GafaRassaDaba

@Nahm I had several non-dual experiences on Ayahuasca retreats. It was a long period of confusion and ungroundedness after. I struggled quite a bit, especially with my worldviews and outlooks being completely shattered. I found Leo's vids on youtube right after and have been following him since. I also don't think I'm awakened, so to speak, but had awakening experiences. I still struggle constantly. Talking about my Aya retreat seemed to turn a lot of people off, and yes, many of my behaviors and actions and beliefs changed, quite radically. I'm still integrating the experience and attempting to establish balance.

Hey guys, anyone have any experience of becoming very lonely during spiritual work/after spiritual awakening? I watched Leo's vid on lonliness and loved it. Just wondering if maybe there are others who have experienced this, and if there are any insights anyone can offer. I used to have more friends and close family members than I could count, but after my awakening it's been reduced to a very scant few. I also have trouble these days opening up to new friends. How did you guys deal with this? Thank you.

@Nahm How does one uncover sneakiness here? Like, experiencing lonliness is sneakiness? A self-sabatoge?

@28 cm unbuffed I think there is definently some truth in what you are saying. Did u experience this?

@ajasatya I guess I miss my social circles. My non-dual experience changed me. I care about different things now. I can't see myself going back, so to speak, but I do miss many of the old relationships I had. I guess I fear being or winding up alone.

Whether someone or something "thinks" or "does not think" he/she/it is God matters not. God is all there is.

There's a lot of really good stuff in the Bible. There's a lot of bad stuff too.

@Leo Gura Leo, do you do skype sessions? Or interviews?

Hello friends. I've decided to put this out there because I've been meditating/listening to Leo for a year now. I gotta be honest. Meditating sucks...does there ever come a point where you actually experience some sort of calm? Or peace? My meditation experience has been nothing but Hell since I started. I have seen Leo's Dark Side vid and I loved it, in fact it helped me keep going quite a few times. Does anyone else have this problem consistently? I constantly get weird pains in my body, sometimes so intense I feel like I'm going to throw up. Sometimes I just fucking cry and cry and cry. Sometimes I will have like an "aha" moment which will always be followed by intense depression (like suicidal thoughts depression). Sometimes I get tense muscles all over my body, so intense I have to stop. My face grimaces, my breathing intensifies, and sometimes I almost start growling. The other day I got a pain in my stomach so intense I knew I was going to throw up. I was actually planning where to do it in my head once it came up (like not on the carpet.) I kept going just sitting, breathing, eyes closed and I thought it was coming up but it was just a growl/scream. Sometimes I hallucinate and see demonic looking faces made of strange moving art. Sometimes I see Gods or Goddesses made of stars. Sometimes I fall asleep and have vivid and violent nightmares that turn into psychedelic trips. The whole experience just makes me ill at ease and ungrounded all the time. Honestly I hate it. I keep pushing through to hopefully find/have some peace but it doesn't seem to be happening. I'd like to hear from some people who have experienced this and gotten to the other side. Ive had intense depression and anxiety for many many years and nothing has ever truly helped. I hoped this would, and I get jealous when I hear people talking about how peaceful meditation is. It makes me angry bc it's the opposite of peaceful for me. The monkey mind just takes over and seems to just turn into emotional insanity. I sometimes fear that if I meditate for too long I will literally go crazy. Sometimes I just start having emotional breakdowns after about an hour.... And then sometimes the worst thing of all happens...nothing...and that pisses me off the most. I know folks might tell me to just watch the Dark Side vid or do this, but if someone has actually been through this for an extended period, I'd love to hear from you. All replies are welcomed and appreciated though. Thank you to all who read this and reply. I wish you all well. -There is no God...there is only God.

@Leo Gura Thanks, Leo.

@sleepyj Yeah if definently sucks so far...I'm going to keep at it though. Thank you.

