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Everything posted by EternalForest
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In Leo's latest video "How To Forgive Anyone Who Hurt You - A Powerful Trauma Release Exercise" he says there are 5 basic reasons why people hurt you: 1. Ignorance 2. Fear/Weakness 3. Unconsciousness 4. Selfishness 5. A need for love _________________________________________________ Two of my best friends for years (or so I thought) cut me out of their life a couple years ago. They stopped answering my calls and texts, and stopped contacting me. They even gave back all the gifts that I gave them. There was no formal end to a relationship or a "Goodbye". If they would have done that I would have respected it, but they instead just ghosted me. To this day, I don't know why, they only gave a vague "I'm getting my life together." In "How To Deal With Difficult & Toxic People", Leo said that doing this type of thing is a valid method of cutting someone out of your life, to simply just stop all contact. But what they did was very hurtful. I respect that their life may be better off without me, but I'm just confused because none of those 5 reasons explain what they did. They weren't ignorant or fearful about what they were doing, it was deliberate. And they could at least keep in touch a few times a year to see how I'm doing, I certainly would like to know how they're doing... So where does ghosting fit into all this? Is ghosting right or wrong?
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So I've been experiencing this phenomenon for years now, and I just wanted to get your thoughts on it, and if you think there's some weight to what's going on. When I fall asleep on the ground, in a chair or some other semi-uncomfortable area and I wake up in the middle of the night, I wake up in a sort of half-awake, half-asleep state, as I'm sure many of you have before. But the mindset I experience in this state is remarkable. It's as if the invisible wall of blurriness that I experience throughout my entire day is gone, and I think more clearly than ever. I'm more self-honest (which can lead to me being a lot more self-critical), but I also find myself to be more compassionate as well. Every unconscious thing I've been doing floods to the surface and I feel as if I'm getting advice from myself as a 60 or 70 year old, once again telling me like it is with no filter. That's the thing about this state of mindset, there's no filter to it. It's gentle, yet uncompromising, conscious yet subtle. All the bullshit and rationalizing that's normally present in my thought processes just falls away and all I'm left with is direct insight. It's as if my brain doesn't have the energy to constantly defend itself, so I see everything as it is. And this can be a shocking way to view things, but it also unlocks more potential for conscious discovery. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
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EternalForest replied to GreenWoods's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Intriguing stuff! How would a psychedelic work in a lucid dream? Wouldn't that only work if you had a previous psychedelic experience? Lucid dreams are only working from the brain so you'd only be able to access the brain's experiences with psychedelics and recreate them. Wouldn't something like that only be possible in out-of-body experiences/astral projection? Since in those experiences you're actually travelling into other dimensions and accessing a greater connected consciousness than what's in your brain. -
The prison system we have at the moment seems to be more interested in punishment than rehabilitation. We put criminals with minor offenses in the same yard as murderers. Corrupt prison guards make the experience worse for everyone. Personally, I feel ashamed with the system we have. It's a dead end for these individuals, rather than a new start. What's the most conscious solution? Do you believe all criminals can be rehabilitated or is some amount of punishment necessary?
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EternalForest replied to Jacobsrw's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Jacobsrw I agree, and I think this is also why younger people tend to be more naturally creative. When you're young there's no filter to what you say, what you do, or what you create. No one's shown you the walls of the box yet. As far as you know, there is no box. Anything is possible! That doesn't mean that children don't put thought into what they do, but rather, they just let their creativity flow freely. As the drummer George Marsh said "It's not really me that's coming, the music's coming through me." I believe this same principle applies to spirituality as well. -
@DecemberFlower Besides the forum, you're signed up for the main actualized.org site right? Once you sign up for the newsletter, you can listen to Leo's Top 20 Dreamkillers in the Actualized.org Store, it's all about dissecting your negative beliefs. That could really help you out.
