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@Rowan Glad to hear. If your ever getting neurotic its generally a good sign to pause and introspect, especially if its around spiritual work. My dad used to get stressed, and then me stressed about needing to meditate with him in the morning when I was a young kid (maybe 10-11). Then he realized that it was kinda working against part of its purpose.... Kinda like that.

@Rowan It sounds like you have a pretty good understanding of your direction at this point. From what I can gather you feel a little bit nerotic and repetitive in what your doing. These may be signs to cut back a little on the things that feel that way (not completely) and replace them with something that is in line with your desire/goals but just at a new angle, like polishing the otherside of a stone that needs to be refined (you are this stone). For example if you are feeling a little burnt out on meditation, cut back a day or two and replace it with something that builds the same qualities but just from another angle. If you want to share the thing or things in particular your burnt out on, I can maybe try and give you some perspective on what may be a good replacement (or maybe you know the answer to this if you set a little time to think about it). The second thing is appreciation gratitude that you brought up. While I didn't exactly point to those things its interesting that you saw the importance of these none the less. I'm gonna take that as a little sign to put some energy and attention on these. You see I was on what you may call a spiritual path for 15+ years and despite 100's of mystical experiences, understandings and changes to my consciousness, I had this unhealthy yearning for the next thing, for more understanding, for some ideal constant emotionally pleasing image of what I wanted my life to look like in order to be happy, that I remained dissatisfied. It wasn't until I really saw that I wasn't appreciating and having gratitude for the journey, for my life, simply being alive with for no reason at all, was I really able to start being happy..... Theres many gratitude practices out there, I'm sure google could bring up a big list. Take a look and see what connects with you, and maybe add that in with what you replace.

@Ampresus 14 years old. Good for you You should read as much as you like and feel like, follow your heart. Don't worry about it giving you an advantage or not. The point of this work is to bring you closer to life, humanity, the galaxy, not give you an advantage.

This is really great, you point to some really interesting things that are similar in my own understanding in the past. How would you say your view has change on this same subject. You may find this interesting, it was my first post on this site, and while still usefull in its intention, is not totally in line with how I see and understand now, but I think you may find it interesting. Then again maybe not.....

HI Ampresus, How old are you? What are you looking for in these books? Or is it just a passion inside your mind or heart?

Hey Rowan, sounds like your doing a number of things, although not necessarily to much. What is your goal with this work. Why on this particular day did you think that maybe your doing to much? Or has this thought been building? IF so whats the reasoning? Are you not making progress along the lines of what your doing this work for? Is it not happening as fast as you like? With some more information maybe answer I can answer your question better.

Isnt "full of shit" just your way of seeing and feeling about said object/situation? Sounds like your just angry, which is fine, but don't wrap it around the truth of existence, humans in particular in this case.

Groups 1 suffering is a big motivater (this can't be underestimated). Really being in the suck will give you the energy to look into why your in the suck and whats the factors causing it and the energy to surrender or make changes to correct the suck. Group 2 is pretty content and the nature of change being one that can cause some resistance or discomfort for a number of people (some say the right perspective can change how much this discomfort is in change) causes group 2 to easily fall back to "hmm my lifes alright the way it is" and not look deeper into the rabbit hole of existence.

You will sink into a void you can't comprehend, come out of it with the biggest oh my god WTF, I'm one with the fucking universal infinity, and perhaps then decide what you really want to do with your life. Great track by the way.

God no please dont do that. My friend when he was in his 20's meditated 24 hrs straight because he believed it would help him attain enlightenment. He did this a few times and he has had bad knee's ever since. This is not a joke, dont meditate more then a few hours a time tops, unless you've worked you way up to it for years. Don't even start with more then a hour tops a day for the most part, some exceptions, but just dont, not worth the turmoils you can kick off.

I see. Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you got what you needed to hear.

In regards to your whole conversation with GeoLura, I think what your advising may not be useful for some, even if it holds truth for say 50% (arbitrary number) of people. If someone is a alcoholic or a drug addict, I'd be very hesitant in sharing your idea's as a solution to their current situation. Maybe I'm wrong but some effort perspective I feel would go a longer way for them in the critical point that they are at.

Don't get lost in idea of "now" moments either. This can be just a seeking of some experiential idea you have of what the moment looks like. keep going back to the recognition you had.....anything thats going on at all times no matter the apparent "now moment" is infinite intelligence unfolding. This may be a hard process, because at some point, you'll start shedding your identity and this transformation process can be a shit show inside, so be prepared, but dont expect it either, for some its easy.

