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Thats a really good point, it is easy to get frustrated for the reasons you said.

So I've just started making video's and since I've been frequenting these forums for the last two months and getting to know some of you, I thought I'd post one I did on Halloween, and some how feels relevant. Let me know what you think.

Your actually onto a lot of truth here, and its very important to let in. You may actually like my video I just made, it may hit home for you. In fact a lot of what I say comes from a perspective much like your seeing into now.... Oh and yea it was Halloween.

Ya I wouldn't force anything on him, in general, maybe if you guys knew eachother for longer you could bring up some of the Leo reflecting stuff. But if you want him to look into some of these same subject matters, perhaps Alan Watts is a good alternative. He's brilliant, educated (oxford professor in philosophy and religion I believe), experienced in Buddhism, and probably one of the best story tellers and synthesizers of knowledge around (although he's dead).

Honestly, for a sense of relief, believing it was what was supposed to be done, wanting to help others.

Direct experience, consciousness, human, neurons, universe, they are all made up of and not separate from origin itself.

In regards to one of your questions about questioning whats good/positive in your beliefs/life. I think its not that important. If your happy, your happy, if theres a reason why, maybe its useful, maybe not. But if there are things that cause you pain and ruin your energy, just focus on that, let the good be as it is. Then in regards to your first question, whats good and whats bad/evil at some point may just appear to be neither one or the other, it simply is the case and unlabeled (and generally there is a profound peace with this). But ya jack may be right, this can just be more to get confused over, lol.

You sound like your just getting into this stuff. I wrote on some of these questions today. Just go with your desire after you read the New Seeker section.

Great to hear that this stuff works for others as well, mind blowing isnt it. Keep it up, infinity is the limit.

i, I, but thats silly to.

Don't toss the baby out with the bathwater. Don't shut down because of what you think it means to accept shit/torture as beautiful, you'd be doing a disservice to yourself. Perhaps a way that makes more sense for you now is to see it as at being able to see the shit/torture and not hate it, but understand why its there and how it came to be. Understand that the murder or rapist was himself raised in a environment where he was beaten/shunned from society or raped themselves. They were met with hate their whole life and knew nothing more then to do the same from the xamples they were shown and treated as. When you can see them in this light, you can't help but understand why they are the way they are (and you may even have a little compassion for them at this point).

Isn't it only half truth that communicating the mystery destroys the mystery? It's been my experience that communication/hearing it can awaken one/others to profound mysteries and depths of life/god/matter/science/emotion/humanity/silence, its a beautiful thing. Its an equal trap and disservice to say only in silence is true, isnt it?

I would probably act the same way if that was forced on me. Doesnt sound like unhealthy anger to me.

If you need something super short term to earn money and have a car, food delivery in a decent neighborhood can get you better then average money right away. 8 years ago when I was going to massage school and prior while saving up I delivered 32-35 hrs a week for a popular pizza place and made about 35K. As long as they pay you a 8-10 wage, + tips it works out well. Beyond that, becoming a Diagnostic Medical Imaging and X-Ray Technicians, Dental Hygenist, Physical therapy assistant and trade school positions like, plumbers, educated construction workers, electricians, welders are in high demand. The list above can be done in about 2 years.

Hey WindinTheLeaf, In regards to your question to Nahm. I wrote a piece, actually my first post on this forum. My head was spinning with these same exact questions and loops, doubts and perhaps some anxiety that can go with this kinda stuff sometimes. Maybe it will help you see or find balance in letting it be a mystery.

Someone get this man a temple and some students. No but honestly, good advice.

Chopping wood is shown to raise testosterone in men more then any activity, more the sex and weight lifting.

Welcome to the forum. Ya turquoise wisdom and orange wisdom seem counter to one another, but not really. One says improve yourself, your weak points, things that you can do now to improve your current state so you can be happier later. The other says enjoy yourself for what you are now (sorta). This may sound weird but I say enjoy your comfort zone and embrace it and if you are really content then whats really the issue, but if doing this does not make you happy and your feeling like you should improve yourself, go about those things GRADUALLY. From the little you said you sound like a all or nothing kinda guy. As a bodyworker, yoga teacher, meditator and movement professional for 10+ years, I meet a lot of people who think they need to get work out regularly, like 5-7 times a week to get results. Nah, just get a good 3-4 days in of an activety that gets your heart up and uses your muscles some, and have at least some fun doing it. If you slip up one day, dont go into the blame game, just do it the next day. Changing a diet? Don't go gung ho! with it. Take gradual steps. Like you want to lose weight, cut back on some of the sugars you eat for a month and maybe some of the bread/rice/carbs, like just some, nothing that makes you go damn this sucks, just a little at a time. Next month do a little more, and ask yourself, how am I feeling with the changes, could I do a little more next month. Just go slow, it will stick longer. Ya just forget about the every day plan, just give yourself 3-4 days to do something each week and they can vary between when you just feel lazy, soif last monday you worked about, but this monday you don't want to, just go tuesday. I suggest this with meditation, and any activity honestly.

You sound like a great kid. Wish you the best on your journeys.

Don't worry about being a skeptic, its fine normal and not against any-kind of truth. When I asked, What would it be like to let go of "Is it one or the other, and the idea's you attach to each of these". This is a opportunity for you to step into something new by dropping your need to figure one or the other out as truth or not. You may actually find more answers in letting go in this manner then thinking, not all answers come from thinking. And if your not ready for that, then ask yourself the following. What would it be like to not have answer or a need to ask the question. It may make you very uncomfortable, and it may not, but if it does, question into the need to know and what it would mean if you couldn't know no matter how hard you tried. Are you happy either way? If so, then philosphies away for the fun of it. But if your not, then what is it about the answer to these questions that you deeply hope to gain, and will the answers actually give that to you, or are your reasons just idea's.

edited....

In terms of the why, thats a harder one to answer, it may be like asking why planets are circles and not octahedrons. It seems from my experience if your on the spiritual path and its a true focus that you ebb and flow through phases like this. Maybe during your reading phase you understood some concepts that were new and they started to integrate into your life, creating shifts both outer/inner. Then your desires changed to more meditation or doing nothing, and during this time you may of learned new aspects of illusion inside yourself or about life, and this sunk in gradually creating new shifts both inner/outer. Then again desires switched..... Does this sound familiar? Also the advice from the user below is great in places of change like it sounds like your going through @Your place at Heart This is some good advice, definitely a must in my opinion during ego fighting phases.

@mochafrap By reading what you wrote and into what you wrote is it safe to say that you are a intellectual/philosopher of sorts and this information is to help you gain more knowledge and perhaps get a little closer to no-self or get you to a place where you see the truth, wether its one or the other? My experience with these matters has fluctuated a lot of over time, and each phase has had its realizations and understandings. Some have stuck and some of been dropped, but what I understand now has given new life and understanding to all the previous experiences. You see, all is "infinity/Unbrokenness" expressed and experienced as is it all. The understandings and changes you feel as though you have and will have are that in action, including the individuality that it feels to be you and you are one with that. Individuality and no-self as you've described is each its own expression/self experience as you've understood up to this point, neither is the whole picture and neither is not part of the whole picture. What would it be like to let go of "Is it one or the other, and the idea's you attach to each of these".

Sucks some balls and I'm pretty sure you won't be asking who is aware

Listen to Paul Hedderman for a while, you might find that good old mind fucking you've been craving.