to crack open the mind with psychedelics imo. The increase in Self Inquiry would act as a primer to really dive deeply into a psychedelic trip. Keep up the self inquiry even while tripping and you'll most likely have a breakthrough.

In my direct experience they are one in the same. True God Consciousness is independent of state. Sober, tripping, drunk, high, caffeinated, doesn't matter. If Shunyamurti is enlightened he knows this. If Shunyamurti is teaching about chasing states, then yes sober God Consciousness is different than tripping God Consciousness.

Day 17 - No Porn/No PMO Day 11 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat Today was a good day. I slept through an alarm and was almost late for a meeting so I missed my normal 1 hour morning meditation. However, after work I did a 30 min yoga session which was fucking crazy, and then was able to realize my deepest rooted authentic desire was to get the hour in even though my conscious desire was to go distract myself with high dopamine yielding activities. So I did the meditation. Had a few minor breakthroughs as well. Sometimes It feels like meditation is moving the equivalent of tectonic plates in the mind. The day to day shifts are barely noticeable if at all and then one day WHAM, earthquake, you have a massive breakthrough or emotional release. The Yoga video for those interested:

Not saying this is true or false, but just concede for a moment that you're interpreting all of this non-dual theory through a human ego. If you were to really merge with the absolute, how would you conceptualize suffering? Or perhaps a more grounded question - the closer your experience moves towards what is absolutely true, how does that change your relationship to the nature of suffering? All of this post is cool to think about, but it does very little justice to this infinite mind you're speaking of.

It’s a complicated topic which can be examined through a variety of lenses and perspectives. However one quick question I like to ask myself which is really effective and practical is this, “If I had more discipline, what action would I be taking right now?” I find this cuts straight to the heart of what my “higher self” would “want.” This doesnt really help with transforming ones resting consciousness per-say, increasing your vibrational state into higher vibrational emotions, but it does allow for insight and practical action you can begin working towards. Hope this helps.

I store mine in the freezer wrapped in cooking sheet, wrapped in tinfoil, in a mason jar with desiccant packs, remove it from the freezer 1-2 hours pre trip, and it works great. Never have had an issue with potency decreasing. If anything my last few LSD trips have felt stronger than normal ? I do the same thing for mushrooms except they’re just chilling in a plastic baggie and it’s working great as well.

Day 16 - No Porn/No PMO Day 10 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat I woke up with some residual emotional unrest, but it felt like whatever emotional release I had yesterday really drained out the negativity I'd been holding onto. In a sense, it's still there because the context which generates those emotions is still very much apart of my experience. However, I think having such a powerful acknowledgement has helps with the overall inner peace of the situation I find myself in. At the very least, I can work towards letting go of the current context, and re-contextualize the situation into one of gratitude. For example, the moments I'm spending with my family are incredibly precious, intimate, and fleeting. I will never get this time back with them; what we have now has been incredibly special and healing for all of us. So in a sense, by being so disturbed about the situation, I'm ignoring the other part of my mind which fully acknowledges and appreciates what we have. Re-contextualization is key, so therefore becoming conscious of the context is key as well. I also suspect COVID is playing a role. I've felt this on an earlier mushroom trip I had which is that COVID is pressurizing humanity right now, forcing latent and unconscious emotions into the surface, and forcing us to deal with them. This is happening both collectively as we try to psychologically manage this new normal, but it's also happening on the individual level with our personal psyches. For the time being I will continue to sit with this, and be patient. I'm really trying to give myself the time and space to properly vision and plan. I'm also trying to take this opportunity to rebuild myself, to truly transform into a version of myself which has the psychological infrastructure needed to step into my vision. Hence this journal, PMO and porn use and to a lesser extend weed and caffeine have been ginormous hurdles on this path of transformation. Interestingly, I had a really wild synchronicity yesterday where I closed my eyes, started scrolling through a book I was reading, and then randomly picked a page to read. The page selection was entirely an intuitive decision. The page I stopped on was the beginning of a chapter labeled "Transformation." And all I could think was "Yep I hear you loud and clear at SELF." Things continue to shift. If I sit and reflect on where I am psychologically compared to where I was even a year ago, I'm much better off despite having no real material changes to show for it. And I think sometimes that's what a theme of life calls for. Some moments are about acquiring physical manifestations such as a University degree, or a high paying job, a house, etc. But this whole year has been about remolding my mind, riding myself of petty subtle addictions, and learning how the mind and ego operate on deeper and deeper levels through meditation and psychedelics primarily, as well as yoga less so. It's also been about learning how to more deeply accept my body for how it is, and its natural limitations. As bitter of a pill as it is to swallow, my body doesn't seem to operate at an energetic level with the likes of Tony Robins for example. Just purely based on physiology, the man will out work me every single time. And that's okay. My pace being less than, slower, more deliberate, is OK. Learning to be at peace with this reality seems to be an important lesson I find myself constantly returning to. How do I balance persistent action towards my goals when I'm working with less energy than a normal human? An answer I don't have yet, but am working on. I think one important step is clearly, and I mean CLEARLY, defining my vision which is a work in process. I could go off on another tangent related to that, but I'm stopping for now. When I'm on my death bed, I know this will be one of the big ones, how did I learn to accept myself, my body, my limitations? The fact that I'm recognizing this now at my age with so much life left is something to be self-grateful for.

