seeking_brilliance

@How to be wise yes I am... Could you guys please hide your posts now? ? Only because I want to keep a neat and tidy journal @Bill W

I have the power of now on audible but never listened to it much, as I tend to hop around to something else very quickly. I think I am at the point now that I have tried many many things and can begin to settle on what I respond to. I have read some of his quotes from you and they were beautiful, so I look forward to finally listening to the book. Is this my reading assignment? ?(edit : wait, no my assignment was a book on management... I'll consider this extra-curricular hehe) I appreciate that about your groomer friend. If I can think of anything to ask, I will. I also frequent a groomer forum, so information is easy to get. But the fact that you even remotely understand my predicament is so awesome and I now understand why it took a while to get a response to my guidance request and here you are! I love the way you think, and we are on a very similar wavelength. Since last Christmas I have had a permanent photo booth in the corner of the lobby which gets changed with the seasons. Its free to use, and I just wanted to do something to make clients happy. I have had so many compliments! Also, I have started a new program at the beginning of this year, where you get a list of services with each groom and you can collect them to trade in for various perks and discounts. Its my version of a loyalty program, and helps me not to have to check up on the groomers so much because as they check off their services performed, its their promise to the client that these things have been done. So I kind of had a selfish reason behind it as well So the truth is everything is only improving, its just my thought patterns that focus on the negatives. And I'm aware of that, and its slowly dissolving... slowly but surely... Oh and I was rereading our posts and I do think I could jog for up to 10 minutes and then 10 stretching and then 10 meditation. I actually really like that idea and I'll start it on the weekends in my Calvin and hobbes park ? there's a bridge over a stream that's perfect for stretching and resting P. S. I'll just keep updating my meditation journal without post bombing you on here about it. You can check in anytime you wish and then update my goals on here as we go along) for the first few weeks or months I will need some praise, just letting you know lol

I just want to point out a problem with the words we use... you can't really have more consciousness if its true that everything IS consciousness. So you can't have more of it. But you can be more conscious of things, and even though the words are the same, and point toward similar things, I consider them two separate meanings.

lol I was originally going to say you'll never get your arm or leg back, but imagined all the smart aleck responses it would conjure. actually I really don't care if people get tattoos of course, and I understand the reasons, being a reminder, or art, or to cover up an imperfection. I still just don't understand sleeves but can relax in the fact that I don't have to get one! but they butt ugly im sorry....

Thanks that's what I figured but it's a slippery slope

@seeking_brilliance @mandyjw As per my first homework assignment, here is my meditation report.

I miss your fox yoga in your signature ?

Well if sleeves are you thing, then by all means. But you'll never get your arm or leg back to natural state.

The will to live and reproduce isn't even limited to animals, but plants and even down to bacteria and single cell organisms. So it's not even limited to what we recognize as a brain. What is this driving force? Is it intelligent? Humans are indeed very unique to all other organisms on earth but I think we take for granted alot of things we think is special is not really limited to humans. I think we should explore what does set humans apart. Imagination? Rational thought? Reflective thoughts? Do those both just boil down to imagination?

@mandyjw I just had a realization that I wanted to share. As much as I need order in my life because my mind is chaos, I was thrown into this business which had absolutely no structure besides basic needs. My mother in law ran a very successful business, but she ran it with her heart and couldn't bother with set policies and regulations. I have literally had to build structure within this business, from the ground up and no clue what I was doing, and pretty much making it up as I go. This was a huge part of the battle... Much suffering was self-induced over this... I was actually planning to make a comprehensive employee handbook on the trip, but I think I like the idea of listening to an empowering book or two instead. It's just funny that I needed order in my life, and I'm being taught (if not forced... *ahem*....) to build order and structure through my business. And I have never put that together until now... Anxiety was triggered twice at work today. Both were complaints, but the kind that are over things completely out of my control, even if I tried. I have a very physical reaction to anxiety and I guess that's why I fear it. Hate that feeling. But was able to break out of it quite soon and enjoy my day. Not even a year ago it would have ruined the rest of my day and probably my night too. But I get upset at myself because I have an aversion to apologizing. Of course I'm sorry but I'm usually too busy worrying about how this affects me than to apologize for it I guess! Wow I'm literally answering myself as I type. ? Please tell me meditation will kick this crazy anxiety in the ass. P. S. does having selfish hopes for the future prevent being an unconditionalist? ?‍♂️

haha I'll just have a low conscious rant i guess.... so many beautiful people with arms and legs just covered with tattoos, makes you wonder WHY??? Can't stand sleeves, but that's just my opinion. But I especially hate any tattoos on legs, just looks trashy no matter where you put them. But again MY opinion

I used to feel it with marijuana... but either i'm too tolerant now or I have received as much realignment as I can on this particular psychedelic...

