Pilgrim

That's my opinion as well. I am pretty seriously thinking about becoming a non in Plum Village for a while. Not sure if now or at a later time though.. I am a bit scared because you are really turning your back to the "real world" and not allowed to see your blood family for 2 years. You can write and talk on the phone though. Also celibacy seems hard. But there is definitely a strong pull towards Plum Village for me.

thanks for your answer. I don't know.. I believe we should strive to be as balanced in both energies as possible. I believe that this is also the only way to reach interdependence (and not co-dependence) in a relationship for instance. But I might check the book out! I think that's what I struggle most with.. but being organised and put together seems very boring to me. I was also reading yesterday: "Masculine energy supports you in going out into the world to claim your intentions with purpose, ambition, drive, energy and motivation. It’s the practical steps necessary to claim what we want to manifest." Yes that really seems to be the case. I don't really know where that is coming from. I can see that all the masculine energy values are what I am currently lacking and if I could integrate them a bit, I would be really able to make my dreams happen. I don't know there is just something about masculine energy that gives me the feeling of aggressiveness. I see many men strongly competing against each other, but I believe in collaboration. Yes, maybe I perceive masculine energy as aggressive and maybe that is the problem. No, I really like free flowing.. I don't think it's societal programming. I just am this type of person that likes to have no destination.. I truly enjoy the journey. To me this really is play and I love play. However, I totally get what you are saying here. And that is also why I want to tap into my masculine energy. There are certain goals I really want to achieve and I need masculine energy for that.. otherwise it's just not going to work. Thanks for your answers guys! I am trying to put something together in order to be a bit more balanced.

Well, technically we need reproduction to survive as well, at least as a species.. without reproduction no human life. This a biological urge for survival as well. I deeply struggled with those existential questions as well.. but I believe there really is no answer to "why". You can assign meaning to your life and you totally should, from the small picture and your direct experience there is meaning then. But from the big picture and the zoomed out view there is no meaning. If you stop asking "why" and just emerge in your direct experience, you will find meaning within the meaninglessness.

What I just notice is that you are facing a lot of resistance towards your current situation and you want to find your life purpose by all means now. I honestly think the first step would be to try to get rid of this resistance. You do not want to be in this situation by any means, I get it. And you totally refuse to be in this situation. I think that this is your problem. It would be easier if you surrender to your situation. Try to truly surrender, "give up" and accept that it is shit right now and you simply don't know what the future will bring. You are putting yourself under a lot of pressure for finding the perfect solution. Start small and don't think about solving your whole life now. It will sort of come together on its own. Focus on the first step and slowly start building on that. It honestly does not really matter for what you are deciding and this solution does not need to be perfect, just doable and it needs to come from your heart. FOR NOW. If you really long to travel try to save as much money as you can through your current job and allow yourself a break for a while. Just do woofing or something similar low-cost and see where this will bring you. It's definitely possible to travel on a relatively small budget.. and work in exchange for shelter and food on the way.

I guess as long as we are in the egoic mind we will crave for meaning, and if we manage to resolve the ego we experience there really doesn't need to be any meaning. It's fine that there isn't any meaning at all. But through embracing the meaninglessness and not judging it, just experiencing what is, it paradoxically becomes meaningful.

So, what would you think of meeting up in Würzburg one day? Seems to be the best compromise for most cities mentioned here

Is your ego telling you that? Yes, suffering seems to be the biggest motivator to get into self-help and developing yourself, probably not the only.. but by far the most common. And I would also argue (big assumption though) that people who are dissatisfied with society/the world share some common characteristics. Mostly they are rather introverted, introspective, deep thinker/feeler types.. the world is definitely not made for people like that, so eventually problems start to arise. Our current system does not really satisfy the specific needs of this "group", because the majority of people are wired differently.. and that is why we have to find different answers and aim for something different than the majority in order to be satisfied..

@Marinus I struggle with exactly the same thing. Lately I prefer solitude and noticed that I cannot relate this well to the people around me anymore. I am also a pretty introverted and introspective person.. yet, there is nothing I love more than having a genuine, deep connection with people. It's probably one of the most beautiful things in life.. but it is very difficult to come across those people and it needs time and patience. The advice already given is pretty solid, especially joining groups on meetup is a good way to meet like-minded people. I think you just have to start getting out there with something that matters to you and the right people will follow naturally. What is your biggest passion?

Hey there, I am from Munich. Maybe we could arrange a Meetup somewhere in Germany? I think there are a couple of people from Germany here.. I'd love that! Hopefully some more will respond.. I'd definitely be open to it.

When I am with company it's fine (depends on the company), but if I resonate with people, I am usually having a good time. But it seems that I am too much relying on other people to entertain me and to keep me happy. I truly want to be my own best friend. I want to have a good time when being alone. But I tend to immerse too much in thought when being alone and it quickly becomes depressing and very unproductive. How can I learn to be my best friend? What should I do?

