bejapuskas

@StarStruck @StarStruck For guys it is also important how you feel no? Dont be repressed.

@StarStruck Are you disociative in all social relationships? Do you trust people around you? Do you think your circle of friends is a safe space and that it makes you feel good, or would you say it is rather boring or toxic?

@Preety_India I still think climax or falling in love can happen multiple times as you grow with someone. I think it happening only once is a kind of naive idealization of the emotion. One might think the other person is perfect and that they will fix them and fit them perfectly and that they will stay on matter what etc...

Don't post anybody's phone number anywhere that's cruel. It will not help you, just walk away. Revenge is a very petty solution. Only commit to people who are equally or more committed than you.

My friend was assaulted by her ex a few days ago. They broke up after a year long relationship, she got over it. One day he came to her house drunk with some other friend, he told her he wants to have some private conversation. Then when they were alone, he started kissing, then groping breasts, trying to rub and finger too. She was helpless because he completely overpowered her and even slapped her when she resisted. He said something like "why do we need to behave like typical exes". Then the other friend came and they looked weird so the friend suspected they were sad about the breakup. He asked the guy why, he lied and said that he started liking somebody else, which was not true, he just wanted to have sex and cheated on the girl three times. After that she confronted him on a phone call where he said something like "I just wanted to fuck you and I wanted to make you feel bad for not giving me, so that you would regret". As you might know, this girl was already traumatized since she had such a low self-esteem which made her not leave him after two instances of cheating. Then she got groped without consent and denied so many things she knew to be true. Some days later she decided to speak up about her story on instagram where people supported her. Her family however forced her to delete the post, because "they dont want to have anything in common with the case and the guy". Another victim silenced. If you wanna know about the guy, he was a typical nice guy who posted so much about human rights on social media, advocated for others and then did this.

@StarStruck Maybe the stopping to care and breaking free from seeking is what is gonna do it for you.

@Parththakkar12 Why do you care about the truth though, is it to make up your mind or is it a defense mechanism caused by hurtness? @Preety_India I am sorry you had to deal with such men. I guess you need to have a sincere care for each other and be willing to let go of defenses. You are right that only a few men have the maturity. Sometimes people have family trauma and dont want to talk because they think youd judge them for their emotions though. Yes that is exactly why I explain it and why I emphasize communication so much when I give dating advice. Im not an advocate for slut shaming and calling others derogatory words. I think BDSM based on trust and consent is fine. I see about the climax. I think that deeper knowledge though only arises in the relationship. I guess there is only very little you can learn about someone while you are still in dating phase. I mean it is useful, but I guess I wouldnt be naive to think that a person can be understood from a few interactions. What do you think about that? I guess it sounds pessimistic and hopeless, but also there probably are some deal breakers in dating that definitely help. Do you think love grows throughout and climaxes keep coming?

@John Iverson @StarStruck I am not kidding. There are so many of these guys who think guys cannot get raped because they would just love it. There are literally laws saying that guys cannot get raped. It is ridiculous. Of course it matters on the quality of the sex, the safety, the connection... You just underestimate all this. I mean with that girl you probably would have enjoyed it from what I am hearing but I guess she was not up for it and that is a deal breaker. It is admireable that you approached so many and have not given up though. I am just curious what being yourself and providing love means to you. What is love to you? What is being yourself? Does it have anything to do with her?

@John Iverson She needs to feel safe and certain that people will not interrupt. Try masturbating with a parent in the room next to you to see how it might feel for her to do it in your parents' house. Safety and privacy are key. @StarStruck No it is not weird. I understand you are very attracted to her. If you had sex in that state of connection you had, that might feel nice, but maybe she understood what happened differently. People tend to idealize experiences when they fall in love. Your perception might be very biased. I am not sure though, but like when you find a person with whom there is no friction, manipulation and also there is connection, that is the best. If you miss any of these, you might be disappointed. I dont think you want sex without connection do you.

