DustyWhy

I found the youtube channel a few months ago and watched a few videos, I subscribed but didnt watch anything more. Then some days ago saw the newest video "What Is Spirituality? - A No-Bullshit Intro To Spirituality", that sounded pefect for me so I promised myself I would watch it all eventhough it was so long. Im glad I did, I feel wiser now, even if its just a little compared to the infinite Truth haha. But as I was watching it a stress grew bigger and bigger in me. I feel so overwhelmed by it all and I feel this big need to talk directly about it with someone. And then I got sad because I really want to take in all the information in the video, and for some reason I feel like I cant do that if I cant talk with someone. So you can imagine how happy I got when Leo mentioned this forum. I can say this, if I get answers to my questions and thoughts on here, I promise I will give spirituality a shot I just need to be guided in the beggining. I guess some background information on me can be good. Im 20 and Ive always been more of a science/sceptic/rational guy, but Ive always had a latent interest in spirituality. Ive always thought spirituality seemed to have some wise insights, altough I was also very critical against it because it didnt make sense to me. It still doesnt haha. I do feel like I can say that Im more spiritually developed than most people though, and I have kiiiiiind of had one or two mystical experiences. When I did the quiz at the end of the video I got tens on all of them except two. I also think I might be an empath... I have always been really passionate about finding truth. I feel its my mission to find it, although I always thought science/rationality would be my method to find it, Im still not sure if I will find it with spirituality. I can confidently say that I WILL find it, I cant be happy in life otherwise, Ive known that a long time. But right now Im really scared, and I really dont like the idea of spending so much time meditating and reading all the books like Leo says. I will do it if thats really necessary, but Im really scared and I really dont like it I feel like my inner sceptic must "lose" completely if Im gonna be able to do this. Leo did almost all the work, but theres still one piece of sceptic thats hanging on. Theres one question left before it loses completely, and I really hope it loses because I really want to start this spiritual journey of mine, but I wont be able to do it if this scepetic is still hanging on. As Ive understood it from the video the next step for me is to read books and wait for my first mystical experience. So the question I have is basically, how do I know that when I read the books they arent tricking me? How do I know that this mystical experience I will have is not just my brain playing a trick on me? Keep in mind this is my sceptic side asking this question. I know the arguements Leo said, that all there is, is the mind. But Im sadly still not able to trust that, Im still too scared of tricking myself into a false woo woo experience. Im gonna be honest and say that you probably wont convince me with one answer, it will probably take some back and forth discussion. But I promise that I will try my very best to let my self be convinced, and I hope you will convince me And I hope Ive found the right place for that. If I am convinced I can see myself becoming active on this forum too. I hope I wont discourage anyone from answering with such a long first post like this haha. Thanks in advance!

I realize theres maybe one more thing I should tell, its about trust and my relation to trusting. Im gonna assume this is a good place to get personalized advice. Because I need personalized advice, thats why I got so happy when I found out about this forum. I have a complicated history with trust. First of all I have gotten tricked by many people and society, leading me to become very sick. Yes, I know we all have been tricked by society, that much I have understood from you guys. But its still a part of my hisory with trust. Secondly I have problems with trusting myself, specifically trusting my senses. And I think this is why its so hard for me to go meditate, and to trust myself if I have a mystical experience and all that. Yes, I understand that you will say that once I have it I will trust it, fair enough. But that doesnt change the fact that Im scared about it. I guess its best if I actually tell why this is, so you can frame it correctly. Ive was tricked into thinking I was mentally ill. Throughout my teenage years I often got told that I had hallucinations by my parents. I believed I had a disease that made my senses unreliable. It should be pretty easy to see why this leads to a hard time trusting myself, especially my senses. The last 9 months I have begun repairing myself, building up trust in myself. But that yourney isnt over yet, Im still not fully repaired. Therefore its hard for me to feel relaxed when you tell me that I need to find the Truth by means of trusting my senses.

