Wisebaxter

@Shin I like that. Makes sense in terms of duality doesn't it. If God encompasses all that it will encompass free will and no free will. @Aakash So the closer you get to God, or the less delusion there is, the better the quality the decision. That seems to be the case and it makes me feel comforted, but for me this raises the question 'what would comprise a bad decision? One that would lead to further delusion perhaps? One that would bring you further from God and more into your egoic state? But then again, if that's the experience God wants....what can be done? Or maybe God always wants to awaken. Mentally masturbating myself silly here lol. I need to plan my next LSD trip and crack on with that. @Jack River In a non-dual sense, are they one and the same? The underlying reality and the substance? So you're saying it's all God, whatever the question, whatever the answer....this will require some contemplation. I'm basically just God asking questions about God. All I really want to know is, can I choose not to suffer? I friggin hope so lol. Then again that question raises 50 more. Who is this 'I' for starters. Always the same when it comes to dealing with concepts and using the mind. I think I'll roll with the for now and plug some 5-MeO ASAP

Could you elaborate a little? Are you saying that decisions like these are proof of free will? That it's you deciding to fall asleep and not God?

So this suggests that decisions don't get made? Hmm, I can see that....kind of a mindfuck.....so really that's also suggesting that I don't have a choice as to whether I live a shitty, miserable life or a good one. I just have to hope that cause and effect culminates in something enjoyable happening. I guess that cause and effect seems to take on the guise of a decision - which gives me a level of security. If I can feel like I have a choice, I don't feel quite so trapped.

@Aaron p That's the way I see things too, that every decision was exactly as it should be. So you're saying that no matter what it is God that chooses, even if it feels like the ego, then it's God making the decision? That makes sense as Leo also says in the video that God has to manifest itself as the ego order to experience what it is. Perhaps my confusion is seeing God and ego as separate. So basically when I make a dumb ass decision that was always the plan and vice versa. When I decide I don't want to suffer, God has decided it doesn't want to suffer. Ultimately these things can only be truly known through mystical experiences I'd imagine.

@non_nothing How come? The news is positive. Modafinil can help kick start your consciousness work or take it to a new level. Like Leo said though, just use it sparingly and when it counts, like when you have a whole day free. I didn't take it today and I was very pleased to discover that my ability to focus during self inquiry has improved. So it's the same principle as psychedelics, use it as an aid to give you some juice but don't expect it to deliver the goods in full, you'll still want to develop your consciousness in other ways to fully catch the Ox. The effects of it becoming an addiction would be the same as any other addiction, which would be stress caused by feelings of reliance, powerlessness and cravings. You may need to have some self control. There is some information online to suggest that it could become addictive (although it's very rare), but as with all addictions the risk of that will be increased if you're using it as a crutch due to any perceived inefficiencies you have or issues you don't want to face. Know the potential risks and use it responsibly and you'll be fine

@lmfao Yeah that's a pretty accurate description of it I think. I get headaches as well and find it quite hard to sleep. Actually I didn't sleep at all last night and just popped another 200mg in the morning lol. I was excited about having another day of productivity lol. I can actually see how it might be addictive for me which has freaked me out as I'm battling a weed habit already. One guy online says he took Modafinil every day for years and I was kind of planning on doing the same but to be honest I've gone off the stuff slightly (after my big rant about how great it was! lol). I've decided it makes me a little angsty. Got pissy with my girlfriend once or twice. Also, I could swear today that it's blocked my heart chakra or something. I tried to generate some love earlier and there was nothing, just a black void lol, blacker than usual I mean It's usually an all encompassing darkness but today it was a black hole sucking the light out of everything it came across. Oh I also keep making very dark jokes - even for me! Weird eh? I made a comment to my girlfriend about how her friend should stop whining about being bullied at school and quit all the psychotherapy as it was only relentless verbal abuse and nothing physical. More than anything though it's the addictive quality that worries me. I never have been good doing things in moderation. I'm gonna do what you're doing and take it every now and again I think. I can see how I could burn myself out taking it every day. What do you get up to when you take it?

