Fuku

Ok, now it's certain, I cling to every kind of entertainment I can rather than doing some work, spiritual or business related. I might have got rid of video games, alcohol, I still hang out on forums like it will help me. Of course it actually can, but most of what I'm saying is sterile and I'm refreshing this too much. Starting from tomorrow, I'll just check stuff once in the morning, once in the evening, and restrain from talking if I add no value. Businesswise, I have no idea what I'm doing but it seems to me after some research that I should go for illustration. I might suck, but at least I have done this most often in my life so I'd not start from nowhere. Sites like Redbubble and Upwork should allow me to find some work. Paid like shit but it can be a good start as I never really put anything out publicly. This will broaden my experiences, show me if working on this kind of setup and illustration is actually what I like, and progressively build a portfolio. Nothing to lose and I don't know where else to go anyway. I still didn't start kriya yoga. But I told to myself that I have until the end of the month to set everything right and decide what my daily planning should be and what I will focus on the most. So I'll start the kriya book I found at this moment. Right now I feel like it might be ok to do a bit more research so I know the level I have to get to to be decent and sell. On another note, it seems like I still try to push back the occasions I have to go out with friends and meet girls. I basically have the experience of a teenager (a very shy one), and even if I got better at a lot of things, it seems like I freeze randomly when talking to women lately. I have to push through this and force myself. It will be hard cause the only way I know is going out in clubs/bars, and the fact that I don't drink anymore asks for some recalibration, but there is no other way. Get through the fire and fight fear and doubts. Try to have fun. For you and everyone you communicate with. It shouldn't be a challenge/a trial. Heh. Easier said than done, of course. I feel pretty excited. I actually did nothing yet but I want to change more than ever. Strangely, no signs of hardcore depression like I often had before. I think I know to ignore the triggers better now. I just have to get out of here and not rot in this state. Who am I doing this journal for tho? Do I expect anyone to communicate? And why? Nah... I know it's probably for myself, but right now I don't see the interest in doing this, as I don't think it can teach me something. Eh. New rule : don't come back writing here unless you made some progress in your life, or discovered some kind of new truth (or one that you already heard before but didn't really fully grasp or see in context).

I'm having trouble trusting someone that agressive and ressentful but random thoughts about her various points : - I don't eat vegan junk food (junk food should be avoided in general anyway). 95% of the time. Nor do I use products that required palm oil, when I can find a substitute (ie...almost always) - I was not familiar with lectin. Will lookup more informations. But at a glance it seems like cooking and other methods reduce the risks But lectin also seems to be present in pasta, bread and others...not specifically vegan star foods. - It is indeed not responsible to feed kids a full vegan diet from what I know (might be wrong). I'd just let a kid I have chose when he's in age of doing so. It's like peopl feeiding their pets vegan diets. Extremists. - Well yeah, of course don't eat kale everyday, vary your alimentation. So yeah it was refreshing hearing someone try to go against what I gathered so far, and I'm still opened to new infos and totally changing my diet in function. What she has here just doesn't convince me.

This is gold, thanks everyone for the laughs. (the lesser jihad one, holy shit )

Sure, if you're satisfied with it. But that doesn't mean you can't tweak your appearance if you feel like it hinders your self-esteem. It's always good to try and evolve in any regard if it leads you towards being more healthy and attractive. Since you're saying you find yourself ugly. People told it over and over but being less beautiful than average by society's standard doesn't mean you are not attractive to some people anyway. Don't think about it too much. Talk about litteraly what comes to your mind. That's how I got rid of my "oh no what do I talk about" fear. If you're passionate people feel that and it's more important than finding a subject they like exactly. It's the vibe that matters, not only the subject of the conversation. Do you notice how some persons can talk about very mundane stuff/small talk, and still be attractive? Now of course if you can combine both, that's better. But what comes first if what kind of feeling you communicate to the person. Someone that looks interested, passionate, open, smiling, etc, will be more interesting than someone stayin in his head. (More practically, if you're interested in geeky stuff like video games, anime, specific types of movies, comics etc, then it should be very easy to find a guy that's like-minded. You might not be but that's just an idea in case that's your thing. But that's only a bonus. Again, you can talk about litteraly anything)

