Mu_

Ya thats it. Let everything else relax around that.

And so what if you still experience suffering? You care to much about suffering, thats your issue. Not all beings are concerned about suffering as much as you are, imagine not caring or focusing or wondering why uncomfortable sensation is happening. You ever take a ice bath and its so intolerable until the moment you can just let it be so damn cold, and in this its suddenly not as cold. Similarly one can just let uncomfortable be so, and in so, its not so, lol. What I and others is pointing to is not easy, trust me, it took me a good few years of coming back to this topic of suffering before I was ok with it to a small degree, and slowly as I just let pain be pain, emotion I don't like, be emotion I dont like (eventually turning into just emotion, then eventually something kinda funny, then in a way kinda ok and oddly pleasurable). But you gotta be open, you gotta be interested and you may have to let go of some of your convictions that you think you already know about this stuff. You say suffering makes the world a shitty place, you ever met someone who's in pain in a regular basis or in a wheelchair or the guy who had his face shot off and yet their attitude towards life is one of thankfulness, kindness, and appreciation? Whats the difference in your situation and theirs? I found lots of good truth in pondering this question that helped me stop being a victim of suffering.

Well one monumental pointer that helped me when I was having lots of temporary awakenings was a reminder to myself that even the feeling of "not awake" is fundamentally "what is awake". If you've seen Oneness is True even once, then all experience that follows is not away from that.

When this fear/question is dropped or no longer has any pull on the organism and something keeps emerging and deepening and knowing none the less. It no longer becomes a relevant question, nor was it ever important to have woken up, no more arguing, no more proving, no more need to say or speak of anything, no need for another day, yet still what could be called a human experience still may emerge. If a new dawn is what you seek my friend, then rest your heart right here and never look back.

Sounds like your conscience may not be at peace with these matters. Have you come to terms with these matters, perhaps talked to those you effected and come clean?

Reality is a cycle of never ending suffering? Where did you read that or prove such a enormous statement? Did you live life through all eye's EVERYWHERE? Did you at least interview EVERYONE? Did you weigh all opinions? If not, then I'd encourage you to drop such notions, since I can only imagine they impact your life and how you feel in it.

Im not sure what your going through, but if it is true your going to die, then there's nothing you can do about it and accepting this can be very healing. However since lifes a real mystery and the body can recover from just about anything, whats to say you won't live a very long life? It can be very enlivening committing yourself to doing EVERYTHING you can to find a way to heal yourself and going about it, but being mindful of not getting overly neurotic and stressed about it. The will to live can be an amazing adventure to experience and learn from if you can accept death as a possibility.

Imagine reaching a "stage" in which you fundamentally wouldnt even ask the question since you don't see suffering as out of line with anything, nor something that is a problem. What would that be like? My sense of you since I met you is that you are at odds with the fact that suffering exists and that you make it to mean something about existence itself. I dont know if your greatly troubled by this, but it seems to nag at you in some way (I was enraged, depressed, wanted to escape life and never wanted to be apart of something or created by something that would include suffering as part of life. This went on for years, until I faced all my ideas around suffering and feeling uncomfortableness of body, emotion, mind, life/death). I think some good questions to look into if your asking this question is "what really is suffering subjectively and objectively", "whats wrong with suffering subjectively and objectively", "does it need to go away subjectively and objectively", "what doesn't want it there, you?, others?, animals?, aliens?, spirits?" "is the existence of the thing you call suffering make life a problem or God into some twisted creature for having created it and if so, is this just your opinion or objectively true". "does sufferings existence make life into a negative objectively, or is this just an idea that can be dropped, and if so, why not try and see what happens for a period of time if you did drop this notion"

Dont stick it in your butt.

Yaya yaya, just laugh man. If you've really gotten what you speak, just let it go and laugh a little.

Thanks for the laugh, I needed that. The whole enlightenment idea is funny. Its really just a word. But experience and life and the breath, depth and variety is another thing all together. Sure you can bundle this stuff into paradigms such as the body/mind/nervous system belief framework , or the ego/soul/god consciousness framework, or realize its just happening framework,, or theres really no-one or no-self framework, or the its all in your hands framework. These are all just "....." or words, or what ever comes out of a mouth, lol. But real talk man, there's some mind blowing stuff all over the place, ranging from science to awakening type stuff, to stuff there's no current frame work to relate to, to psychedelics. And some of this stuff is LIT AS FUCK and will forever change your tune and expression and leave no trace of the same old same old mumbo jumbo simple down to earth shit most people think that reality or human life is..... Just my two cents but if you havent gotten to the holy shit lit as fuck and it majorly or even radically shifting and opening up to the unbelievable, then enlightenment shouldn't be used, even though its all the same fundamentally.

