Identity

Trying to build a vision for a successful intimate relationship. What are important aspects for you?

Now that my girlfriend and I have become more comfortable with having sex, our sex is also becoming more polorized. Im stepping more into my masculine and she more into her feminine. Sometimes we also start having sex where I am more dominant. This includes things like dirty talk, moving her around, stuff like that. It feels great, we both love it. However, I am curious where the line is between it being healthy and it becoming dysfuctional. If I pull her hair? If I call her bitch? If I give her a slap?

@Austin Actualizing Thanks! I made it 4x bigger just a few weeks ago. Re-designing it now ?

@modmyth Nice, good luck with your journey! ?

Vision. Contemplate “what kind of life do I want to live?” For 10 minutes a day.

For over a year now, I have been dealing with backpain. I have come to a point where I don’t see any clear steps for inproving my situation, and would appreciate advice. The pain itself: The pain resides in the middel part of my back, around the level of my heart. Its located both in my spine itself, and on the right side of it. What worries me, is that it feels like its getting worse, not better. It started of with a mild feeling of discomfort. Mostly when I had to stand or sit for a long time. Nowadays, I can feel it almost constantly. Its not excruciating pain, but even a few hours of sitting or standing it builds up quickly. What I have tried so far: I have tried going to various experts to resolve the issue. - I started out with a physiotherapist. I went there several sessions, but it became clear to me that the suggestions were not working, and I did not feel like she understood the actual problem. - I have gone to massage therapists. They mainly massaged the area around the spine. The muscles there can get tense and stiff. Massage helps to relieve some of that, but again, not resolving the actual problem. - I have gone to a regular doctor, who referred me to the hospital to take pictures of my spine. Both the docters, and my chiropractor, could not find anything out of the ordinary. - Than I went to a chiropractor. I went there for 7 sessions or so. In the beginning I had the feeling it was helping, but looking back I think this wasnt the case. The last sessions did not help, and the chiropractor also didn’t have any clear idea of what the problem was. There was talk about it coming from my neck, I got some excercises which I did. Again no real sign of resolution. At this point, I am really confused to be honest. I don’t know what is causing it. Is it simply related to my posture somehow, maybe how I sleep? Is it related to some king of energetic blockage? I even had some woman tell me I died from a spear that penetrated me at that point in a previous life ? I really have no idea whats going on. Somehow I feel it might be due to me changing. I feel like I want to crack it into position somehow. Last week I did a psychedelic trip, where I had this image of me coming out of an egg, and having busted through with my head and right arm, creating a nick in my spine. But honestly, I really just don’t know what it is, and where to turn to resolve it. any suggestions?

@Shin Binged his videos after you said that, they are fucking great

Yeah exactly. The promise I would say is the persona. Telling her “this is what I am”, and than needing to prove that. Thats when the vulnerability for me flew out the window with one night stands.

@EddieEddie1995 Well, hope thats a good choice ?

@Nivsch Hmm, not sure tbh. Seems like there is something masculine to it? It makes me feel powerful. Its like I am coming fully alive, expressing myself fully. this “roaaahhh” feeling, instinctual, animalistic. Its like I am penetrating her with my full being. It also feels to me like the feminine, my girlfriend, is “testing” my masculine. Trying to get me to step more into it. This naughty look like “show me what you have got”. “How much of a man are you?”

For me one night stands was not a good basis to learn sex from. I also had little experience, and got i to pick up. I would not be very authentic when seducing girls, trying to do whatever worked to get them home. Than you come home with in this persona role and its time to have sex. Good sex relies on vulnerability and being connected to your feelings. Both things which are the opposite of the fake persona. For me having good sex only started when I threw all the pick up stuff out the window and became vulnerable. Allowing myself to feel my fears and insecurities, and than overcome them. Now that I am in a relationship sex is becoming a totaly different more amazing domain. Not saying pick-up/one night stands cant help you to learn and grow. However, I would check whether you are being authentic, vulnerable and connected to your feelings when chatting these girls up.

Hahaha ?? Thank you, those are some great tips!

@universe lol ? Overal it feels good. It does feel like stuff is coming up that I supressed. But more some kind of energy, I feel unchained, powerful. @Chakra Lion Noo, I would’t let it get that far. Although some hint of anger might be in there. @Serotoninluv ?? @Spiral Yeah it’s consentual. A dynamic like that is not something I have noticed, but will keep an eye out for how it evolves. I guess a fear that something like that is going on, is behind me posting. However, I don’t think it takes unhealthy forms so far. @Anna1 Yeah we have open communication about it. She told me she likes all the above when in the right mood. Well calibrated ofcourse. @skywords Chill out bro. We do talk about it. It’s just a new and somewhat uncomfortable area for me, so wanted other perspectives.

