Wisebaxter

I sense two things from Jim here. One, that he's actually had some deep insights which have changed his life for the better, two, that he still has a wounded ego and there is a level of bitterness, frustration or angst there. He hasn't integrated his discoveries to the extent that he can move easily through life without needing to spout them off every few seconds as a form of protest or as a neurotic need to assert his 'truth' in the face of delusion, perhaps to persuade himself in the face of some remaining 'inner doubts.' He seems self absorbed to the extent that he can't empathise with the reporter and clearly confuses her and makes her uncomfortable. Still, I agree with what he's saying. Like others have said though, this could be the result of Zen devilry. This, of course, is all just my own story and interpretation, perhaps a projection of my own state of consciousness.

I'm not entirely sure why you're experiencing these things, but I'd like to just say well done for doing all that hardcore shadow work.

Good link. This passage on 'Do nothing meditation' helped answer my question: "This meditation is closely related to the Advaitic practice of neti-neti ("not this, not that") and to the practie of Self Inquiry as taught by Ramana Maharshi. The techniques are somewhat different, but the intention and outcome are very similar." So, maybe it's down to individual preference whether you use 'do nothing' meditation or self inquiry to realise your true nature. I'm wondering if the best approach would be to just use the hardcore self inquiry method Leo outlines where you fix your awareness on awareness, with no 'letting go' involved. Plus it's also building your concentration skill and helping to calm the mind. I think I remember Adya saying something about the 'letting go' being important though, as the universe's nature is acceptance.

I see, so some forms of meditation are more 'self-inquiry,' based, including 'True Meditation.' That's great to know and explains a lot. If that's the case, is the main benefit of concentration meditation the fact that it just calms the mind then? Or build focus? Rather than being the best for enlightenment? Adya says he did concentration meditation for years and in the end he gave it up as he found it too based on control rather than letting go. He says it won't bring you to your true nature. True Meditation is specifically about letting go of control and just letting awareness go where it wants to. I find this quietens the mind quite nicely. But Leo's description of self inquiry isn't so much about letting go, more about focusing on awareness. As long as awareness is trained on itself, that seems to be the core factor of self enquiry. Concerning self inquiry, do all these questions, like 'what am I?' Am I the body? Am I the mind? Not need to be asked? Leo says you just focus on awareness. Maybe the questions are just to get you to the point where you realise yourself as awareness so you can start focusing on it.

I might create a journal for it on the journal section here. Are you gonna post some of your stuff? I'll be sure to name drop you dude as you should get the credit you deserve. You could perfect this technique, develop it further and maybe write a book - could be quite lucrative for you.

@Aakash I'm excited about this. Something tells me it'll be quite powerful. Perhaps it would be more productive to wait until you're feeling a bit negative so all your inner bullshit comes up?

@Aakash Cool man...is that a bit like journalling? I haven't done much of that. I like the sound of the writeway technique. I'll jump on board as one of its earliest practitioners. Just stream of consciousness writing...sounds dope. I like the idea of asking yourself who actually wrote it too. I'll try this and report back

@zambize Love that dude, you broke all that down really well. I'm gonna read that through a few times and soak it in. I like your theory that these practices all point you towards the same goal And then there's the enlightened folk who say that in a non-dual sense even suffering is a part of the whole! Apparently you can be enlightened and still suffer but it just doesn't effect you in the same way as you're not attached to any of it. So maybe you're not suffering....as you can tell mental masturbation is my forte Contemplation works best for me when I'm trying to actually have an experience of what I'm contemplating. Otherwise it just stays as theory and can seem a bit dumb and detached as you say. All I can say it, thank God for psychedelics haha. I'll stick to those as my main guide and use these practices as icing on the cake perhaps

@dvdas Yeah I've actually finished his book recently, it is great right? I like how he breaks it down and gives you different types of meditation practices for achieving specific results. The problem is, it kind of confused me more because it made me think, well which one should I be doing? Which one will get me there the fastest? As in 'there' I mean enlightenment of course. He mentions that breathing meditation is good for relaxing, but does that mean it's good for enlightenment? I'm just going with Adyachanti's method at the moment as that seems good to me and I dig his style. I do love Om Swami though and his story. He has cool videos on YouTube too.

