seeking_brilliance

Day 5 August 19 2019 Oops totally skipped today. Was a major trip planning day

yeah, there's got to be balance. And I do consider our interactions on here a type of self inquiry (that's a total belief by the way.. But I have no issue with it.) I have experience interacting with 'others' who are myself. I don't know exactly how it translates to 'real world', but I have a conceptual understanding of oneness. But I don't know if it's beneficial or getting in the way lol. Just to note, I'm not saying that THIS exactly compares to nightly dreams, but that dreams reflect THIS, like a beautiful painting or passionate movie. And is a powerful teacher.

@Truth Addict Thank you so much for your detailed reply. This is an awesome start to getting back into the practice. I really enjoyed doing it in journal form, so maybe I'll try that again. Its just that.... just like with meditation, I don't have the discipline to just do it for myself. Back when I was doing autolysis, @Telepresent was very helpful at keeping me with it. And then of course we both stopped and here I am today That's just some radical honesty there, but of course I am fed up with this codependency of relying on others to help myself. Although I really like it when there's someone to point out my assumptions and inconsistencies. So I don't feel too bad for asking for help

That's an awesome idea I look forward to it

@AncestorOfAisle6 @Truth Addict Short term : self discovery and to ease anxiety Long term : liberation of mind

@AncestorOfAisle6 To ancestor: If you have children, what are some creative activities that you could do together with them? So that you don't feel guilty taking time away from them. Could you maybe find a community building project so that it's even more rewarding?

Day 4, August 17 Time : 15 minutes Really groggy this morning. Kept slipping into nonsensical dreamlets. Interesting how in this state, the thought trains don't go to real life problems like work or home or whatever, but creates elaborate stories out of thin air, just like dreams. Didn't feel impatient at all though. Would have reset my timer and done it again but running late for work.

Oh ok makes sense. When I was doing it before, I tend to work on what gives me anxiety and see through the illusion. Thank you for your reply.

Yeah I could chop it up and make a tea, which is nauseating. I've also read a tek where you can cut them into slivers and put them in the oven to make chips. But these recipes aren't the easiest to understand dosage. The chips are supposed to be less nauseating. I even wondered what a dehydrater would do

That's good to know. I'm sure mushrooms will be legal here eventually.. Just have these cactuses but always too nervous to try it

Not like Marijuana in effects but just able to keep my wits about me, is what I meant. I want a psychoactive effect without tripping balls

@mandyjw I was wondering if you practice(d) a form of spiritual autolysis, whether it's the McKenna method or Katie Byron or something else. I'd like to start that up again, what would be a good inquiry? Looking to go further in my practices and fortunately autolysis doesn't require meditation

@Esoteric Even though you say mescaline is more gentle, is it something that I can take for insights but not trip out of my mind? Just a low dose I guess?

I have San pedro cactus and read about making chips out of it, but haven't tried. A little worried about intensity. I would only be able to use it around my husband if it is similar to Marijuana...in other words if I can still function and not lose my mind. Does anyone have any experience with san pedro and the effects of mescaline?

Hypnogogia... But yes write them down to see if any patterns form. Could be a form of subconscious communication. Could be random. Either way it's pretty amazing right?

Day 3, August 16 2019 Time : 15 minutes Lots of monkey mind. Thought trains varied from work, last night's dream, the forum, and the meditation itself. Constant redirection back to fan. Kept thinking how I would love to just get absorbed into the sound of the fan. Had like a psychic cringe in heart area about three seconds before the bell rang.

I suppose there could be certain uv or infared filters on cameras that could determine if the face is real or deep faked.... But would only work on newer model cameras so any older security cams could be hacked

Wow, we are advancing so rapidly! What do you think the implications of this deepfake technology will have on us as a society?

Haha yeah, especially for politics but imagine if security cams could be altered and the wrong person is convicted

That's actually how it started, or at least what I heard in a video. They were switching celebrities faces with porn stars and the username of the uoloader was deep_fake or something like that

lol ok? won't take long I promise

One time I asked my "higher self" in a dream what my true name is, and it answered "wapa papa papa pow", which if you don't know, that's what the fox says. anyway, byeeee!

What is?

Day 2, August 15th, 2019 Time : 15 minutes Woke up at 6, but still sleepy so I set the alarm for 6:30. At 6:30 I set my meditation time for 15 minutes. Was still groggy so the thought trains kept going to nonsensical stories and images that I typically call dreamlets. I was lazy and did this Laying down, so that didn't help. After about 12 minutes I stopped, sat up, and reset my timer. After about five minutes the dogs decided they needed to go outside lol. So then I reset my timer and completed 15 minutes. Lots of thought trains, about life, about work, about how I'm going to write about my meditation session on here . Lots of redirecting back to the sound of the fan. There was a moment when I wondered how much time is left, but I remained patient and waited for the bell.