I'm having this issue myself and I would imagine that 99% of people on the spiritual path are. Your ego is an entity that wants to survive so it will keep changing the goal posts and trying to pull you back. Add to that the game of survival we are all conditioned to play on a daily basis. I'm not really one to give advice as I'm gripped in the same dynamic, but my gut instinct says - don't demonise the ego at all or see it as a fight. The ego loves a good fight as you're acknowledging it's existence by doing so and strengthening it. Like @VictorB02 said, let go of control. Apparently even enlightened folk have something called 'burnt rope ego' where they can still experience ego but it's severely diminished and they see it for what it is. So it's not like it ever vanishes completely anyway. Keep coming back to the thoughtless state whenever you can, doing the practices etc, over time the backlashes will ease up I'm sure.

Definitely

@Aaron p Wow I never knew ketamine could be so good for meditation, that's interesting. Perhaps I'll give it a try. In terms of Modafinil and 'relaxation' it's important to point out that I found it relaxing because I was able to focus on a task more without monkey mind distracting me, but you do feel very awake and lively, it's important to point that out. If your monkey mind is the thing that stresses you out, Modafinil could help you there. Well done for keeping up that meditation habit for so long. Have you felt any benefit from it at all yet? Like, do you feel better directly after meditating, maybe a quieter mind etc? I think sometimes the major benefits kick in after several years so hang in there buddy. I'm like you, I've only be doing it a short time myself so at this stage we have to have a bit of faith in the process. Also, mixing up the kind of meditation you do can be cool, to keep things interesting, observation meditation, mindfulness meditation, concentration meditation, they all work in slightly different ways and have their own benefits. I remember Peter Ralston saying that anger is a mask for fear. So it might be worth looking at what you're afraid of deep down, what's there underneath the anger. If you have issues from the past haunting you then some shadow work can be great, or some visualisations for love, forgiveness etc. Leo has some great books on his books list for all that. Yeah I'm mainly trying to develop my piano skills so I can improve at music production. I make electronic stuff. How long have you played piano? So much fun right...calms my mind so much

@reves Fortnightly trips, awesome dude. I admire your dedication to this work. I'm gearing up for my next one too. I dropped 150ug of LSD for my first trip two months ago and it was out of this world. Next time I'm upping to 200ug and hoping for ego death. Eventually it's 5-MeO, all the way baby Some mushrooms are on the menu too, although they sound pretty intense so I'm a bit nervous lol. I don't know anything about 1P-LSD so I'll read up on it. Can't wait to read your next report! Also, in terms if the sickness you felt, Leo says you can buy mushrooms in a liquid form and this eliminates the sickness.

@kira Leo mentioned it in his Nootropics video, that's how I first came across it. Apparantly the film 'Limitless' was inspired by the drug. It's popular with entrepreneurs and other badasses. You bought some? Like your style man, straight on the case! Please let us know how you find it. There's an even stronger version called Armodafinil which Leo says feels almost like taking a psychedelic in terms of the level of awareness it provides, so I may upgrade to that at some point. @reves Reves, I know, amazing stuff right? I'm very excited. I feel this drug could really turn things around for me.

Sounds like an awesome trip dude, really positive. You're now more in touch with your emotions and you've developed more body awareness, fantastic. You gotta love these psychedelics. As for the issue with your girlfriend being around, I can imagine this would be a distraction. I waited until mine was away on Christmas Eve and did the trip then. Leo has also suggested renting out a cheap motel (or expensive if you can afford it!) and tripping there so you can control your environment more. Another idea would be to just stay up all night and trip so your girlfriend will be asleep. Of course you'll get tired, so you might want to change your sleep pattern a bit before you do it, so it's more normal. Again, congrats on this amazing experience and thanks for sharing here

