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@fopylo Congrats, ya self discovery can happen and be found in music, art, relationship, psychadelics, work, and anywhere potentially.

Ya a lot more organic nuance can come out of a interview like this in comparison to a video. Hopefully Leo does more of these.

@Loving Radiance Great report, enjoyed reading it.

Sounds like you had a decent trip and nothing else needed to be shown. Next time do a little more, be moderate with this stuff and increase in ways that are not dumb and based off egoic desire. You seem like you genuinely want to grow, so just do 20-30% more next time. Sometimes what you went through is all thats going to happen and thats just life, for some that would be a mind blowing trip.

Ya no problem.

Hmm when you put it like that, the practice almost sounds like it may reinforce your already strong habit of liking to observe and discern. This may not be easy, but I'd try something different. Sit with your eye's slightly open for 5-20 mins, you decide, but after you decide, don't change how much time your doing it for no matter what. During this time, dont try to observe, but dont try not to observe, and just let all thought and emotion come and go as it does. Vaguely notice, that observation/awarness of experience happens none the less. Hearing happens, sight happens, feeling happens, breathing happens, etc. Just let this be noticed over and over again, till its just normal and natural. Then look what I wrote before on how this may be applicablely helpful in your life.

Ya thats as good as start as any One pointer I'll give you is, dont look for an object of "who" is perceiving, this is a trap of the mind that can happen. Notice when there is looking for a "who" or an "object of what is perceiving, that perceiving is happening and innately aware of so. When this starts to sink in and become natural so to say as in there is not a looking for a "who", but just comfortably sitting, not trying to be aware, just aware, the next mind trap is a voice of "ok now what or so what, big deal, what do I do with this, I want something out of being aware". Just literally smile and let that pass. This may be a good time to start reading more and listening to some new pointers or new stuff to try and cultivate. But If you can just do sitting aware, it may become natural to notice thoughts and emotions more naturally and in doing so, the deceptions and victimization or strong anger attachments or feelings of deserving this or that, or expecting this or that, or fearing future possibilities that haven't happened or happened and no longer happen, will be seen as just thought and emotion patterns, and won't be as strong on the system. But this is easier said than done, this takes some real inner strength and discipline to go through. This is where a meditation practice is useful and helps both elevate consciousness in some sense and gives a place just to be with what comes and goes through the body.

The pointer I'd give you is feel into "that or what ever it is" which feels located in the body.

Notice how this is all in your experience and not nessecisarly something that is actual. You believed something called free will, which you now believe has been disproven by something called science. And now your asking about something called "100% responsibility". Why not "99% responsibility", would you know the difference if it were even something real to begin with? Would you know what 10% responsibility even feels like, or 20%, or 30%? See how imaginary this is. If you get what I'm saying, you'll laugh your ass off.

Existence is existence, its not a "something" that exists. Nor is it a function of sub or simultaneous elements to create the actuality called existence. If you can get to this on a quality level or even a very firm philosophical level that is certain, and not just one of the many possibilities, then the next interesting question to ask is, what does this mean about a so called something called Time. If you can see and understand that existence truely is the case, this means there is no so called time in which existence didn't exist, theres no before it, and there is no moment in which there is a after existence. Time literally doesn't exist except as a "experience or imagination". There's no, "existence started 1 trillion years ago", there for there is time in which things have happened, with befores and afters and laters. There literally hasn't been a moment of time, with a moment after or before. What you think you just read didn't happen in a actual something called time and there isn't a later time when you are done with this paragraph, its only Now that anything Is. Of course the experience of time may or may not continue to be experienced and this is fine either way, to try and convince yourself its there or not there may just keep your mind in a constant rejection of experience, the goal of life is not to see past this. Time can be a relatively enjoyable type of experience and of course it can be painful as well. Perhaps its useful to use what I'm pointing to as a reminder to help you not get caught up in conflicts with time and reality when it feels so painfully certain.

Its funny I made this video yesterday, and today there are like three topics wondering about existence. Interesting coincidence, hmmm. Let me know why you all think, its a good subject to really get into, debate and get to the actual bottom of.

