bejapuskas

It's definitely the Hulk, he is so humble and embraces the duality of monstrosity/humanness like nobody else does.

@JessiChell Maybe you can find a different, more effective way to give warmth and love. Love is literally everything, anything you do or not do is exactly that, but if you get drained or suffer, it's nonsensical to do it, as it limits you too much. Maybe you lack healthy boundaries.

@JessiChell Maybe you should think about what you really want to give and whether you can actually provide it in this moment or not.

Yes, but in your case, the riot, according to your thoughts, is happening right here right now, but when you stop thinking it is happening, it stops happening. Your experience is not far away, it is right here right now, as close as it can possibly get. Thinking you are clear about all this seems like a direct way to confusion.

@JessiChell Now I am confused whether you actually want to change this about yourself or whether your current social life is good enough

@Elham I think I understand what you mean, I actually do the same most of the time, so yeh, relatable :)) @JessiChell Haha, it's ok, this is your thread. What kind of pleasure do you give them, are you trying to get them to discover a life that is not dull? Is your life not dull? Is is manipulation most of the time? Did you say that as like a realization to the thing you said before? Does manipulation get you what you want?

I see you got your survival handled, death seeker

Hehe nice x) Why do you believe that?

Awesome, so where do you ultimately want to get, being comfortable in a room full of people? @JessiChell @Elham When do you feel disconnected like that? Is it when you need something from the other person that they cannot see? Maybe if you are hanging out with multiple people at the same time, it's harder for everyone to distribute attention equally. Maybe try 1 on 1 conversations, see how that goes.

Are you imagining mind?

Yes. But when you say to yourself "you gotta know" and it is related to survival, the statement is trying to make a self survive, because "life is not dangerous now". But you actually don't know even in this very moment and you know it, so what is it then? Ok, so you probably have a lot going on in your life, those panic attacks and some other stuff maybe you haven't mentioned. Is there anything that you would call a shadow of yourself, that you maybe feel disgusted by or ashamed of?

@JessiChell Do you regularly work on your ego?

@JessiChell How do you work on your ego?

Glad to hear that I see xDD I remember when Nahm answered one of my questions about a year ago, I was like yeh there is the exit. If you feel passionate about learning, that's ok. But if your mind is full of mess, there is no fertile ground for new knowing to grow. So you are actually doing the opposite of what you want by trying to know something if you actually want to know something. Together with knowing, there is boredom, with not-knowing, there is curiosity. Do you even know what shadow work is?

@Elham @JessiChell Loneliness isn't disconnection from others.

What is mind?

Hypocritical people are best at hiding their mistakes from themselves but also best at showing your mistakes to you. I don't think it's beneficial to spend your time with all the people equally, that doesn't make sense, you would be forcing something, but seeing these kinds of lessons can be great.

@The_Searcher It might seem like you really do not know what's happening to you, like you have absolutely no idea, but I would argue that you are still believing some thoughts about the situation you are in. What Nahm is saying might sound a bit too far away, but it isn't actually. If you went down the road of questioning all your beliefs about your situation in life, you would come to the conclusion that you really have no fucking idea about what is happening. You cannot possibly now, it is just too much mess. When you realize, that you don't know anything, your mind will become so spacious and so free, that it will stop trying to control you and you will stop being its slave. This is what they call the beginner's mind in Zen. I think that your mind has just too much baggage in it, therefore you cannot open to the possibility that there are more pleasant, more kind and cheerful thoughts out there somewhere for you to discover. You will start to gravitate towards these thoughts as you get rid of the falsity of believing all your, mostly not-feel-good, thoughts.

@Natasha @Aquarius Thank you :))

I saw this very nice video in which Dr K. introduces a helpful ancient psychological model (Pancha Kosha) that can give us an insight into how to get fully healed. Here are my basic notes: There are 5 levels of being. When each of them is somehow damaged, there are different symptoms and different treatment that is required. Treating an issue of one level of being with a treatment suited for some other level of being is not as effective. Physical - Symptoms: any kind of physical disease, for example cancer - Treatment: diet, exercise, medication... Energetic - Symptoms: sluggishness, feeling heavy, itching, demotivated, lack of energy... - Treatment: pranayama, Wim Hof, yoga, chigong, taichi... Emotional - Symptoms: PTSD, shame, unpleasant feelings, sadness... - Treatment: talking to a psychologist, healthy relationships, meditation on emotions and compassion... Intellectual - Symptoms: Cognitive biases, irrational thinking... - Treatment: CBT, talking to a psychologist, contemplation, observation, honesty with oneself... Spiritual - Symptoms: CPTSD (it is different than regular PTSD, because it fucks up the whole sense of self), feeling like a ghost/robot/unreal... - Treatment: meditation, self-inquiry, yoga, retreat, solo walks... In the video, Dr K.'s client was surprised that he could not cure his CPTSD, which is a spiritual problem, by talking to a psychologist and taking medication, which are emotional and physical types of treatment. However, having a strong intellectual basis (cognitive-behavioral therapy, developing a mostly unbiased perception of oneself etc...) helped him strenghten the other areas, which resulted in him not comitting suicide. This thing with 1 strong area protecting other also appears for example in cancer patients who struggle physically and energetically, but get a lot of support from their family and friends, therefore they do better. I'd also like to add that meditation has the potential to cure certain physical illnesses, but it is still unclear how to the science of today. Also, science has no evidence of the existence of chi/ki/prana, but practices based on this energy are more effective for healing than those based on science, although it might seem that they are very similar. (you „just move“ in both jogging and yoga for example) Here is the link to the video:

Check out this youtube channel, the lady there also has a book, you might give that a try if her channel resonates with you. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5RsHynktqGlvUaP2ML0Faw

You mentioned before that you can feel honest around some friends, is that something you want to deal with?

@JessiChell Do you think this applies also to your friendships, not just romantic relationships?

I was half joking but yeh you are right. Do you meditate regularly? What about yourself are you not loving?

@JessiChell I think Leo is just a man after all... x) He probably can't help himself. Yes, now it is kind of weird, I don't know where you are from, but this will definitely pass, just as anything. Are you comfortable being alone? In my experience, being alone is more enjoyable most of the time than spending time with the wrong people, just like @Member is saying. I don't know about your attitude towards men or whether you have tried to interact with these men at all, but if you have, maybe try more yoga studios, more events, I mean, if there is nobody date-able among the people you already know, there probably is someone like that somewhere else, I don't believe in someone being doomed like that you know... Is there scarce of these events too?