I did not do much research, just looked at your link, so don’t take my perspective to seriously. The source against the university seems to be low quality and judging from below. First impression is that it is indeed green and above ??‍♂️

@Nickyy Yeah, wanting to be understood has definitely been a struggle. Even made some posts about it on this forum. Lately that desire has been less prevalent. Partly acceptance, partly having a girlfriend that understands me emotionaly.

Over the last few years, as I’ve been following Leo’s videos, I have shared videos with around 15 people in my environment. I was just thinking about it now, and every time I am surprised by the reactions. What surprises me is the neutrality of the reaction. I would think that people would either go “oh my god, I need to rethink my whole life”, or would strongly repel and argue against it. Interestingly though, I always get vanilla response. Let me give you some examples: I shared the “a vision for the self-actualized life” with around 5-10 people over time, because its one that had a big impact on me. Almost unanimously I get reactions like “yeah, I see what he is saying, getting the most out of life, yeah, thats kind of what I am doing. Yup, yeah, oke, decent video” And I am sitting there like, WHAT? Do you not hear what this man is saying? This is totally not what anyone is doing. If you want to live in alignment with this vision your life has to totally change. It would have to crash and burn and you would have to rebuild it from the ground up. Or when I have shared more spiritual videos like “why brains do not exist”, or “introduction to spirituality” or some others, I get the same vanilla responses. This is even more surprising to me. I would think that oke, some of the statements made here must hit you. You would either have to go into denial and demonization, or it would have a deep impact in you. But nope, just some “ah yeah oke, hmm, interesting. Lets go on with my life”.

Yes makes sense to me. But like you said, largely depends on the definition. A leader you can see as someone who embodies high spiritual truths, self-mastery. Love, wisdom whilst helping others to grow and awaken. That would be a deep definition that includes and transcends other values. But leadership could also be seen as one facet of embodying love. Same for growth. You could see leadership as one facet of assisting the universe’s growth. For me personaly, growth is more fundamental to leadership. Its largely dependent on definition, but also on what accents you want to have. You can slice it in different ways. Depth of definition is the main thing perhaps. Was giving a workshop on this last week, where one girl had Truth as her highest value. When I asked her about it some shallow garbage came.

Bit of a radical idea perhaps. But I was sitting here thinking, if I truly am willing to die to find out the Truth, why not actually kill yourself? Seems like that would be the most counter-intuitive move of all. Seems like that would pull back the curtain in one fall swoop. ps. Don’t worry, not on the brink of suicide.

Aaaah it is because I think I am a physical creature that I think that awakening will make all physical form disappear

One of the meta-beliefs about changing and growing oneself shared through actualized.org is that change is hard. Themes like setting the proper expectation, hard work, discipline, long-term thinking, etc. Etc. This is, if you will, a meta-belief structure from within which we are doing our self-actualization work. What, however, if we challenge this meta-belief? What if we change the structure so that change becomes easy and effortless? What if we short-cut into being the thing we want to be? Could we break free from this structure into a new structure of effortless manifestation?

This is one of the highest values of Actualized.org it seems to me. Its one of the most meta things we are doing here. Creating understanding. However, I feel like most of us, and me for sure, don’t know what understanding actually is at its core. What is understanding? What are the ways of understanding? What is being understood? By whom? How does understanding evolve? Is it even possible to go meta on understanding, or is it a strangeloop? Seems like you are engaged in the activity of understanding whilst understanding. Reminds me of the metaphor of the basketbal with the hand, trying to reach out to grab itself, but all there is is itself. Seems like understanding ultimately leads to being? Anyways, you get the understand What I mean (but how? Lol).

Is it important to connect with others on the spiritual path? To meet masters face to face? So far, Ive mostly been watching video’s, reading books, interacting on the forum. Not to forget practices ofcourse. Very little contact with awakened people, or people on a similar journey. Has it helped you to do so? In what ways?

Well, that seems pretty clear. Thanks for your responses. I know what to do.

Is it a clear transition? From oke I am alive to no longer being there? trying to figure out whether I have died before or not lol. It just seems to go deeper and deeper for me. Theres never been a point where I fully wasnt there anymore I think. Would I even know? Who than knows? Are there depths of dying? Uggghhhhh man I just cant stop thinking can I? I JUST WANT IT TO MAKE SENSE ?

@assx95 I don’t think trying to trancend sex at this point, because you can’t get it, is comes from the right place. Ive seen people trying to do that on this forum before. I can’t get sex —> Rationalization that it would’t be so bad without —> lets make something spiritual out of it and trancend it! Id say just invest some time and energy into getting better with woman. Jerk off a bit less and use that energy to go out there and chat some woman up. Horniness carries one hell of a drive ???‍♂️ Than, after you’ve had the taste and the abundance, consider transcending it.