bejapuskas

@Seed Maybe you can look into more gentle energetic practices, like hatha yoga or chi gong. It still opens you up, but probably it's not enough to blow your head off. Maybe try that?

@Raptorsin7 You are doing great. It's the wise person who seeks wisdom, not the stubborn one. The stubborn one thinks he's got it already. Maybe in order to be able to grind as you call it, focus on your feeling, discover what you want, and do that You can never do the right thing for yourself if you don't know what the right (feel good) thing is, can you? It's just mind playing tricks on you, but once you see that you can create whatever, and become ok with it, it becomes much easier and more clear.

I haven't done kundalini yoga, at least not intentionally, but other kinds of energy work, I would say don't underestimate what the nature can teach you and how strong your intuition is

Update to my journey: this weekend i was at a cottage with my friend, he bought some rapé medicine and wanted to try it, i said im not ready, but i helped him do the ritual, then we meditated together and had a synchronized awakening of our chakras and then i was intuitively looking at his navel and saw an energetic worm, his eyes were closed when i spotted it, but then he opened them and knew immediately what i was pointing at, so we tried to pull it out of his system, but it was too freaking long... then in the morning he said he felt me presence super intensely and saw an energetic bond between our two navels

If you align your thoughts with something that feels bad/untrue and a bad thing happens to you, you think it is totally normal to feel bad, like a victim. If something good happens to you, you think it is pure luck and there is no way you could've controlled it coming to you. If you align your thoughts with something that feels good/true and a bad thing happens to you, you just laugh. If something good happens to you, you recognize the opportunity and start actively seeking it more, like a creator, and then goodness starts naturally flowing into your life. There is so much abundance around, you just need to notice it.

Why do you think through the nervous system is the only way?

There might not be any self, but there can still be a sense of self, or a thought of the self.

Why do you think they are blocked? Do you think others will perceive you as weak if you let them flow? Or are you hiding them for some other reason?

I am glad this thread has served you well

I guess she might be more attached to you because you are already having sex together I assume and because you already were considering a break up with her once in the past, so that might also be a significant factor for her.

@InterruptReQuest I see, in your opinion, what are the benefits you should be getting out of meditation?

@Artsu I am wondering whether what you are describing is just a state or an experience, or whether it is actually infinite.

@InterruptReQuest What was your main motivation to start meditating? Is it that you get fed up with those things, or is it that you don't have enough energy to keep doing them?

@Artsu I see, sorry. What is the divine consciousness you experienced? Is it you? Is it anything? Where is the divine consciousness?

Do you do the practices like yoga and meditation?

@Artsu Don't mistake Jesus for a body or a personality, you are still limiting yourself with this concept. Just be yourself, make it simple.

@alchemizt Thank you so much for opening this door for me, I will see how things go for me, I still haven't finished my higher education which I want to do. If corona prevents me from executing on my plans this year, I might as well buy the plane ticket... What does it say about you?

What do you guys mean when you say you cannot connect with the average girl? Is it that you cannot talk with her about enlightenment or is it that she doesn't provide the things you would want from a partner?