I like something about your question but I'm not exactly sure what your asking. Are you asking how transnational thinking sees certain things? Or the language that would be used? Or both? From my own evolving experience I've landed on new words or metaphors that seem to do perhaps better jobs of getting a point across. For example I just learned the definition of Atonal from a producer friend describing a piece I really didn't like. It then hit me that Atonal is a great way to describe many things in my life experience I couldn't find better words for. Perhaps I'm putting my own spin on this word, but my Atonal life is like events and learning story pieces of god happenings that sculpt and mold new functions and perceptions of being and seeing. They arise without warning sometimes and no context, ending, sometimes but not always, with a understanding of a why. Free will disappears and happening happens, with moments of free will being felt as a real things sculpting a situation into conscious reality (like being aware of a context to a situation like my wife is upset about something and in that moment a choice appears that can take the situation one way or another, knowing full well that one will have immediate reactions or the other will create understanding hopefully and no conflict....basic things). Perhaps its rationality returning in spurts, staying linear for unknown periods, wooshing unexpectedly into transnational experience. As I write this I can see perhaps more into your question and is there a language that is possibly better suited for these types of phases. So far language has been good enough....hmm have the mull that one some more. But Atonal is in general a good way I think to describe life, and perhaps it fits into a transpersonal field of thinking (I'm not sure exactly where rational ends and trans begins in kens slicing of reality). Life is not linear always or often, things plop into existence (a great phrase from Alan Watts), all is one and not everything has a destiny, but some things do, expectations area constantly being shattered, things run smoothly sometimes for years on end, tragedies happen, regression feels like it happens, nothing can make sense..... atonal......... this word feels like a great description for a thing called life. Although you could argue that atonal is only from the standpoint of rational thinking, and that transnational recognizes this as the norm and actual, but I'd one up this (jokingly) and say there is no actual experience that is actual and that all experience is just that, one of the infinity possibilities of god/infinity happening and playing out....

There are many angles where this can be approached from but since "how to be wise" went at it from the angle she did, I'll just piggy back that approach and build on it to help you. Have you ever wondered where your thoughts, idea's and feelings about stuff come from? Or do you assume you did them or have them? Things may arise of their own accord/design more then you assume. What you call you and yours may be apart of something grander at work. It wasn't long ago that the greeks I believe had this idea about being vessels for muses for gods/creativity itself. Some of the big thinkers/artists didn't assume they had ideas of ones own creation, these idea's/gifts/new thoughts were graces of something bigger than them, creating something new through them and into the world.. You may not be what you think you are and how things all fall into place may not be what you think as well, and thats a start to breaking the veil into a new seeing.... I'm pretty sure its safe to say that seeing will remain, but this idea of "you" is the big question here, and probably has more layers then you've currently realized. If you've never watched Alan Watts, look him up on youtube, hes got a big view and a great way of getting to your question. He was once a philosopher at Oxford and a fairly experienced zen monk.

I dont know you well enough to give you self reflection, but if your like most people on this forum, including myself, you probably think you know more then you do, you probably take positions that are partially true and are argued that they are the full truth and I've been called cold hearted as well and it boiled down to seeing humans from a vantage point of me seeing myself as free and the person talking to me about their suffering as though it was just coming from a place of illusion. There for I didn't have much empathy for them (where as now having gained more understanding, I can see both my original vantage point but realized that their suffering is suffering, a suffering of a life).

I see, sounds like that is something you still have to work out with her and yourself.

I see, Is it your experience now that there is no future or past or is it just a belief at this point? Also whats changed since your enlightening moment that makes you feel like you lost it? Wouldn't your experience now be of the infinite intelligence happening as what ever is taking place in the now believed/felt experience of loosing it? How could the actuality of the recognition not be happening?

Your getting a lot of good pointers here. Let me ask you this, what did you realize in those 10 seconds? Did you realize the definition that you gave joseph maynor? IFFFF so, then isn't all that is currently happening now and in all future and past moments that infinity wether your having that direct "enlightening moment". If your experience was not the definition you gave, what was it exactly, I may be able to speak to that....

Can you confront the situation with your dad in a sane way or will it become abusive? If its a dead end path that you've tried to rectify over time with no result, its sometimes the best choice to move out on your own, that alone can change some of the things your depressed about as long as you believe you did the right thing, because if you don't you may live with guilt then. Negative environments can create and feed depression, and I know on a more absolute level you can see your role in it, but there is a environmental role to these things to outside of choice. I understand why you would want to bring your mom with you, she's suffering to under this situation to probably. Can you have a heart to heart with your mom on these matters without your dads knowledge so you can come to a good decision on these matters for the both of you so you can have peace making a choice?

Thats also a very good point, but its also true that you can keep on loving blue and red and they remain destructive in some area's and maybe its best to let blue and red be over there and not in a discussion of a particular nature that is gonna trigger them or that they will unconsciously turn into a aggressive debate. Man that sounds higher then though, but it is so not, haha. All that said, I dont see in red blue actually, but I get the metaphor and perhaps its best up to a point to love and guide and point, but then when the hand that your helping keeps lashing out and cutting you, you may need to remove or ban....

Well said.

I was in your shoes man, and I'd been on this journey 15 years. I can tell you without a doubt there is something to discover. However, just because you feel and see the way you do now doesn't mean your on the wrong path. If you truely want to know who you are and the truth of the world, dont be afraid to drop all searching and do something worldy or non-sensical for a while leaving searching behind FULL STOP. The desire to know will reveal itself in some form in your new quest, just live life as you feel.

Have you inquired honestly into why you do this? Thats a good place to start. If your confused, put some of your answers here, and maybe you can get some perspective.