Wisebaxter

@Zigzag Idiot I see, so Leo's 'do nothing' technique is similar to Spira's 'resting as awareness' technique, which isn't really a 'self inquiry method as such. That's good to know. Do you think they're both trying to get you to the same place though i.e a realisation of what awareness is?

That sounds awesome dude. I'll have to look into Yin Yoga. What other stuff arises for you in this state you mentioned? Good luck with the gal, glad you've met someone you really like

@Highest Ah thanks man, that makes a lot of sense and is really helpful. So I'm aiming for the awareness that is behind the sense of 'I am' because this 'I am' is ego-based.

@Serotoninluv So if you're entering a calm state of mind, does this mean you're 'relaxing' awareness? You're not focusing on anything per se until a question arises?

@Highest Can't 'I am' also refer to 'all is one?' If there is only 'one' there must also be only one 'I.' Maybe Rupert is referring to the universal 'I am' and not the conceptual one. I get your point though. I'm probably still stuck in the egoic 'I am' when I practice this. Thanks for your help.

@Dumb Enlightened The way I'm doing inquiry is to skip all of the 'asking questions' parts (which I've done a few times) and go straight to where they're supposed to lead you, which is to the sense of 'I am.' Leo told me the questions are only to get you there so you can focus on this 'I,' with no questions, you just focus, until you have a mystical experience and recognise it's nature. But this is where I've currently got a bit stuck as I don't now whether to focus or to relax awareness. 'Focusing' awareness implies there is an observer and object, which is why relaxing awareness seems to make more sense if as you say, the goal is to let the 'observer/object divide collapse.

@Highest Ah I see. But isn't there a difference between the conceptual 'I' and the real 'I'? The sense of 'I am' is the true Self, no? Or is this the 'awareness becoming aware of itself' that you referred to?

@Dumb Enlightened This is the same problem I have. If I relax the mind I have nothing to anchor me, so thoughts come in. Spira does say that you should let that happen though and not be in a battle with your thoughts. He says you can become aware of the fact that thoughts are comprised only of awareness, which is pure 'knowing-ness.' In other words, the knowing of a thought is the awareness. But if I try to focus on awareness, my attention just jumps around as awareness itself is formless.

I'm still a little unsure how to know exactly when I've managed to focus in on awareness, especially as I hear it's comprised of nothingness. Leo said to become aware that you are aware, but when I do that I worry I'm just focusing on the concept of 'I am aware.' Or do I just follow my awareness and watch what it does, a bit like Adyashanti's True Meditation? I still can't work out if he's basically describing self inquiry with that technique. Should I perhaps be focusing on 'no thought,' or 'the void,' as essentially that's awareness, isn't it? Focusing on the quietness? Any tips would be awesome. Help a poor monkey out

@AstralProjection I read that Amitriptyline can make you sleepy. This isn't the case for you then? Also, how would you describe the effect? Just very mellow?

@Jordan94 I started with Modalert rather than Armodafinil to ease myself into it. also Modalert is supposed to be a bit better quality wise than Modvigil too but not hugely so. It has been a little more-ish for me though so watch out for that. I do find myself craving it a little, but I have that kind of personality so this won't necessarily be the case for you. I know others who don't have this issue at all. I think I just crave the feeling of relaxation I get from loss of monkey mind. But then again monkey mind doesn't exactly come back full force when I don't take it. It's like most things pleasurable I guess, there's always a level of self-discipline needed. But I have a particular mind with a particular set of experiences and drives. Thought I'd better mention this though as it's only right to give a clear picture of my experience.

Yeah Leo's 'noting' method, (developed by Shinzen Yung I believe) will help you I think because the act of noting and focusing on what you've noted for a few seconds helps calm your monkey mind. Otherwise the mind will jump around quite a lot from object to object.

When they confide you about emotional issues or problems, be careful offering too much masculine empathy and trying to solve all of their problems. Sometimes they just want someone to listen, understand and be emotionally available. See Leo's video on masculine vs feminine empathy. After they've shared it all with you, you can gently offer some guidance, but I find this works best by asking questions and getting them to come to conclusions naturally.

Another Modafinil note, watch out for any ego backlash you might get from any increased consciousness work you might be doing. If you step up your game in this area very quickly, be ready for any resulting emotions or energy that may be released. I've experienced some of this over the last couple of days and it's been quite intense. All good though eh? Also, I find that focusing on awareness whilst on Modafinil makes me really start to feel 'high,' almost stoned. it can be quite pleasant but tonight I took 400mg and was buzzing so hard I had to stop. Funny eh? That a certain practice would have this effect. Focusing on awareness must have a certain physical effect on the body that reacts to the Modafinil somehow.

