Marchino

Sounds good. Seems like you are close to something most of us (some of us) here are looking for. Do not fear the fear. You are looking for encouragement. May I reflect to you your own words: "I believe it's something positive coming up. I know I am not crazy." Stay open and sensitive. Do grounding exercises. All is well.

@Aaron p The weakness or problem which you observe in gays I can also see. Reminder: I am gay. This are observations and no judgements. Most homosexual men don't feel themselves as "real men". This was the case for me until I worked on this issue for many years. And I am still not through but can embrace my masculinity more and more. I can feel my fear of women, it is subtle, very very subtle but mighty in its effect. Maybe I'm getting too off topic here. So on topic: Through consciounsness work I also experience an opening in my sexuality. I am interrested in having sex with a girl. Not really sexual attraction but I'm interrested how it would be. Years ago I was disgusted by the thought of vagina. Now I am curious.

I am a gay male. My theory (through observation in myself and other gays): Early childhood trauma plays a major role in developping homosexual orientation. With childhood trauma I mean emotional neglect. The mother is not able to bond deeply enough with the baby. The emotional needs are not met, the baby feels rejected because it is not nourished. Deep inside it is left alone and maybe even in terror, because life (mother) does not provide what is needed. This leads to uncounscious fear of all women and to fear of bonding with women. I do not say this lightly. A few years from now I still argued against this theory. But my personal experience through years of therapy revealed this to me and now I can see it in others. I have to say the therapist did not nudge me in this direction. It was simply the process of emotional dearmoring. In addition to a neglecting mother is often a neglecting father who fails to act as a role model for healthy masculinity. This is probably not the only reason for homosexuality but definitely one reason.

I take Ayahuasca alone at home. Mostly together with my friend, but did it alone a few times. I see no reason not to do it. Get your puke bucket next to you and be careful with the dosage. I must say though that I`m glad I did the first 10 times in Ceremony. Because this set the way in which I approach Psychedelic Experiences. I mean the attidude of discipline. Not hanging around getting high (which is also great) but going on a journey of discovery and inner work. But you don't need a Ceremony to have this attidude.

This is 4 years old. Really heartwarming, insightful and fun to watch. Topics include: Self Love, Healing, Shadow work, Consciousness...

Hey Moses The link doesn't work.

Read Jed McKenna. He focuses on the "dark side" of enlightenment so to speak. In his second book he describes the process of a woman going through a quasi psychotic phase while she descovers what she is NOT.

Resource for Kriya Yoga and the path to enlightenment. Very clear and straightforward. https://realyoga.info/

I have to add: this kind of therapie is not only shadow work and problem oriented. It is very liberating. Releasing emotions you held in your system since childhood feels soooo good!

You are from Germany? Berlin? Search for Skan Körpertherapie oder Skan Körperarbeit. It's Bodywork on the Basis of Wilhelm Reich. In truth it's not Bodywork, it is Psychotherapie using the body. De- armoring, Freeing energy, Confronting your Neurosis, Releasing Trauma. I did it for 5 years and it transformed my life. It really is shadow work at it's best. Try to find an experienced Practitioner. Normally you have to pay by yourself. But maybe you find someone with a license for Psychotherapie who offers Skan, then the health insurence could pay for it.

I want to find my right dosage with dpt. Is it possible to up the dose in one evening? I mean: taking one scoop and if it's not enough after one hour or so taking one more scoop? Does it add up or is it like LSD where you have to take much more when you take a second dose?

@Sage_Elias Research Buteyko Breathing This oxygenates the body more than shamanic breathing. Very counter intuitive. By breathing less your cells get more oxygen. I used to do much deep breathing exercises. They are effective. Now I practice reduced breathing. Also effective.