Shadowraix

Awareness is an inherent feature. The separation between us as considered living things and considered non-living isn't that great. The identification other than the body is about realizing separation is a perception. Its a useful tool but does not mean it exists in the absolute.

My friends and I went on top of a mountain. One did 100ug other 200ug and I took 300ug. My 100ug friend claims to be extremely sensitive to energy and the mountain made it sound like people are right beside you so it freaked her out a bit. Because what so happened to occur was photography sets decided to come up and people in general to take pictures and sight-see. She did calm down when we got back in the car. My friend was just captivated by the sun and I was just feeling anxious. By the sunset we all felt a dramatic calming as we watched its pure beauty. Doing it outdoors is fun, but just make sure you have some safe space if you are going to be around people. On LSD you are highly aware and others are not. Or at least don't seem to be. And if you perceive that difference when interacting with others things can be wonky.

I don't particularly entertain these thought. They just appear when I see a girl I find really attractive. Then I move on with my day. From what I know it seems to be a pretty normal part of the human biology. Even in relationships. But again this may stem from me being polyamorous and agreeing to the monogamous relationship while I feel satisfied with it. Yeah I don't bring the stuff up usually unless she brings it up. She was trying to comprehend my view but seemed to be hurting herself in the mix trying to do it. We have sex just about every time we see each other and I do give her lots of attention. Yep this is something I've been thinking about. And you didn't come off as insensitive. I'm fine with taking blunt advice. While I do practice detachment and its worked a significant amount I do think there is some there not to her per se but the idea of not being alone since I was single for 2 years prior to this. And there aren't that many people who wouldn't see me as crazy in this conservative christian town. Ending a relationship im sure often will come with 2nd thoughts. She's contributed a lot to me letting me experience a loving stable relationship for the first time with awesome parents. But I do know the path of most growth isn't always the easiest one. I know its not, I was trying to do it out of desire to see her be better and she expressed some kind of desire to do things, but its never put into action.

Context: I am polyamorous and she is monogamous. I'm perfectly content with the sexual exclusivity and rules of this monogamous relationship. I'm also her first boyfriend sexually. We have been together for 1.2 years. Conflict: I had once said its normal to be attracted to people other than your SO. She randomly brought it up and agreed and said the problem is when you have sexual thoughts in which I replied those are pretty common too. That for me sexual thoughts are a pretty automatic appearance when I see an attractive woman but its a very out of sight out of mind thing. I experience them and move on with my day with no pursuit. She claims it still hurts regardless that she literally only thinks of me in a sexual manner. She says she is ok with me being polyamorous but not with me having sexual thoughts because it feels wrong to her. The discussion also included sexual exclusivity in which I discussed how I can let go and attach meanings to sex as I want to. Or that me having sex with somebody else wouldn't make me feel like the sex or bond her and I have isn't any less strong/meaningful. This continues and she eventually concludes she just can't understand and that she is trying. By the end of it she gets terrified of losing me and just keeps repeating 'I don't want to lose you, I will learn to understand' I did bring up MDMA for her to understand but she brought up so much that I decided against the idea of that because it feels forced and she was showing high reliance on it. I tried narrowing down and showing her the root of why she feels sexual exclusivity but she just resorts back to her feelings of it being wrong and she only wants it with me. Which as I said the exclusivity I am fine with but that still creates a further divide in understanding. My concern & feelings: Overall I tried to help her understand my perspective with failure, but I fear that whenever we will go out that will just build resentment and jealousy in her. It also feels like a part of me (the ego) is rejected which signals to me a sign of incompatibility. Her saying she will learn feels like its highly out of fear of losing me. She also used her being on her period as an excuse for her being so emotional about it but I have no idea on how much weight to put to that. After this I started feeling a sense of repulsion towards her and any communication. She sent me a dozen message saying shes afraid of losing me and hoping we are alright and saying how much she cares and loves me and it only repulsed me even more. I'm going to her house to spend time with her today, but I am not sure if its even a good idea to be with her at this point. Her attachment to is pretty high and my presence is a double edge sword it feels like. I've showed her a lot of Leo's content which blows her mind but she's very highly unmotivated. She keeps saying she will live in the present. I keep trying to get her to work out like she wants to, to study for her drivers permit like she wants to, to meditate like she wants to, but in the end she lays in bed all day and does nothing. I'm always the one sharing with her. She makes jokes and laughs sometimes we talk about serious political stuff but she never truly contributes content. And the fact neither of us have a car doesn't help. (Currently trying to save for one) Overall enjoy being with her but sometimes things feel bland and her attachment to me doesn't feel great when I mostly practice an unattached lifestyle.