I've been with girls who talked about making it spiritual, having tantric sex etc, but in the end for me it usually ends up being the same, very nice, but just a biological (very pleasurable) act which quickly becomes formulaic and then all those lofty ideas just evaporate. Perhaps the first few time it feels more profound or spiritual because it becomes less about the person you're with, their ego and how much you like it, but more about the actual act of making love, which feels primal, like you're both worshipping the moment, God, or your life force. I do kind of get that with sex now after 2 years, but it's not as intense. Perhaps I could work on getting it back a bit, or it will change when my level of consciousness increases. Lol, I like that, but the issues might be, a mystic probably wouldn't care about sex that much, seeing as enlightenment probably gives you a life long orgasm of sorts. Sadhguru sat on a rock and cried for about a week at the sheer beauty of it. Then again, Adyashanti is married. His wife might be enlightened too though so she could have a magical vagina that emits rays of light You could also find a zen devil type of mystic who's had one or two enlightenment experiences but hasn't gone all the way, they're usually quiet horny still. But you'd need to be careful not to be seduced into some kind of sex cult that uses ideas of spirituality to entice you, it's always a risk. Sex with mystics. Good album title, or the title for a track. Being referred to as childish is, I think, one of those remarks that is almost always taken as an insult and stings a bit, as 'childish' is usually viewed as a derogatory term, being associated with ideas of naivety or ignorance. We've been indoctrinated to see 'not knowing' as some kind of disease to be overcome, which makes matters worse. Personally I don't view you that way, as an ego, but the point is, these are just labels that people use to create a story for him\herself. Making these distinctions is the work of the mind. It happens because seeing meaning in the world is a way of making sense of it, although it's always a manipulation as no meaning exists. If you also have a story of your 'self' and childish isn't included in that, you'll feel a need to defend your sense of 'self.' But this self, I'm sure you know already, is an illusion. There's nothing there to attack. So maybe try to see these statements for what they are and don't let them stick to you. Especially as the person using this word may have a different concept/distinction of what it means. We're always only reacting to our own perception of things, which is being fed by 'words' from others. I'm not perfectly immune myself of course, as breaking old habits of reactivity is a challenge. We're programmed to view ourselves to a large extent through other people's conceptual filters

Hey don't sweat it, I chose to have that reaction. What you said was neutral and I added my own interpretation to it. I guess it just triggered me due to some insecurities I have, maybe about how I met my girlfriend. It could just as easily be interpreted as a compliment I think its great that you like to take your time and let things blossom. That's what you find meaningful obviously. Personally I like to jump in feet first, full of fire and passion and devour whatever's in front of me like a famished knight returning to a feast after a lengthy battle. Maybe that's the Aries in me. It could be a weakness. I've had many a maiden try to persuade me to abandon my quest for immediate gratification and win over their hearts the old fashion way, but alas this fire in my loins will not be tempered.

@Aquarius Be yourself of course. Never stop writing poems to men and doing what you do. You sound pretty smart and awesome so... I was just trying to make a point that most men would rather have sex early rather than do all the romantic stuff beforehand and fall in love that way. As for the term 'nasty slut,' I don't think thats very nice at all. Labels like that are the reason a lot of women end up being sexually repressed, because they're worried they'll be viewed as dirty or slutty if they let themselves go and explore their sexuality in a certain way. I met my girlfriend in a dating app and she came over and slept with me that night. We had an electric connection straight away and we've been together ever since. She's not nasty at all. I think it's a shame you can't let the autistic guy know how you feel. Who knows where that might lead. His savant super power could be the ability to give cunnilingus for 10 hours straight, then you'd be in for a treat

If all concepts are relative how on earth do I work out any problems in my life by contemplating them? If essentially there is no objective truth, then really I'm just assigning the answers myself and layering concepts on top of other concepts, right? For example, I ask myself, what career would I be best suited to? There's really no answer is there. I can make some guesses but there's no way of knowing if I've come up with the right answer because in reality there is no right answer. Another example would be the question, 'are wants productive things to have? Or should I dispose of wants altogether and try to realise my perfection?' Right now I'm just lost in a maze in my own mind, trying to work out all these problems in my life, like what job to take next, what kind of friends I want, how I should treat desires, but I'm aware that every answer I come up with can be immediately disputed as there's no objective truth. This is making me feel very lost and confused. I don't know the criteria I should be using to come up with answers, to essentially 'create' my own truth. Any guidance would be great. I've been learning about non-duality for a long time and engaging in the practices but one challenging aspect of it all seems to be the way it leaves me grasping for solid ground to stand on, to know what direction to take in life. When you realise all concepts are bullshit, how do you know what to do?

