Mu_

No, I am Mu.

Hey Igor82, A few things to avoid getting yourself stuck in some spirituality traps. Ego is not all about the negative emotions, and truth the positive ones. Thinking like this can get you into states in which you are going through something with negative emotions and you find yourself thinking your not on the path anymore, something is not in alignment or its something you call an ego. Life, the path what ever you want to call it, is not always going to feel good, getting to a place where you can DEEPLY let that in will translate to suffering less about this whole thing called living. LP and enlightenment are not exclusive, so don't worry about it. If your feeling drawn to meditate, meditate, also remember you do need a form of income as well, so don't avoid that area of your life. Dont worry about building a ego, its already there, your ego will appear along any endeavour, its up to you to get sucked in or not.

Way to go man, keep going. See what happens when you start to change.

Awesome man.

Lol, I'm still chuckling about that. My wife had a similar experience to yours now that I've recalled her ayahusca experience, she couldn't hold onto the notion of me, herself, family, anything, she didnt know where she was, it was the most terrifying thing she said she ever did and she didn't couldn't synthisis anything out of it, it just scared her, but did leave her with a appreciation for things when everything returned She is also able to do interesting shamanic healing work intuitively now, even though she has no training, So maybe there was something that came through in her experience. So is your reality relatively back to normal at this point? Do certain things linger? You still trying to understand? I'm curious.

You don't need to a guru to stand on your head. If you physically aren't able, dont do it, but if your able to try it "could" work. Up to you

I lost it when you said there is no batman. I think the one thing you missed that is important that can ground it for you is, it is all real, this right now, your family, your friends, your life, your past struggles, your current ones, youve got nothing to be afraid of in it all. Its all an illusion AND its all real.

Can you safely do a head stand or against the wall? I use to do this when I had similar issues for a few minutes. Really balanced things out sometimes.

Forgiving these people and understanding them as humans who are just humans not knowing how they effect others with their actions, no inherent fault of their own, conditioned by their family, friends and environment. If a dogged barked at you really loud and scared you, would you remain hurt and mad at it for the rest of your life, or would you go oh thats just a dog, it just does dog things, forgive it and move on, and maybe love the next dog you see cause they are so cute.

Yes it does get weirder and weirder, just wait till you dissolve into emptiness for the first time. But yea, look into yourself first, and get some real clarity.

I get you. I've been in the same place as you for years in the past. What is it that you want someone to get about you? You may be having a yearning to connect with soul and your looking for that in others, but your not finding it. It sounds like you need to start looking a little more into yourself for what your looking for.

If it were only so easy, but I do like your optimism.

Good luck out there. I felt the same thing at one point. Use to meditate for 3 hrs every day and 6 on Sunday for a few years (fucking mind blowing) but reached a point where I knew I was not helping myself anymore on that cushion. Relationships, hard work, suffering taught some needed experience. Best of luck. P.S. Careful with the observing yourself observing yourself, your not seeing what you think you are.

Don't think about blue, orange, green, yellow, or Turq. to much, it sounds like a mental distraction for a person like you who recognizes they think to much. My sense is you need to really sit down with yourself and get a little real. Set aside sometime to do this. Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, meditate for 5-10 minutes and really go as deep as you can and ask yourself, what is it I'd wish I'd done with my life if I died today, what would I have really liked to do, know, understand, change, have said, anything what ever it is, write it down. Do this for a week each day until you've really got something and go with that and dont look back till its complete. If you dont come up with something after a week, accept this phase of your life as a transition, relax, make the most of your job, relationships and community, maybe meditating from time to time, realizing your complete and nothing needs to happen, your good with everything up to your life at that point and theres nothing wrong with that.

Awesome man, enjoy your life.

You'll have to find out for yourself, no one really can answer this.

The words are just words. Different people have different meanings behind them. Most the time they are the same, but not always, thats why its good to clarify sometimes. @SoonHei

Definitely, the less you get wrapped in yourself the more inspiration, joy and helpfulness you can bring to the table. Forget the whole idea of killing your ego, any active thing you think your doing to a thing called a ego in your minds eye is not going to get you anywhere. Meditation is great overall, go for it.