@KyleR I think weed gets related to creativity because the stuff makes you intensely present with whatever you're doing and you get lost in it. But that happens naturally when you develop your skill at whatever you're doing. The idea that one would need weed for creativity is such a trap, because all of a sudden when you don't have it you're fucked. You tell yourself 'but how I find inspiration?' Linking creativity to a substance is a bad way to go in my opinion. It's like kicking your muse in the crotch. I'm speaking from experience as I did it for many many years and could never create anything when I wasn't high

After having sex with her tonight I brought up the idea that I don't actually know if she exists. She assured me she does and sounded convincing, so what's going on here? Leo said in his recent video that nobody exists but me, so why can I see and interact with all of these other bodies moving around? Also, why am I spending all my time loving them if they're just an illusion? Yeah I know, more concepts and mental masturbation here, but I can't help it. This idea of me being the only thing that exists seems completely implausible and is making me doubt it all, which hasn't happened in ages. Please, can one of you, although you may not actually exist, explain what's going on?

@Nahm Nahm has the antidote for monkey mind...

@Dumb Enlightened Yeah definitely, I haven't had any awakenings yet, mainly because my mind is such a powerful force in my life. I've spend many years doing nothing but intellectualising. I've had big insights that have changed by consciousness, perhaps raised it, but nothing I'd consider mystical. I'm gearing up for a 250ug dose of LSD soon though. Had 150ug for my first one. Maybe I'll get a breakthrough, although apparently LSD isn't the best for this. Right now just a ton of self inquiry and observation practice seems to be getting me somewhere. Have you done many psychedelics?

@Dumb Enlightened This is something I've grappled with as well, but now, after relying on my actual experience, I've realised that the things we see and experience, do exist, because we have the evidence right there. There is an object there. Any beliefs you have about your girlfriend that make up who she is (including her beliefs) are the thing usually referred to as an illusion. Look though, there she is, we can't deny that. As soon as we start doubting what's in our actual experience, we get a bit lost. But I think, when we start adding concepts on top of that, that's when things get confusing and the mind gets in the way. I've decided to stop thinking about it now and just focus on what's 'actual,' with no mind present. The longer you do that for, the more likely you are of realising the truth in your experience, without mind. There are truths to become conscious of, such as, apparently, the fact that you and your girlfriend are the same thing, you're one, but if that's focused on as a concept, this gets in the way of actually experiencing it? This is an interesting thought experiment. What you're referring to is residing in a sense of 'no self,' or 'not knowing.' In this scenario you merge completely with perception and there is no observer and observed, just experience. This seems to me a powerful state that is very close to 'truth.' It can be manufactured throughout the day I find, again by letting go of mind. Please anyone come in and correct me on any of this as I'm very conscious I may be giving wrong advice or steering people in the wrong direction. I've suffered with monkey mind and a fixation on theory for a long time and I'm only just starting to move away from that into my heart more

Yes I have considered I may have an addictive personality or something. Funny you should mention loving kindness meditation as I'm doing something similar at the moment, which is spending time opening up my heart chakra. I basically generate love and focus on my chest area, which might be similar to loving kindness meditation. I'm going to have a go at that though for sure. Yeah what keeps the cravings at bay is definitely doing the daily practices and looking after myself, getting plenty of exercise. Perhaps self love is something I need to do more. I've been working a lot n my self esteem recently and doing shadow work and that's been helping a lot. Also, just steering clear of things like video games and movies, which are triggers for me. Thanks for the advice buddy Having a big vision of what I want to become is essential. Seeing the bigger prize y'know? Another thing is just remembering the panic attacks and how awful they were. As these memories start to fade, the cravings can come back. My triggers are new games coming out I want to play (weed and games were a devilish combo for me) and new series like Stranger Things, which are so much fun to watch when baked. Also, failure is quite a trigger, like if I lose a job or something, or want to switch off from life. As for how I can prepare for this stuff, that's a damn good question and something I'm gonna consider. Planning has never been my Forte. See how you get on with it. If you can use it sensibly like you clearly are, then I think that's ok. But I just have this thing in me where I go all out with stuff. If something gives me intense physical pleasure, I want more and more of it, whether it's drugs, sex or luckily spiritual practices right now. Maybe you can do what Socrates did and indulge once in a while but know when to say no. Thanks for the words of encouragement dude, I really appreciate that.

@Zigzag Idiot Well it gives you such good progress than when you have a break from it you're benefitting from that progress so you still feel kind of high. For me this eliminates the strong need to take it again quickly. Plus just knowing you have the stuff your life gives you a sense of inner security, like knowing you have a good friend to fall back on, who will always give you a leg up. Hey no problem man, glad I could help. Please let us know how you get on with the stuff when it arrives. @dimitri Also let us know how it goes with your adventures curing meats!

@Zigzag Idiot Afinil Express are legit. They don't deliver everywhere though. I hope you have a positive experience with it. I'm having a day off of it today and I still feel woke as fuck

@Dumb Enlightened As long as your sense perceptions exist her ego identity/form will also appear to exist for you. The best thing would be to wear ear plugs when she's around and try not to look at her or touch her, to break the illusion effectively

@Hellspeed wow, dried meat can have that effect? That's fascinating. How often will you take it?

@dimitri You tried 5-MeO then dude? I'm gearing up for that. Glad the I-theanine is working out nicely for ya. Ultimately I think we all need to use standard practices in the long run instead of relying on these medicines, as most of them have side effects and you can become reliant on them, but they can definitely get you through some rough patches and get you more focused. When I have a day off of Modafinil now I can feel that my consciousness and ability to focus has been raised. I'm nearly ready for my next LSD trip I think.