LaraGreenbridge

Hi, please don't be so critical of yourself. There is nothing wrong with watching your money. I actually really enjoyed reading your post, because reading about how someone else feels about money is not something you get to do too often- because most people don't like talking about money! Think about where your attitudes towards money come from.... most people learn their spending habits form one or both of their parents. But that doesn't mean they can't change their habits. The first step is just to be aware of what you are doing and why you are doing it. For whatever reason, you feel you need to count every single cent. If you lost count, then you would feel anxious. The problem is, you are feeling anxious anyway, even though you have tight control on your money. Maybe take a look at your anxiety and how that operates in your life? What other things make you anxious? It actually sounds like you have more than enough in your life (wealthy boyfriend, big feasts at your parents house), even though you earn little. So thank the universe for supporting you! You have a good life. Maybe borrow a few book from the library about budgeting and managing money- once you educate yourself and have a plan in lace, you might feel less anxious. Then perhaps start having open and honest conversations about money with your parents and you friends and boyfriend. This takes practice, as it's something a lot of people are raised not to do. Once you start communicating, you will probably feel a lot better.

I think you are being really down on yourself for no reason. Lots of 22-year-olds live with their parents- there is nothing wrong with it at all! In my country, people often lie with their parents until they get married- that can be at 30 years of age. The way to repay your parents is to help around the house, mow the lawns, wash the cars, cook some meals and all the rest. If you have some spare money you could offer to contribute to the grocery bill. But above all, thank them and tell them how grateful you are to them- let them know you love them. Your parents just want you to be happy. It sounds like maybe something went wrong for you and you feel bad about it. Things go wrong for everyone at some time or another. It's not what happens to you, but the way you learn from it that counts.

Depression actually does exist. That is why people developed a word for it. The condition came first, then the word followed, as a way to describe the condition of being chronically, emotionally down. Having said that, I think the word is being overused. A lot of people who claim to be 'depressed' are only just typically sad, which is a normal, natural emotion and a feeling that comes and goes in perfectly normal, average people. Clinical depression is something else besides typical sadness. It is not something that comes and goes, but an actual condition that requires treatment. Banning the word won't cure the condition, although I appreciate the sentiment.

I don't think you need to avoid anyone unless they are actively abusive towards you. Everyone has their insecurities. If they didn't, they would probably be an unbelievable narcissist and you would not like to be around one of those! I guess you have to have firm boundaries in place and not let other people's insecurities effect you too much. Yes, you can feel empathy for them and offer advice or reassurance, but it's not healthy to get way too involved in other people's problems, either.

Hi All, This past 12 months I have become very interested in all things to do with spirituality, enlightenment, non-duality and Advaita. It has been a very interesting journey, but in the end, I found it disappointing. The majority of people I have encountered have been people with a lot of unhappy life issues- I mean, basically, I have have come to realize that it is only confused people who are attracted to a spiritual path. (I suppose that sounds very dismissive, but I can explain further, if asked.) The other people I met were disengaged with reality. I suppose they might be 'happy' in a way, but I found them pretty weird. A lot of people I came across just wanted to escape normal adult responsibilities! Since accepting this and getting on with my life, I feel very content, very satisfied with my life and extremely grateful for everything I have and have achieved. I don't feel that I have any unanswered questions. (I suppose this is my ego!) Now, there is only one thing I need answered, just to put my mind at ease. My question is this- were you happy when you felt the urge to follow a spiritual path? If so, did you assume you would become even happier? Have you become happier or is happiness no longer a concern for you, like, you could take it of leave it? Thank you for reading this

I think that when it comes to gender, you are questioning the essentialist argument. That is, how can we define 'male' and 'female' and is there anything completely innate that defines us as either one or the other? How can we define 'black' or 'white' for that matter. If you identify as a 'black' person, does that make you black, even if you are white? The accepted identity-politics discourse being embraced by society right now would say 'yes' - that is, you are whatever you believe you are (even if you appear to 99.9% of the population to be something else.) If you want to deconstruct your identity even further, you can believe that you don't exist at all. Yes, that is your choice. Even if 99.99999% of the population believe that you do exist, you are free to believe that you don't. I'm not sure that the tax man would let you get away with it, though!