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@DecemberFlower Think of it this way, you believing that negative experiences = negative beliefs, is also a belief! Just because you have a negative belief about yourself over an experience, doesn't mean that negative belief has substance to it. But if you're honest to yourself and believe it does, do your best to learn from those bad experiences and create a new reality for yourself. For example, if experiences tell you that you have difficulty with public speaking, first set an intention "From this day foreward I'm going to do my best to improve as a speaker." Then do all the things you need to do to improve. Join Toastmasters, read a book about speaking, watch great speakers and take notes, etc. Take action! So it all starts with dissecting your beliefs to the root, and if the beliefs do have some substance (they don't always), taking action to improve yourself.
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Change them by first examining them. As you question and examine them, the core reasons you believe them will come to the surface.
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Thanks again for everyone's replies and advice.
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@Serotoninluv @Byun Sean I took a week to think things over and I think I see what was holding me back. True love is giving without expecting anything in return. Giving for the sake of giving. I'm to the point where their apology is no longer necessary. Thanks for your help,
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The best way to read a book is the best way that works for you. Assuming we're talking about non-fiction, you're going to get the same information no matter which method you use. The question, which way is the best way for you to receive and learn that information? Figure out what type of learner you are. Auditory? Use an audiobook. Kinesthetic? Use a physical book. Visual? A digital copy would serve you fine. Take an online test, google "Learning style test" and go from there!
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Just play it on the computer you have now. Spend the rest of the money on your life purpose. If the game is great the quality won't matter. For example, I play Mirror's Edge on the lowest settings (I have a normal PC) and it still looks and runs great and its a blast to play because its just a well designed game. Cyberpunk will be the same. Playing games isn't foolish, but spending your entire life savings on a game is...
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@Jacobsrw Very true! Have you experimented with plants at all? The Fibonacci sequence and other natural sequences found in nature translated to a drawing like this could be fascinating.
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Man has a near death experience and experiences infinity in the form of what he calls "The Wheel". https://www.nderf.org/Experiences/1wilson_fde.html Thoughts on this?
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@StarStruck I journal when I really feel like I have something to say, usually once a week. I find it allows me to be more passionate in my writing, getting the whole week out in one session. It also helps me realize what's most important, the petty stuff from the week falls away and I tend write about the most important emotions/events. Sometimes instead of writing I'll also record myself talking for 20 minutes, that's great if you want to go unfiltered. That's just my method!
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Man, you're a master artist. Just keep doing what you're doing. You don't need our ideas haha
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If you want others to write your life story for you, being a victim is great! All you have to do is write about how everyone else screwed it up. Pretty simple, eh? No one can live your life for you. Go out and write your story now!
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@Byun Sean I really appreciate the suggestion. I liked the concept and had high hopes going in, but I started reading a few chapters and sadly I'm not really resonating with her line of thinking. What I'm going to type from this point foreward isn't relevant to the original post, just The Work itself. I did The Work on another individual in my life, so once again all examples from this point foreward are just in general. "Don't argue with reality"? Aren't you a part of reality? Can't you change things? Of course you can. Everything within your control is in your control, including how you feel about things. To say otherwise would be to say everyone around me is allowed to feel how they want to, craft reality, deal amongst each other and affect my life, but I can't do the same, because that's "out of my business"? I must be passive? People are making it my business, and without trying, everything I do affects others and "their business" as well. While I want them to do what they want to do on one level, I also have my own desires about what I want to do. And when what they're doing is in conflict with my desires, I can't pretend like I don't care. By having desires and by being alive I have a stake in the game. We don't live in a bubble. Everyone and everything affects everything and everyone else. Just because I don't "get into other's business" doesn't mean they won't get into mine, so by proxy, because that's going on, that means I have to stick up for myself and defend myself. In a perfect world, if everyone stayed out of each other's businesses, I could see "accept everything as it is" making sense because then you would truly be on your own. But once again, because things aren't that way, they can't work that way. Ironically, I've got to "accept what is" in my own way and accept that because others affect me, I have to protect myself. To comment on what Katie said in the book, it's possible to be concerned about what Paul's doing while also being worried about what you're doing. Just because a turnaround statement may be true doesn't mean my original statement isn't also just as true. Reversing the thought is a good concept, but the thing is that there's reasons for why I feel that way. I don't choose to feel that way. It doesn't just come out of thin air. I look at the reversed statements and I could say, yes, while that MAY be true, it's also true how I actually feel. So a lot of it also seems like taking the Devil's Advocate approach on every point. And once again, if we both sat down and took the Devil's Advocate approach together and both understood what was going on on the other side of the mirror, it might help matters. But let's be honest, it's extremely unlikely to happen, therefore I don't see much reason to change my stance if I know they won't change theirs. We're both not doing The Work. So once again, thanks for the suggestion, but either I don't understand The Work or I just don't see things that way.
