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I totally agree. I see I failed to distinguish to call and then meet up with her in person to discuss the depth and concerns of the relationship. What do you mean that she turned you down? Like you have tried to reach out and arrange to meet up and she turned down the request? Or do you mean you talked about wanting to pursue the relationship after an interest has been shown, and she had different desires? If it is the second, then are you saying that you are not reaching out to her for fear of rejection? But if that is the situation, would it not just be a rip of the band-aid than if you wait a month, she reaches out, you guys hang out and cuddle, she retracts, and the whole cycle starts all over again? I mean, anything can happen and I cannot predict the future especially with your relationship that I have only been given a slight snip-it of... But if this has been a 4 month pattern... I don't know. You two were with each other for over five years though which is a pretty large investment to make in someone. Do you know why she is currently hesitant to get back together with you even after all of your changes? I feel like the answer to that question would be quiet revealing particularly with if she can decide if she wants to start something back up that's lasting.

@ajasatya Yes, thank you for the link as well!

Yeah, I had girl friends on and off growing up, but ever since I can remember I have always felt like I could understand the language of guys more. Now that I'm older I am definitely feeling that shift. I feel like I was comfortable in early elementary school, but then once puberty hit and bodies changed and such, I've just always felt less connected emotionally or physically to girls, and it has felt like a newborn baby giraffe first walking. I was also constantly turning to men to fill my (childhood wound) fear of rejection that I didn't feel with girls. I think because of that, I chose to put my female relationships on the back burner and always made male attention more important. By doing so I think I stunted my own female-interaction growth.

I think after all that, not reaching out to her after a sleep over cuddling is being a beta. I say give her a call and ask her where her head is at. Discuss the other night and how you feel about the mixed signals she is giving. If she seems unsure or wishy-washy without much explanation, then you have a choice if you want to keep being with an unsure partner. A little communication goes a long way. There could be more going on that could be cleared up if you just ask.

So I've never felt super comfortable with interacting with other females. It wasn't until semi-recently that I pin-pointed why. I was raised with three brothers and no sisters, was closer to my dad growing up until my teenage years, and my mother was never the nurturing type. My dad was also an extreme homophobe. To be a girly girl was also considered weak. The moment I start to make a girl-friend, I start to over think the friendship and become super aware of our touching or if my arm rests on her. I just get freaked out a little and wonder if it is socially ok or if it will come off as a romantic gesture. I am 100% straight but I would really like to have a strong female tribe to turn to and relate with in ways that aren't as easy with guys. Plus, "guy friends" always have an underlying agenda unless they are in a relationship or something and there is no 1-on-1 hanging out. I have started to try and put myself out there and hangout with girls despite feeling awkward, but I would LOVE some advice while I'm trying to navigate this new territory.

I really love Christine Hassler and a lot of the advice she gives. I will ask you questions that I have heard her ask many times that seem to get to the true root of these issues and questions. It is the first question that I have asked myself when my "alarm" emotions have gone off and that has helped reveal SO MUCH about myself to me... First, when you are feeling that feeling, welcome it. It is your body's alarm system saying there is something wrong. Are you feeling fear? Anxiety? Depression? Hold onto that feeling and don't fight it. Once you have let it take you over, calmly ask yourself.... "When have I felt like this before?" Delve into that question... and think about memories where this feeling (not this situation or even a simular sitation... because it's all about the FEELING) has been experienced before... because what is happening right now is not really the problem. There may have been something that happened a year ago.. maybe 5 years ago... but I would even possibly look at your childhood and think if, as a child, you ever felt that feeling. Think about that experience. What happened? What happened to you? What did others do to you? What did you do in response to the situation? What beliefs did you form after that moment about the world around you? What beliefs did you form about yourself? Are you not good enough? Do you have to do something specific or act a certain way to be loved and accepted? You could be cheated on in a relationship and still hold a decent amount of emotional and mental stability if you have no ties to negative beliefs about yourself caused by rejection (or have worked through your past hurt). But, if your dad walked out on you and your mom when you were 5, and your brothers never played with you because you were too "girly" or whatever the case may be, and that 5 year old girl learns and believes that she isn't lovable, that she isn't fun, and isn't as interesting as other people or things, then what do you expect that little girl to do when she is 30 years old and her husband leaves her for his secretary? She is going to freak the F*ck out internally because that pain was never dealt with and she again feels unlovable, that she isn't fun, and isn't as interesting as other people or things. Or simply her husband could be having poker night with the boys and she can also be feeling fear and the other extreme feelings because of her subconscious beliefs. There are exercises you can do to address whatever the beliefs are that the past pain caused, but I would recommend taking the first step in discovering WHAT experience happened that caused the pain that formed certain beliefs about yourself.