Sorry for your pain, I went through 15 years of spiritual shit and wanted to end it. One of the things that helped was just accepting lifes not fair and to just accept it, not with anger not with excitement, just let it be what it appears and seems to be, and also understand that its just one perspective and not to get to tied down to it, or at all if you can I know easier said then done, but think about.

Interesting to read this, I've wondered something similar, since my depression and lack of interest in living seemed to later transform into a strength of not being afraid of dying and free from any sort of need to be anything for anyone, including myself. Along with that the willingness to accept the worse and be in any uncomfortable situation transformed into a inner peace and lack of needing to control anything. Just a possibility really, but I've wondered none the less.

Ya like traveler asked, what are you hoping to reach? And equally important, what are you trying to no longer experience or get away from or solve so it no longer happens.

So have you just tried a few days of not labeling yourself or others a monster? So what if people or you only think about yourself, it is what is, not monsterous, not loving, not bad, not sad, not wrong, not right. Just let it be as you think you see it and don react. I bet theres more going on in every moment then just people being selfish, there's probably more depth to these people. I'd wager each of them and yourself have things they care about, things they suffer from, challenges that are unique to each person like a health issue or a struggling loved one. We all feel pain. I'm hoping you may see life and moments are larger then they appear. Dont be so quick to judge others or yourself based upon just your momentary view.

I don't know much about schizophrenia, or mild for that matter, but there seems to be a lot of resources online by just typing in schizophrenia or how to deal with scizophrenia. I used google. I will say though, I'd get atleast one other diagnosis before accepting a determination that you have mild schizophrenia, sometimes diagnosis change or vary between therapists. https://www.health.harvard.edu/a_to_z/schizophrenia-a-to-z

Ya sometimes our calling from within is to just offer the help we can to the outside world. And once we do, things line up so to say.

It very well may be toxic. When you say your not independent, do you mean your under 18 with no job?

What are you lost about? Sounds like you have a clear healthy plan with good reasons.

Very true.

I have short hair again I'm not clear on what your asking about. What advice did I give where you feel like your example of someone feeling jealous wouldn't be a good answer?

Well said, more of the forum would benefit from letting this in. But not only "minds" before us, but systems that allowed for minds and organisms to be possible.

It sounds like you want a point or a purpose that is fulfilling or is supposed to be meaningful and purposeful. And if this is so, what does that look like to You? There isn't a one size fits all. Life isn't like a defined dictionary in which meaning = 1 and purpose = 2, because not everyone likes the same job, or the same environment or the same food. If your looking for whats supposed to be meaningful or purposeful based on idea's given to you from society, or family, you may not connect with any of them and find yourself wondering why you can't find these things and whats wrong with you and your life. Really dig deep. What do you want? And if you honestly dug and still don't know, well there you go, you don't need to want anything or have a exact desire or purpose, and you know what if you can deeply just accept this, it can feel pretty good, its just spiritual rubbish that you have to find a/your purpose and if you don't you will be unfulfilled. Maybe at a later date something will arise in you out of the mystery called life and you'll have a desire to go help the forests or the whales or something and you'll go and do that. Sometimes periods of life, are doing just what your doing (actually this is always true). I will say it can't hurt to try some new things once or twice a month even if you have no idea if you will like them or not. But at least you'll find out if you do or don't and it could awaken a interest you never knew you had.

@Zak Aside from wether or not you think they get anything out of it. Is your life better or at least influenced you because they were available or out in the world because they took an initiative to put something out there that you learned from? Could you have this conversation if it were not for the support of others teaching you, supporting you with shelter, a system of exchange which allows for the easy transfer and availability of food and work.

@Zak Do you find Leo or Actualized or other spiritual books and teachers useful? Well, theres your answer. Do you find that that these same people give advice that doesn't work for you as well? Well, theres your answer. Have you learned anything or survived in this life without the support or help of others? Well, theres your answer Don't overthink this.