@Preety_India I agree there is a fine line and I agree that what you describe is a toxic dynamic imo, but like arguments dont have to be that and having sex after an argument does not need to be making up for anything. Arent you one of the people who think arguments are always bad? Have you ever had a productive argument? I think there can be different definitions of what treating like a whore means. I think we mean different things. Some people love being called whore. And it doesnt need to be the case that a person calls a girl whore while having sex and is also an asshole to her outside the bedroom. I think there are different kinds of domination and I agree with what you described being a healthy domination based on trust. Pride, confidence, trust... You can literally tie up someone, make them completely powerless and hit them in a way they enjoy and have it be based on trust. But there needs to be communication. What do you mean by reaching the climax in sexual attraction? Could you describe an experience? I think it can be a way to end up with someone who you dont really want to be with if you need to like keep building up for such a long time, although I know such couples I guess...

@Preety_India I see what you mean. But then there is this thing with some anger actually being toxic and some anger just being an emotion you release when you are trying to solve a problem. One can argue in a very loving way. Anyone can have an argument with their partner and then feel like shit and this can repeat and lead to an end of a relationship, worse case life. But some people can be so good for each other and recognize that, argue when they know the other person is willing to undergo a change or to listen to them more in an aspect they want to point out to them, and then after the argument is done and resolved, you might go into the sexual play of staring the other person down, getting on top of them, undressing them etc. But I think that is totally fine only if like the arguments lead to a deepening of connection. Most people probably think all arguments are bad. I disagree with you on some other points, I think guys can be submissive or switches too, not necessarily does a guy dominate when they enjoy, but definitely nice guys might have a shadow in the area of domination, because they might not want to feel like somebody is their whore etc. And I think those guys might try it out because it can be learnt and enjoyed. It can release tension and lead to better sex without necessarily including becoming an asshole in life. This I am gonna take care of this I think should be a part of every relationship that Is healthy, I hate the idea of one sided chasing although periods of one sided chasing from both sides can be nice. I just do not recommend people to go for somebody who keeps ignoring them to the extent when they feel like they are chasing.

@StarStruck I do not think you should be pushed to manipulate the other person in a relationship. I think having the other person being interested in you by themselves and simultaneously having you both try your best to be better and better for each other is a more stable scenario. Consider the possibility that you are pushing for the impossible or for the unenjoyable and you do not actually know what you want. How much experience do you actually have, how confident are you that that girl was actually somebody you would want? She was not even interested man, how can you say you would want that.

@Identity Does she ever tell you that you can just come and it is fine? Do you feel self-conscious about coming too early? I think when you suck somebody's dick, you can feel their veins pulsating when they enjoy it. Your dick and heart do the job for you automatically But I totally get you. Maybe you can do some research about blow jobs. Maybe this is not connected to dad but I meant the effort to please the other constantly and trying to have them satisfied at all times, maybe fear of being abandoned or yelled at.

@Peter Miklis I also get the feeling that you're trying to fill a hole inside you. But maybe you are also blocking people. I get why you would not date somebody who gets over break ups by finding a new person immediately, but I am not sure where your limits in this particular judgement are. Maybe the people who are sexually open enough to be compatible with you are those who you judge and weed out. Just a theory though. @Preety_India Do you think that the thing with getting horny after an argument or anger releasing the same hormones as the desire for sex might contribute to women tolerating assholes? @Arcangelo I agree with you that proving others wrong is violence. @Parththakkar12 Why do you say you don't give a shit when you do? It seems like you still care too much about hypocritical women. You cannot save them, just move on, we are 8 billion, you can surely find somebody who is compatible in such a large population. @Karmadhi I would suggest redefining the traits of assertive, dominant etc. It might help your mental. @StarStruck Do you think loyalty is just a useless construct? In my view, if you choose one girl (which is already energetically exhausting) and choose not to constantly chase other girls and pursue sex, it might give you more focus and energy for your goals. Just a perspective though. I am happy about the quality of posts on this thread increasing.

Stop this borderline rasist talk and dick measuring. It is disgusting. Can we support each other in growing rather than fucking insulting each other's nationality?

@Identity Do you think she just really wants you to enjoy that blowjob she gives you? You might be judging yourself because you are not focusing on her while she is sucking your dick, but maybe she just really wants you to enjoy it man idk... Idk if I am projecting here but I smell daddy issues. Have you two talked about how your families treat you and where you feel judged?

I dont think being pussy is genetic. I think it is more about daddy issues, which you might not even think you have. @Preety_India Thanks for the explanation. Sometimes I avoid using such weird terminology because it is misleading and everyone imagines something different. But if you really want to use it, you need to explain.