Really? He said that? That's interesting. To be honest meditation confuses the hell out me. I do it every day but there are sooooo many different types of mediation I never know if I'm doing the right one, if I'm sitting in the right way...should I be controlling something? Shouldn't I be? At the moment I'm doing something a bit similar to you, feeling the void, but perhaps without the concentration. I just release 'wanting' and 'effort' and the void kind of envelops me. I guess experimentation and doing your own investigation is important. But the idea that I could spend years doing it wrong freaks me out

@dvdas Perhaps when you have a certain goal, which is to recognise your true self, there are multiple ways to get there. I've heard this said before. You can arrive there through meditation, self-inquiry, contemplation, yoga, whirling, psychedelics even. This then begs the question, which one is the most effective? This might depend on the individual. But I'm just guessing here. The answer will reveal itself to us soon in some shape or form, it always does

Yeah these drives are strong in me too. I want to progress spiritually so I can elevate others too, like the whole bodhisattva thing. So it's complicated. Some ego drives, others come from a higher state of consciousness. Yeah I'm with you on this one. It's very exciting isn't it. That's definitely part of my drive too, the sheer excitement of discovering that life is a lot more magical and awe inspiring then we're led to believe. To really consider that we may actually be God....and to awaken to this....this is something that we have to experience, as it sounds like it's actually the case. 5-MeO needs no promoting for me, trust me on that I'm sold on it 100% and I'll plugging at some point this year. I just have a bit more preparation to do I feel. But maybe the inspiration will just grab. I'll certainly buy some like you suggest So when do you think you'll actually be doing it?

Ok this is making more sense to me now. Thank you for taking the time to explain. Indeed, in my experience there is nothing but the knowing of the tree, so why would I make up some alternative version to assume otherwise? The dream example is also very helpful. I need to set up a really vigorous contemplation practice too. Right now I'm just lost in theory land. I really struggle with setting up new habits though, plus I'm just so addicted to theory, books, mental masturbation. It's safe, y'know? I don't have to really shake things up too much with that.

Perhaps then the difference between you and I is that you have a deep yearning and urge to discover the truth, which is great. I think I need to work on this more. Maybe I'm scared of the truth, or maybe my efforts with spirituality come from a more egotistical place at this stage. Adyashanti urges people to really question why they want to be spiritual. I need to spend time doing this. I have a feeling that I'm actually trying to add 'stuff, theories etc' to my ego in order to feel more important, more advanced, or more complete. Worse still, I may even believe that I can use all this knowledge to monetise it in some way or gain power. Fucked up I know. There's a bit of Anakin Skywalker in me. I'm just really admitting this to myself now, which I think is an important first step. A quote from Adyashanti that I read earlier is: People will say to me, “I don’t think I want the truth, I want to do this or have that.” And I say, “Go for it, do it.” And it’s amazing what happens as soon as you tell somebody, “You can do what you want, you can want what you want, go ahead, I don’t care, God doesn’t care, nothing thinks you’re wrong, nothing in all of the universe except a thought thinks you’re wrong for wanting what you want. Now go ahead.” It’s amazing how sometimes when you give someone total permission, how something deeper comes out. All of a sudden they drop into, “Now that I actually feel that I can want anything I want, I guess I don’t really want what I thought I wanted. So this could be the way forward for me. Admitting and giving into my ego desires, so I don't feed them with energy by suppressing them. Failing that I'll just plug some 5-MeO and let it work it's magic.

My skeptical, materialistic side is still quite strong I think, probably because I haven't done nearly enough self enquiry. I'm not saying I believe it to be true, but the illusion is just so solid, if it's an illusion. My skeptical side keeps saying 'sure, I have no proof that a tree exists outside of my knowing, but neither do I have any proof that it doesn't.' So why would I run with one assumption at this stage over another, especially when there's more to point at the tree existing as a separate entity, namely my senses and the actual 'experience' of it. How can an experience be an illusion? Or is the experience real but it's just my context for it that's wrong? I will rigorously question all of these beliefs though, thank you.

I've heard Rupert Spira talk about this and yeah I understand it in theory, that there is only the 'knowing' of something, which could suggest that the thing in and of itself doesn't exist outside of this knowing. But for me right now this is only a theory. The opposite, which is that there is a tree and on top of that there is a 'knowing' of the tree, could just as easily be true, indeed it seems more likely to be true. I'm guessing that deep self enquiry, meditation and psychedelics will help me get closer to the truth you speak of though.