Day 15 - No Porn/No PMO Day 9 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat I started thinking about my most recent LSD and mushroom trips tonight and broke down. Feelings of unworthiness loneliness disappointment pathetic lost unsure Selfishness Anger I feel so frustrated at my body, at my lack of energy that just surfaces. My nutrition is on point, my sleep is on point, my exercise is on point, literally everything except I have a major illness that makes living in this broken society feel like an enormous uphill battle the entire way. I feel like I'm in a never ending war with my body and energy levels. Grinding out a regular job leaves my mind and body in a total fog by the end of the day. I barely have energy to workout, never mind exert creative energy towards any sort of long term visioning. I'm frustrated about how badly I fucked up with the girl I texted while on mushrooms. I'm frustrated that I can't go out and meet new women from the virus. I'm frustrated about being a fucking wage slave buried under a mountain of debt I created for myself as an 18 year old idiotically listening to my parents and guidance counselors who told me "debt was okay." I'm tired of the utter unconsciousness of our fellow man. I feel like I don't truly connect with anyone in real life, utterly alone. I have nothing materially gained from the last 6 years of my life. Single. Living with my parents. Buried in debt. Chained to a healthcare system which financially rapes me just so I can stay alive. But somewhere in my heart I know that despite these challenges, there is nothing do but strive to share my highest gifts with the world. There is nothing to do in any one life but fight tooth and nail to self actualize.

Day 14 - No Porn/No PMO Day 8 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat I think Sundays have some how habitually turned into low vibration days. It's like Sundays are the day I'm likely to feel my worst physically, mentally, and emotionally. Today I felt WAY better despite working. I'm going to pay particular attention this Sunday to see what happens.

I suppose this ascension you speak of is outside of this current lifetime. There are no known cases of healing T1D. And unlike other diseases, there are multiple problems at play meaning that it would potentially require twice the effort of healing compared to other diseases. It’s autoimmune but also causes permanent physical damage. Even if I “willed” my immune system back into a state where it doesn't attack my body, Id have ro further “will” the pancreas to regenerate. Reaching some sort of ascended state isn’t what my life seems to be moving towards, but I feel at peace with this particular burden. A body is not who or what I am.

Watched this segment last night with a giant grin on my face the whole time.

Awesome analysis!

Day 13 - No Porn/No PMO Day 7 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat Today felt like a true day of rest. I've been dealing with a lower back injury, and then it felt like my mind was just fried from the culmination of this week. I don't really feel ready to go back to work tomorrow, but interestingly I find work sometimes forces my mind back into productive patterns and get's me out of mental ruts, even if it's not something I'm passionate for. Thank fully tonight is the best my lower back has felt since it got hurt. It seems like my body took advantage of the complete lack of activity and just focused on healing. A LOT was accomplished yesterday... I honestly made some pretty decisive, intuitive and perhaps risky moves. I feel like today was a quasi ego backlash where I was just mentally processing from "yep I just did all of that..." I still have a lot of processing to do, but overall my goals for this weekend were fully accomplished. It just sucks because I don't think my living situation is the healthiest for emotional/mental processing, but it's just part of the challenge right now with this phase of life. I understand it will pass.