@Serotoninluv Thanks. Yes unfortunately I use all of those other escapes at times as well, and yes, the relief works, but is only temporary.

Thank you. Now when you say "be careful because it is really powerful" what do you mean? It caused the depression?

@non_nothing I expected to find some peace and to still my mind I guess. I suppose I wouldnt be so freaked out if none of it was happening lol. I dont really honestly want all this phenomena, I just want to still my mind.

@cetus56 Thanks. That seems to be great info and great insight. I appreciate it so much.

@Telepresent @AlwaysBeNice @Serotoninluv @cetus56 @Enlightenment @Anton Rogachevski @Salvijus @purerogue @YaMayka @Telepresent Thank you all very much. This is a confusing part of my journey and I appreciate all the insight, clarification, and ideas. My mind I feel is not just monkey mind, but crazy monkey mind throwing hand grenades. Ive never been one for yoga but perhaps I should try. Many body sensations come up when I meditate and perhaps yoga would be good for getting in touch. I do read a lot of spiritual stuff and I will continue to do so. Ive also been i therapy this past year and perhaps I need a contemplation/journaling practice as well. And yeah, I meditate to become calm, but that's not what I get. Believe it or not, I overlooked that. It's for awareness, not calmness. I will also try to let go of expectations and to be more open to what appears. Thank you all again. I truly appreciate every word. -There is no God...there is ONLY God.

@purerogue TThank you. What is the work that works for you? Honestly I dont want to meditate at all lol. I hate it.

@Telepresent Thank you, friend. I have never really experienced any of this strange phenomena before, but I have never meditated before. I suppose when I was younger I did experience some religious phenomena in full gospel churches, but I think Ive largely shrugged all that off. Ive had depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts since I was 12, and now I'm 33. I definently have psychological issues still. I have begun to attempt to truly deal with them after my non-dual Ayahuasca/enlightenment experience (I am not enlightened lol). That alone took me months and months to deal with. I get jealous bc Ayahuasca/meditation/yoga/ all these spiritual practices and such seem to help people. They just make me feel like I'm fucking drowning. What practices would you recommemd/what have you done to deal with psychological issues? Thank you. I really appreciate your reply.

I have had an enlightenment experience and I fucking hate it...

@cetus56 Thanks friend, but what is the new exactly? Does it ever slow down or do you just learn to like have peace in the middle of a shitstorm of uncontrollable thought processes?

@Pouya Thank you for the reply. I mostly just do the sit and do nothing style. I'm not exactly sure what it's called. I try to just observe my thoughts and let them go. Usually they just take over. Ive tried mindfulness, guided, and contemplation too. I pretty much get the same results no matter what. Guided meditations tend to give me the most nightmares...fucking weird...I know. I feel like I'm some fucked up exception to the rule. I guess I dont feel like I'm removing bullshit, I'm just shoveling it around ??? It seems like it aint goin nowhere. Thank you for your input.

@Echoes I don't see it. I attached a screenshot of the list. Is it somewhere else?

Hey Leo. I notice in your categories in your book list there isn't a meditation section (or perhaps I missed it.) What books on meditation would you recommend or are there some in a different category? I'm trying to go deeper in my meditation practice but am just feeling a sort of flatline.

There's no meditation/yoga section in Leo's Book List.

@Mu_ Back to normal? I would have to say no, but not in a bad way. I definently feel like my experience changed me forever. My life is honestly drastically better. I am always constantly trying to understand as the psychadelics opened me up to worlds and dimensions I could never have possibly imagined. Witnessing the eternal and the infinite is so drastic that it is literally beyond words. People have spent lifetimes trying to figure it out and have gotten nowhere, and that's how it feels. It feels like no matter how much thinking, studying, working, or contemplating you do you just have to let go. It's far to big to be contained and it's also far too small to be observed. I'm still integrating the experience, and as scary as it was, it has been overwhelmingly positive :-) Thanks, friend. -There is no God...there is only God.