Identity

Lately I have been going deeper into this journey. The way it is influencing every waking minute of my life is astonishing. More and more unexplainable experiences are starting to pile up. I literally have no way of communicating what is happening with me to almost anybody around me. The rate at which I am changing even leaves myself scratching my head about what exactly is going on. One thing that has been happening during awakenings and chakra openings, is seeing the same image repeatedly. It first started when I used a technique to open my third eye after a meditation session. Besides a pressuring feeling on my forehead and cracking sounds, I got a clear picture of a rectangle of light with the shape of a person missing. I drew it down in my journal: Pretty sure I saw a similar figure multiple times in between, but the next time I wrote it down was a few weeks ago, after doing a chakra healing session. That experience is really a story on its own, but let's just say that the experiment panned out great. Although the biggest breakthroughs had to do with my throat chakra, the woman with whom I did the session reported seeing an image when focussing on my third eye. She said she saw the of the silhouette of a man’s upper body in black. I also made a drawing of this in my journal: Next time it popped up when I was watching an actualized.org video, I believe the one of “what is perception”. In the video, Leo uses a metaphor in which he says something about a rectangular shape and it being empty, or something about the ego being a drawing which is empty, I can’t remember exactly. However, I remember it perfectly explaining the symbol I had been seeing up till then. How the symbol had really been a pointer towards the emptiness inside all along. Now, today, I was dancing in front of the mirror and just letting myself be guided by creative intelligence. After standing with my eyes closed for half a minute, just feeling myself melting away into everything, I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror. Here I saw the symbol again in its full beauty, of which I took a picture: Besides the reoccurrence of the symbol, you might notice the progressive nature in the pictures. The first one was around a year ago. A simple sketch. Just as a note to remember. The second one, although still very sketchy, shows some more attention. Then the last one, which to me personally, feels more like art. This example demonstrates the increasing creativity I have been feeling and expressing lately. Also, it is a nice storyline on how my journey has been going deeper and deeper. Anyways, what are your thoughts on these types of re-occurrences? Have you had similar experiences? Also, I have been having a feeling of interconnectedness more lately. Like I somehow understand more clearly that patterns reoccur, how the same intelligence is pushing thigs forward or something. Especially with psilocybin mushrooms this feeling of understanding has been intense. Any experiences or thoughts on that?

I rewatched the "what is perception" video, and damn did that make a lot of sense to me. This time I was really right there, understanding and experiencing it right in the moment whilst Leo was explaining it. I also found the metaphor that explained the visions I had: "You are just this negative space within this bubble we call perception"

@bejapuskas Yeah true. Don't worry, I'm getting back into it In many ways I actually have more attraction and better conversations with girls. However, for some reason, I can't seem to turn this attraction into concrete results. Perhaps things getting more real now scares me. I'm not sure, still figuring it out

@c_wave_arts I think there definitely can be some value in listening to RSD and the PUA community. For me, and I guess a lot of other people, it provided a way to get some success with girls and to overcome fears. Taking the advice from RSD got me from being a virgin to having a series of one night stands, and overall gave me more confidence in the attraction domain. Also, although largely from a stage orange perspective, listening to their analysis will give more understanding of the dynamics between man and woman. However, after a while, you start running into limitations... Because, to a large degree the advice is "do whatever gets the girl" you get yourself tied up with a lot of manipulation. For me, this led to feeling increasingly inauthentic. Especially because I am moving into stage green at the same time, this created a gap between my values and actions and got me stuck. Also, the people you will surround yourself with and the girls you will attract will most likely steep you deeper into stage orange. Depending on where you are at in your own journey, I would consider listening to some other sources that are a bit higher up the spiral. This will allow you to grow into it and avoid running into some of the limitations. From RSD, Max is probably more on the stage green side of the bunch. You could also check out Brain from the fearless man, he has some cool videos IMO. Then again, not sure if I am the best source to take advice from, I haven't gotten laid for almost half a year now

@StephenK Uhh, can't tell you what dosage it is with the shrooms you will be using. I live in the Netherlands, where they sell psilocybin truffles in smartshops, totally legal. I use around 5-10 grams usually, which is around half a recommended dose.

@StephenK Yea, I pretty much do it every few weeks. Really think the shroom sessions have yielded about the same growth for me lately as my half an hour/day meditation habit. For me personally, it works best to do them in quite a low dosage and with a slow build up when using for self-inquiry purpose. I like to sit in a dark room and already start to meditate/self-inquire. Then I start sipping my psilocybin thee, finishing it over the course of 15-30 minutes. Already starting with meditation and setting the right intention helps to guide the trip for me. When the shrooms start to kick in I try to surrender and detach as much as possible, but really your course is set by then. Definitely recommend trying it. However, I would start with a small dosage and try to get a feel for what works best for you. Good luck, would love to hear how it goes!

@EternalForest Thank you, I will re-watch the first part of the video! @Leo Gura Thank you, that makes sense. I will look into it and try to make something out of it.

I've just finished watching Leo's new episode on spiral dynamics, really one of the most inspirational ones in my opinion. By watching the series on spiral dynamics, reading the book by Cowan and Beck and contemplating it, I have gained a decent understanding of the model and am excited to start applying it more practically. Next year I am starting a master Work and Organisational Psychology and am thinking ahead about possibly using spiral dynamics to write my master thesis. Although the model is supposedly built on extensive research, I can't seem to find more than a few articles written on the topic. Am I missing something here? Is the research not published? Am I looking in the wrong place?