Leonardo DaVinci was excellent painter, crafts-person and an original thinker. I don't know a lot about art, but he was considered one of the best. It is worth noting however, that he relied on commissions from his patrons to earn a living... he wasn't just given free rein to go about doing whatever he liked. He was an employee his entire life, from the age of 14. What I'm saying is that like all of us, I'm sure the guy had to make a few compromises in life.

I think when you describe "the kind of person we want to be" then perhaps you are describing a "role". So I don't think you can do both at once, I think they are contradictory things, becoming a certain type of person and dropping all roles. You want to instill self-belief in order to change your behavior in order to become something or someone? Maybe tell us what you would like to become?

When I think about it, my whole life I have had plenty of time to do fulfilling spiritual work, even though I've always worked and built assets. I've likely averaged around a twenty-hour working week my entire adult life.... hence, I haven't crawled very far up the career ladder, but I've been stable and productive. I never wanted material success, if was going to mean working 100+ hours per week. That did not appeal to me at all! However, I didn't want to be on the poverty line, either, as that would be uncomfortable. I chose the middle road. One thing I've noticed is that when you work less, you have more time on your hands to do money-saving things, and so you don't need a high income. Just for example, I have time to mow my own lawns, so I don't have to pay someone to do this. I have time to make my own lunch when I do go to work, so I'm not paying for expensive meals. I have time to ride my bike places, so as I'm not paying to run a car. I have time to mend clothes, and browse the second-hand stores and find bargains. I enjoy all these things and the money I save means I don't need to go out to work as often... so it becomes a very self-perpetuating cycle. As for doing the spiritual work, even though I have the time, I don't always do it. There is no pressure! If you would prefer to sit under a shady tree with a good book, then just do that. In some ways, I think enjoying quite times alone and undisturbed is a good spiritual practice in itself.

"a heart full of love" Such a beautiful statement, @cirkussmile! and I think love leads to compassion, to dealing compassionately with the world, and indeed, with all beings. Love is active. It is useful.... not simply a concept.

@Serotoninluv , It's great that you used the example of Zen Buddhist monks when explaining non-duality. Note that said monks live in highly organised communities with a social hierarchy, customs and processes. They are honoured members of a bigger social order, and live to some extent off donations. They also do some community work and help people in need. They have in no way vacated the physical world! The do not live on concepts alone! They work! They live regular lives. They eat and breath. They even have personalities. I do think there is some slight danger in ignoring the physical realities of life, as though our lives are irrelevant.

@UDT , either way could work out fine for you. You might decide to study for a degree and end up really enjoying university life. It's not all hard work, you can still socialise between classes, in the evenings and at weekends. Alright, I'm biased because I loved university life. I had the absolute time of my life. It was brilliant. But if you chose to plough head-long into your dreams (can you tell us what they are? ) instead of getting a degree, you may end up loving that life-style, too. Maybe it's a touch more risky, I guess. But do you have some support in your life? Like, can you live with your parents while you explore your dreams? That would make it a whole lot easier! You can always study part-time as an older student, if you find you need a degree, but a lot of people lead very successful lives without one. What is you passion?

@seeking_brilliance you wrote "I love the hell out of Sam and thank him for being such a miracle". Good for you, Sam. Don't every give away your sense of identity. You are fine just as you are. Self-Enquiry is just an adjunct to a full and rewarding life, it is not a replacement for that life. When people give up their identities completely, what is left is often psychosis, not freedom.

@Hansu , yes, exactly. "Stop caring about what people think" is not a helpful statement in itself. Human beings are social creatures and we have built a very complex society by being able to co-operate with each other. If everyone was totally individualistic, society would not operate. Caring is sharing.