@SriBhagwanYogi oops I guess my resource is basically the same material then. I discovered that one years ago

here is another great resource for spinal breathing: https://www.aypsite.org/41.html

Yeah just make an announcement when you're ready to take on more seekers. Thanks for doing this! I'm hoping it will spark a trend... I think Actualized.org would be perfect for a niche offering of personalized guidance. maybe it will get it's own sub-forum one day And of course it could just be related to self-improvement if the guide isn't comfortable getting into the deeper subjects.

yes ma'am! awesome suggestions. I have 5 credits on audible and had been wondering what to download before my trip. And yes I'll plan on an official business meeting. Yes, so looking forward to a two week break on marijuana. My plan is to only use it once a week or so and only ceremonially, when I get back. I don't want to give it up completely, but to respect it. My health is borderline OK. I don't eat a lot of junk food, and take vitamins and supplements. Maybe one day I'll take up jogging but I think I want to get a good meditation practice for now, as I don't have a lot of time between morning daylight and going to work. It's way too hot in Florida to jog after work... until fall and winter time. I did switch to decaf coffee for quite a while, but somehow switched back . I do understand how it fuels anxiety though...

true but just like negative thought patterns, if you hear anything enough you will begin to believe it. Then the feelings will come.

don't underestimate the power of unconscious thought patterns

affirmations will relax the mind and ego enough to start the real work

Thank you, I will let this soak in for this work week. I definitely am a perfectionist, a people pleaser, and a serial self-sabatoger all at the same time... Such a confliction! It's hard because in my line of business (dog grooming) there's no room for mistakes. Everthing ends up on the internet. I am always just trying to prevent that, and put out fires before they burn the whole place down. But it's mentally exhausting. And the self sabotage is completely unconscious behavior, due to anxiety, or not knowing how to deal with a situation, etc.

So not living in the moment is not just a human condition, but still attributed to fear and ultimately thought

And yet, in a way, the concept of Ralph will live forever... Or at least the lifetime of the internet Lol I just reread this.... Kind of genius. I'm scared too

I can vouch for dogs that they have irrational fears based on memories of trauma. This did not sound like 100% living in the present moment.

@mandyjw Yes there are definitely many stories happening within the story of 'my workplace'. One is how much I have suffered. Another is about how much I've overcome. Another is that no matter how hard I try, nothing ever seems to go right, although at the same time (actually probably not at the same time) I realize that this is an absolute label I've put on my perspective of the shop. There is a certain employee that is a constant headache but also the best I've had in certain ways. But it takes alot of energy to constantly check behind her. I slack alot on this and it leads to complaints. There is another employee who is a constant negative whiner and raises the anxiety of the whole shop. But she is my sister in law so I don't have much of a choice to keep her or not, and actually she has many great qualities as well. I feel stuck though, and that pains me. And the funny thing is I've had a worse employee that these two could never compare to, and I'm still pretty traumatized from that. And I have a great dependable team (in the upmost important ways) and am finally in a position to be comfortable enough to take a vacation. But there's still a constant baseline worrying. Also, I'm a serial self-sabatoger, and am still working on this. Another story is that I don't feel 'good enough' . Not educated or experienced enough to handle this. Again, in the past year or so I have noticed vast improvements on this but it's still there as a baseline anxiety. I should also mention that I'm horrible at oral communication and have had a fear of oral speaking since I became shy at puberty. I have dabbled in making flyers to hang at everyone's station that reinforce policies but they are starting to make fun of that. If I had the courage to have meetings, I feel like at least 45% our problems would be solved. Ok so those are the stories that are spinning, but you want me to reframe it. I know this is a perfect opportunity. I live comfortably and can afford my interests. It is an amazing opportunity for growth. For purification, which I guess I believe will bring peace of mind. It's OK to mess up sometimes, because it teaches me to apologize (I have an irrational fear of that to customers, not to friends and family... ) I have come a long way and am excited for the future. I don't want to be afraid anymore, it does not serve me. The suffering I feel it is giving me is all in my imagination. It's self inflicted. But I continue to do it despite my awareness of it. (sorry didn't meant to end on a negative...) I think I want to choose a hand gesture or something as an anchor for this. Are you familiar with anchoring? Other than that I use slow breathing to help certain low level anxieties. Sometimes I'll let out a nice cathartic forceful exhale. Haha, you just picked my lifelong no no. But I will consider it or something I can do instead. I like to do stretching and have been Interested in stretching related yoga. I bought yoga for dummies but never committed to it. ? Hard to say. I only smoke cigs at work, probably about 4-5 cigs 4 days a week. But every one is poison. The Marijuana completely obliterates boredom, but that's really a disservice to me. I love it though. And my mind and soul are opened to deep subjects. But the withdrawal affects my mood at work. And I can't meditate with it, as it puts my thoughts into hyper drive (which I like, and crave) I don't want to be sober anymore when I'm home. That being said, I use very little it's just nonstop. This is probably my most excited to get a new chance at. The porn addiction is getting annoying but it has no impact on my marriage life life. Just have heard many physiological reasons to stop but otherwise I still enjoy it, haha. Sorry!! Ok, so maybe give me a goal time for meditation (go easy on me!) and ask me to report what happens. You can do this whenever but I really want to test my theory that I will do it to please you.