I am rather confused about this whole idea of there being an external objective reality or not. When I watch Leo's video's about it makes quite some sense to me. Also, my base experience has shifted a lot and I can focus my mind to the understanding that this experience is not really happening anywhere. In meditative or psychedelic states I can grasp it quite clearly. However, when I try to think about it in practical situations or try to engage a friend in a conversation about this I get confused very quickly. What does it mean that there is no external reality? Are things not happening to certain mechanisms, IS reality not in some kind of way? It kind of must be because its here right, forms are happening? Are all these things that are happening the same for everyone? There is a consensus on things that people see/experience to some degree and scientific research can lead to accurate predictions, so in a sense that leads to truth and understanding... right? What then really is a fact or understanding? What is then really wrong with the logical positivist movement, if you can get those basic facts right and build from there you will get an accurate model, no? Or are these basic facts than to some degree different for different perspectives? Is there an overlap in human experience, but also a difference? Should I even strive for a clear conceptual model, or is that the trap itself? Is confusion a more desirable state? In this confused state it sure seems easier to access mystical states...

@Shin no I'm not writing it on non-duality However, this idea of not "just letting all conceptualizations go" won't really fly here. I understand that reaching this state of no mind is where you want to operate from mainly. But in everyday life shit still needs to get done right? Can't exactly tell my supervisor I just want to let go of my conceptualizations and hand in a blank sheet of paper. Won't really work too well in a business setting either..

Thanks guys, definitely some insights. However, this clueless confusion state does not exactly help me write my master thesis How does someone like leo balance this state of not knowing with a tremendously detailed map of reality?

I am usually don’t have many crazy or outlandish dreams, or at least I am not aware of them. Tonight however, I had a dream that was quite… disturbing. I feel like I should share it, and perhaps someone can decipher some meaning from it. I will try to keep it relatively short. So as far as I can remember, the dream starts with me watching an actualized.org video. In this video, Leo describes this weird place where you can go to, if you “just want to get it over with”, or something like that… Anyways, for some reason I know that it is close to my house, so I get into my car. After some more shenanigans, I arrive at this colosseum sort of building. Inside of it some -now seemingly- weird things go on. After some searching I find this room with waitresses that have Medusa heads, 8 moving snakes on the side of their heads, shaped like a sun with sun rays, and I know I am close. I then arrive at the middle of the Colosseum and see that it is the place Leo described. In the middle of a huge open space, there are 6 or 8 black “devils” that look like pitch black men standing in a circle and looking inwards. The idea was that is you were able to run through it you would reach nirvana or something, but if you got caught you would die… something like that, I can’t remember exactly what the deal was haha. So, without much consideration or strategy I try to run through the circle of devils, but get caught by the last one. He grabs me by the neck and starts suffocating me. The process of suffocation is weird, since it’s like I am dying and at the same time getting blasted with awareness or transcendence. Than, during the suffocation I “wake up” and in this next layer of the dream, my mother is suffocating me in my sleep, just like the demon was. It’s all quite intense and I remember feeling completely powerless. I did have the option to hit my mother, but for some reason I did not, as it was the wrong thing to do… or whatever. Also, I remember an alarm clock at the side of my bed on which the time started to race, until it exploded, right as I “woke up” and was being suffocated by my mother. I somehow freed myself from my mother, and I remember me being very angry at her and confused, but her reacting like it was somehow normal, and I was the one that was overreacting. I decided to leave the house and go to some remote location where Leo has some kind of safe-house or something. I arrive there, and it is a villa with a bunch of people sitting outside and laughing and having a good time. I remember walking around there, but being unnoticed and not fitting in. At some point I am talking with someone alone in a room inside the villa, I think it was about the dream with the devil, or maybe about what happened with my mother. Than slowly but surely the dream with the devil starts to appear in this next layer of dream. I remember feeling like it was chasing me. The person I was talking to started to transform into the devil in flashes, and again tried to suffocate me. After some more chasing and running, I think I somehow accepted my faith and lied down near a campfire outside. I knew I could run no longer and accepted my death. At his point I “woke up” once again to whatever this thing is I am typing in now haha. I woke up terrified and nauseous but also feeling extremely aware. It was like I could see thefluid fabric of reality, kind of like being on a psychedelic. Also, with this sense that somehow this reality I woke up to was no different from the dreams I woke up from. My throat is feeling strange, like my adam’s apple is growing or something and there is this feeling of pressure on my throat (the same place as I was being suffocated), something I have been feeling more of lately, but it is now more pronounced. For some context, I have experienced quite some spiritual growth lately. My third eye has been opening up, and I think my crown chakra to a lesser degree as well. I've been doing some deep psychedelic trips lately with quite some progress, like breaking down the physicality of reality and identifying myself as a concept. Also, I have been experiencing all types of synchronicity type of things, although I try to not attach too much meaning to them. Overall, my meditation has been going deeper and my normal state of awareness has shifted quite a bit. Thank you for reading if you made it this far. If you have any thoughts on this I would love to hear them.

Daym, that sounds like quite the experience. My sister took a reiki course when we were young. I remember feeling warmth from her hands and some strange sensations like light feeling in my head. This was even though she was inexperienced and only took a few lessons. I totally forgot about it, but might try a session, thanks for sharing!

The maker of the video shares his allergic reaction to modafinil, as well as recommending other (natural) nootropics.

@Rilles Hahaha awesome!

I tried... My mind wandered a lot, especially during the part when there was no talking. I did get this mildly profound feeling of vulnerability and aliveness at some points. Then when I had to repeat some statements, I was too closed-minded and felt too awkward, just hoping my roommates wouldn't notice me Thanks for sharing it though

Hey guys, Can someone make a meme out of this clip please, that would be awesome. Some sunglasses and a blunt seem appropriate as well. John C. Lilly clip.mp4 He invented the sensory deprivation tank, guess that is worth looking into