@Preety_India I mean to some users you might seem two-faced, because you fight against Incel and RedPill, but you also say things such as women are attracted to alphas without any more explanation. I understand you do not mean it, but we need to be clear in our communication and consistent. There are new members who do not know your history of posts and they might misinterpret such posts. Do you get what I mean? I am not mad, I guess I just want to help you to get your message across.

I dont think US is turning orwellian. But even if we take that into account, this activist culture where ideally all people have equal rights (they dont have to be same, although they can be, as diversity is also useful and beautiful) is much less dangerous, if you consider people who arent white western heterosexual cis men to also be people who are endangered. This culture only endangers people, non-lethally, who dont educate themselves and speak nonsense bcz of their privilege.

@Lucas-fgm I know you are a nice user who is here to learn and your capacity for learning is admireable, but dont call the OP lame, he just opened up about being hurt, we shouldnt discourage this as it makes users feel unsafe. And we can't emotionally grow in an unsafe environment do you get me?

@Growly No I dont think Its worth, I prefer smart girls who are vulnerable and communicate well. @Striving for more I understand, it is hard to sometimes see that Incel is not really a science. But sure, you will get fed up with it one day hopefully. Some people make the mistake of idealizing a person and tunnel vision focusing on them, overlooking all other factors. A relationship is not just about getting a person, it doesnt end with that, theres the keeping them AND making that enjoyable for both, beyond the keeping. And these traits that help a person be good for a long term relationship where the connection grows deeper beyond instinct and wishful thinking are not immediately obvious. Who you imagine as a 9 might be a 5 actually. Also look at the compatibility of the two people as a couple, not just individuals.

@Preety_India I saw the comment Jacob Morres is talking about and I see how it could sound like something you were not intending to say. Maybe provide more context the first time you post? Context is always necessary. I mean I know incels will call you out for both things, either you confirm their BS or you are hypocritical. But I think there are still people trying to learn from you, even though it is hard to see. I think you are a really good member here because you are not a western male and you create a lot of diversity, but maybe the users cannot see that if you post without explanation. (I know you still do that a lot and @Jacob Morres should acknowledge that too) I am just trying to facilitate understanding here.

@Karmadhi If it is that way, you just need to find the right person buddy, wish you all the best!

@Growly Even if you looksmax, you might get some toxic girl who does not see beyond skin level and you will waste your potential having sex all the time. Don't you think?

@Identity Hello, I hope you are doing fine and your loved ones are safe Do you have an issue more with giving or receiving? (I think answering the questions cookiemonster posted is good, or better - discuss them with your girlfriend) I also think what flowboy suggests is good, shame is a big thing. Does your girlfriend dirty talk you and assure you she likes what you do to her and what she does to you? That can help a lot with shame. I would discuss this with your girlfriend (to make sure you simultaneously let go of shame while you are at it) or journal if it is too much) Just make up fucking stories, I think if they are only stories and there is no significance to them, they would not shine and resonate, wait for a story to resonate, focus on your stomach, heart, throat when you speak with gf/write and let it all out 100% honestly. When it clicks, you'll just keep talking. This is how you might get to that which you call "something on top". It might require some overcoming of fears, but honest communication helps with shame and disconnection. I know you can do this. The consequences are not always as bad as cheating and a 2year relationship ending... PU is made by depressed kids who have experiences with other depressed kids. Don't build your view on that. It does not feel good. Being good at sex is enjoyable, it can become really meditative and you can let go of shame and judgement by doing it. It is however impossible to be good at sex if you don't discuss it openly. Don't beat yourself up for not always being able to guess what the other person wants, sometimes they also have shame and their bodies would not let you know even if you listened very patiently. Being able to openly discuss sex, kinks etc. seems like a hot trait to me if I was a girl. I don't think you are so dumb that you can't read absolutely any signs, but don't be afraid to sometimes just ask if what you're doing is good. Also look at her face, back, hips, legs, fingers, they all send you clues about enjoyment, be very patient and you'll notice when she likes it. I guess you are very kind and sensitive guy and you might have some shadow about being dominant, but like if your gf wants something specific, talking to her about it, not judging and even making her feel shy and then doing it to her can be such a turn on.