Day 12 - No Porn/No PMO Day 6 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat Today I was productive as fuck. One of my most driven Saturdays in a while.... A lot of moving pieces are occurring in my life right now. A lot of seeds were planted today. And so the path continues. I scheduled an air bnb and registered for an online meditation retreat. Long story short, l couldn't get the time off for work if it was a solo meditation retreat, but since it's an official one, I'm able to get the time off. In hindsight, I think doing my first meditation retreat solo would have been too much, too much of a risk for failure. I'm both excited and extremely intimidated at the prospect of the retreat.

Day 11 - No Porn/No PMO Day 5 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat I didn't make it to bed in time last night which made me realize... I didn't really have a good strategy for weekends. Honestly, I'm not too concerned with being strict about the 10pm bedtime on non work days. However, just for the sake of keeping a healthy sleep schedule and embracing the powerful benefits of consistent, rhythmic sleep, I'm keeping my limit at 11pm on weekends. Unfortunately I did not hit this target last night, but I only resolved to commit to this target this morning. Because sleep isn't really an "addiction" in the sense that PMO/Porn is, I'm not bothering with resetting the counter. I'm simply not counting last night. However, if I start consistently missing days and staying up late, I'll reset the counter. For now, I find this to be a balanced approach. I'll update my journal on schedule tonight.

Day 10 - No Porn/No PMO Day 5 - Bed by 10pm It's 10:03.. #Balance. I has the most powerful orgasm in years today with nothing but my imagination. It was incredible. I then went on to have an amazing creative breakthrough. As I write, I recall a really interesting saying, "Acta non verba."

30 days for me and I didn't feel any difference. For workout recovery nutrition, sleep, hydration, prehab, and a solid training program are all going to be the most impactful imo. Used to be way into bodybuilding/powerlifting and these variables always reigned supreme. I was getting phenomenal results back in the day despite constantly pmo’ing and having sex with my girlfriend at the time. Maybe it has made a difference for op.

Does it feel healthy suppressing your sexual energy and desire? What’s the distinction between sexual transmutation and sexual repression? Do you really need 1/2’s worth of semen retention to conquer your goals, attract women, and become successful?

Have you tried looking into breathwork? IME it can be really helpful for unblocking emotions. I'm glad to hear you're seeing a professional though

Day 9 - No Porn/No PMO Day 4 - Bed by 10pm Not much to say today. Today was silent, unimaginative. Things are just moving.

@Lyubov @Jennjenn ?? Have either of you researched her history as a prosecutor in California? How is this a good decision?

Day 8 - No Porn/No PMO Day 3 - Bed by 10pm Today I was presented with two competing motivations. I had this massive urge to play video games, but I remember an intention I'd written down this morning which was to workout after work. I'm proud to say I chose to workout. - I can't figure out what exactly is going on behind the scenes, but I feel like I'm really changing, transforming. In all honestly, I'm extremely dissatisfied with how my last YouTube video turned out. While in a certain sense it was a huge victory, it proved to me my own talent and abilities for videos, on the other, it flopped on the algorithm. More than that though... There's something missing in my channel, throughout its entirety. I can't quite figure out what it is, but whatever "it" is, is moving in the background of my experience, almost like an echo. You hear it, but it sounds faint, subtle, and not quite there unless you're really paying attention. A line I stumbled into today: "Taking Rebellion seriously is never a bad idea, but rebellion without intention is always dangerous." Perhaps it is true intent that my channel is missing. I mean, yes talking about deep spiritual matters is great, but what is my true intent behind speaking? What is the overarching context behind each and every video, each and every word I've spoken on camera? In all honesty.... I don't know if I can give a clear answer. And perhaps that's where this issue is. My vision, intention, presence has felt scattered, and disjointed. The last video I made was EXACTLY the style I'd like the capture, for the first time since I made the channel I'd finally captured the physical aesthetics of the videos, but my internal psychology was still amiss. As we know though, god speaks through silence. To know my Self requires a deep surrender, and inner silence. For now I patiently wait.