Wisebaxter

@assx95 I know how that feels, when you feel desperate enough to start trying things out to see what works. You stop being yourself too. I tried that with this girl, the sexual texts, but she wasn't biting. She just saw it as me being full on and drooling over her too much. I've also discovered that excessive compliments don't work. She says she finds them difficult to accept. This makes sense, as most people don't love themselves enough to receive compliments well. You mean you told her what she was up to with her life and she appreciated it? Good job. The way I see it is, if you can become an asset and help them in some way, they'll keep you around and warm to you. This is good advice. I need to just be her friend and play it cool. I've started doing that now. I've told her I'm going to back off and just give her advice, I won't assume anything. I said I'll be fine with whatever happens and there's no pressure, that I understand she's still cut up about her ex. This worked a charm as tonight she was really warm again and seemed really keen. The way I see it is, don't pressure them. Let them know how you feel, don't apologise for it and tell them you're cool with whatever. You just want them to be happy etc. Of course try and mean it to it's a powerful way I've found of living life. Just unconditional love. As soon as you give them space, they're able to start being intrigued by you again. Yes, this is something I've considered, that you can never know someone's true motivations. She might just be looking for a distraction. Always good to guard your heart a bit. Or perhaps just go for it anyway. I'm undecided. Something inside me wants to just open the floodgates of love and experience it, even if it is in my own head I'll have to keep it a secret though and keep a cool head for now. I don't mind it going wrong anyway, I'll just love that when it happens. I'm going to try and match her level of commitment for now and mirror her language. No more calling her 'sweetness.' So the definition of this approach is 'mindful (of where she's at), loving and accepting (of any outcome).' When you can see the benefit of not getting what you want, you don't over-try. I'm learning this as I go

@DrewNows Thanks man, I'll follow your advice and do that. It's so typical, a few days ago, just after sleeping with her I suddenly became afraid of commitment and tried to brush her off. She was in tears over the phone, almost pleading me to reconsider. Now I warm to her and she goes in the opposite direction. Well, I did go from cold to hot quite drastically, probably confused her a bit. It's weird how I just couldn't help myself. It's like my feelings were begging to be known, or there was this yearning for reciprocation. I listened to a load of Bob Dylan tunes and got all carried away by the idea I was 'falling in love' and feeling satisfied that I could still do it. It was maybe all a big self deception though, or a manipulation so I could experience those old feelings again. I mean I don't even know the girl. Known her less than a week. I was prone to this when I was younger but it hasn't happened in a while. I think it's beauty man, it puts a spell on me. I just want to be close to it. The sex was the thing that did it. Perhaps it's just plain old lust at work. I know how intoxicating that can be. I've just never been with a girl that's this hot, it's fucked me up. The woman I slept with before her had hair on her back.

Ok I think I fucked it up. She told me she's been feeling pressured. I told her I have no expectations and I'll just back off and be her friend for now. This reaction may have saved it a bit. I can't believe I made such a schoolboy error. Saying that, she did sleep with me, so it's a bit confusing. To be honest I think she just wanted sex. That and she likes having someone to speak to about her ex. Anyway It's fine, I told her I'd go back to a healing role. I'm fine with whatever happens. I told her my love is unconditional anyway. Feel that baby, straight from the heart, that sucker's wide open.

Or you could date people who aren't Self Actualized and help to elevate them up If we all give leg ups like that then humanity will climb the spiral faster. Of course you don't want anyone too neurotic or dysfunctional...

@NoSelfSelf I'll be happy to join your community and donate my seed when I manage to claw my way out of the bottom level of Maslow's triangle lol. I'm planning on skipping the middle levels and seeing if I can go straight for the top one, transcendence