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@The observer I never said you were. We're just having a conversation, man. @universe Their 5 word explanation of cutting me out of their life ("I'm getting my life together") basically translated to, even saying hi to me once a month was a negative influence on their life. Also, I did not control them, I just asked them to do things, to which they could say yes or no. The only thing that would sometimes disappoint me is when I'd discover their reason for not being able to do something was a lie. I prefer if people tell me they just don't want to do something, I don't like when they lie about why they can't. So that did frustrate me a bit. They'd say things like "I don't have to justify to you why I don't want to do something." And that's true. But it's also true that they lied regularly about other plans they claimed to have, and like you, called me controlling when I called them out on it.
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EternalForest replied to Dylan Page's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Life is much more than survival, but I understand your question. In the context of survival, I'd say suicide is the decision that you're not going to be able to survive your suffering no matter what, and you're "cutting your losses" so to speak. The avalanche is coming, so you'd rather just get it over with relatively painlessly than die a slow, agonizing death in the avalanche. But the reason why suicide is senseless though, is because you CAN survive the avalanche. You CAN survive all the pain you're going through, if you simply brave the storm and change the way you view it. Because in truth, there is no storm. There is no suffering. Just as you choose happiness, you choose to suffer. -
@universe To call my approach abusive is pretty offbase. I felt more connected to them than they did to me. To go more high concept, every time I shared Love before, they would accept it, and I would accept their Love. Then out of the blue, they rejected all my Love with no explanation. How could I not be confused? How could I not be a little hurt? If anything, leaving with no explanation is what's abusive, not feeling upset about it. Once again, I'm not entitled an explanation, but I do feel I deserved one. @The observer I actually think wanting to talk to someone everyday is attractive. I really don't like the concept of neediness cause to me all that does is create fear that you're caring too much. Living the way you're describing, this "too cool for school" attitude would just feel a little empty to me. I like to like things.
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@Preety_India True, I'll try my best to let it go. And as Leo said I may have to look inward here and realize that maybe I'm being selfish for being "in need of their friendship", or "deserving of their friendship" when they're simply not interested in it, neither are they obligated. No one is required to be my friend, they have to want to be. @Keyhole Interesting take. It is a pattern I've noticed where I give either too much or too little in relationships, and they can fizzle out for both reasons. I have 3 consistent best friends I've known for about 10 years that I'm on very good terms with, as I've gotten older I've realized that they're really all I need since I've nurtured them and respected boundaries. In a sense, the friendships I've treated the least "serious" tend to last the longest since there isn't as much of an impulse or expectation attached.
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@The observer I don't understand. Take responsibility for how you feel? How does that work?
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@Preety_India I agree that if they cared more they would have had enough decency to give me proper closure, but shortly before cutting me off, they expressed a lot of guilt for wasting my time, I never understood what that meant. It was almost like they felt like they were a bad influence on me? It's hard to explain. So in a sense, that even more rules out selfishness, because they could have been being selfLESS, but still ended up causing me pain, since I honestly believed they were a good influence on me, despite their patronizing nature. @Keyhole It is context dependent, sure. It's not that I don't forgive them for what they did, because if they wanted to start a new life without saying goodbye it's their choice, but it's moreso that I resent all the unanswered questions. I'm not entitled to answers, but I feel like, for the connection (I thought) we had, the relationship deserved a better sendoff. We were close.
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@Keyhole Thanks, unfortunately it's subjective what's considered toxic, since there can be different kinds of toxicity. In the friendship many would say I was being too needy and demanded more of their time and energy than they were willing to give. But I also felt that they led me on a lot, made me believe they were closer to me than they actually were, they sort of viewed me in a patronizing way, like a child, easy to manipulate.