seeking_brilliance

Well in my proposed scenario you were not the father, but picked up an already existing entity. Matt8800 has talked about this too. If you are her creator, then you are still not the father, because she is you. She is you with a distinct personality, to the point that she is a 'separate entity'.

One to four times a month. BTW I don't take my own advice but I'm really good at giving it

Ok. I am with you to a point. But I also think ghosts are tulpas. Imagine if you died and everyone who survived you sat around crying and contemplating your life and putting some real strong energy into that. Perfect recipe for tulpa creation. So this poor girl, who isn't even really the girl who lived at some point, was created and left in that hotel until someone sensitive came along for her to piggy-back. Have you ever asked her what she thinks she is?

In my experience, its not depression, but a lack of empathy and motivation when not able to smoke, like at work or school or whatever. Then you go smoke a little bit and feel better, but this is just a vicious cycle. And yes these trance like effects can carry over even a day or more after smoking. But its also possible to smoke everyday and to consciously not give into the withdrawal effects. I have achieved that, to a point, but am beginning to have a strong desire to be clear minded. Once a week or once a month should be the max.

@mandyjw holy shit, my best friend/employee/house sitter for next two weeks was just in a fender bender right after leaving work. Last time I reply to your angry driving posts!

do you remember the paperclip? he was so sassy

Touche. BTW I accidentally put the cursor in front of unneeded tags and hit the backspace and they went away

Confession : I typically wish this on people who are speeding (and I already go five over speed limit) and are weaving in and out of cars. The only reason I rescind this wish is because I think of the innocents who may be in a car wreck with them.

Yes! Haha. I'm maybe at 5 seconds. I know exactly what you mean, but it's such a paradox that to achieve the goal I have to let go and not try to hard. All the while at least putting in the effort of sitting and redirecting focus. And perhaps I'm making my journal entries a bit too lighthearted but I definitely am taking this seriously. And yes my subconscious probably does want a candy bar because there have been no snacks in the house for like 2 weeks ?

Why. Is. This. Thread. Still. Open.

Day 9 August 22 2019 Time : 15 minutes I always start the session thinking this will be the time I actually listen to the fan for the majority of the session.... Well, not today ?.... Lots of images this morning, one was of the snacks above the checkout counter at target ?‍♂️ There was a dreamlet about whittling down a peice of wood on the end of something so that the peg can fit through something else?‍♂️?‍♂️ I gotta say, doing the meditation right after waking up is interesting because of the dreamlets. I wonder if they are just random or if they mean something... Did not think about work, and did not get that heart dropping feeling about the timer. Just glad I'm not too self judgemental because not seeing a whole lot of improvement in quietness yet. Can't wait for that. I have a feeling the vacation will unwind me alot and cut down on chatter. I wouldn't know, because I've never had a vacation since trying to start meditating.

Love it thank you ?. I use similar amounts to you daily, but maybe only 60% is for spiritual purposes. Although if I do it for fun it tends to turn into something spiritual because that's where the mind goes

Just a quick example, just for fun : Going on a two week vacation to Europe, leaving on sat. We are wanting some travel size binoculars, but were overwhelmed with the different specifications. I go to Google and type in "best travel binoculars". One of the first results has a tag line which says its going to list the top 33 of the year, or something. Didn't surprise me at that random number. And that is kind of a weird number of binoculars to rate, but whatever. ?‍♂️ Funny thing is when you click the link, there is no tag line stating that it's the 33 travel binoculars. So it only says it on the search queue ? (sidenote: another frequent synchronicity which occurs or not (?‍♂️) is while I was proofreading my post, I had accidentally typed camera instead of binoculars. As I read the word "camera" in my mind's voice, my husband says it out loud, talking about the trip. Never surprises me anymore...happens very frequently.)

Probably depends on addictive tendencies, like me.... But I'm curious about this.... Why is it the only psychedelic that seems to be addictive? The euphoria? The ease of use? The particular receptors it activates?