I know how you feel dude. I'm fine at keeping women interested when I'm not into them, but as soon as I am I get really soppy and I can feel them slipping away. Its a tough dynamic. I'm working through this issue myself at the moment with the woman I'm seeing and just posted a very similar question. I'm not used to being this into someone you see. What my gut tells me is to pay attention to what she says so I can gauge where she's at mentally and emotionally and modify my behaviour to have a win/win scenario. The facts are, sometimes one person falls quicker, so the key is to develop enough emotional maturity to consider her needs and not say or do anything that could trigger her flight reflex. Always be a gentleman and respond to her. If she backs off a bit, you back off a bit too. Maybe wait for her to text. Keep the pet names like 'hunny, gorgeous, sexy' down to a minimum, unless she uses them first. It's a bit contrived but do what good sales people do and mirror her. Best way I think. Every now and again you can test the water a bit, but be careful. If you sense any coldness then lay off and don't get offended due to it and then become insecure. Don't say stuff like 'I shouldn't have said that. Do you still like me?' Just be cool and ease off the throttle. You got this. Do what @hamedsf recommended too and be detached from the outcome. Remember, you win either way, because everything that happens is orchestrated by the universe for your evolution. Also remember, you can set your own intention, being the divine authority that you are. Intend to be loving and accepting of whatever happens. Your main issue is fear of loss. But turn every loss into a potential gain. Another lesson to be learned and an opportunity to be unconditionally loving towards yourself and another regardless of outcomes. Here's another method. Obsessively learn all of Matt Kahn's material and become a spiritual healer. Your shadow will become integrated as fuck along the way too and your ego will subside enough for you to really be able to step outside of your own needs and insecurities. Do a load of psychedlics if you need to, for some deep spiritual gainz (if you haven't already). Then you can become a woman's spiritual healer and she'll need YOU. Not in a manipulative sense, it's just good to be able to offer something that she can only get from you. Every other guy has a schlong and some witty banter. Try and have a unique selling point or two. Consume all of Leo's stuff obviously, read tons, become a spiritual and intellectual badass. That will help with the neediness in general and make you an asset and sexy as hell. The girl I'm seeing now told me she's never met a guy like me, I'm assuming because most men are pretty basic, watch a bit of TV, drink beer with their buddies, watch the game etc. They're also very selfish and unable to engage with a women on an emotional level seeing as they're dominated by masculine energy. So even if I'm a bit soppy with her, she'll stick around as women LOVE a man with a good mind who can really listen to her and empathise. Listening is key. As long as she's getting something from you, learning something or having her emotional needs met, you're a commodity. Be so good they can't ignore you. Learn how to eat pussy like a champ too. Of course you're probably on the case with all of this already, just wanted to throw it out there though. I wouldn't have snagged this girl if it hadn't been for my ability to help her with some of her issues. I have fuck all else going for me haha. I'm unemployed and smoke a shit ton of weed all day.

@Western Buddha Start watching Matt Kahn's YouTube videos and buy his two books. Realise that everything is here to help you. Embrace your anger, accept it, listen to it. Underneath it there's just good old fashion pain and vulnerability. Whatever you do don't berate yourself for feeling that way. Find the pain in your body, place your hand on it and say 'I love you,' over and over again. Forgiveness can only occur once the anger has been embraced and transmuted through love. Once this transmutation has occurred you will be able to move into unconditional love and realise that what was done to you was orchestrated by the universe for your greater evolution. You will thank this person in your heart for allowing this healing opportunity to take place and you will move forward more loving and stronger than ever

One or more of realities infinite possibilities has to be God doubting it's own creation....

@Dino D I've had a similar epiphany recently, which has been strengthened even more by hearing you say this. It was something Matt Kahn said about how important relaxation is. That it puts you back in the natural state of love and acceptance that the universe wants to be in, it's natural state. This made me realise how I've been in a state of excitement and stress my whole life, trying to achieve this or that, rejecting the moment. So I've started just feeling into relaxation and using my free will to conjure it up. Actually, the advice given on this thread has helped me to do that. I feel like I'm in control again now, like my pendulum has swung even further over towards a sense of empowerment than before, due to the contrast of feeling like I had none. Very well put, this will be helpful for me when it comes to accepting outcomes. You've really helped to highlight that this been an issue for me. It really has. So it's about balancing the masculine and feminine. I started with masculine, a mind-based approach as that's what I was programmed with. I then rebelled against that (when the outcomes didn't match what I wanted) and went over to intuition and the heart. It was a fine piece of self deception actually as I didn't see how I'd just reacted against one paradigm and jumped into another. Now, I've realised that I need to move back over to the middle ground. Thanks

I'm stuck not knowing whether I should sit back and let the universe control me, as of course the 'I' thought is an illusion, or if I should persist as an ego and knowingly enter that delusion in order to have a sense of control over my life. I've let myself slide pretty badly recently, ended up unemployed, smoking loads of weed. Still doing creative stuff but can't think of any paid jobs I want to do. If I sit down to contemplate it, that feels forced, like I'm trying to have free will when really I have none. It feels like a form of controlling. Also, I don't like needing it so badly. Survival, stability, money, comforts. Right now I'm pretty poor. Living on government hand outs. I'm trying to learn to be grateful for it anyway as that feels like a healthy thing to do, not try and escape it. Saying fuck it has felt nice, just not caring, giving in to the apathy. Now I'm waiting for the universe to work it out. I can't do it can I, me the ego. It's just that the universe/divine isn't coming through for me. I don't know if I need to surrender even more as there's still some resistance. Or force myself to get a job as that's what's creating a lot of stress in my life, money issues. I just can't figure out this free will thing. How it works. Am I supposed to pretend I'm in control? Is that the ego's job? If there's no 'I' and I'm being thought instead of thinking, how does decision making work? I don't feel like I have any control now and it's kind of scary and confusing. I have a lot of faith in God/reality to guide me as I've had many synchronicitties in recent years that have shown me the truth of no free will and the fact that everything is mapped out. That's what makes this even harder. When I say faith in God I guess I'm also saying faith in myself. This also confuses me. I'm God, but God has no Free will? In the existensial funk right now lol. Need helping out.