I was having a discussion and someone pointed me towards this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spinozism Seemed interesting because at a glance this branch seems to be about a lot of what is talked about here. Anyone here versed in this philosophical system? Would love to hear some thoughts and maybe problems with it.

Will do, much appreciated. haha im not surprised.

Programming is a puzzle in the same way figuring out reality is.

Leo suggests what he has verified through his direct experience. His experience was probably that weed can make spiritual work harder. I would hope Leo would not recommend a drug he has not personally experienced.

Pantheism and Spinozism get very close and will probably be the stepping stones to introducing these ideas to people.

Or it could be they don't want to give their opinions. I have had girls ask me if I think they are pretty and when I refuse to answer they just assume I think they are ugly but the truth is I don't want them to use me as validation. I want them to find validation in their own existence. Acknowledge your own gravitation to negativity. Its a bias you need to get rid of.

This. Put in the effort or suffer. Your choice. If you want a boyfriend then the first thing you will need to work on is your pessimism. You'll find it difficult to find someone who is willing to deal with you wallowing in your own misery that you project as some absolute truth.

No. That is not what was being said. The quotes were used to point to what you claim is hideous but not call you hideous because they are skeptical or downright don't believe that claim of hideousness.

Your first mistake was letting yourself freak out. That is resistance. Your only choice is acceptance and surrender.

The first things that comes to mind is obsession comes with the inability or difficulty to do something else. Passion would come to be the conscious willingness and enjoyment to engage in it, but can think and do others things like always.

This alone tells me a level of narcissism. If you loved someone and they hurt you, why would you want to try to ruin their life? Revenge doesn't solve anything. Its just perpetuating suffering. If anybody ever told that to me i'd break up with them on the spot. The best option from my view is to be honest. If he leaves, he leaves. If he stays he stays. Being able to let go and flow with the outcome of life isn't as easy as it sounds, but the more you practice it, the easier it gets. But I know roughly what you are going through. On the guilt stuff. I flirted with my gf's sister when I was experimenting with a specific drug. Was hard on me because I always denounced cheating and I did the thing I hated so much. She forgave me in the end and I've never done such things since. At the end of the day no amount of feeling bad will change what you did. But you have a whole future to look forward to to be better and improve.

I originally took LSD because the idea of seeing visuals other than what I usually see was amazing. The experience itself ended up being just as amazing if not more. Then I continued to take it for fun. I was in many psychedelic FB groups in which they spoke about things that sounded like wo woo stuff to me as I was a hard materialist logical atheist. I didn't understand and the only response I got was to take more psychedelics. On 1mg of LSD I had the realization all is one. It came into my head like a lightbulb clicking. It was so obvious. I was in a state of perfect bliss. But that was on my come down. The come up and peak I was in a state locked on the floor sweating and seeing shit I can't even comprehend. I didn't think much of it. Continued to do LSD for fun and then after experimenting with DXM I did LSD+DXM and had my first major enlightenment where everything clicked and thats when my past insight clicked as well. My friend showed me Leo's video on the magnitude of reality because at the time reality just working amazed the fuck out of me. This trip marked my path towards higher states of consciousness. Now I technically do psychedelics for both fun and insights, but I find the most insights occur when I am not pursuing insights and just fun.

Quote saving material.

You'd be surprised who you can meet. I met a guy in a dragon ball z FB fan group that had ideas I only learned when I got into nonduality. Hes only heard of nonduality when I mentioned it but a lot of his ideas are getting close to those levels of contemplation. Amazing what you can achieve on your 'own'

I'm totally down to help get you the experience if you ever need it. This is intriguing.

Have you considered your uniqueness derives from how you filter things through your perspective?

Exactly this. Your attachment to said person and inability to accept letting go is typically the root cause of this kind of stuff.

Even then that seems to be a minority here. Not trying to claim im serious. Im not - kind of. More like I am moving forward in which I see fit. Ramping up slowly over time.

This is more about a way to describe it to people. One person sees a person as ugly the other sees said person as beautiful. You could say they hold the trait of ugliness and beauty and your relative perspective sees one side of the coin. You could say they hold no qualities and you project the qualities onto things. My understanding is its both. As -1 + 1 = 0 nothing. All and no qualities. But this may initially be confusing to introducing a finer understanding of relativity to people. Or maybe my understanding is flawed here.

Correct, but the infinite number thing may be confusing for people at first too. My main contemplation has been can I perceive qualities because they simultaneously hold all and no qualities at the same time? Or am I tacking in qualities as I perceive them? etc

Just as Nahm said, your worldview is valid too.