Some very deep points you raised there. How does one know when one's ready? Is there such a thing as being ready? Perhaps it's a relative consideration decided by the individual. It will depend on your goals, your mindset, the size of your testicles, all those things. From my perspective, I watched a video on Leo's blog where a group of pro's talk about 5-MeO and they were asked how you can prepare. I remember them saying that it's such a beast that you might want to work your way up to it and experience other psychedelics first. But I think this was only to avoid potential anxiety during the experience. By the sounds of things you're feeling quite confident so this might not be an issue for you. I have found a vendor and when I have the cash I will buy some and keep it in my drawer as a constant reminder of my destiny. It's only a matter of time dude but personally I'm in no rush. You plug that shit when it calls to you. I don't even have a solid self enquiry habit going yet. Maybe @Leo Gura can give offer his advice on this one as I'm interested to know what he'd suggest.

@Igor82 Just one word....badass. You have bigger stones than me my friend. I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet. I want a few more LSD trips, some mushrooms, some AL-LAD, and maybe a few others, before I start playing with the big boys. Can't wait to hear how it goes for you. We're on this road together

First of all, this quote from Adyashanti: "When we start to let go into awareness or spirit, we start to recognize that that is who and what we are. We start to see that everything in existence is simply a manifestation of spirit. Everything is an expression of spirit, whether it’s the chair you are sitting on or the floor you are lying on or the shoes you wear. Everything is an expression of spirit: the trees outside, the sky, everything. In the same way, the body that you call “you,” the mind, the ego, the personality—all are expressions of spirit." My question is, how do we know a tree is comprised of spirit? I can maybe have an experience of myself as spirit because I can do self enquiry and realise I am not my body, mind etc...but how can I speak for a tree, which appears to me as an inanimate object..

@Igor82 You have 5-MeO on the way!? You're one serious mo fo, I love it. When will you do it do you think?

@TheAvatarState I feel ya brother. I got baked a couple of weeks ago after giving up for 5 months and now I'm back on it again. Computer games are my trigger. I noticed there was a new Assassins creed installment out and I couldn't resist. But hey, the important thing is to not beat ourselves up (or off) too much. It's that self loathing that's a killer. The universe wanted to smoke, simple as. Remember what Leo said about the ego backlash oscillations. It's all completely natural. Be kind to yourself

Are you feeling any different energy wise? Or in any other sense? Some say that forgoing ejaculation strengthens your life force.

Wow, epic report dude. Well done for putting yourself out there and taking this substance, you should be proud of yourself for having the balls to do that as I know how scary it is. It sounds like your experience got a little hampered by the expectations/desires you had to experience ego death and the sheer amount of stuff you were trying to do, like write reports during the trip and make videos. All that will do is stress you out and distract you from going deeper into the experience. I think part of the problem is getting attached to the idea that insights and mystical experiences are the only worth while aspects of tripping, aside from the just being in the moment with the experience, so this can put a lot of pressure on things. Ironically it may make breakthroughs less likely to occur when we don't just roll with it. I know they say to set your intention, but attaching to that intention so that it becomes an expectation might not be a good thing. You were a little hard on yourself by the sounds of things. I feel you though as I had the same issue. I just gave up 'doing' in the end though and let it take me where it wanted to. Remember this was only your first trip so it's a learning process and it sounds to me like you learnt a huge amount of things. You really took this experience seriously, good on you. I'm glad you experienced some love and your reality got messed with a bit. You'll get your breakthrough, don't worry, 5-MeO is always there for that. I just love how many uses there are for these substances though. Even when a breakthrough has occurred you'll go to back ego land. Therefore I think the potential for psychedelics helping you to achieve a healthy ego are almost as exciting as having a non-dual breakthrough All this from someone who is pretty inexperienced with psychedelics of course

@TheAvatarState Yeah definitely, I think seeing women in a different light, appreciating how beautiful they are in all regards, not just physically, is a really good move. In a way porn just reduces them to lumps of flesh so admitting this is maybe what I was getting at without knowing it. They are the givers of life, such caring, loving creatures. Falling in love with their minds is the way forward. This might help you avoid the porn as it would almost seem disrespectful to reduce them to that. That's a good book huh? I'll check it out

@ZZZZ Take a look into your experience of the glumness, to determine what's actually there, in your sensory field. It's probably a physical feeling somewhere, a tightness, a sense of emptiness. Feel into that fully, allowing it to be there. Remember there's the feeling and then the thing that's observing it, which is always pure and separate from it. Stay mindful of what's in your experience, what actually there. I find this usually helps to release the feeling a bit That does sound like a mind fuck for sure. I really want a piece of that action at some point. Maybe you're getting some ego backlash today as you gave your ego a massive bitch slap and its fighting back