Mu_

While I'm all for physical health and challenges and enjoy them myself, think about this. Why would something called "pushing ones body" be any more significant to something called "enlightenment" anymore then sleeping all day or doing as little with the body as possible? Why not how far you can stick a hose in your butt be a measure of getting closer to or important towards "awakening". Why not how long you can pet your cat in one sitting?

@Thought Art IF your looking for solutions and willing to try one, then here you go. If you were to die in a few days would you spend it mulling over this or do something else? What ever the answer is, do that as though it were true, because honestly you could die tonight.

@catcat69123 What do you like and enjoy? maybe look for others who enjoy the same thing in a group setting. Meetup.com is a good place for such. Then just start with some small talk and go from there, sometimes you may find one or two people who'd like to go hang out sometime and from there friendship can develope.

Sorry for the suffering you've gone through in all this, its not easy and sounds like something similar to what I went through for a while. What worked for me at the time was to first realize that I was here, otherwise I wouldn't be experiencing "not being here". Right? If you are not here, then you wouldn't be aware or experiencing so called "not here". ITs a thought/feel confusion. In time it become more obvious that what was aware of the thoughts and feelings of "not being here" was me or much closer to truth. By the sound of it, you need to make the transition of understanding the old you that feels like its no longer here, is being seen by 'You', and to become more grounded in that. This is both freeing and grounding and at the same time the it may still be scary and frightening accepting this new change. Hope that helps. It may also help to think about this from third person as well, and someone came to you and said I still feel like I'm in Vietnam fighting other people. And you said, no silly, your right here, look around at the trees and the birds, feel the water its liquidy and comfy, touch it, see for yourself. Right? You know what they are saying is just going on in feelings/thoughts, and not actual, and much in the same way, you believing flashbacks that are not actual.

This isn't a message to do nothing, nor do something. Its also not a message saying nothing can be done, so stop trying. It either clicks or it doesn't. Don't spend to much time dwelling one way or the other. Enjoy.

Right, so why not continue to do what makes you happy. Why the need to supposedly go more spiritual and remove these so you can be happy like already are now while practicing. You see what I’m saying? Even the Buddha still mediated and reflected.

Sounds like you have an idea of what unconditionally happy would be and are following that idea to be happy. I see no issue with this, nor with being happy doing what your doing now....

@Gesundheit2 Ultimately there isn't one, but until you understand this it will feel like there is a way to measure. If there's still a somone or a no-one trying to understand themselves through an objective measurement of being so, then there will be a seeming distraction to what is so, even though that to is part of so. BTW how are you still on this forum, lol?

Well, I'd say seeking vrs not-seeking are ultimately just the same, since nothing is anything but itself ultimately. Does this mean the experience of finding out new ways of experience stop? I don't believe so. If a computer chip is inserted in your brain one day that opens new qualities of experience or you maybe find yourself in what appears to be a new body or non-body, experience will surely change. Maybe there are experiences that don't change, but I've yet to see one, and the funny thing about being conscious is you never know what you don't know nor if it will remain the way it seems to be past the moment that seems to be happening. But even this is not set in stone, because what will be, will be, which doesn't mean knowing something one way or another.......

@TrippyMindSubstance Have you ever gotten a massage? It may simply be just muscle tension in the nk and head area. I'd try that first. Find a place with a lot of good reviews.

In my experience with a good school you can take it as far as you want to. If you don’t want aggression or anything close to it there are poeople who will train at that level. If you want to put some power and speed behind stuff, there are people for that. But if your new. Your first few years will most likely be building strength endurance and technique. No need or ability to prove yourself at that point.

I hear what you saying but I think there is some worthwhile subtlety in the many different ways of saying and presenting “......” or God if you want to use that symbolic symbol, in which I believe each seem to have possible awakening potentials For example is God enlightened? I would say no, God is God, enlightenment and non-enlightenment are concepts of which god are the fabric of Is there someone separate from God? No of course not, there is only God. So that’s where the communication was coming from. Someone never is or was nor could become enlightened or not enlightened. Also as I know your aware of, each person you respond to, you may articulate a little different to get across something, but I do see a potential issue if everyone here is Zen and I’m conveying Christianity. Something I’ll have to continue to be cognizant of.