Trying to make everything a bit more clear in my head.. from my research so far, I am 99,99% positive that I have ADD - inattentive type.. my Myers and Briggs is E/INFP, which matches with ADD quite often too. Also I believe that I am an empath and I have a tendency for depression. That's it for the labels. I think my tendency for depression is linked to my ADD. It is very common.. because I feel incompetent due to a slower processing time quite often and this is obviously very bad for my self-esteem. I am a huge people pleaser and being an empath makes it hard for me to not get lost, because I can sort of relate to everyone.. but oftentimes I forget where "I start and where I end". Most of my problems sort of run around my ADD though... I am considering medication, but I know this won't be enough. Meditation and Yoga could be essential, because I spend way too much time in my head daydreaming and "zoning out". Also, I need to watch my diet. Trying to make a small experiment for 12 days now since I am currently having a lot of time. I'll update everyday how I feel. Rules for the 12 days: 1) 20 min singing meditation in the morning 2) I try not to engage in daydreaming. Whenever I notice I am doing it, I'll start painting or when I am outside strongly focusing on my surounding 3) limiting the amount of smartphone/laptop use to 3 hours per day 4) diet: no gluten, no dairy 5) 1 hour per day Yoga (or climbing) in the evening

Wow, I could have written this myself. I feel exactly like you.. our stories are very similar. I call this shallowness or ignorance "humanising" and catch myself sometimes doing it too.. trying to get the attention or admiration of others and then realising my own hollowness behind my behaviour.. I am really annoyed of this game as well. I wish there would be a place in real life, where we would not need to play games.. but I haven't found it yet. I came to realise that I am looking at the big picture 95% of the time and viewing life mostly from an aerial perspective (figuratively).. I am incredibly judgemental about the direct experience I am living and noticed that I became very negative as a consequence. In a way this really seems to be nihilism.. from a big picture perspective most things in life are incredibly arbitrary and it's really hard to ignore this. I am not sure what the answer to this problem is either.. maybe nihilism is a lack of presence and being too much in the head? But what to do, if the direct experience just doesn't resonate with your soul? Or does it not resonate, because of the judgment and not being entirely in the present moment? Does it really matter what we do, if we are fully present? Just some thoughts to ponder.. and wanted to let you know, you're not alone.

I know this fear and I believe it might be rooted in your ADHD. I have ADD as well and our brains are wired a bit differently than the brains of "normal" people. It is very common for people with AD(H)D to often change careers, having a problem with society and authorities, having poor time management, problems with procrastination, impulsive behaviour.. this is all typical Most likely you are also a very creative individual, good at connecting the dots and thinking about the big picture, you are likely a deep thinker and a people person, you connect easily with people.. I am struggling with the same. But it seems like you have already accomplished a lot on your own, be proud of yourself. If you haven't already, I would read up everything about ADHD that you can find. I am currently changing my diet and doing better with a gluten-free diet.. a coach would probably help as well and maybe medication. Also practical things like getting a very good planner for goal setting: https://onplanners.com/planners/best-planners-goal-setting#paragraph-59, commitment partners that check on you frequently.. sadly this whole practical, responsible "down to earth" stuff doesn't come naturally to us.. so the most important skill you have to acquire is self-discipline.

Typical for ADD, of course I did not stick to the routine.. Update 1 - However, I have been consistent with my diet for 6 days now and it seems that the brain fog has already lessened. It feels much more clear, could as well be placebo though. I am mainly focusing on a gluten-free diet and it is quite surprising how easy it has been so far. - Will try to really stick to a daily workout and daily meditation now for at least 2 weeks.. - Limiting the amount of smartphone/laptop usage worked for 1 day. That seems to be pretty difficult to implement, but I am trying. - Of course I was very unsuccessful in not engaging in daydreaming.. that totally failed.. maybe for one day, I was kind of able to force myself to focus as much as I could on the present moment.. but it was not natural at all and a lot of constant effort and I went back to daydreaming one day after. ------ New things I am considering: 1) Trying a Vipassana Retreat in December 2) Getting a great planner to help manage my time / goals: (someone mentioned it here) https://onplanners.com/planners/best-planners-goal-setting#paragraph-59

Germany, Munich / Finland, Helsinki would love to meet fellow actualizers as well! There seem to be quite a few people from Germany. We could arrange a meet-up somewhere

Well honestly, you give me a bit of hope. There are definitely women out there who are looking for men that are very female in their energy. It's funny.. I have never been attracted to this typical "male" behaviour and am very drawn to female energy as well.. however I always knew that I am not homosexual. I ended up falling in love with many gay or bisexual men. It seems unusual yes, but it's nothing I would worry about. You just seem to have a lot of female energy and in my opinion that's amazing

The problem with helping people is that they have to be open for receiving the help. That's why this situation is pretty tricky.. from my experience it oftentimes has to be uncomfortable, so that real change can occur. You cannot change her and you cannot make her happy. It has to come from her.. but she might not be ready for this realisation yet. You can only support her.. but there is nothing more you can really do.