Day 8 August 21 2019 Time : 15 minutes As soon as I was getting up to meditate, husband came into room, turned the fan off, and turned his podcast on to go back to sleep ? but his birthday was yesterday so I chose not to throw a pillow at him. I got up and went in to living room. The ceiling fan is different than listening to the box fan. It's much quieter and sounds more like a clock ticking really fast. At this point I still need something loud to focus attention on, so this meditation session just became sitting practice. Monkey mind was everywhere but no nonsensical dreamlets, perhaps it helped that I had to get up and go into another room, which woke me up a bit more than just sitting up in bed.

New matrix movie confirmed. Poor Neo has ascended, but the work is not over. (ok i made that tag line up...) https://variety.com/2019/film/news/matrix-4-keanu-reeves-carrie-anne-moss-lana-wachowski-1203307955/

In glad you can accept this possibility. Have you tried having lucid dreams to meet up with her? I can connect you with a tulpamancy group on Facebook if you'd like

What were you doing / not doing?

Beat me to it. Sounds like a randomly formed tulpa that they slowly built a relationship with.

My number is 33. I see it multiple times a day, and only count the ones I see randomly. Does it mean anything? Probably not... But since I consider it 'the universe' smiling at me, then seeing 33 is the universe smiling at me...

Day 7 August 20th 2019 Time : 15 minutes Groggy again. But got to sleep late and have to go in to work early today. After finishing 15 minutes, I was unsatisfied with my level of attention, so started the timer again. Paid more attention to the fan the second time

Thoughts aren't too different, since it's my day off and I am usually more relaxed and agreeable on days off. Perhaps less addictive thoughts, though. But when I do this I'll try to remember to watch thoughts the rest of day. Would be interesting to see how it affects a work day, but that's not happening soon lol Heh, I figured it would be interesting to try and report what arises. But after spending so much time getting to know oneself, one must keep a sense of humor to prevent strangling their own neck ? On previous attempts at meditation, I eventually decided that my concentration is complete shit, and instead of officially calling it meditation, I said I was learning to sit still. Trust me that's half the battle lol.... And part of that was training not to check the timer, which is maybe another two quarters of the battle ? but it's been so long that I'm basically back at zero. So yes I have experience of the timer obsession getting better, can't wait!

@mandyjw here's my triathlon report (jogging, stretching, meditation) : Jog: 5 minutes (for now) Stretch: 10 minutes Meditate: 10 minutes I was jogging and applying my focus (lol) I've been learning in meditation, to helping me get through the 5 minutes. I realized that when I think about the clock, the negative feelings of wanting to stop arise. But then I realized that if I just look ahead, and adopted the attitude of can't wait to get there, that it made it much more bearable. And I kid you not, the moment I arrived there, the timer ended. During my stretching, I still became worried about time, even though this is something I enjoy. Spent the last minute or so wondering if I forgot to start the timer. But didn't give into impulses of checking my phone. I quickly decided that I would have to adapt the meditation part, since there was no where comfortable to sit on the bridge. So instead, I leaned against the rail and picked a spot in the stream to keep my sight on. So it basically became focus/concentration practice. Many thought trains, it was like grand central Station! But lord willing I redirected my eyes back to that spot in the stream evertime they moved. I did try to employ a mantra method to help still the mind, because there is sensory overload here, but the thought trains were fast and strong. This part I did think less about time.

Yes I agree. I will. But a deeper realization of who I am compared to others, and how we are the same, might be helpful. Or I could just be an unconditionalist and not need any one or thing to please me. Or to need anything at all. And to just not do it for anyone. Just do it.

Day 6 August 19 2019 Time : 15 minutes Did not feel as groggy today, but there was a healthy mixture of real life thought trains and nonsensical ones. One of the dreamlets was about a man next to me who kept getting hurt and all scraped up on his arm or leg. Another was about visiting some people in a building... This one felt more like a dream memory, until I realized I didn't have any dreams like this that I recall. Other thoughts trains went from last nights dreams, to how I'm going to write about the meditation on the forum, to why am I not listening to the fan??!! ? At least I'm consistent if nothing else. I will mention though, I'm noticing a firm distinction between being lost in a thought train and pulling myself into the present moment. The latter feels more aware and alert