In Sterquiliniis

edit- posting when very tired, will be back later

'I suggest that all tier two memes are anti-authoritarian, which is the future of humanity.' It may be worth noting that with voluntarism (the idea that all human interactions should be voluntary/free of coercion) and free market anarchism (the consistent application of the non aggression principle) you are welcome to have any social, religious and economic structure you desire as long as you don't initiate force on other people to get them to do it. This would include green style feminist communes, cooperatives, voluntary socialism, eco communes, religious based communities, ranches, cults, tribes whatever, the whole philosophy is 'we don't know which perspective is best so do whatever you like: just don't initiate force on anyone else, if you do the individuals involved may find non coercive and innovative means of dispute resolution, gaining restitution, negotiation, communication or ostracism'. I see many voluntarists who promote eco conscious and innovative ways of living such as seasteading or permaculture homesteading too.

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'I ended up as a train wreck after all my hate on lefties, feminist, lgbt, socialist, communists, cultural marxists etcetera, I thought all of that was evil, that's how brainwashed I was. ' It looks like you're feeling frustrated because your needs for authenticity and inner peace weren't being met by doing this? 'Now how can I put this behind and be the friendly and sane Markus again?' I think practicing self compassion could be of benefit. Empathise with the pain you're in and the psychological conditions that may have lead you to doing and saying the things you did; you're human and you make mistakes, we all do and it's OK It may be beneficial to try watching and thinking about these resources to understand what self compassion is, how it works and why it is important. After these i think you could benefit from trying out the guided meditations under 'practices' here and finding which ones work for you and doing one each day. https://self-compassion.org/ Trying out the self compassion exercises as many times as you need to, also under 'practices' could be useful. It may be of utility to ask: What happened? ('observable with a video camera' things you/others said and did) How do i feel about this? (This inventory may be of help if you get stuck https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory) What needs was i trying to get met with what i did and said? EG: a sense of meaning? Self worth? Acceptance from others? Community? Emotional safety? Respect? Order in your mind and external world? Understanding the world? (This inventory may be of help if you get stuck https://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory) What concrete observable actions could i request of myself to help me meet these needs in a way that would be more preferable in the future? I wish you all the best in your healing. ---------------------- PS:i also wrote this. You could see this as a valuable set of experiences from which to draw wisdom. From my perspective it looks like you had an experience of being in an ideological mindset (this could be a beneficial experience for when you may be looking to examine how ideology works in the future and when reflecting on your own cognitive biases in any future personal development) It seems you also may have heard arguments and perspectives many other people may not have heard from which you could carefully extract slithers of possible truth.

I don't feel comfortable saying what you 'should' do but, here are things i would have like to have done and do. I would have liked to have: -taken better care of my teeth with flossing after meals and brushing after meals. -addressed my childhood traumas earlier -understood my pain rather than trying to avoid it. -been more truthful about who i am and what i think. things i did that were of benefit to me: -Martial arts such as karate helped me with: poise, fitness, body confidence, a sense of inner strength to aid in confidence, fulfill the warrior archetype, be more resilient to stress, channel anger and some claim contact martial arts like fencing improves cognition. -Studying philosophy. -Fun experiences of festivals, art and music.

I think 'Lazy' is an evaluation or judgement that is static and doesn't have time and context, i prefer to look at specific observable things i am doing and ask why i am doing them.