Spiral Dynamics - Stage Red Spiral dynamics is a model of the human psyche and value systems as they relate to the environment and time period they find themselves in. Human environments and society changes rapidly, therefore the psyche and value systems transform with it. Evolved from a collectivist stage - Purple - tribal, magical thinking, animistic, ritualistic, allegience to chief, ancestors, elders and clan Red now represents - egocentrism, exploitativeness, impulsiveness, authoritarianism, no guilt, survival of the fittest and might makes right mindsets Next step is stage Blue - absolutist, moralistic, hierarchical, burreaucratic, nationalistic, dogmatic, religious, theocratic, loyal, traditional, conformist Red is domineering, power hungry, animalistic (no or little sense of human rights for survival, possession etc...), individualistic, taking charge without compassion, self-absorbed, sees life as survival in the jungle, victims vs. predators, looks for immediate gratification of its desires, ignores consequences, risk tolerant, challenging death, prevailing - necessary for its survival. Understanding Red from higher stages (high Orange, Green) can be difficult, because they might assume, that humans always were compassionate and aware of the feelings and needs of others and nice to their families, but this is not exactly true if we look at the history of humankind. It is not evil, but actually it might be necessary for some to be able to survive in a specific kind of environment. If you are reading this, most likely you are lucky to live in a country with fair police, court system, society with high morals etc... Stage Red is not a mental disorder. Stage Purple, that comes before Red, can be falsely perceived by the higher stages as peaceful, but because it needs to live in a tribal culture, which naturally grows in size, and simultaneously there are multiple tribes fighting over limited resources, some sense of personal ambition, need to control and overpower others is necessary in order to continue living. Actually having a peaceful chieftain of a tribe can cause the elimination of entire families by neighboring tribes, so becoming physically strong and thirsty for power, can, in reality, save lives of innocent people ---> stops being nice, stop being a victim, goes to a fight to win. Values: Personal power, strength, brute force, display of toughness, heroism, daring, being the boss, being #1, winning at all costs, conquering one's enemies, thrill of conquest, being able to bully others, glorious death, warrior mentality, fearlessness, competition, crushing opponents, intimidation above diplomacy and other soft means, groin centered instead of heart centered, ambition, playing it big, revenge, respect, loyalty to the boss, decisiveness, action, pragmatism, no nonsnse, taking ownership, getting things done, just do it mentality, shoot first - ask questions later, status, machismo, pride, bragging, charisma, plain speaking rather than intellectualism or education, manipulation, exploitation, sexual conquest for power, torture, inflicting suffering, enjoying life to the fullest - damn the consequences, power contest, breaking rules, finding loopholes Characteristics: Wants the respect that it deserves, free of guilt and shame, indifferent to the suffering caused to others, enjoying itself, narcissistic, impulsive rather than strategic, intuitive, follows gut feeling, doesn't look far into the future, uses fear and intimidation to govern, tyrannical, believes in gods that are complimentary to their life style, desensitized, violent, doesn't cultivate relationships, uses others, treats others as animals and instruments, ballsy, cocky, likes to beat the odds, takes a lot of risks, direct, blunt, materialistic, hedonistic, ruthless, bloodthirsty, dominates resources and animals, no capacity for self-reflection, perceives all problems as external, sees corruption as the way of life, alpha male mentality, confrontational, sees people as friends and enemies, which must be used/destroyed - relationships are not relative at this stage, submits to higher power only for pragmatic reasons. Examples: Donald Trump, Saddam Hussein, Irak, Syria, Lyberia, Somalia, North Korea, Myanmar, Africa, Palestine, Hitler, Stalin, mafia, pirates, marauders, Yakuza, prison culture, freedom fighters, thiefs, Ancient Rome, Caligula, Nero, samurai code, Alexander the Great, Achilles, Klingons, hackers, sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, long shooters, mass shooters, Conan the Barbarian, Joe Pesci, toxic masculinity, Red Pill, Genghis Khan, war criminals, rape gangs, torture, wild rock stars, Russel Brand in his early days, Jules from Pulp Fiction, the Joker, Jim Jones, Game of Thrones characters, some porn stars, strippers, violent porn, absolute monarchs, crucifixion, cutting of body parts as legal punishment, bullies, colonial exploitation, Wild West, slavery, the Terminator, Rambo, cocaine, heroine, crack users, the lesser jihad, ISIS, MMA, UFC, boxing combats appeal to stage Red people, Mike Tyson in his early twenties, Don King, Connor McGregor, bank robbers, black culture, animal cruelty, dog fighting, cock fighting, Lord of War, Alex Jones, Incel culture, aspects of the pick up community, Kanye West, rap music, heavy metal music, punk music, GTA and other video games, graffiti, Sith from Star Wars, Fight Club, KKK, lynchings, Machiavelli Phrases and sayings: Might makes right, Desperate times require desperate measures, No guts, no glory, You have to break some eggs to make an omelette, An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, It's a doggy dog world, Survival of the fittest, To the victor go the spoils, The world is a jungle, If you're not with us, you're against us, Fight to the nail, Take no prisoners, An offer he can't refuse, What's in it for me?, Off with his head, You scratch my back, I scratch yours. How to distinguish Red from Orange - Stage orange will manipulate and exploit, red will break kneecaps. Red enjoys the suffering of others, orange is more of a full-on capitalist, red cannot control its impulses, orange is more strategic, make plans, be patient, control its emotions, orange is capable of shame and remorse, is not physically violent and tens to be democratic, red wants a totalitarian regime and rule it, orange values science and education What triggers Red: Signs of weakness and emotional vulnerability, isn't open to exploring its feminine side, especially as a man, ridicule, disrespect, disloyalty, threatening the boss' authority, being outshined by somebody, losing a fight, not being the winner, lack of action, excuses, indecisiveness, intellectual approach, doubt about one's power, feminism, social justice warrior, homosexuality, hippies' values Unhealthy manifestations and excesses: Remember, is Red not bad, but it tends to slide into downwards spiral of violence, abuse, exploitation, mafia, robbery etc... Causes rape, oppression of minorities, terrorism, corruption. Irrationality, zero systems thinking, no education, megalomania, narcissism, sociopathy, exploiting systems. Can't maintain relationships, struggles with building up a stable government through nepotism instead of carefully voting for competent candidates. It ends up undermining itself with chaos, so it needs to evolve into disciplined Blue. Toxic masculinity and hierarchy. Healthy manifestations: Bringing tribes together (Saddam Hussein), cohesion, unification by higher power, moving from tribalism into urbanism. It is fast, decisive, it is not a victim - being a victim, suicidal and helpless is worse than doing at least something. Defending its people against other bullies and armies, standing up to authority. Doesn't need to be so deeply religious and dogmatic, can be more pragmatic, secular, get things done. Offers rapid development and expansion of territory, it can take care of itself, have many ambitions and get the work done. Statistics: 20 % of adult population which holds roughly 5 % of global influence. How to transcend Red: Jules from Pulp Fiction moves from living a gangster life to finding god - living through some sort of miracle, maybe surviving a horrible situation. Overcoming addiction, creating a sense of life purpose, developing a sense of higher truth, opening your mind to morality, volunteering, recognize the limits of egocentric life - recognize that if everyone is a bully, the system just spiral downwards. Notice what it is like, when you are the one being overpowered. Realize that not everything can be solved through violence. Develop a sense of guilt, shame and remorse, empathy, compassion and shared suffering. Recognize the limits of authoritarianism, importance of rules. Develop discipline and work ethic, study stoicism. Join the military if you are living in a bad neighborhood and have very little options - use it for education and exploring the world. Educate yourself, read books, explore the world. Change your environment or move countries, change your friends, move to a different city. Soften your emotions, femininity, vulnerability. Join a support group, work with people in a caring, polite way. Final comments: If you are judging Red, it shows, that you haven't yet fully integrated it. By demonizing and judging, you aren't achieving anything, rather try to understand this mindset and value system. This stage is not related to a race or a religion, rather it is a developmental stage of everyone. It is important for societies to move through evolution quicker.