People are pretty fixed in their ways in general, the best thing you can do is embrace everyone from where there at in the best way you know how. For me I understand people all come from particular families, perhaps from different global regions, are raised with different value systems, have inherited particular historical tendencies and these drive this person forward and make most of their choices for them. We are all human and the more you look into yourself you see that you just dont really know how things are actually working and at the same time you realize you are so much the same as others. Hopefully this can lead you to being more understanding, less reactive and more compassion to your family and those you encounter. Its like yelling at a plant for growing up towards the sky and being green, it doesn't appear to have much choice.

Why did you delve into the non-duality side of things if you felt good about your first goal? I don't see them as mutually exclusive honestly. Strive to be the best version of yourself Help others, keep an open mind and heart along the way. For now look at non-duality or oneness as a opportunity to get in touch with new layers and dimensions of the totality that you currently think you are, just do what you were doing before you read about it, not try and subtract what you read about will lead you to non-duality. I mean in general terms isn't what you read about non-duality supposedly already happenning 100% right now as you as you are right now with all of your current intentions, body, mind, beliefs? So dont even bother trying to figure out how to get there by a process of any sort, like the thinking your doing about what it would require you to do to realize the already true state or how some concept of an "ego" is some how keeping You away from yourself. Your trying to put yourself on a path of some spiritual idea you've concocted and read about that will bring you to some truth You've conceived. Really man just drop it and go with your passion.

I can only imagine man. You've had a hard life, not many people can honestly say that, no family, the legal felonies over your head, homelessness. I'd say do your best to create some stability for yourself and girlfriend via work, really look at whats important to you and really go for that. And you also seem to have a lot of anger about people, maybe life? Looking into this somehow through inquiry or finding help with someone who you can talk about some of these issues, because they have a high chance of undermining your life. Hell I'll try and help you if I can What is it about comfort that irritates you so much? Why don't you trust anything? You can message me if you don't want to speak publicly.

Whats your goal for starters? By the sounds of it, you are looking for something that you believe that by contemplating or being present with will get you closer to or farther from depending on which you do more of. ??

I actually think you were in the "right" to begin with, but at this point its probably time to drop it, look within or take the action you want and try to get this forum moderated to your liking through time and investment along a path of choices you would need to take.

Don't worry your not the only one struggling with this question, its been in the hearts and minds of many a student and teacher for centuries. There's two camps of thinking on this matter (and infinite variations in between). On the one side you have a multifold path like Buddhism in which you cultivate the mind and body with meditation, practical work/duties, mantra's, scriptures (although they call it something different), silent retreats (that can sometimes last for years) all the while keeping in mind that this is a life time work and not to get to frustrated and bullheaded that you need to do it as fast as you can, all now, cause the world is going to burn down if you don't. Then on the farther end of spectrum you have traditions that speak to the silliness of trying anything to recognize whats already your true nature. Any spiritual seeking is a new story clouding the already present truth of your true self, already full, already true. By the sounds of what your doing to improve your life, I'd stick with that. If your all over the place and confused with non-duality/consciousness, just drop the dialogue at that time and don't put yourself through the mental mind fucking. I can tell you first hand its not going to get you any closer, and if your honest with yourself and let in the nature of what non-duality is potentially pointing to, panicky dialogue in your head is not the route, right? Working with someone on these matters can be really helpful sometimes as well, especially with these particular topics, who knows the terrain, the trappings and the usefulness of certain practices. I can't say I'm that person, but I do have 20 years exposure to this path. Let me ask you what do you mean by ". After learning about non duality and what increasing ones consciousness is supposed to ultimately lead to, it makes me question whether this life purpose and vision I have set out on is truly the right path for me. I'm wondering if this self concept tied into my purpose and vision would hamper the consciousness work and finding who I truly am at the core as well as seeing reality for what it really is. " What is your purpose and vision first of all? What did you learn/read about non-duality and consciousness (are these two separate things in your current understanding) and why do you feel it might be the wrong path for you? What do you mean by self concept tied into your purpose and vision?

Thats awesome.