@Dino D That was exactly what I needed to read, thank you. I'd kind of downgraded logic and rationality in favour of just using my heart and that approach wasn't getting me anywhere. I like what you're saying about not being attached to outcomes. This has made me realise how obsessed I've been with needing to control outcomes and how I've been throwing tantrums and refusing to participate in life as this couldn't be done.

Ok, I know I'm really only asking myself this question, but you guys are always good and pointing out blind spots in my thinking. So, Leo says that reality is created by pure imagination and that we are the only authority, which totally makes sense to me. But how can there be such a thing as self-deception if this is the case? If everything I imagine is true, for me, which means that as I'm God it's absolutely true (I just created it, it happened) then how can I ever be deceived? What is there outside of my pure imagination that I could call deception?

@zeroISinfinity Although I have no direct experience of that, I feel it to be true. Need to verify though. Getting some mushrooms next month. I'll carry on with this until I get a breakthrough as the stuff I've already experienced on LSD suggests it's true. Funny in a way as everyone always talks about feeling more connected on a spiritual path. But really we're alone. Saying that....I guess they're the same thing?

@Aaron p So, is God kind of 'hacking his own program' by becoming awakened? Or was it always the aim?

@inFlow When you say I'm living it and there's nothing I can do about it...what about taking creative control of your life, your thoughts and forms more? Wouldn't that count as being God-like, especially if you were in a Samadhi state and you knew yourself as God. But you're suggesting that this wouldn't aid your survival as an ego....that's interesting. Sounds like you've experienced this as well. But these enlightened masters seem to do ok, so, what's the deal there? Burnt rope ego keeping them ticking along? I'm gonna scoff a load of mushrooms soon and get a mystical experience under by belt. Done some LSD but didn't have a break through for some reason. Too much ego and attachment still I think. I've done a lot of shadow work recently though so I might be ready and perhaps mushrooms are better for these experiences.

@Serotoninluv Ahh, quite a mindfuck...thank you. Should have lubed my mind first for that one That piece of advice is very pivotal I feel.

@Preetom About time You can't go wrong with a name like that. You're telling the universe what you want, maybe. This whole thing of referring to the universe, I'm starting to wonder how healthy it is, because a lot of the time it's used in the context of it being something separate from you. Like, 'the universe always does this and that for me' etc. Just had that realisation. I'm taking back ALL the power

@Aakash This is all makes sense to me. The devil was created by God because God wanted to experience being a devil,who then realises itself as God. I appreciate all of your help, your authentic writing style and sense of humour.

@Leo Gura I see now, thank you. You can either imagine yourself to be a separate part, a form, or wake up out of the dream and realise yourself as God. Like an actress that gets lost in her role.

@MiracleMan Spot on man, loved that. It was just what I needed to hear. I'm making progress with this issue now. I feel much more empowered and I'm making wiser choices.

@Joseph Maynor This clicked something in me, thank you. I feel more in control now. I was seeing the ego as separate from God and saying things like I'm taking a back seat so God can take over. I was stuck in this self deception for ages. I was shunning any form of control over anything. Does this mean that the Self with a capital S is some kind of intent? Or intelligence? Because it certainly feels like I'm directing something. I mean awareness is imagining choices. Whether it's true or not, or just a concept, awareness is having that experience.

@Natasha Thanks Natasha, I've watched that video but it still eludes me lol. I guess that's the things about strange loops though. I'll get there. That picture Leo posted, of the eye looking back at itself. That really helped. I can see now how I'm the universe/God watching itself

So reality is on an infinite loop, I think I'm getting it now. But how do we relate that to the strange loop that occurs when the human mind tries to grasp infinity? How are they the same phenomena? Just the loop aspect? This question might not even make sense as I don't think I'm grasping strange loops at all.

@Sri Ramana Maharshi Cool dude, I had considered how paradox might be playing a part here. That's really opened up some new lines of enquiry for me. Hell yeah, Adyashanti's voice is really soothing. He has a lot of content addressing this issue too, but his is more pending an awakening experience and I don't think I've had one yet. I think I've raised my consciousness and I've done some LSD and felt really connected and a deep love, but I haven't experienced the absolute, or no-ego. of course I'm it right now, it's nowhere else, but still hidden from me. Planning to do some mushrooms soon. I need to up the ante a bit. Will check Sri Nasargadatta Maharaj, thanks for that

@abrakamowse Haha I think I'd be pissed if I found out the general was gambling with my life like that. Surely a general is prized on his own ability to make the best decisions? Saying that, maybe the coin toss was the best decision. Funny story though. I'm gonna try it and report back