@Vision I'd suggest going to as many schools as you can and take a few classes. From that you can feel what you like the most or click with. I've done martial arts on and off most my life and a lot of the art comes down to the practitioner in terms of how good they are. That said there are in my opinion more practical styles for effectiveness in fighting vrs others. If your just looking to feel good in the body, go with my first suggestion, otherwise look for an MMA school, they will have classes in which teach grappling, striking, takedowns, submissions. Even then I'd still try a few MMA schools in your area to see what you like and connect with.

Then this really begs the question then, that "unenlightened" and "enlightened" are not happening, with there never having been nor the possibility of there being someones, that could be one or the other.

sorry to hear your in a lot of pain around this life. One thing that may help and is in line with some of the responses is to just take a moment and read your original post again with a open mind, and ask yourself if its a post stating facts, or a post stating opinions. If you can see its opinions, perhaps you can then leave room open for what you dont know about life. Because according to your own logic, how does the writer of this post even know what they are saying is fact? It wasn't until I did something similar, that other perspectives and experiences were able to present themselves, my own conviction of how life and reality was, was preventing me from seeing other. I can say for certain on my end that what you wrote is not true as I see life, but I do get why you would come to the conclusions you did, since there are selfish people, there is pain caused by discomforts and loss, but thats only a partial picture. I to had similar conclusions. Forget about god or the eternal, Im just talking relatively. Lots of people experience enjoyment, value and relationship. Lots of people enjoy their jobs, enjoy living in various degrees for various reasons. I'm also pretty sure there are things that are valueable to society and that your good or decent at..... Don't sell yourself short..

I had a lot of fun making this video, and curious if any of this way of pointing, made sense, was new or shifted anything.....

Thanks for sharing. Ya you can look at "body", self or what you call reality from many different perspectives and language. This video wasn't about being in the body or of the body nor not of the body, but more about noticing how we do feel and see and language ourselfs.

By all means scrutinize my logic and relate it to yours, find out whats true, why I'm wrong, why I'm right, really dive deeper into all the lead up to my proof, it is good to grapple with this stuff and feel and find out for yourself how you believe, see, and live as a result of such assumptions. Comments, thoughts?

Maybe stop being so needy of attention, peace of mind, having a exact experience the way you want it..... If that doesn't sink in, dont dwell on it, that wont help either....

Oh god forbid you masturbate.

@fopylo When you say "I need something or someone that will always be with me in order to ground myself in myself again and remind me that I'm me, hard to explain" do you disappear or something? Just a curious statement, where could you go, and what is it that is aware of you going when you supposedly "go". But back to my original comment, I believed you spoke about wanting to start with something to change among a list of things you could change. Theres no right answer here. So start with what you feel or desire most and start with that. If its to challenging after trying for a while, try another desired direction, and if that one is easier, go that route for a while till it feels complete. If you don't connect in this way, then just go the practical route and do something that will provide a degree or skills to support yourself and just finish that, because its ultimately important.

Theres a lot there to unpack and think you'd benefit from some low key therapy. I hear good things about psychoanalysis. Sometimes if you have insurance its free. But some things that come to mind is... Yes its good to express what your feeling, but not all feelings are best to express at the time, sometimes you just can't yell at your boss or co-worker because you feel like it. Having a friend you can just be honest with can feel good to let some of this honesty out with so they can hear you and understand or point out point of views. Doing something intense, like boxing, martial arts, running, really getting your muscles, body and mind focused on something can be good for releasing and balancing stress. Maybe you have some trigger trauma's or issues that if you understood could help you be less triggered in general. But test out the waters with a therapist, but not to get prescribe drugs or anything, just to get some of this out.

@fopylo Ya small bursts, and stick with what is easiest first, then slowly attempt some of the harder emotional things later. Don't over complicate, and be kind to others and yourself when in doubt.

@Zec Ya please stay alive, dont die so soon, there's a lot more thats possible and seeing these tendencies is a start. Your so young, you have no idea whats possible if you clean up some of your stuff and remain open to life.

Thoughts don't come from anywhere or go anywhere.....