Being a 30 year old virgin doesn't even occur to me in everyday life, its something I literally never even think about anymore hardly, unless I'm online and encountering 'incels' who obsess over women constantly and take an extreme victim mentality over their lack of sex. I understand sex is something normal people do, and while I have a strong heterosexual libido, I am not pursuing sex or relationships. But it's not that I avoid them either, celibacy has always been the default lifestyle for me. I have no problems talking to women, in fact I find it easy and fun compared to trying to talk to men, but the process of taking a woman to a private room alone together, removing all our clothing and doing the nasty seems unfathomable to me at this point.
Moreover, any pleasures I would experience from sex and relationships I don't feel are worth the risks. Not to mention other circumcised men around my age described sex with a condom as much less pleasurable than masturbating, an activity itself which I am working to kick with long streaks of no-fap this year. Another huge factor is that I am absolutely certain I never want to have children, or get a vasectomy either. Not having sex means these are things I never ever have had to worry about, and in this way, I am very glad to have missed out on sex, and presently I don't feel it is worth risk having sex and just hoping I won't get her pregnant. To reiterate earlier points, I would only actually enjoy sex if it was making sweet love, not wearing a condom or having to depend on pulling out or doing some tantric energy ritual- I can do those as non-sexual activities not involving the genitals at all.
How I handle my sexual urges and desire for intimacy is to re-frame my lust for the feminine as a pursuit of sensuality itself, meaning I seek out stimulation of the 5 senses rather than connection with other people. It was somewhat evident to me all along, that whenever I had felt strong feelings of attraction and limerence towards someone, it was based on purely physical things, like they way she looked and the sound of her voice, also scent, and any physical contact or kissing if we had ever gotten that far. It sounds really shallow when I write it out like this, but I guess that any sexual feelings I've ever had towards a particular woman were essentially objectifying her body rather than valuing her as a person.
Another way to look at it is I've always had a balanced masculine-feminine polarity, basically being secure in my masculinity, and having an aversion to both machismo and effeminacy. From what I've gathered reading Way of the Superior Man, normal men and women have complimentary polarities, and that is the basis of heterosexual relationships. One quote I recall from the audiobook "teaching sessions" version is that for a relationship to work, a man must trust a woman's feminine more than his own, and this is not something I feel I could ever do. I highly value my own feminine energy, as well as being able to appreciate basking in the feminine energy of the world around me. Through my life I've often been mistaken as homosexual, which was always confusing, since the activities which prompted the suspicion, such as listening to sensual female vocal pop music, watching romantic comedies whilst having no interest in sports, or enjoying watching women shop for sexy clothes, were exemplary of my affinity for the feminine. Now I understand why though- men have historically been shamed for enjoying any type of sensual experiences other than having sex with women, because if he was not fulfilling his biological role as inseminator, protector, provider, parent and leader for women and children, finding fulfillment elsewhere, he was as much a detriment to primitive tribes, and traditional conservative societies as homosexuals were. My only surprise is that men like me seem so uncommon- instead most either aspire towards brutish hyper-masculinity, given up on life because they don't feel masculine enough, or go to the other extreme and embrace effeminacy, even becoming M-F transexuals more and more often.
So being aware that my longing for the feminine is entirely sensation-seeking, not a desire for connection, meaning or validation, I can compensate for my lack of intimacy by doing other things that stimulate the senses:
-Vision: This is the easiest sense to satisfy since there is adult content online (actually prefer softcore model image galleries over trashy porn), and other things that are pleasurable to look at like nature, art, architecture and beautiful landscaping.
-Auditory: Likewise, it is easy to hear the sounds of beautiful female voices, both online and in real life. I can enjoy just talking to a woman and hearing the sweet sensual sound of her voice without any further attachment or desire. Some people like to listen to female ASMR for similar reasons, but I guess I have too low attention span to enjoy it, so instead just listen to music with beautiful feminine vocals. I often listen to music in languages I don't understand at all, and enjoy it very much purely based on the sound of the voice combined with the instrumentals. For some reason, women form Uzbekistan have the most sensual voices I've ever heard.
