Mu_

Are you sure your not just dealing with anger? Anger exists at all stages. Look into books on anger and maybe some shadow work. It's a really big topic. What are some examples in your life, that may help me/us answer more into the question.

What exactly do you want to hear to be convinced? Many enlightened teachers have said that the majority of people come to these questions your wanting to know about, after a life lacking of satisfaction. Life has shown these people through the materialist mindset and way of living that something is missing, they've earned all the money they can, have a house, had all the sex they can, had kids, followed everything they have been taught will bring them happiness meaning and contentment and still something is missing, life is seen as a forced activity that they begrudgingly follow and live within. Because they've experienced it all or gone through a lot of suffering, they are willing to explore something new. You however are 20, with little life experience, the world is ahead of you and open, you probably haven't suffered much, you felt something in Leo's video that made you curious. This path is not a pleasurable path in its entirety, you will most likely have to look into things that question you to the core. I was one of the biggest skeptics around and still have a skeptics mind, however if you really want to look at this whole thing like a scientist dont you need to approach things with an open mind and work with the tools laid out to see what they produce? Meditation, yoga, spiritual knowledge/books, you gotta use yourself as the experiment. The idea that your mind will trick you into believing woo woo stuff goes both ways no? Why do you believe your mind hasn't already tricked you, is everything you see as you see it or is there more to the picture. Do you even know yourself as well as you think you do?

@Tony 845 Ya that sounds about normal when your looking past your normal mode of thinking and being. If your not exercising, include that a 3x a week, that can help ground you and produce the right chemicals to help you feel good and in general its good for your health anyways.

really cool man, keep it up. what are some questions you have? Everything misagh's said so far has been spot on.

Its one of the pillars of Buddhism I believe and its had a profound effect on my life as well. I'll have to watch this video because I want to get a lot of insights on the power of facing death.

Thanks, I needed to hear that

Agreed.

I have no bone to pick here friend. If you feel as though your coming from an absolute view of IS, then thats your right, I respect that. And if you feel as though I was coming from a place of fear in my comment to begin with then I respect that as well. Maybe I was, I'm just not aware of it.

I think your right, what is gained is more lightness of being or any number of newnesses. And your right there may be no need to realize. I think serotoninluv was saying almost the same thing, minus the part I shared or perhaps the language was perceived differently on my end from what he meant it.

Hey, I don't know if I should be chime in here, but something that may be of interest in your search has to do with something you shared in your last sentence. Again I agree for the most part with all of what was said in your conversation with SOUL, but with one subtlety. "With time, that which is on the left and right side of IS dissolves and there is only IS" Can the IS ever said to be realized from by any means "within/without", since really isn't IS the infinity of all perspectives/matter/everything which could never be seen from one experience? I found within myself that there was still an idea that at some point IS would finally be realized, a static or changing something "within", or that at times I was some how seeing/being IS and had "realized", which was a relief because its not possible. Aren't All experiences changing, including any momentary or what feels like up to that point realizations (one that someones been having for say 5-10 years) that could change?

I was in this loop of conception your trying to describe and claim to understand, and perhaps I'm diluted, But who's to say the IS you say your seeing from, before you put into concept, is IS. These just sound like idea's. No doubt your experiencing something, but the idea of knowing your coming from an absolute seeing of IS, is just an idea. I mean I don't mean to scare you, but......

no, I'm Mu, dont get it confused.

Not always, but it does cut to the chase sometimes in ways that are helpful. I respect what your saying and the good intent you have in this.

Ya concentrate on your studies, but set aside 5-10 mins to meditate if you can, it can help deepen your understandings and improve your school capacities as well Good luck

@RolandM First rule of fight club, is dont talk about fight club (at least not to your therapist or family and perhaps friends for the time being since this may alarm them and set of that idea that your going crazy). You had a awakening it sounds like and one that shook you pretty good. And your right, if things improved why question it. Hmmm your asking a big question, one that not many people can answer. If you want to fully stay there, your probably going to have to invest your life and being with a group of people who are genuine in their pursuits can help, along with a teacher/person of knowledge that can provide insight and value to your search. But the doubt thing your hoping to overcome is a hard one, it may always chatter in the background, but if you can learn to see it for what it is, you can stabilize in a evolving truth (again this isn't a recipe kinda thing, its a learn as you go thing). For now I'd say get some basics in order, like getting a education or something that will allow you to provide for yourself first. Continue to watch video's, read about the subject and be apart of the forum. Pick up some mediation and look into gratitude practices within the time you have with your studies. Maybe practice a little yoga of some sort, Leo seems to like Kriya yoga I believe. Hell even just lifting weights in a conscious way can be excellent. Look into shadow work, but be prepared for some resistance and really dealing with some shit you don't like. And keep coming back to your awakening experience with curious attention, looking for nothing, this can possibly provide fuel and openning and intuition into how to proceed (like try to refeel it and feel the insights you had). You had some profound insights, so keep coming back to those and trust yourself (you wrote them eloquently) HOWEVER, if you have a burning in your heart that continues to eat at you to do more to illuminate this, then listen and follow that Feel free to ask any more questions.

I agree one route is to intellectually understand then come to a deeper experiential sense/feel. Congrats on more understanding.

The question is kinda funny. Theres an "assumption" thats theres "something" to "fully" "realize". But by all means if you feel like there is something you know about yourself, follow it to its to conclusion and let it go or not. However to stay in the spirit of the question, I'd say I get caught up in over thinking sometimes and paying more attention than I need to fear and anxiety.

I wrote a long ass something or other, that may answer this in a drive by shooting kinda way.

Any form or pursuit, even the so called path one thinks their to enlightenment ones ego can become very comfy in and said person can just become a convinced prideful expression of a being judging others from their position of awakening. Theres two sides to this coin.

Yes, feeling and experiencing as your full livingness is a very different vantage point then the knowledge. It may not necessarily bring you more happiness, but you may find that finding more happiness is not as important as it once seemed and the result is something very interesting Keep pondering my above questions and feel into them, whats your experience.

Congrats those are some deep recognition's. What you've said so far in this thread sounds like wisdom within the umbrella of enlightenment which don't forget is just a word. Why do you think your not enlightened? What measure do you use to determine this? Its a deep rabbit hole this stuff And its all fluff. Based upon what you've shared so far I'd say if your really interested in going "deeper" "Feel" into the nature of free will and its opposite. Did you have a realization or did it arise, is there a thinker or do thoughts arise. Do you feel or are things felt. Leave all answers open, but live each possibility, find out what remains. I get the sense that you have knowledge, but the felt side of these realizations are not grounded or tangible. Again all this is up to you and optional. If at any point you freak out on this journey, just remember to be a treat others with decency and find gratitude in it all.

No, I am Mu.

Hey Igor82, A few things to avoid getting yourself stuck in some spirituality traps. Ego is not all about the negative emotions, and truth the positive ones. Thinking like this can get you into states in which you are going through something with negative emotions and you find yourself thinking your not on the path anymore, something is not in alignment or its something you call an ego. Life, the path what ever you want to call it, is not always going to feel good, getting to a place where you can DEEPLY let that in will translate to suffering less about this whole thing called living. LP and enlightenment are not exclusive, so don't worry about it. If your feeling drawn to meditate, meditate, also remember you do need a form of income as well, so don't avoid that area of your life. Dont worry about building a ego, its already there, your ego will appear along any endeavour, its up to you to get sucked in or not.

Way to go man, keep going. See what happens when you start to change.

Awesome man.