Everyone is different, if you feel "good enough" for now with what you've learned then go with that, in time you may realize or find interest in reading more. Is there something you feel drawn to that is a practice that seems to yield what your looking for?

Sure theres a mystery to all this and thats a beautiful and terrifying aspect, but don't overlook the simplicity and implications of mystery/existence being the only Reality. You, the spouter of rules and beliefs such as if you think you know, you don't know, is existence, reading, arguing, replying..... what else could be happening

It really doesn't matter, and this is the deep part, whats being pointed to is not "something" either plural or singular existing, but the fact of existence is prime, everything shares that constant. Really let in the implication that existing has never not been the case. Let go of the minds desire to then go what is existing then, and see its not that somethings or one thing is existing, existence itself is the irreducible. Once this is understood, the implications are really worth investigating. One question that seems to be core to your question is "stuff". Well lets just go along those lines of assumption. If there were stuff, where would it come from or "get there". Well from existence of course..... Because stuff does not come from "other" places or other "stuff" to make it. So what would "stuff" be made of, again existence, which isn't a "stuff". Okay, if you've really let this in, then the next profound connection is, well then whats asking the questions, whats living and breathing supposedly reading this right now..... Existence of course, what else could it be.. lol.

@Adamq8 So funny you made this post, I just made a video on this very subject. Let me know what you think.

What good would it do you to go around thinking your imagining all this stuff, even if it were true on some fundamental level. What if it were not true, would you want to go around seeing this way because you were told or believe it were true? What I believe leo is pointing to with this saying is something you don't want to just accept, you want to really look deeply for yourself and find out.

In this example I'd say its best to not believe yourself to be god as in the only highest thing with nothing higher, since on a lets call it relative scale, even though thats not exactly correct, there is help. But you gotta really let go of the idea that your hot shit or something at the top of some food chain, there are loving forms of energy that will help if your humble and sincere. I'm being very vague here but none the less useful.

Happy to hear, but don't know to tightly, its always just beyond fully knowing it.

This video probably won't make much sense unless you've dedicated a decent amount of time on the so called path of enlightenment, but if its your passion and your ready so to say, it may click. If not, don't worry, just let it pass.....

I lol’d. Yah it was a in the moment non intentional ?

Actually I think that was the best pointer in that moment. Even to say not a something is just as much a category or something to the mind sometimes. All good either way though. ?

While I'm all for physical health and challenges and enjoy them myself, think about this. Why would something called "pushing ones body" be any more significant to something called "enlightenment" anymore then sleeping all day or doing as little with the body as possible? Why not how far you can stick a hose in your butt be a measure of getting closer to or important towards "awakening". Why not how long you can pet your cat in one sitting?

@Thought Art IF your looking for solutions and willing to try one, then here you go. If you were to die in a few days would you spend it mulling over this or do something else? What ever the answer is, do that as though it were true, because honestly you could die tonight.

@catcat69123 What do you like and enjoy? maybe look for others who enjoy the same thing in a group setting. Meetup.com is a good place for such. Then just start with some small talk and go from there, sometimes you may find one or two people who'd like to go hang out sometime and from there friendship can develope.

Sorry for the suffering you've gone through in all this, its not easy and sounds like something similar to what I went through for a while. What worked for me at the time was to first realize that I was here, otherwise I wouldn't be experiencing "not being here". Right? If you are not here, then you wouldn't be aware or experiencing so called "not here". ITs a thought/feel confusion. In time it become more obvious that what was aware of the thoughts and feelings of "not being here" was me or much closer to truth. By the sound of it, you need to make the transition of understanding the old you that feels like its no longer here, is being seen by 'You', and to become more grounded in that. This is both freeing and grounding and at the same time the it may still be scary and frightening accepting this new change. Hope that helps. It may also help to think about this from third person as well, and someone came to you and said I still feel like I'm in Vietnam fighting other people. And you said, no silly, your right here, look around at the trees and the birds, feel the water its liquidy and comfy, touch it, see for yourself. Right? You know what they are saying is just going on in feelings/thoughts, and not actual, and much in the same way, you believing flashbacks that are not actual.