Olfactory: In this area its mainly the scents of mother nature that provide sensual stimulation. Whether its being able to go outside to a mountainous or otherwise well vegetated area and smell all sorts of tress, plants and flowers, going for a relaxing walk through upscale residential areas with lush landscaping, like walking through a huge garden, or just smelling aromatherapy essential oils. Wild chamomile, jasmine and ylang ylang are some which smell very arousing to me. Not saying they smell like a woman's scent or I pretend so, but the aromas very stimulating to the senses, I'd even say they're intoxicating.
Taste: There is a trick where you put your finger between your lips with your teeth closed, and just wiggle your finger, and it will stimulate the same nerves as when you are kissing. Sounds weird, but after doing it a few minutes I get the same sensation as I remember the few times before when I made out with women. Also there is food of course. I'm a bit of a sweet tooth, but I feel it's more about experiencing the richness of things like velvety ice cream, soft muffins, and marshmallow infused chocolates than the sugar high. But eating any food can be a sensual experience by consuming it slowly and mindfully, savoring every bite.
Kinesthetic: This one I can't really imitate in my own company, since I can't cuddle with myself. Fortunately though I do sometimes get to share long close hugs with women, often teachers and participants at yoga events I go to are comfortable with sharing very intimate embraces, and the rest of the time I don't fixate on the physical aspect of intimacy I'm lacking. I do think that being free to indulge myself with the other senses helps keep my mind off of that. Also doing breath or mantra meditations or just some deep breathing exercises can give me a sort of euphoric tingling sensation, and in that state I'm never feeling any sad longings to cuddle, like I did in my teens and early 20s.
Also, this year I really optimized my sleep environment, invested in a quality latex hybrid mattress, contouring memory foam topper, and very cozy head and body pillows. I had previously only slept on traditional innerspring mattresses, which were often a challenge to stay comfortable on as a side sleeper, and I would often wish I was cuddling with a woman rather than just lying there trying to fall asleep, or having woken up preparing to get out of bed. But with this new arrangement, I'm so relaxed I fall asleep in a minute, and when I wake up during the night or before getting out of bed in the morning, I just feel so comfortable I don't even think about women anymore. Let alone how I'd have less quality sleep dealing with the heat and movement of another person next to me. (Used to romanticize how I thought couples fall asleep and wake up in each others' arms, but while doing mattress research, it suggests that they normally sleep apart since motion-transfer reduction is a key feature they look for when buying a bed together).
So this is how I stay happy and satiated being celibate and not dating. Its been over 5 years since I've felt any semblance of incel, and I accept that my celibacy is merely a result of my own true nature, facing the reality of human nature and modernity. No plans to purse sex or relationships, and its not something I even think about much anymore. Never been a bar or nightclub guy, but I used to try approaching women in public places and everyday situations, thats how I've made out with and briefly dated some women before. The biggest obstacle to having sex back when I thought I wanted it was living with my parents, being in the living room with no privacy, so no place to bring women to for sex. I still have the same living situation, though with one parent deceased, and have no motivation to change it- though it's far from perfect, it saves tons of money and stress, compared to having to pay rent just to occupy a space within another 4 walls elsewhere, and supports my minimalist lifestyle. I follow the MGTOW community on youtube, but the vast majority of the content feels like they are obsessing over women as much as incels, and giving sour grapes rationalizations for why they don't date them. There are some notable exceptions like Stardusk, AKA ThinkingApe. His recent content has more to do with philosophy, linguistics, politics and current events, but in the several years of content on his YouTube channel he really explores the depths of male and female nature from a genuinely inquisitive perspective. I'd even say listening to his content back in 2013 was instrumental in helping me shed the victim mentality towards being a virgin, move towards embracing celibacy as a choice, and pursuing self-actualization instead of chasing an elusive sense of sexual fulfillment.
*Note: Some parts of this post I shared on a subreddit months ago, this isn't copying someone else.