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You keep forgetting that Namh brought up this point to begin with that your very defensive. I just agreed hoping that you would see that its not Nahm who has seen this as well. Let me ask you a honest question, how much have you learned out of the 1205 posts you've made on this forum? Has anyone taught you anything?

Just sharing idea's together? Lol if thats the way you think you come off or the energy you project in your attitude of writing, I'm sorry man, but it may be time to have a honest reflection of yourself. I know they suck, and ya maybe I am taking this a tad personal on some level, I can admit that, but man your a brick of I know it all and defensiveness. Anyways smooth sailings, hopefully you consider anyones opinion on here, if you want to look at mine, fine, if you want to look at Nahms, fine, if you want to look at Inliytened1, fine, doesn't matter to me, but jesus man this isn't the first thread where you project a know it all attitude or end up projecting something on me or someone else as a way of not looking at yourself and idea's. Again I only chimed in on agreement with Nahm in hopes that you may see some truth in the reflection. If this is to confrontational or painful for you, well I'm sorry and hope in time you can see it.

Did you consider anything I was saying? I have to agree with Nahm on this one, you dont seem like your open to learning. My intuition is that there is something in you that does, but your ego or attachment to your "awakening and discovery of Truth" is being so held onto that if you were to be open to more, it would threaten some idea in you that maybe you don't know what you know or as much as you think you do. I mean think about, there's a lot of really good stuff in this thread, and somehow your the smartest one in the room and none of it is believable to you even though you said you wanted to learn something that you dont know... Lol, if you don't know then how would you know one way or the other unless you tried out some stuff and really looked into some of the information over a period of time, rather then just a mmmmm "10 seconds pass", nope not true...... How have you learned anything in the past or up to your supposed awakening.... Did you just open a book or listen to someone and within 10 seconds said, ya thats true I know that, got it, learned, I know it now. Come on man, its okay to have an awakening, and still be open to more and have more to learn....

Just like them why not try and surrender because there is no alternative, no point in fighting anyways. But also recognize its just your experience, and its not the definition of reality. Its just one perspective. What I'm pointing to is so crazy talk and possibly uncomfortable for most people to want to let in. Its almost like just letting in that your pain and the pain that you think exists out there is just one perspective on all of it, but its not definitive of anything. Like if you didnt see that video of the man with his face shot in, you may feel like thats the most horrible thing and the worst type of suffering, but he felt kinda blessed and thankful to god. There's countless stories of people going through what you would call horrific only for them to say they wouldn't change it and it was a blessing and helped them do good in life. Think about that, what is suffering and death and horrific things if its positive and a blessing in some peoples perspectives? Can you even call it suffering or wrong or a negative. Do you get what I'm saying or pointing to? Suffering and negative and bad only exists in the eyes of the beholder. Pain and what it means about something or someone or some event is only in the eyes of the beholder. There is no definitive thing like a bible that absolutely defines "this is suffering or bad" "or this is what pain means".

Ya thats it. Let everything else relax around that.

And so what if you still experience suffering? You care to much about suffering, thats your issue. Not all beings are concerned about suffering as much as you are, imagine not caring or focusing or wondering why uncomfortable sensation is happening. You ever take a ice bath and its so intolerable until the moment you can just let it be so damn cold, and in this its suddenly not as cold. Similarly one can just let uncomfortable be so, and in so, its not so, lol. What I and others is pointing to is not easy, trust me, it took me a good few years of coming back to this topic of suffering before I was ok with it to a small degree, and slowly as I just let pain be pain, emotion I don't like, be emotion I dont like (eventually turning into just emotion, then eventually something kinda funny, then in a way kinda ok and oddly pleasurable). But you gotta be open, you gotta be interested and you may have to let go of some of your convictions that you think you already know about this stuff. You say suffering makes the world a shitty place, you ever met someone who's in pain in a regular basis or in a wheelchair or the guy who had his face shot off and yet their attitude towards life is one of thankfulness, kindness, and appreciation? Whats the difference in your situation and theirs? I found lots of good truth in pondering this question that helped me stop being a victim of suffering.

Well one monumental pointer that helped me when I was having lots of temporary awakenings was a reminder to myself that even the feeling of "not awake" is fundamentally "what is awake". If you've seen Oneness is True even once, then all experience that follows is not away from that.

When this fear/question is dropped or no longer has any pull on the organism and something keeps emerging and deepening and knowing none the less. It no longer becomes a relevant question, nor was it ever important to have woken up, no more arguing, no more proving, no more need to say or speak of anything, no need for another day, yet still what could be called a human experience still may emerge. If a new dawn is what you seek my friend, then rest your heart right here and never look back.

Sounds like your conscience may not be at peace with these matters. Have you come to terms with these matters, perhaps talked to those you effected and come clean?