I get it and the idea obsesses me too since I heard about it. But it's just a tool, not a finality. So you should probably let it go now that you understand the concept. If you managed to pinpoint where you are on the spectrum, just use it to go to get rid of toxic values and ideas of the stage you're at and set things to go higher. For example, I think I'm somewhere a bit above green since I resonate a lot with green values, but I also don't like the agressive community green can have, and the forceful way to impose their ideas in a self-righteous way. And the fact that they're not considering that everyone is the world, and that they shouldn't diabolize certain categories of people like they usually do. But at the same time I feel like most of my life has been green and I missed orange values so I'm currently trying to integrate those before going higher, as I feel they are essential to living in this world unless you chose an extreme path like being a monk or something (not badmouthing this at all. Just taking it as an example). So yeah basically I currently think spiral dynamics should be used to propel yourself higher firstly, and secondly, at specific times when you don't understand someone, to try and see at what stage he's at to speak his language and understand him better. But it shouldn't be what you live for. Set it and forget it. I'm stupid by the way so this is just my 2 cents.

I might be mistaken since I know basically nothing about muslcle building, but I'm pretty sure I can do it at home without wasting time going there and money. I'll just try to look for some kind of routine on Youtube and start doing that daily I suppose

Of course I don't Just trying my best to help with the pieces I have. But anyway, I don't think enlightenment is incompatible with more material/physical values. I link that to "Before Enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water" But that's up for you to see considering what headspace/stage you're at right now. If you don't feel frustrated, then all is well and you're right where you're supposed to be. Best of luck to you in your path.

Oh but I fucking love it. I'm just trying to add more to my routine cause it builds cardio and technique but not so much muscle (I'm really weak in this regard). So that' why I thought about adding some muscle building to my daily routine. I also can't do much more mt training anyway right now, cause of cost and hours that doesn't match my planning) tl;dr just looking to build a basic small routine for muscle.

Or tea/infusions? Where do you even start? I never tried yoga. Is it doable to pick up some book (I found that seemed to have good reviews overall) and do it alone? I don't think I'll ever find some other type of yoga than hatha yoga-like in my area. Also what type of exercise do you guys do daily? I currently train twice a week in muay thai and I'm thinking about implementing some kind of daily routine but I don't know where to start and how much. Maybe something like 30 mn (HIIT dumbells) to 1 hour (running), alternating

Which is pretty paradoxal considering you're on a forum about self-actualization. If you're here an resonate with Leo's videos, I'm pretty sure somewhere inside you, you know you can actually change. But I know hat resistance to change and giving up. It's hard and takes time. You don't have to do everything right away, small, thins, small success will build yo up. I could go point by point through he list of flaws you quote but the general idea is that you can literally change all of them. Think about it, unless there are some things that I don't know about you, you can actually get better of those. And you don't have to be perfect neither change all of them. Just try and start to evolve and give yourself a pat on he back for it instead of staying stuck in a negative mentality. Stop viewing your flaws as inevitable. Start viewing them as things you can fix or replace. Edit : uh I read a previous page and posted without reading the latest ones so I'm probably just repeating some other people. Sorry.

I tought you lacked self-confidence and that this prevented you to meet people. I might have been mistaken. In this case, if you have no trouble socializing or flirting, then the only answer to your problem is to meet people that are interested in the same thing as you. And as Emne said, it shouldn't be hard to find someone if your goal is simply to have sex. If you don't want to try and prove your ideas (that nobody can be attracted to you) wrong, then find what puts you in resistance and why you're not actually trying. But I think you have to solve your problem with not finding yourself attractive first. Do things that you can be proud of, exercise, change your looks, get smarter, etc.

It feels like it, very much. But just in case, I gave the advice I could. I'm out now if there's no discussion or trying.