Do you walk down the street naked and wear your PJ's to work because they are comfortable? Probably not. Because there are social norms and expectations put in place that even you follow, or else there will be negative consequences giving you personal discomfort from social back-lash/rejection, or legal punishment. As you are raised, you are guided to know what is socially acceptable and not acceptable by your parents, family, friends, and especially in the educational system by your fellow peers as you try and understand your place in the "tribe". It sounds to me that you lacked some of that social-norm guidance by a lack of formal education, and only having a mother to raise you. That isn't a "bad" thing. As a female, I personally want my man to be able to effectively live in society and score high on social likeability. That doesn't mean that him or I need to be liked and accepted all the time with everything that we do, but that in a general way we are respected and accepted into the group. I think there is a natural instinct that also shows me that my man has good emotional and mental intelligence to survive well in and out of the pack... and it sounds like your behaviors make her feel isolated being associated with someone who she feels cannot register the social norms of her pack. Now, one thing my mom always taught me growing up was to never go into a relationship expecting to change someone. I never really bought into that until a year ago. The ONLY thing you have any sort of real control over is yourself. You cannot really change her no matter how much you try, and she cannot really change you no matter how much she tries (unless you as individuals decide for YOURSELVES that you want to be a certain way). My main advice here is to look at yourself. Take her concerns and opinions and really lay them out in front of you and take an honest look at them. If you cannot honestly look at them, then put yourself in a place of safety and humility the best you can before you proceed. Are any of her concerns/opinions that in your opinion are valid, and are there things you can improve on? No? Ok, that's fine. You had the courage and humility to look at her viewpoint honestly for yourself and have made that decision for yourself. Yes? Then why not change them and become a better person for yourself? Then, take a look at her. Is she able to admit when she is wrong? Is she able to discuss respectfully why she believes she is correct and in what areas? Is she seeking to improve herself for the better for her own inner peace? Yes? Then there is something both of you can work with here. No? I would really examine this relationship if I were you. A relationship should be a teammate-partnership. You should be working at least towards the same general goals and be enriching each other's lives with what each of you brings to the table. You should seek to first satisfy your own deep, inner needs, then overflow into each other with positive energy and vigor. It sounds to me that you do not feel seen, appreciated, accepted and loved for who you are... which I can honestly see from the perspective that you gave. She also seems to feel embarrassed and afraid of being outcast by being in association with someone who can't seem to understand the basic social norms that she believes in... which I can also see and understand. It is a hard situation sir and I wish you the best of luck!

I wonder why people's conversations do not interest you. I feel as though there is so much to gain from hearing different perspectives including that which may seem "shallow" to you. Is it also possible that you have not given people enough time to break the ice of the social niceties in order to get to the deeper stuff? As Bill Nye said, "Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't". Perhaps that is something to delve into yourself to understand why you do not wish to have that basic human connection for such an extended time. I have definitely had waves of being more recluse and times of being more social and I think that is completely normal no matter the reason.

Hey everyone! I am a pretty (for a lack of better words) practical-thinking, agnostic/atheist leaning individual. My coworker had this crystal that she hung in one of her cars that gave her non-stop issues. She then put the crystal in her new car that she bought to replace the previous one once it broke down. She said that she would go out to her new car multiple times to see her car lights turning off and on, and her locks going up and down. She finally took the small quartz crystal out of her car and her car never had the issues again. A few years later, her T.V. randomly gives out. I ask her if her crystal was in her room with her T.V. and she said it was. She then put the crystal in the outside storage. Within a couple of days, the electrical transformer goes wonky and takes out the power to her house. I told her I had an enemy's property I wanted to secretly plant the crystal on. On the drive home after picking up the crystal, I decide to test it out. I put the crystal on my phone for maybe 5 minutes, and then I pick up my phone to see if anything happened. My phone was tweaking out and no matter how many times I exited out of the GPS, it would come back on once I clicked the home screen. I restarted my phone and it did it a couple more times, then it went away. My boyfriend wanted to see this for himself so we put the crystal on his phone for close to an hour when we went out for dinner. When we came back, we discovered that his phone would start up music randomly, delete apps and messages, and would type random letters and numbers when you clicked on a different letter. I thought crystals were simply a hippy belief, but this little crystal has proven otherwise. I have asked crystal experts and they all think that has had many negative owners who have attached their negative energy to it. I also read that quartz can put off electric energy. Has anyone had this extreme of an experience with crystals? Do you think this has to do with "energy" put off and attached by people, or do you think it may be a unique quartz crystal that can put off a larger amount of electric energy that messes with electronics? I decided that using this crystal for vengeance would be a waste since I could possibly reprogram it to aid my life for good. I currently have it sitting in saltwater to try and "cleanse" it just in case this emotional attaching energy is real.