@mandyjw What are your biggest pain points in life, and which are your greatest strengths in spirituality? I have come a long way in the past few years. Turned myself around from victim mindset to that of acceptance and surrender. I would say I've eliminated roughly 75% of suffering in my life. 23% of remaining suffering comes from work situation, and the final 2% from baseline boredom anxiety. At home I am free, and Content with basically everything that arises, although battling a nonstop pot addiction. Pot is extremely valuable to me spirituality, but I also abuse it as a distraction and mood enhancer. I have a two week vacation coming very soon, and I hope for it to be a reset on my main additions : cigarettes, pot, and porn. It is a belated honeymoon for me and my husband, and couldn't be more needed. I have not taken time off in five years, and am wound up like crazy at work. I own my own business, which I had no business getting myself into. Going into it with zero experience in the field, and only lower level management experience at Walgreens. But we agreed to do it because my mother in law owned the business and needed to go part time and take care of her bedridden mother. So I agreed and basically stepped into a living hell. But it was spark for growth. Looking back over the last five years I have grown alot and my confidence has doubled or tripled . But I'm still uptight and constantly worrying. Trying to prevent things from happening. Uneasy. My husband doesn't see this side of me really because at home I can smoke a little pot, release, and be at ease. This is just artificial contentment though, and I'm aware of this. I urge to be what I jokingly call an 'unconditionalist'. To me it means never relying on any conditions. It used to mean not relying on conditions to be happy, but I just had the realization that being happy as the result is a condition... Hmmm... Just being, unconditionally. That's what it means to me.... For now I suppose ? For strengths I would say curiosity and just the right kind of obsession, lol. But still stumbling around in the dark and not sticking to any practices beyond what I list below... I am also getting stronger with not getting feelings hurt. As I begin to realize that I can only hurt myself mentally, I am able to diffuse the suffering rather quickly, if it arises. (in other words, yes someone could emotionally abuse me, but it only hurts me if I allow it. The abuser is only talking to himself anyway....) Which thoughts or feelings that don't feel good are most repetitive in your experience? Worrying about my business. Obsessing over it at home too, how to improve it in any way, to take less stress off of me. All the while realizing that everthing happens naturally. I can see this viewpoint at home but when I'm in the frying pan, I just feel the heat. And of course the natural progression is me obsessing over it. And I can't say 'hopefully not for long' because that's a condition ? I don't like to sit still. Never have. Wouldn't take naps when I was a young child because I was scared of missing out on something. I don't think I still have that anxiety, but just can't sit still. Therefore all attempts at a meditation habit have not stuck. I have bad body image. I'm sure I could name more but these are the big ones, other than that I go with the flow and am pretty content. What do you currently do for spiritual practices? Smoke pot and inquire into things. My answers often feel channeled. Dream work. Occasional attempt at meditation. Experience life. Reflect. Create. (art and mental creations) Gardening is very spiritual to me. Walking in nature. Was blessed with a beautiful 90 acres hiking park practically in my back yard. I feel like a real life Calvin and hobbes! Have tried walking meditation but my focus and commitment is low, which also accounts for not sticking to any particular practices. I'm hoping that with the teacher /student dynamic, my willingness to please will override this awful habit of mine. Interested in kriya or any other type of energy work.