Reality is a cycle of never ending suffering? Where did you read that or prove such a enormous statement? Did you live life through all eye's EVERYWHERE? Did you at least interview EVERYONE? Did you weigh all opinions? If not, then I'd encourage you to drop such notions, since I can only imagine they impact your life and how you feel in it.

Im not sure what your going through, but if it is true your going to die, then there's nothing you can do about it and accepting this can be very healing. However since lifes a real mystery and the body can recover from just about anything, whats to say you won't live a very long life? It can be very enlivening committing yourself to doing EVERYTHING you can to find a way to heal yourself and going about it, but being mindful of not getting overly neurotic and stressed about it. The will to live can be an amazing adventure to experience and learn from if you can accept death as a possibility.

Imagine reaching a "stage" in which you fundamentally wouldnt even ask the question since you don't see suffering as out of line with anything, nor something that is a problem. What would that be like? My sense of you since I met you is that you are at odds with the fact that suffering exists and that you make it to mean something about existence itself. I dont know if your greatly troubled by this, but it seems to nag at you in some way (I was enraged, depressed, wanted to escape life and never wanted to be apart of something or created by something that would include suffering as part of life. This went on for years, until I faced all my ideas around suffering and feeling uncomfortableness of body, emotion, mind, life/death). I think some good questions to look into if your asking this question is "what really is suffering subjectively and objectively", "whats wrong with suffering subjectively and objectively", "does it need to go away subjectively and objectively", "what doesn't want it there, you?, others?, animals?, aliens?, spirits?" "is the existence of the thing you call suffering make life a problem or God into some twisted creature for having created it and if so, is this just your opinion or objectively true". "does sufferings existence make life into a negative objectively, or is this just an idea that can be dropped, and if so, why not try and see what happens for a period of time if you did drop this notion"

Dont stick it in your butt.

Yaya yaya, just laugh man. If you've really gotten what you speak, just let it go and laugh a little.

Thanks for the laugh, I needed that. The whole enlightenment idea is funny. Its really just a word. But experience and life and the breath, depth and variety is another thing all together. Sure you can bundle this stuff into paradigms such as the body/mind/nervous system belief framework , or the ego/soul/god consciousness framework, or realize its just happening framework,, or theres really no-one or no-self framework, or the its all in your hands framework. These are all just "....." or words, or what ever comes out of a mouth, lol. But real talk man, there's some mind blowing stuff all over the place, ranging from science to awakening type stuff, to stuff there's no current frame work to relate to, to psychedelics. And some of this stuff is LIT AS FUCK and will forever change your tune and expression and leave no trace of the same old same old mumbo jumbo simple down to earth shit most people think that reality or human life is..... Just my two cents but if you havent gotten to the holy shit lit as fuck and it majorly or even radically shifting and opening up to the unbelievable, then enlightenment shouldn't be used, even though its all the same fundamentally.

Sorry for your pain, I went through 15 years of spiritual shit and wanted to end it. One of the things that helped was just accepting lifes not fair and to just accept it, not with anger not with excitement, just let it be what it appears and seems to be, and also understand that its just one perspective and not to get to tied down to it, or at all if you can I know easier said then done, but think about.

Interesting to read this, I've wondered something similar, since my depression and lack of interest in living seemed to later transform into a strength of not being afraid of dying and free from any sort of need to be anything for anyone, including myself. Along with that the willingness to accept the worse and be in any uncomfortable situation transformed into a inner peace and lack of needing to control anything. Just a possibility really, but I've wondered none the less.

Ya like traveler asked, what are you hoping to reach? And equally important, what are you trying to no longer experience or get away from or solve so it no longer happens.

So have you just tried a few days of not labeling yourself or others a monster? So what if people or you only think about yourself, it is what is, not monsterous, not loving, not bad, not sad, not wrong, not right. Just let it be as you think you see it and don react. I bet theres more going on in every moment then just people being selfish, there's probably more depth to these people. I'd wager each of them and yourself have things they care about, things they suffer from, challenges that are unique to each person like a health issue or a struggling loved one. We all feel pain. I'm hoping you may see life and moments are larger then they appear. Dont be so quick to judge others or yourself based upon just your momentary view.

I don't know much about schizophrenia, or mild for that matter, but there seems to be a lot of resources online by just typing in schizophrenia or how to deal with scizophrenia. I used google. I will say though, I'd get atleast one other diagnosis before accepting a determination that you have mild schizophrenia, sometimes diagnosis change or vary between therapists. https://www.health.harvard.edu/a_to_z/schizophrenia-a-to-z

Ya sometimes our calling from within is to just offer the help we can to the outside world. And once we do, things line up so to say.

It very well may be toxic. When you say your not independent, do you mean your under 18 with no job?

What are you lost about? Sounds like you have a clear healthy plan with good reasons.

Very true.

I have short hair again I'm not clear on what your asking about. What advice did I give where you feel like your example of someone feeling jealous wouldn't be a good answer?