@Seed Your thinking seems to be guiding you well. A big part of growth is changing your behavior. Being precious, over-sensitive and hyper aware usually shows itself in social interactions and other situations - notice, what behaviors feel bad, perhaps complaining feels bad, lying feels bad, gossiping feels bad, so try to gradually drop all these behaviors that feel bad. Maybe Leo's video about neuroticism might help you to point at some of the more common things that can appear. Sometimes it is not about evolving and adding more and more practices, but just removing the old patterns

But what even is growth, development and evolution? Where is it headed?

Are you trying to somehow self-actualize, do the work, or do you want to feel better? What is your objective?

Hello, I hope you feel better now when you are reading this after some time maybe. Do you see how you can never lose yourself? You can lose awareness of this fact though, which indeed hurts. Go do something you really like for a while, get rid of the burdens of life for some time if possible, take some rest by yourself.

I see, this is interesting. What is synchronicity for you? Which spirits do you communicate with? I think this feeling you might be Jesus is not something special, it often happens to people. For example they might see that they are god imagining to be human and voila, Jesus is born in them. You might very well say it out loud too, but if you study the history of gurus, it is not worth mentioning that, since it will not get you or anyone else absolutely anywhere. I guess all we can do is live the teaching

I would trust @Michael569 on this, since he is actually educated on this, I don't know about others. Acid can cause you to feel physically sick, so maybe wait and make sure everything else goes well too, that you are in a safe environment, if with people - only those who you trust etc...