Well, test that theory. Go out and try. If you don't do that, or don't at least think about why you're depressed about it and how to fix it, you're just going in circles. But to be honest, and I speak from experience again, there is no other way than to try. Try to meet people. No other way. Simple as that. Just go at your pace/rythm. You don't have to be a star and perfectly confident at first. Fix yourself some goals. Like just being able to hold eye contact more and more, or hold a conversation if you're shy. It might be hard but you won't die from it, I swear. Even if it goes badly, it's ok. Just learn from it and become better at it.

Oh, all good then

May I ask how old you are? Why you think that? And what kind of actions you took to try and find a girlfriend?

Seriously, this. Dating websites or something if you're shy. I have examples in real life of women that I find not attractive by society's standard that are in couple with guys that are more attractive. If you don't even try, then you're just looking for excuses (which seems to be the case). You might be afraid of something. Being rejected probably. But you cannot find the chance to meet someone if you don't try. I find myself more ugly than average, and up until not so long ago, I was also very, very socially awkward and shy, and didn't have a girlfriend for 15 years or so. I was also a virgin past 35 (probably told about this somewhere else but I want to give an extreme example for my experience). Yet, the year I tried to find someone, it happened, twice, and we actually fell in love. It didn't last but still. My point is, if someone like me can do it, it proves that you just have to try and it happens. And consider that it's even harder for men (I know it's hard for women too. But in the society we live in, men have to do more work in the approach and so on). Most of the time, I'm pretty sure someone average that puts "up for casual sex" in her profile will have more messages than a man that does the same. I might be wrong so don't be offended if that's the case and you have female experience in this. Just correct me so I can learn outside of my preconceived ideas.

Yep. RSD got that right. Most men can't see it (?) but you seem to confirm that woman are afraid about their image and being labelled as "slut" (which is a ridiculous word to me, but let's say things as they are and how society labels them) And thanks for understanding the discomfort of having to do be part of a gender that's supposed to do the approach no matter how you look at it. I want to stop complaining about it and become stronger tho. It's like that so I have to play the game, absorb some orange values that I totally lack, and practice. I totally approve your whole post. The worst thing is that I know and understand those things but I'm still not applying them because my situation ( mostly because I work only nights, this kills social life and I have no skills to change jobs and a loan, but I plan on quitting and I'm thinking really hard about how to do it...) gives me excuses not to go out and meet girls. (sorry for rambling. But again thanks. Your post puts back some more motivation in me.)

I know it shouldn't, but it's still frustrating as hell to me, being relatively introverted One on hand it seems like just an excuse for me not to get shit done and take initiative, on the other hand it seems frustrating that I have to try and be more alpha when it's not in my nature (I made progress on talking to people and being more opened, I was ultra scared before, men or women, but I still can't see myself acting and thinking like most men do. Yeah. Definitly excuses tho. There is certainly a path to flirting and being attractive without being an alpha male stereotype.

The question should probably rather be something like "how come you're trying to avoid talking to girls" And to be honest the question is for myself too. But I think that rather asking if we should, the question should be why can't we. Because it seems like it's still an essential part of life (unless you chose to live as a recluse forever that is). I'm saying this but of course I still question it myself.

Hijacking the topic so I don't have to create another one just for this question but around 1"17"30 in the video, what other forms of spirituality are you talking about? I think the people on this forum are pretty open-minded so maybe if you can at least name it, not even go into details. If not, and you want to keep it for future videos, it's fine, this just got me curious @Leo Gura

Yeah, I should try to clarify all that. Going to think about getting the course. Thanks.