@Juan Cruz Giusto Thanks for the reply. I got many recomendations but what you said about reading critiques of materialism sparked my interest. Thats the one thing from all the recomendations that actually felt fun, and not like a chore. So I think I should start there. Its just Im really unsure if I can afford it. I mean technically I can, but I dont feel like I can afford spending money on something if Im not sure it will be of value to me. I understand its a weird thing to ask, but do you have any tips on how I can be comfortable with spending money on it when theres a risk it might not be of value for me? I understand this is outside the realm of spirituality. But it is within the realm of self-development, and Im just being honest with the fact that I do need help with this (silly) thing.

@Leo Gura youre right it is fear. Altought I didnt use the word fear to begin with, I always knew it was about some kind of fear. I think I labeled it as hesitance or something internally. Everything you explained about truth being direct, I already knew. Your video did a really good job at explaining that its impossible to outsmart it with rational thought. So I dont really have a problem with that. I also agree that woo woo is an excuse by ignorant people. Thats why Ive always been interested in spirituality, because it embraces cutting edge science. Thats why your video was so effective on me, it really spoke to the part of me that thinks that scientist and rational sceptics are narrow minded. The part of me that gets disgusted by that they cant give new and different ideas credit simply because that would jeopardize their status as a scientist.

Sorry I havnt responded yet, been busy. Thanks for all the replies.

Sorry I havnt responded yet, been busy. Thanks for all the replies. Ive had more time to think so I want to expand on what I really meant with my (shitty) title. I didnt mean "convince me that spirituality isnt woo woo" or "convince me of the Truth". I meant "I want to give spirituality a shot, but I cant bring myself to do it. Convince me that i should do this". It was more about convicing me emotionally than about convincing a sceptic mind.

@Leo Gura Ok I do see that my title was really bad, sorry about that. I guess it makes it a little understandable why you reacted like you did, but still I think you were way to harsh because the contents of my post is nothing like that misleading title. My biggest mistake in life was to trust people, so I sure know I shouldnt trust anything. Im not exagerating, it really was the biggest mistake in my life, brought me alot of suffering. I dont know how you, who have discovered the Truth, can trust the Truth is true. But I guess its just a dead end asking you about that haha. Thanks I havnt read it! Ill read it tomorrow.

Im gonna answer you all at the same time because it seems to me you are all making the same points. First off all, youre assuming a whole lot of stuff about me, please stop that. No one of you know me, you dont what what Ive been through in life, you dont know how if I have suffered. Secondly, why do you think Im lazy? Didnt I make it very clear in my first post that I will do whatever it takes to find the truth? What have I said that makes it sound like Im gonna sit on my ass and expect it delivered to me? I was very clear with that I will put in the time and the effort if thats whats it takes. Thirdly, theres something I really dont understand. From your videos Leo, it seems like you want to spread the word and spread a positive message. Thats not at all the vibe Im getting in here. I dont know, maybe Im overreacting and take things too personal, but tbh you guys really dont feel like yuo want to be helpful and welcoming. Ive had a very bad impression of most of you in this thread. I feel looked down up on just because Im a beginner. Correct me if it isnt like that, but if it is like that, do you really think thats gonna make newbies like me want to stay here? If your goal really is to spread the message and to help people, dont you think what youre doing is counter intuative? It almost seems like youre trying to scare me away I get Im risking getting banned or something from this forum when Im saying all this stuff. I hope you wont do that, Im not aiming this to any of you personally. Im not after drama, Im just being honest because I think honesty is really really really important. As Ive said before, I want to learn from you guys, its just youre making it really hard for me. Im not being lazy, I just dont know what to do. I hope you will see what Im trying to say in this message. Gonna add some hearts becuase feel this chat could use some positivity, and I want to show that Im real about this. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

@Leo GuraGood questions! Of course I cant answer. But as you understand, from my perspective it looks like everything posses the same risk of not being real. So I guess my question is how I should pick one over the other. You say spirituality is real, scientists say science is real, and I cant tell which one I should trust. Really, I just dont know what to do