I have this deep, deep longing for connection that seems to never be truly satisfied. Especially not in today's society. Occasionally I felt that this need was satisfied for a brief moment, but it never really lasts and the longing is always there. I sort of feel alienated in this world, as if this just wouldn't be "my place". I don't feel like I fit in here and I want to feel understood so badly. I really want to belong, but I don't feel like I belong - anywhere to be honest. It's not that I don't have friends or family, but they are all different somehow. They don't want to go so deep. I am with people, but I still feel sort of alone. What can I do to still this longing? I don't want to be this needy either. I have couple of times felt like I finally met someone who might be able to understand only to find out that I was projecting too much into this person. You see, this wish is so big in me.. I really am desperate to meet someone who "get's me" and therefore I am prone to idealising people and seeing in them what I want to see. Does this mean that I am just not feeling connected enough to myself? How can I change this? Thank you for reading.

Thanks to all of you for your answers. Well, honestly people are incredibly interesting to me. This is probably why I am quite good in making new friends. I am just genuinely interested.. but with this I mean, I really want to know them.. I want to know their thoughts, their feelings, I want to understand who they truly are with all the layers. But this level of depth seems to be uncomfortable for many people.. many people prefer shallow talk and to just have a good time. This is very frustrating to me and I wish to meet people who would want to process life on a deeper level. This is what I mean with wishing someone would "understand". But yes, you are right.. I am definitely yearning to connect with soul. Yes that's a good point. I think because I am aware that many people in my surrounding don't like "deep talk", I tend to avoid it.. or just very occasionally with certain people where I know they like to philosophise about life sometimes. I don't want to come off as too serious.. so I tend to hide my "true self" in order to fit in. It's possible I am not showing my true self enough in order to make those deep connections, because I would assume I am just bothering the person with my theoretical talking and that they would prefer to talk about something light or funny. For them deep talk is rather exhausting and for me it's stimulating. I do believe as well that this might be the answer. The longing for deep connection with others is definitely real. However, I truthfully don't really know how to make this connection with myself. I guess I am also not interested enough in myself or get bored too quickly?! What would you suggest, how should I start? Another problem I have is, I tend to be rather melancholic by myself. I do need time alone and I enjoy it as well.. but I am not exactly "happy".. but then again, I might just be more of a serious person in general.

Depression is incredibly complex and comes in many forms. Repressed emotions seem to play a big factor though. Depressed, your emotions are pressing you down.. it's a sign you have to express them. And like stated before, disconnection plays a big part, too. You are disconnected with yourself and thus as well with others. I fear that we will reach such extreme depression rates in the upcoming years.. it's horrible. But maybe this just shows that we are doing something wrong in our society. The way the modern world is designed is just not really healthy.. and maybe collective depression will be the wake up call.

I feel similarly sometimes.. life can be pretty exhausting. I would assume you haven't found your "place in life" yet. I would rather take this as a sign that you have to change something in your life circumstances. Objectively your life might be pretty good, but you do not seem to live your truth and maybe you also haven't experienced yet what your truth really is. I get a feeling that your heart chakra is closed.

Hello, I am new member.. but have been involved with self-actualization and Leo's channel quite a bit. I though maybe you could help me on my situation. I am 26 years old and have an undergraduate in business. I don't want to work in a typical 9-5 desk-job in a regular company. I tried and I was very bored and unmotivated. I felt like the good part of life was already over. I don't want to act like an entitled millennial and I know I cannot always have what I want. I am also afraid that the instability and uncertainty of being self-employed will get on me, however I think I need to try this route. I worked in the startup scene as well, it was better than the old economy however still not ideal and worse payed. I am an INFP on Myers Briggs and very interested in psychology, I also have a highly creative site. A part of the INFP personality is also a very altruistic nature, which is probably also why I do not really like the business environment. Now I am pondering on two options for a new orientation of my professional path: Option 1) - Study again and do a Master program in Counseling in Somatic Psychology - Additional Education in Art Therapy leaves the possibility to essentially work as a therapist. Could be interesting though in a business field as well, because of my undergraduate. Do you think companies would hire me with this background for coachings/seminars as well? I could also imagine organising workshops and seminars apart from a business environment and be self-employed. Option 2) - currently working as a nanny (20hrs/week; covers my needs) - the rest of the time I can invest into creative projects, such as painting, writing a blog, writing a screenplay, e-books, self-education With this option, I would basically cover my needs with the nanny job and give me the freedom to explore my creativity and see where this is going to lead. Possible income streams could be the blog or corporations with other artists (when I get to know them in the area), or for the highly unlikely case that I am at least sort of "successful" with the screen play . (Although, I think the draft is not toooo bad) Option 2 is more playing around (I love that though) and sometimes wonderful things happen out of nowhere and it also pretty much fits my personality type, but it does objectively not really have that much potential in generating income. I am not really losing anything though either, because I can support myself with the nanny job. Option 1 is more serious, but involves a lot of costs as well. The master program is very expensive. It makes me more trustable though for companies and private clients because of the official education and degree. However, self-employment always involves a certain risk and being self-employed would also mean that I need to finance the beginning stage as well. I see a lot of potential here, but I fear that I will end up in so much debt that it becomes too overwhelming. Most important factors for me in a job 1. Meaning 2. Freedom; quite location-independent and flexible schedule 3. Money What do you think? Any ideas what could be interesting as well? Thanks a lot