So I'm progressively cutting bullshit/waste of time entertainment from my life, and I'm kinda feeling good about it, dropped some weight, but now the question arises, stronger than ever. What do I do with my life? I tried looking into myself and going back to the passions I had in childhood but none really speaks to me. And everytime I try to do art again I have some kind of violent rejection, it starts with motivations but after a few days or week something strikes me very hard and triggers my depression so bad that I give up everything I started with people working with me. So it feels like this might not be the path, and I'm forcing myself to work for a dream that might not suit me anymore. I'm having a lot of trouble separating my love from what I like (video, music, drawing) from my ability to actually do it. But at the same time, it's the only kind of things I know how to do. I could also learn other skills, I once started the very beginnings of programming but past the initial phase of excitment it quickly bore me. It's pretty much the only thing beside art that I could really learn online (I'm too old to enter schools now, tried, and there's agee limits in everything I could've find an interest in) I don't know what I'm made for and how to find it. Yet I have to find a way to get out of this shell because it makes me crazy, and I'm willing to put all my waking hours into working towards it, but I'm totally directionless so this is extremely frustrating. Maybe I'm a sheep trying to be something else and being mistaken. Who knows. Edit : uh sorry I posted in the wrong section. If a mod could move he topic the right one. Thanks.

Leo usually says that all religions, and even science, are corrupted, iirc. So I don't think it's just about Islam.

Definitely. Also + 1 on Julien Blanc. He explained in more recent videos during the past year I think, how he was self destructive, he just had to evolve and has since included in his teachings that going to the top is nothing if you carry your problems along. Yeah, people judge but we can't even imagine what it's like. We have a little pressure as "normal" citizens and we can still go crazy, so go figure what celebrity can do to someone. Spiritual teachers are not perfect (what is this even anyway) and on top of that they have to deal with a ton of vicious haters.

Yeah, this question might seem extremely stupid, especially in a community that focuses on this (as I do). But what makes me ask this kind of question is stuff like the way buddhist monks or similar people that are said to be enlightened are fading out of society (I know it sounds orange, but if it is, then what is the opposite, detaching yourself from the society/material world?), and using most of their time to meditate and do spiritual work. So what is their goal? Roughly said, experiencing presence and non-duality/oneness? What if you do understand this concept and start implementing it in you daily life, and progressively become more and more enlightened, until you are able to stay in this state for most of your day. Then what? If that's the case, then you're just left with """reality""" as we know it. I'm pretty sure the pursuit of this ends up in some kind of joke like "you get it now, go leave a simple life and enjoy it." Or maybe the goal is to help others change their mind to reach at least green level. But I don't really feel like a leader or a teacher, it doesn't resonate with me. More personal stuff here, but kinda linked to this topic : I feel like I'm on the dark night of the soul phase. Maybe because I understood bigger truths, and I've felt some tiny fragments of truth (I know this is insulting for people that have put so much work to reach this big concept, that have studied for decades or take drugs to see it, so I might be mistaken, but that's how I feel at least), very intense moments where everything clicked, like "it's simple, it's all so beautiful" that made me cry. And these changes I felt in my perception leave me in a world that doesn't match this. I also feel like doing basically nothing, just being. I would love to go on a spiritual retreat, a very long one even, but my obligations like work and my surroundings make it hard. And in my case, it feels even more like escapism, because I feel (again, might be wrong about where I'm at) that I totally skipped stage orange. I don't feel linked to the material world at all. I understand it, I like being it for some time, but I'm someone that's the opposite of orange. Lifeless job, basically no relationships in my whole life at some point in my life, a few years ago, I forced myself to go toward girls cause I spent most of my life not to, I discovered sex -yes, very late-, fell in love, and even if those are beautiful moments when you're in synch with the other person, I don't really feel like doing it anymore. I feel like it's all some sort of puny game (to me. I don't say it is for everyone, it depends on where you're at, and maybe I will feel more strongly about if I evolve). I might also be desensitized from a life of screens, fictions, and introverted friends (mostly). So maybe I just need to try and throw myself in the orange bath to overcome this. Sorry, this last part probably just turned into some kind of unrelated and messy sort of venting, and you can go over it if you feel like discussing the basic idea I wrote in the title and the first part of this post. I also wish I could explain myself more concisely and clearly, but it seems like I'm not able to right now, so sorry for the mess.