@Nahm Wow, that was one badass answer. You're one insightful dude Nahm, I'm so glad to be able to digitally tap into your databanks like this. You make even the great sage Baxter feel humbled. Good job you don't have much of an ego to let all of these compliments inflate it I have a lot to go on in this area now. This forum is the shit

@WelcometoReality I'm all over that one buddy. That was the thing that first got me into spirituality, when I read the Power of Now. Easier said that done most of the time though as I'm still programmed with a lot of old patterns surrounding needing to succeed. But when I do get into that state, during meditation, it's simply sublime. One skill I'd love to develop is being able to accept the moment as perfection and still be able to take action with life purpose stuff

@Nahm What about just for normal contemplation, you know, like contemplating a concept like 'habits?' Should this be a purely mind-based affair or is the technique you outlined still a good idea? Maybe you could hold the question in your head for a while then let go and wait for a spontaneous insight?

All this does beg the question though....how do you contemplate from the heart? Contemplation seems like a very important practice, but should we be doing it in a way that involves the heart, involves intuition? If it's purely mind/concept based, then isn't this a danger? Perhaps it's by using the meditation technique that @Nahm mentioned, where you sit and allow spontaneous insights to come

@WelcometoReality Haha I make all of my notes available for public consumption Here are some from the video you just linked: "Loneliness can result from feeling separated from society, but it can also result from feeling separated from yourself somehow, from your own heart or inner experience. When you have difficult experiences it’s like the heart pulls back in and isn’t connecting to what’s out there anymore. It’s like nobody can reach you and you can’t reach out. The sensitivity of the heart is covered over. Whenever you’re deeply present you’re utilising the heart." I'm getting a feel for this now, for this...sensing with the heart. I've been so closed up for years due to a consistent level of striving and suffering that all I ever get it mind, mind and more mind, until I'm going out it lol. There's a desperate grasping for a truth that's always elusive and never based on anything tangible. But now I know that being present and in touch with your body and your feelings is the way forward. This has been a big realisation for me and potentially life changing so thank you again for pointing me in the right direction. It's going to take a while so get in touch with the small voice again but I'm excited about this new way of doing things. I'll update this thread at some point with any news flashes I get, coming to you live...from the heart

@Emerald This may sound a bit crass, but do you also feel indifferent to a guy going down on you, like the pleasure really isn't that great? Most girls I know get much more of a kick out of this than the sex itself. Sometimes if a guy refuses to do this at all, does it half heartedly or without skill, this can be a huge factor when it comes to actual penetration.

@WelcometoReality That was such a great video. You really came through for me with that link buddy. I made some notes for anyone that's interested. "The conditioned self is so conditioned that it's hard to know what to trust there. It’s not the ego or personality's voice but instead there’s something inside that comes from a stillness. It’s not intellectual or thought driven, it’s a whisper within stillness, succinct and brief and doesn’t justify itself. If you ask why it’s the voice to trust, the ego's voice will give you a list of explanations as to why it’s trustworthy. The still, small voice doesn’t judge and doesn’t say ’should or shouldn’t.’ Sometimes it’s not a voice at all. The quickest way to access it can be to feel within your body. The body is a good truth detector. Despite what the mind thinks, when there’s bullshit afoot the body will have some kind of contraction or uncomfortable sensation. The truth will often just be a feeling. He doesn’t mean emotion, because emotions can delude you too. It’s something underneath that emotional reactivity. A lot of the times it’s trial and error. You try something out and see if it seems trustworthy. Listen to what’s intuitive and non-insistent. What’s intuitive isn’t usually insistent or forceful. It just presents itself without arguing it’s point with you or anyone around you. A lot of people were taught during their upbringing to not trust themselves, to put all of the authority outside of themselves. We have to be willing to fail over and over again. Its not easy as the conditioning is so strong and can often override it. You just have to keep going and learn to walk. Adya’s teacher would never give him straight answers. She would guide him in a certain direction and let him figure it out himself. We have this tendency to want answers to be specific and simple but they’re not. We have to discover what’s true for ourselves."

@WelcometoReality Yeah man, not trusting myself is definately a huge part of the issue. Thanks for the Adya video, I haven't watched that one. He's fantastic

@Leo Gura That's awesome, I have some direction now. I'll check out those videos you mentioned again and develop my 'balancing theory and practice' superpower. I'm so balls deep in theory right now it's ridiculous. Also your video on How to Get Shit done seems very relevant. I've always struggled with creating results. I just hoard theory and feel like it's getting me somewhere. Thanks again for the detailed response to my query.